My Heart Can't Tell You No (26 page)

“I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”

“That’s not fair. That was an accident!” Jackie spoke up.

“You weren’t supposed to be throwing the ball in the house in the first place. Now both of you—get to sleep.” She pulled the door nearly closed, then waited for what she knew would follow.

“Nice going! You’re so dumb!” Jackie whispered at his brother, then the other toy landed against the wall.

“One more sound—just one more sound and no TV at all for a week for either of you,” Maddie said sternly, then walked away, expecting the chaos to settle down. She went back toward the kitchen, going to the refrigerator and pouring herself a small glass of orange juice. “You want some?”

“Juice? No, I don’t want juice.” His hidden message was clear in his tone, but she refused to acknowledge it.

She turned around and looked at him as she drank from her glass. She wished he would go home. It was all right when the children were with them, but now she didn’t know what to say to him. He was looking at her that way again, and she wanted to climb into the hall closet and hide. How could he look at her like that when he was seeing her at her worst? Her hair was wet in the back, and by now it was probably tangled as well. Her robe was wet and the only bits of makeup were traces of mascara she hadn’t had time to remove.

“Well, I’ve got those towels to get in the washer before they mildew.” She put down the glass and walked around him, going to the bathroom for the towels and taking them back through the kitchen to the washing machine.

She took her time about setting up the washer. If she waited long enough, perhaps he would leave by the time she finished. But, when she went back through the house, she found him standing at the boys’ bedroom door, silently leaning against the doorframe as he looked at them. When she approached to see if they were still awake, he pulled her against him, his arms going around her as his hands lay across her stomach.

“They’re something special, Maddie,” he whispered against her hair. “They’re two completely different kids—but they’re more together than most brothers can get. Even when they’re bad—you can’t stay mad at them.”

Why did it have to feel so damn good, standing in his arms? Why couldn’t she be repulsed by his touch? Why did it have to feel so safe, so right?

“I’m glad you like them,” she whispered back, slightly sarcastic.

“Are you? I was under the impression you didn’t give a damn whether I liked them or not.”

“I always appreciate it when someone likes my children. Any mother would.”

“No,” he sighed. “Not
any
mother. Ya know, if they were mine, I’d take them and we’d go away someplace where no one could ever find us, or split us up.”

Maddie stiffened under his touch, moving away as he implied that if he ever found out, he’d take them and she’d never be able to find them.
God
, how she hated him at that moment, reaching for the doorknob and closing the door until only an inch remained open, more for Jackie than Robby. Sometimes Jackie still had nightmares.

“Well, if we stay here talking, they’ll never get any sleep.” She went back to the living room and toward the front door. “How was Lew today?”

“Limping. He said he’s going to get his foot checked out sometime next week.” His irritation at her coolness showed as he walked toward the door.

“What’s wrong with his foot?”

“He said he stepped on a nail last winter. It hasn’t healed yet.”

Joe opened the door and started toward his house. She watched him go, knowing she never wanted anyone to stay as much as she wanted him to stay at that moment, but also knowing that she never trusted anyone as little as she trusted him at that moment.

CHAPTER XIII
 

July 1984

M
addie was going over some financial reports as her sons played in their bedroom. She heard the thunder roll overhead. She always enjoyed thunder, even the loud cracks that would make her jump a foot—she enjoyed it. Lightning, that was a different matter. When she was a child Jack had told her God was rolling beer barrels around up there. She had felt no fright of it since then. Who would be afraid of beer barrels?

The telephone rang next to her; ringing a second time as she uncurled her legs and reached for the receiver.

“
Hello
?”

“Maddie. You missing anything up there?” It was Joe.

“Not that I know of.”

“How about Robby?”

“Is Robby missing anything?” She was confused. “Or are you saying I’m missing Robby?”

“I think you’re missing Robby.”

“
Jackie
!” She held the receiver to her chest as she called to her oldest son.

“What?”

“Where’s Robby? Isn’t he in the bedroom with you?”

“No. He went to the bathroom a while ago. I thought he came out here with you.”

Maddie took a breath to soothe her temper, then spoke into the telephone again. “Is he down there with you?”

“Yeah. There’s been an accident though . . . .”

The sudden crack of lightning overhead cut off the rest of Joe’s sentence.

An accident? Wasn’t it only a few minutes ago she had heard that car screeching down the road? She was on her feet and heading for the door.

“Jackie, stay inside. I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” he called after her.

“
Stay
there
! I’ll be right back!”

The rain pounded against her as she ran, her only thought being that someone had run over her baby; her baby lying on the road at Joe’s. Her feet had wings as she practically flew over her parents’ property toward the house just beyond. The short distance between frustrated her beyond belief. She had to get to her son, and damn this rain to hell for making her slacks stick to her legs and slow her down.

June 1980

Maddie watched the waters flowing on either side of the road Bob was driving on; the almost torrential rain was slowing him to a crawl. The bridge they were crossing shook eerily as they slowly made their way to her parents’ house. The pounding water of Shamokin Creek was only two feet from the bottom of the bridge, showing Maddie it must be at least twenty feet deep already. So far the wall along the riverfront in town was holding back the furious muddy waters of the Susquehanna, but no one could tell how long that would last. Since the nineteen-fifties it had held back many floods. It did its job well, saving the town many times, but now it was weakening. If it held it would once again save the town. If even one twenty-foot section of it cracked, destruction would befall the city and the rushing water would level anything in its path. Maddie and Bob had already detoured their normal route out of the city, due to the Shamokin Creek covering about five hundred yards of highway along the northeast exit. The other northern exit had been their final hope, and they had just crossed their last obstacle.

“What a time to be in the middle of a flood. Couldn’t it have waited a week?” Maddie complained tensely.

“Well, I don’t think this hurricane is making any appointments.” Bob watched the road carefully.

“I know. But according to my calender, tonight’s the beginning of my time. These next few nights are crucial.”

“Like I said, the hurricane isn’t waiting for us.” He pulled up the driveway, finally releasing a huge breath when he put the car in park. He looked at her, wearing a smile that said everything was all right now. They had made it.

Maddie grabbed Jackie out of the back seat as she ran up the small hill to the front porch, pausing inside to hold the door for Bob who was behind her with a suitcase. Their coats dripped a small pool of water beneath the rack placed specifically on the enclosed porch for use during the storm.

“
Gram!
Pap!
Guess who came out to sleep with you!” Jackie called as Bob opened the door. The boy raced across the kitchen, but, as he was about to turn the corner for the living room, he bounced back and landed on his rump.

Maddie took a quick step inside. She could see he was all right as he gazed up at the person he had run into; the person still hidden from Maddie’s view.

“Way to go, Jackie. You’re getting as coordinated as your father,” Maddie laughed at the boy. During the past three and a half years she’d found laughter often chased away unnecessary tears. “Hop up, Jackie, or are you renting that tile your butt’s stuck on?”

But the boy continued to stare at the person in front of him until a pair of hands reached out and lifted him. They stood him on his feet and sent him running back to Bob. Maddie recognized those hands immediately, and the sight sent chills through her. Instinctively she took a step back toward her husband. Bob picked up Jackie, then looked at his wife, taking her hand and squeezing it for reassurance when the man finally stepped into view.

“Joe. It’s been a while. What are you doing down in these parts?” Bob asked with an insincere smile.

“The house is empty. I came down to check on it. Looks like I won’t be able to make it back now.” Though he spoke to Bob, his eyes remained on Maddie.

Maddie felt a flash of anger at that. He wouldn’t even look at his own son! Damn you, Irish—look at him! She moved to the coffee pot, needing something to occupy her nervous hands. Her fingers were already twisting her wedding band, a nervous habit she had picked up after it had left that scar on Joe’s brow.

“It’s empty? Did your cousin move out?” Bob went to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of beer, then looked over his shoulder at Joe. “Want one?”

Maddie knew his calm manner was only a front; otherwise he would have left the beer alone. He’d been doing well lately, seeing him take the bottle bothered her.

“No, he didn’t move out. He’s on vacation. He called from out of state and asked me to come down, turn off the gas, and check the cellar.”

“Coffee then?” Maddie asked Joe dully without turning to him.

“Yes.”

“Is
my
pap
in there?!” Jackie asked coldly.

Maddie turned to look at the child. He never spoke to strangers like that, and she didn’t like the idea of him beginning now.

“He’s there,” Joe answered.

His eyes finally moved to Jackie, narrowing his gaze and looking at him closely before the boy jumped off Bob’s lap and ran into the next room.

Maddie placed the cup on the table, wondering at the agitated voices coming from the living room. Her father was angry about something, but she couldn’t understand what. She heard her two brothers and her sister-in-law, but when she took a few steps toward the room, she didn’t see her mother. She looked toward the bathroom and her parents’ bedroom, but both doors were open, showing her that Sarah was in neither place.

Beth moved across the room toward her. “Maddie. Sarah called from work four hours ago and said she was starting home. She isn’t here yet. You know she has to cross the river and a bunch of little creeks before she can even get close to this monster down here.”

“Did anyone go out looking for her?” She absently picked up Jackie when he moved to cling to her legs as he stared at the stranger in the kitchen.

“Where do you suggest we look?” Joe’s sarcastic voice from directly behind Maddie made her jump with a start.

“You shut up!” Jackie told him, and Maddie looked at him in astonishment.

“Jackie!” she said in a breathless scold, then turned to apologize to Joe.

“I see you’re training him well.” Joe took a seat.

The apology was left unsaid.

“C’mere, Sailor.” Her brother sat on the sofa as he held his hands out to the boy, and Jackie reached down until Maddie gave John his nephew. “You’d have to be a sailor in this weather to get your mom and dad out here.” He turned his attention to Joe. “He usually doesn’t act like that. He’s a good kid. Good looking too.”

Maddie watched Joe as he looked at the child again, then got the jest when he saw the great resemblance between the two.

“Jackie, I think you owe him an apology.” Bob moved to stand in the doorway.

“Skip it.” Joe told him.

“My son has manners. He isn’t going to start losing them now.” Bob looked back to the boy. “
Jackie
?”

“No.” The child squirmed in John’s arms until he made it to the floor, then ran to his grandfather, who was barely listening as he faced the window. “Pap, tell him to go away.”

Jack glanced down at the child and lifted him into his arms, his attention clearly already pointed toward the storm outside. “Tell who . . . what?”

“Never mind,” Maddie told him. “We’ll deal with it later.”

“Did anyone drive down this road and look for her along that route?” Bob asked, then took a long swig from the nearly empty bottle.

“About an hour ago,” said Tom.

“Then I’d say it’s about time we went again.” Bob turned back toward the kitchen.