My Life Without Garlic (4 page)

Augustin was
soooo
staking her the first chance he got.

Chapter Six

“Chelsea,” Tony hissed. He’d have threatened her had he thought he could back it up. However, he wasn’t an idiot. Not even Claude would take her on.

Chelsea picked something—or, more likely, probably nothing—out of her teeth. “What? He’s fat. He jiggles. And look at his butt. Cellulite city.”

Vampires were stronger than humans. That was just a fact. It was why Tony could keep Augustin pinned to the wall when he turned into a screeching, scratching, kicking ball of fury.

“Cellulite? I will
show
you cellulite, you freak-fanged parasitical louse! At least my jiggly self can go out in the sun without turning to toast! So who’s the weaker one here? Huh? Who?” Augustin smirked over Tony’s shoulder. “Why don’t you hang around a few more hours and do the world a favor?”

Tony was kind of impressed with all the spittle and anger and… Yeah, okay. Augustin was cute and smart, and soft in places Tony liked a guy to be soft.

Unfortunately, Augustin was also soft in the one place Tony
didn’t
like it. Apparently, Tony was the only one attracted. That wasn’t exactly a pickle in his pocket.

“Mmm, mmm, Chubby Boy. I could just live off you for a few months,” Chelsea purred as she walked over. She ran a sharp nail down Augustin’s cheek.

Tony growled at her. “Don’t hurt him.”

Chelsea raised one eyebrow. “But he’d be so delicious. Didn’t he taste good? The fat ones always have more flavor—”

Tony wasn’t prepared for the burst of strength from Augustin. One second he had the man by the wrists, and the next Tony was tumbling backward and Augustin was lunging at Chelsea.

“Shit!” Claude yelled.

“Fuck!” Chelsea didn’t even have time to dodge. She and Augustin went down in a tangle of limbs and curses.

“Grab him,” Claude ordered.

“
You
grab
her
,” Tony retorted. “You said I’m in charge here, so do it!”

Claude flipped him off.

“That’s respect for ya,” Tony mumbled as he tried to grab Augustin before Chelsea flung him through the roof or something. “Augustin, stop!”

“Call me fat one more time, you cross-eyed, rank ho—”

Yeah, he was not listening.

“Ho?” Chelsea snapped, red eyes glowing with anger. “
Ho?
Your mama’s the ho! And you can’t even get your dimpled ass laid!”

Augustin howled and Tony dove into the melee at the same time as Claude did. Someone cracked Tony on the jaw and a moment later he was elbowed on the side of his head. A knee barely missed his groin—Claude, trying to avoid Chelsea’s fist—but he got an arm around Augustin’s neck and started pulling him back.

Which might have worked, but Chelsea grabbed Augustin’s arm. “Oh no you don’t. I’m biting this motherfucker for messing with me!”

“Nooo!” Augustin howled—well, sputtered, because Tony
did
have an arm around his throat.

He really didn’t mean to knock Augustin out that way. It just sort of…happened.

“You killed him!” Chelsea declared, dropping Augustin’s arm when he went limp. “You’d rather him be dead than me try him out? Really?” She stood up. “Stupid men, so busy being jealous they don’t fuckin’ think. Sheesh. That’s why I killed my husband way back before women’s rights were a thang.”

Tony wasn’t paying her much attention because he was trying to rouse Augustin. “He’s not dead, he’s…”

“Choked out?” Claude asked. “What did you think this was, an MMA match?”

Chelsea snorted. “Please. I’d have whipped his ass so bad—”

Augustin gasped and his eyelids shot open.

“Out,” Claude ordered Chelsea, pointing at the open window as he spoke. “You are deliberately instigating. If you want to torment someone, Radney is deserving of your cruelty.”

Chelsea rolled her eyes. “He’s too easy. He just starts crying like a big ol’ baby, then there’s the snot and—”

“Chelsea,” Claude rumbled.

That got him another eye roll. “I’m going, I’m going. All cuz Blubber Boy’s a sissy, too.”

“I’m going to kill her with a stake soaked in holy water and garlic, and flecked with silver just to be safe,” Augustin rasped. Then he shoved Tony, which didn’t work so well, as Tony had Augustin’s head and shoulders resting on his lap.

“You bitch! You choked me,” Augustin accused. “And
what is poking the back of my shoulder?
” Augustin flopped off of him and glared. “You are a nasty, nasty boy!”

Claude, the fucker, started laughing like a crazed hyena—the man didn’t have a nice laugh at all.

Tony tried to unobtrusively hide the erection tenting his trousers, but Augustin slapped his hand away, at the same time smacking the top of Tony’s dick.

Tony yelped then bit down on his lip to keep from doing it again. His eyes blurred and a white haze of pain hit his groin.

“Oh shit. Shit! Sorry! I wouldn’t ever—”

Tony jolted when his pecker was patted gently.

“I wouldn’t ever be that low and rotten,” Augustin was saying. “Unlike some certain female rotting corpses.”

At least Tony’s hard-on had faded.
Possibly permanently.

Augustin glared at him. “Then again, you did choke me out.”

“By accident!” Tony exclaimed.

Claude finally stopped his insane cackling. “Chelsea likely would have hurt you, Augustin.”

Augustin sniffed. “Only because I was taught never to hit a woman. Though surely that batty bimbo is an exception.”

“You’ll learn not to make exceptions for our kind,” Claude informed him.

Tony’s non-existent heartbeat would have sped up then, had it still worked. “What are you saying, Claude?”

Augustin narrowed his eyes at Claude. “Yeah, what
are
you saying, Clod?”

Claude didn’t even acknowledge Augustin’s insult. He kept his gaze locked with Tony’s. “You know what I’m saying. He is obviously a vengeful, angry man—”

“You fuckers attacked me! How am I at fault here?” Augustin shouted.

Claude ignored him. “We can’t trust him not to expose us, especially since there are those…”

Yeah. Those who hunt us down and kill us every chance they get.
And Augustin would likely be thrilled to find any of those groups.

“You can’t make me go,” Augustin said as he started to get up. “You can’t. This is my home. I have a life—ha ha—and I’m staying here. I promise I won’t tell—”

“His fingers are crossed behind his back,” Claude noted.

Tony sighed. This was not going to endear him to Augustin at all.

“You’re coming with us. Willingly, or not. The easy way, or the hard way.” Tony was up and floating before Augustin was even to his knees. “I won’t let you endanger my family.” That’s what his coven was, and who wouldn’t take extreme measures to keep their family safe?

Augustin froze mid-rise. “What happens if I don’t go willingly?”

Tony clenched his jaw. He didn’t want to answer. He forced himself to. “Then I will knock your stubborn ass back out. One way or another.”

“I have an easier way,” Claude murmured, stepping to Tony’s side.

“What— Oh. That would be easier,” Tony agreed.

“What are you planning?” Augustin asked, sounding like he was going to hyperventilate.

Claude dropped his voice an octave. “Look into my eyes. I command you—”

“Oh my God,
puh-lease,
” Augustin snarked. “How clichéd— Um.”

“Yessss, look into my eyes, Augustin, and listen to me. You will do as I say…”

“Damn, you have
got
to teach me that,” Tony muttered. If he was someday going to lead the coven, he wanted that super-cool vampire mind-control trick!

It worked like a charm—it always did. Tony and Claude had Augustin dressed and out of the door in no time.

Tony wanted to rub his hands together and give one of those Disney villainous laughs. Of course that would probably change to a whimper when Augustin was released from his trance. Tony wisely held his gloating in, hoping that maybe karma would reward him for not being a dick.

Chapter Seven

“You obnoxious dick!” Augustin slapped at Tony’s hands and tried not to look him in the eyes. “That was cheating! Cheating!”

“I didn’t do it!” Tony protested as he scampered back. “Geez, you’re a mean, bitter, violent—”

Augustin sat up and glowered. “I think you’ve forgotten how to pay a man a compliment, dumbass. Those are all insults.”

Tony scooted around to the foot of the bed, well out of Augustin’s reach. “I am aware, but I was going for honesty, not flattery.”

Augustin looked for something to throw. All he had close by were the pillows he’d been propped up on. They were too soft and comfy to risk losing, and they weren’t heavy enough to cause damage, so there was no point in throwing them.

“And in all honesty, if you’d been attacked in your home and abducted, you would be friendly and perky?” Augustin snorted. “Yeah, you probably would.”

“No I wouldn’t,” Tony said. He puffed out his chest.

Augustin was going to mock him for that, but Tony’s shirt was really thin and there were muscles and a little patch of hair and erect nipples—which had Augustin’s thoughts dipping to other erect things. His gaze dipped with his thoughts.

“I would kick asses and tear off heads—”

Augustin waved off Tony’s tirade. “You’re hard. Again.”

Tony sputtered and draped his hands over his bulging groin.

Augustin leaned forward, eyes still latched onto that general area. “Maybe you wouldn’t need blood so often if it wasn’t all staying down south.”

“It doesn’t all
stay
down south and we
don’t
need blood often!” Tony squatted enough that his waist was below the footboard. “And stop eyeing me like I’m some piece of meat. I’m more than just my dick.”

Augustin wasn’t yet so enthralled with the man’s body to agree. “You are a dick. I already said. At least there’s something good about that.”

“No wonder you’re single,” Tony muttered.

Augustin recoiled a little then flung a pillow as hard as he could. Fuck it. He’d sacrifice comfort for whacking that jerk.

Tony leaned to the side. “Ack!” And fell over.

“Grace incarnate,” Augustin snarked. Less than a second later he flung his arm up to divert the pillow flying at him. It hit his arm and plopped onto his chest. “Ow. I’m wounded.”

“Why didn’t I let Chelsea kill you?” Tony muttered.

Augustin shivered, though he hoped not noticeably so. “That’s bullying, you know. If I get to a computer and post it on Reddit, people will hate you worldwide.”

Tony narrowed his eyes. “And you wonder why we brought you with us.”

Augustin’s stomach growled and he suddenly felt tired of the whole ordeal. Not that he’d quit fighting. He wasn’t the type of person to give up easily. Just look at how much it’d taken to convince him to eat healthier. Cholesterol over three hundred, borderline diabetic… Even then, it’d taken six months and another health scare to get him to give up all the junk food he loved. Or most of it.

So poking at the vampires was going to continue.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Augustin asked. “Did you suck him dry by accident? Can vampires do that to each other?”

Tony’s cheeks turned a weird, mottled gray that Augustin eventually figured out was a blush.

“The less you know about us, the better,” Tony groused.

Augustin couldn’t help it. He laughed. “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look, crouched like that? Just so I won’t see that you have a hard-on? Really? What are you, emotionally stunted at twelve?”

Tony’s eyes couldn’t have got any narrower without shutting. “If I am, what does that make you?”

Augustin didn’t have an answer for that, so he settled for throwing another pillow at Tony. He’d need to think his insults out more fully before slinging them.

“For your information, I’m between boyfriends, and not in the fun way at all, either,” Tony said with what sure sounded like a snooty air. “Claude and I were together for a while after he made me but—”

“You fucked Clod? Really?” Augustin wrinkled his nose. “Ew. No, he fucked you, right?”

Tony stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. His erection was still there, just not as prominent. “I’ll have you know, nesting with the one who created you is how it’s done with us.”

“Nesting?” Augustin had a disturbing image of vampires in nests with eggs and bloodless bodies of their victims.

Tony huffed. “I don’t know why I’m bothering to explain. You’re going to think the worst of us anyway.”

“Duh,” Augustin snapped. “Even you just said you’d be killing people if they’d done to you what you nuts have done to me! And now I should feel bad? Fuck off.”

Tony’s mouth thinned into a line. His red eyes glowed and Augustin quickly averted his gaze.

Augustin’s heart thumped madly in his chest. He curled his fingers around handfuls of blankets. Maybe provoking vampires wasn’t such a bright thing to do.

Chapter Eight

“I mean it, you overgrown gnat!” Augustin snapped.

Geez, Tony was tired of Augustin’s mouth—except no, he was tired of all the snark coming out of it. Augustin’s mouth itself, the plump, dark pink lips, those were rather intriguing.

“You’re going to hate me anyway,” Tony muttered as he stopped hunching over and moved around the side of the bed.

Augustin’s eyes went wide. “What? What’re you going to do? Back! Back! Where’s the Raid when—”

Tony noticed that despite Augustin’s yapping, the man didn’t make a move to scoot away. Not when Tony put a knee on the bed. Not when he braced a hand above Augustin’s shoulder. And most definitely not when Tony tilted his head down.

In fact, Augustin quit babbling and canted his head to the left. He parted those pretty lips and even licked them.

Tony almost came on the spot. He growled, pressing forward and slanting his mouth over Augustin’s. Tony slid his other hand around to Augustin’s nape and thrust his tongue in deep.

Augustin froze for all of a second, then he moaned and gave back as fierce a kiss as Tony was giving.