My Paper Heart (23 page)

"Libby if you really needed a date to the wedding that bad you should have asked me before Blaine. I already own a suit," He joked.

I couldn't help but smile. "No Jackson, that's not why I called."

"I know, I know. You like them blonde and moody," he quipped. "Well if you want to know the truth, the boy is miserable. Anytime he sees any sort of tall blonde girl I’m afraid he's going to start yelling your name."

"Really?" I sat up and Sally stirred in my lap.

"Libby you know the boy's in love with you. I've tried to talk to his stupid ass about it, but he just keeps ignoring it, changing the subject or grunting."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?  He's the one that stood me up at the airport. I put my heart out there." I tried to maintain my composure, and I really had to stop this being on the brink of tears thing.

"Libby, darling. The boy may look like a tough ol' guy, but he's honestly just a big puppy that didn't want to be left alone in the backyard again. So he thinks if he runs now he won't get left alone."

Leave it to Jackson to use dog analogies.

"Hold on one second honey." I could hear him set the phone down. It had to be on something rusted because it creaked through the speaker.

Then more creaking in the background and muffled voices before someone picked the phone back up.

"Hello?"

It was Blaine. My heart stopped. I couldn't breathe.

"Uh, hello?  Is anyone there?"

"Blaine? It's me." I whispered.

I was afraid he would hang up, or just say something horrible. He didn't. Instead the sound of crickets grew louder and the sound of his work boots against the pavement rattled over the phone.

"Libby?" He questioned.

"Look Blaine. I hate what you did to me. I hate the fact that you couldn't say that you loved me back. I hate it even more that you felt like since we had an argument you couldn't still come with me to Kristi's wedding. But the truth is, whether you love me or not, I still want you here. I still want you in my life."

"Libby, I don't know what to say. All I can really say is that I’m sorry. I fucked up big this time." His voice almost squeaked with nervousness.

"I can forgive you Blaine. I really want to. You’re my biggest reason for wanting to come back to Elsbury. I miss the south. I miss Aunt Dee, but most of all I miss you," I blurted.

"Can you honestly say that you love me, Libby?  After all the hell I've put you through?" I could hear him pacing. His boots crunched against the pavement of Jackson’s back patio.

"From our first meeting when I called you names, to our fights about sex, to me not telling you that I loved you;  can you say that after all that, you still love me?" I could hear him breathing, it was heavy and slow. It was a lot of emotion for him at once. I didn't think any guy is really good with any kind of emotion, and every time we did fight, he usually handled it with frustration. This was the first time I actually heard him just lay it all out on the line.

"Blaine." I started slowly getting off of my bed and headed out toward the balcony.

I looked up at the stars. It was the same stars I had looked at the first time I told Blaine that I loved him, and my feelings still hadn't changed.

"I may be angry. I may be hurt. But, undeniably I am still in love."

Chapter 25

It was the night of Kristi's rehearsal. I hadn't heard from Blaine since our phone call two nights before. But I was trying to put that behind me. Truth is, even though Blaine wasn't calling, Beau was blowing up my phone with texts and phone calls.

He was the last person I wanted to see, but I knew that he was one of Gabe's groomsmen and I was pretty sure that we were going to be walking together in the wedding.

I wished I could have just worn jeans and a t-shirt to show Beau that I wasn't there to impress him. But I wouldn't do that to Kristi. I also wasn't fitting very well into my jeans, so I settled for a bohemian style maxi dress and let my hair just fall into its natural wave. I knew the other bridesmaids would be going all out in their designer dresses, but at this point I really didn't care what they thought.

The rehearsal was back at the resort, so I drove my little sports car there. It was like a whole new world filled with Bentleys and Jaguars. I would have given anything just to turn my car around and head south, toward Louisiana. Just go right back to how things were, spending my days at work and nights with Blaine.

But I was a big girl. It was time to put on my big girl panties and face the likes of spoiled rich girls, and worst of all my ex-boyfriend.

Luckily this time I wasn't late, but there weren't too many people there yet. The wedding was taking place on the beach. I could feel the lake breeze greet me as I walked to the back of the resort. Kristi was in full bridezilla mode at that point. Her nostrils were flared and she was pointing at some poor staff member. I made my way toward where the other bridesmaids were standing and whispered to Lacey.

"What's going on?"

She smiled and leaned in toward me, not taking her eyes off of Kristi.

"Someone got the wrong shade of white for the aisle runner." Her breath already smelled of vodka. It looked like the party had started early.

I was shocked when Kristi decided to get married on the beach. She was the most put together person I had ever met and I could not imagine her with sand between her toes. But I guess that's why the aisle runner was so important. No sand for the toes.

Lacey looked back at me, her green eyes scanning me. She was very petite, probably about five foot three, so it took her a while to scan all of me. She took a sip of her drink and then twirled a strand of her auburn hair, smirking.

"Cute dress, who is it by?"

"Um." I bit my bottom lip, scratching at the back of my neck. "I don't know, whatever Wal-Mart brand is?"

She almost dropped her glass while the rest of the bridal party stared at me.

Lacey's mouth was still open when another girl piped in. "You actually bought a dress at Wal-Mart and are wearing it?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, it's cute."

Lacey rolled her eyes and whispered something in the other girl's ear. They giggled just as a group of the groomsmen rambled on about something stupid. Of course one of them was Beau.

If one were to Google stereotypical fraternity boy in the dictionary, more than likely they would find Beau's picture. He wasn't very tall, in fact, in flip flops we were the same height. He had the usual frosted tips and his hair was styled into a faux-hawk. He tanned regularly and didn't see a problem with it. He said it made his teeth look whiter.

He headed straight for me. I was almost knocked out by his cologne. It smelled like he had dumped the whole bottle on himself.

"Hey, Libby."

I didn't look up to see his dimpled grin. Instead I just focused on his tribal tattoo snaking around his bicep that poked out of the bottom of his pink polo shirt.

"Uh, hey Beau."

I tried to look for someone else to talk to, but it looked like the other bridesmaids were busy whispering and flirting with the groomsmen. Not that they cared that I was there anyways. I felt like I was in high school all over again. The outcast for being tall and blonde.

Mom used to always tell me it was because the other girls were jealous. I'm pretty sure they weren't jealous that I could spike a volleyball over their boyfriend's head in gym class.

"I guess we are walking down together. But don't get the wrong impression and all. I don't want your boyfriend to come at me with a pitchfork or something." He laughed obnoxiously, obviously thinking he was hilarious.

I rolled my eyes. I had a feeling that was supposed to be some kind of southern hillbilly joke. My arms were crossed over my chest and I tried to turn away as much as possible. I hoped he would get it through his head that my body language was telling him that I didn't want to talk. No such luck.

"Where is ol' Billy Bob or whatever anyways?  I think I should be talking with the guy that's nailing my ex-girlfriend." He smiled that smug smile.

"He's not here." Lacey beamed. "So you can have her all to yourself." She pursed her lips together. Obviously something had gone down with Beau and Lacey, other than what I knew about. Unfortunately I just wasn't sure what.

"Alright, places everyone!"

A hefty gray-haired woman in a large pink muumuu clasped her hands together and pointed every which way. Sweat was already plastered on her forehead, but I think anyone would have that after dealing with a bridezilla.

Unfortunately, I was walking down the aisle with Beau. So he tried to give me his arm as we walked toward our space in line. I pretended like I didn't see it.

"So where is he, Libby?" Beau whispered while we waited our turn behind five other people.

The sweat was visibly dripping off of the muumuu-clad woman's forehead as she tried to point in every which way, guiding people to walk, as well as telling everyone else around her where things were supposed to go. I honestly felt sorry for her. Everyone else laughed at her expense, even the bridal party.

"I wonder if her, and Libby wear the same size Wal-Mart muumuu." I heard one of the other bridesmaids whisper.

Ouch, I know I had gained some weight over the summer, but really were these girls always this mean?

 Then I remembered, yes, yes they were. It brought me back to my pledging days. Yes, they out ranked me, but was using the Sharpie really necessary? And having Lacey hand it to Beau of all people to use to trace my flaws.

I can remember asking questions about taking leadership roles. When I first started rush, I was told that I had the potential to be an executive board member. I remember even Kristi herself told me that I could be the next Kappa president. Then after I accepted my bid, and started the pledge process and it was like everything had changed. At first it was great, going to fraternity parties, and slumber parties in the common room. That was the fun stuff. But then that all changed.

Girls yelling during Chapter that everyone wasn't stepping up with their study hours. Having Nationals come and bust the house for alcohol. The house was supposed to be dry, but after they find twenty-four bottles of hard liquor and five cases of beer, it seemed like the house wasn’t so dry.

And of course, it was the pledges and new members that took on the brunt of this grief. Even though the long established members were the ones living in the house who had brought the alcohol, we had to suffer. Our study hours were increased, we had to attend different seminars, everything that the older members should have been doing, but if they had most of the new pledge class go, then they wouldn't have to.

It was all of these things that for some reason, had just slipped my mind. Being the reserved person I just ignored it and let it shrug off my shoulders. But I didn't feel like being that Libby anymore.

I turned my head sharply toward Beau's direction and smirked.

"No, my boyfriend is not here at the moment, but if he was he would tell your STD-ridden ass to leave me alone." I nodded my head in Lacey's direction, not taking my eyes off of Beau. "And tell Lacey she should maybe double up on the herpes meds. I think you can see her sores from across Lake Michigan."

Beau looked down, not wanting to meet the fire in my eyes. The rest of the group kept quite as well. I heard someone mutter bitch, but that was the end of it.

This was not the same pushover Libby Gentry.

The rest of the night I was made an outcast by the bridal party. Beau couldn't even look at me as we walked down the aisle. Anytime I made a sound everyone turned the other way, and it usually was followed by more whispering.

I was just lucky that my sister agreed to be my date for the rehearsal dinner. I hoped I'd at least have someone to talk to. Then I forgot that my sister was a Kappa, so that idea was kind of thrown all out the window.

"Oh em gee, it's Beth! I didn't know you were coming!" Kristi shrieked from across the restaurant.

Every single person stared at us. Which is pretty easy to do in a traditional Italian restaurant since it’s not very big and it was windowless and subdued with colors of crimson and black that surrounded us everywhere. We had a back room to ourselves that was lit completely by candles. The warm glow of the candles didn't do anything for an ambience, it actually just made Kristi's fake orange tan look even brighter. Like a glowing cheese ball.

Beth smiled politely as she usually did. That was the thing about us Gentry girls, we could usually fake a pretty good smile.

"I didn't think you would see us right away." Beth said as she kissed Kristi on the cheek. Funny that my petite, curvy sister would make a comment about not seeing her tall, chubby sister.

"Well I was looking for my little sister and my favorite alum, so of course I would spot you two right away!" She beamed. The fakeness was just dripping from her mouth.

That was the thing about Kristi, and all the other girls there. They could easily turn on the charm. If you were a basketball fan, for that five minutes they talked to you they would be the biggest basketball fans you'd ever met, even though they had never watched a single game. That's the thing about sorority girls, always in recruitment mode.

The rest of the girls joined us, acting like we were all the best of friends and I just hadn't made fun of Lacey's mouth sores. Which were completely visible, that or she just had some really bad collagen injections.

I felt like it was spring recruitment all over again. We had just gotten our pep talk about having alcohol in the house, and I had just found out that at least seventeen of the girls in the house had slept with Beau. But the president made sure that we all had our game faces on, so I had to sit there and smile as all these girls talked about how we were such great friends and had so much fun together. I wanted to pull my eyes out with a spoon right there in the middle of the common room.

After what seemed like forever I heard Kristi's mom's high, nasally voice, call us over to the big tables full of steak Sicilian, different pastas, and breads.