My Paper Heart (26 page)

He sighed and put his head in his hands. “I don’t know.”

“That’s not an answer." I lifted my head up slowly, and turned toward him. “My dad always said that ‘I don’t know’ is just a filler word when you don’t want to say what you’re really thinking.”

I could hear the air blow out of his nose as he smiled. It wasn’t a happy smile, more like one of frustration. “I missed your quick wit.”

He didn’t look up at me, but I couldn’t help but just stare at him. He looked like a little boy that had just been punished for coloring on the sofa. It really made me want to reach out and touch him, to hold him in my arms, and just blurt out how much I missed him too.

“The truth is." He looked back toward the wedding reception and let out a deep sigh. “I can’t compete with all of this.” He waved his hand aimlessly in the air before looking back at the ground.

“I didn’t ask you to." I was completely puzzled. I had no idea what he was talking about. How could he be comparing love to Kristi’s wedding?

“I know the only reason Julie stayed with me was because I played baseball. It’s no secret that she knew she was better than me.”

He pulled at the sleeve of his suit while talked. It was obvious he was nervous, and wasn’t used to spilling this much emotion at once.

“When I met you, I swore I wouldn’t fall as hard as I did. I knew that we came from two completely different worlds. I looked up your hometown, one of the wealthiest suburbs was what it said, and I didn’t know how a good old boy from the south was supposed to compete with that.”

He folded his hands together and unfolded them again before he started speaking. I knew not to interrupt and to let him get it all out.

“Then you said that you loved me, and honestly I was completely shocked. That’s why I didn’t say anything the first time you said it. But Sunday, that was when it really hit me. I didn’t want just some summer fling. To pour my heart out to you and then as soon as you went back to your hometown, you would forget all about me. Realize that I was nothing more than just some stupid southern boy that kept you occupied for the summer.”

I thought about what Meg had said about Julie, and suddenly it was all clear to me. Blaine really did believe that I would leave him just like Julie did. He didn’t come to the airport because he didn’t love me. He didn’t come because he did love me, and was scared to get hurt again. So instead of being hurt he tried to just let me go.

That was all it took for the tears to start coming in full force, dribbling down my face.

"When you left..." Blaine finally faced toward me, wiping the tears from my eyes with his thumb.

"I felt like shit. I knew I had really messed up, so I basically decided to try and go into hiding until you came back, and then figure out what to do."

He looked down. For once he was afraid of my stare instead of the other way around.

"But then you called Jackson." He looked back up again, closing the gap between us as he moved toward me. "And you told me after all the hell I put you through, that you still loved me."

He smiled, putting his hand to my cheek. "And then I knew I really messed up."

I smiled weakly. I was still mixed with so many emotions I didn't know what to think.

"So, with no one else to turn to, I found Kristi on Facebook and messaged her. And let me tell you that girl lives on Facebook."

He smiled, letting the air blow through his nose as he did.

"She responded right away, and then she called me." He put his hands down and started playing with the sleeve on his shirt jacket. "She found that I could transfer my ticket over to today, but it might be kind of expensive, plus I would need to get a rental car."

He stopped fiddling with his sleeve and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

"Well, obviously I did it. But I didn't get to Chicago until about two hours ago, and then well, it's hard for a good ol' boy like me to navigate the city, so I did get lost a few times."

That I actually did laugh at. I could just imagine Blaine in a little rental car trying to navigate the highway.

"I know I deserve to be laughed at. But the point of all this is that I’m sorry Libby, and I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

His eyes met mine; they had so much behind them. It was like we were thinking the same jumbled mess. Fear, hope, confusion, but most of all I knew that Blaine loved me, he may have not said it, but at that moment I knew he did.

I took his hands and intertwined my own in his. Slowly I leaned forward, closing my eyes to kiss him, when I heard a crash down the beach.

Blaine snapped back. We both opened our eyes and sprang up from the bench.

"What the hell was that?" He didn't let go of my hand as we turned to look behind us.

Scrambling to his feet with a now empty rocks glass in his hand, was Beau. He staggered toward us. His tux was covered in sand, and I thought there was even some sand in his faux-hawk. He smelled like he had been rolling in vodka and could barely hold up his own head as he came barreling toward us.

"What do you think you are doing with my girlfriend?" He slurred lazily and pointed a finger at Blaine.

"Your girlfriend?" Blaine glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. A smirk crossed his face and he let go of my hand, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't know what you've been drinking there buddy, but Libby ain't your girlfriend anymore."

"What? What did you say to me?" Beau tried to stand up as straight as he could, but still was swaying.

"I said." Blaine stepped even closer as he leaned toward Beau, and made sure he enunciated every word. "Libby Gentry is not your girlfriend anymore."

"You dun know what you're talking about," Beau slurred and stumbled closer. Beau then mumbled something under his breath, but I couldn't understand it.

"What was that man?" A cocky smirk crossed Blaine's face.

"Blaine let him be. He's drunk." I charged past Blaine and tried to help Beau stand up straight.

"Get off me
bitch
, this doesn't concern you." Beau shoved me to the ground so quick I didn't know what hit me. Then he stood looking over me. My mouth was gaping open as his bloodshot eyes met mine. "This is between me and –"

But before Beau could finish his sentence Blaine's fist made direct contact with Beau's jaw. The look on Beau's face was almost indescribable. It was a mixture of shock and nausea as he fell flat to the ground.

Blaine turned away from Beau and grabbed my hands, pulling me up and closer to him. Slowly he slid his arms around my waist.

"Now, before we were interrupted." He pressed his forehead to mine while I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I love you Libby Gentry. I have since the day I met you." He smiled. "And I guess I was too stupid to say it before."

"I love you too, Blaine Crabtree." I returned the smile, leaning in closer. "And you weren't stupid, Blaine." I nodded my head down in the direction of Beau. "I was the stupid one. I shouldn't have tried to force you into anything."

"Trust me Libby, you didn't force me into anything. It was a long time coming." He pulled me closer as he spoke, tightly wrapping his arms around my waist.

 "You know I would have never thought that a guy like me would land a girl like you. When we first met I just thought you were some sorority princess, but then I got to know the real you. The girl that has more insecurities than anyone, but deep down is the girl that will go out of her way to make everybody happy. The girl who doesn't hold anything back, and the girl that had my heart from the first time that she yelled at me."

And then he kissed me. With the world going on around us, Beau whining like a scared puppy in the sand, and the music of the reception playing in the background, but nothing else mattered. It seemed like it was just the two of us, standing on the beach, in love.

Chapter 28

"As soon as we get back to Elsbury, we are getting you a bigger car." Blaine protested as he adjusted his seat for the millionth time.

"I think you secretly like my car and you are just too embarrassed to admit that your girlfriend has a better car than you." I glanced at him out the corner of my eye.

It was almost three a.m. by the time we finally left the reception. Well, not all of it was spent at the reception…some of it did involve the beach…and my car…and the beach again…  I was so happy that Blaine came to the wedding, but I still couldn't get out of my head what my mom had told me earlier that day.

It was before I left for Kristi's house. She walked into my room with an envelope secured with the University seal. I almost completely forgot that I had sent in to appeal to get back into school.

"Well, aren't you going to open it?" My mom pressed.

Wasn't that my goal of the summer?  To eventually get back into my parents' good graces and to go back to school?  It seemed so simple at the beginning of the summer, but while I stared at that letter every emotion ran through my head. I would be sad to leave Aunt Dee in Louisiana, but maybe I would be happier once I was back with my friends. I mean, I would be closer to my sister and my new niece or nephew. Chicago was a lot closer to school than Louisiana. I was also still very confused about my romantic relationship at that point. I had filled out the appeal form and requested letters of recommendation after one of Blaine and I's many arguments. So, with a long drawn out breath, I ripped open the letter.

When I read the first word as 'Congratulations,' I knew the appeal was successful.

"Earth to Libby." Blaine waved a hand in front of my face. "I've never seen you concentrate so hard."

"Oh yeah, I was just thinking."

We pulled into my parents' driveway and Blaine looked like a little kid who had just seen his first candy store.

"This is your parents' house?"

I put the car in park and turned off the ignition. "Yup, well at least until they move into the new condo."

"Wow I don't know how you are ever going to be able to leave a palace like this for Aunt Dee's little place in Elsbury."

I wondered if I would have to. It wasn't like there was anything that was really keeping me in Elsbury. I loved Blaine, but I was sure if we really did love each other he would understand my need to finish school. If I stayed there with Blaine would I end up just some small town girl?  Going to the diner every night, and be barefoot and pregnant before I turned twenty-one?  But then the other side ran through my head. What would happen if I did go back to school?  Could I even pass another year at school, or would I just fail out again?

Blaine reached across the seat and grabbed my hand, leading my eyes toward his.

"You are coming back to Elsbury, right?"

I bit my bottom lip and tried not to meet his gaze.

"Well…"

He set a brochure on the dashboard in front of me. "This was kind of my trump card, if you didn't want to go back after I poured my heart out to you." He leaned back into the seat. "I honestly didn't think I would have to use it."

I picked up the brochure, looking at the seal on the front and a picture of cattails. St. Joseph community college was scrawled in an old English text on the front. I’d never heard of the place. In all reality the only school I knew of near there was Tulane, and that was only because Don went there.

"Blaine, what is this?"

"I've known all summer that you were itching to go back to school. I knew there was no way that you would stay in Elsbury just for me, no matter how hard I tried."

He took my hand into his and started tracing lines in my palm with his fingers. "So I picked one of these up, talked to an advisor, and they said your GPA didn’t matter you could start from scratch.

I stared down at the brochure. Speechless. I didn’t know when he did all of that and couldn’t help but be in awe on how amazing he was for doing it.

"I also know that you applied for appeal to get back into Illinois State."

I shot my head back toward him.

"Libby, you're not very secretive about anything you do, and after Googling what happens when someone gets kicked out, I knew your lawyer mom would have you file for an appeal."

"That doesn't mean that I can just go to some community college. What about the antique shop? What about work? This is still forty-five minutes from Elsbury and I don’t even know if I’d have a car to get there.”

Everything was like a big, giant mess. All these little pieces of paper were compiling one big blanket that was taking over all of my thoughts. Did I stay in Chicago and go back to school, so that I could stay closer to my sister?  Or did I go back to Louisiana and take a chance with a new romance?

"So, what do you want Libby?"

No one had ever asked me that. It seemed like no one had actually ever cared what I wanted. At that moment when I had the choice of what I wanted to do, I had to be absolutely sure that I was making the right one.

“Well you do know how important school is to me, so I should probably think what would be the best for my future,” I said, slowly, still staring at the brochure.

“Does this mean I am going to have to plan a lot more trips up to Illinois?” Blaine asked.

I slowly shook my head, looking up to meet the blue eyes that I fell in love with. “It means you better get used to having a St. Joseph community college student as you girlfriend.”

Acknowledgements

This book was a true labor of love. It has been everything from upper YA to women's fiction and finally came back to the story it is today. I never thought this book would actually end up on someone's Ereader or the Amazon homepage, so to the person reading this I thank you.

Three years later and I can't forget the people that first read this book: Kelly Viel, Jennifer Dallman, Lynsey Newton, Leta Gail Doerr, Laurie Larsen, Nicole Settle, Steph Bowe, and Kelsey Ketch. Thank you for seeing the potential in this book.

To Rachel Tiderman, there were years that we were on the outs and then I brought this book to you. You never let me give up on these characters and you are the reason this book is being published.