My Paper Heart (24 page)

Kristi ran over to the waiting Gabe, who actually didn't look that thrilled to see her. Actually, Gabe never seemed thrilled to see anyone.

Gabe was some sort of Eastern European nationality and he always looked like he was pissed off. His big bushy eyebrows were always furrowed, and if he wasn't drinking or chewing something, he was usually trying to flex the little of biceps he had. I honestly didn't know what Kristi saw in him, aside from them both being on executive boards for prominent Greek organizations. Her family was rich, his family was made up of working class immigrants. She was a business analyst for a major insurance company and he was still looking for a job as an elementary school gym teacher. It was like night and day, but she seemed to love him.

But I guess people could say that about Blaine and me. We were the opposites on the outside. Everything about us seemed so different. Like we were star-crossed. But I still loved him. I didn't care if his family didn't own a condo in downtown Chicago, or that he had crazy bleached hair. And maybe Kristi didn't care about that with Gabe either.

Maybe he took her out for lunch every day and kissed her forehead, even though he wasn't that much taller than her. Or maybe that was just Blaine and me, and I couldn't help but miss him terribly. Seeing the way that Kristi looked at Gabe was a way that I never looked at Beau. But it was the same way that I know Blaine looked at me. I didn't have to change myself for him and do the baby voice. He liked me just as I was.

But I also had to face the facts that Blaine wasn't there, and I wasn't sure if he ever would be again.

Chapter 26

I couldn't sleep the whole night before. It was like that stupid yellow bridesmaid dress reflected off of every street lamp and every single car's headlights that passed.

The wedding wasn't until three o'clock, but we had to be at Kristi's parents by eleven to get ready. I dreaded every minute of it. Not only had I outcasted myself from my sorority sisters, but I felt like I was also on the outs with everyone back in Louisiana.

I tried texting Dina, but she hadn't heard anything. I started to think she, along with everyone else back in Elsbury, was getting annoyed with me. It was like I was stuck in the middle, not sure where I would fit. At one point I was at the top of the world and now I wasn't sure where I was.

Luckily, Mom didn't sleep much either. Slowly I opened the door to my bedroom to see light pouring out of the open door from her office. I crept down the hallway; the hardwood floor was so cold compared to the stifling hot floor at Aunt Dee's. I wondered how high my parents had the air conditioning up.

Mom sat at her desk, a huge stack of papers with pink highlighting marks all over them were strewn in front of her. She didn't even look up as she took a sip of her coffee and brushed back a stray strand of hair from her face.

I knocked on the door frame and cleared my throat to her get her attention.

"Oh Libby, I didn't see you there." She looked up at me then over at the digital clock next to her desk. It read six a.m. "You're up early. Excited for today?"

She took another sip of her coffee, peering at me with her chocolate brown eyes from behind black Gucci glasses. Did she really need more than one pair of designer glasses?  Aunt Dee only had one pair, and I think they had been broken and battered more than once.

I shrugged and leaned against the door frame, crossing my arms across my chest.

Mom’s lips tightened as she took off her glasses, absently running a hand through her hair and tousling it. "You know, I think things were a lot different when I was your age."

"Mom!" I sighed plopping down on the brown leather chaise that sat directly across from her desk.

"Don't Mom me, just hear me out." She took another sip of her coffee. "I’m a pretty good attorney, so I think I can make a pretty good argument." She shot me a wink and put her mug down.

I blew air out hard through my noise, not saying a word and just looked at her.

"You know when I was in college, if you were a girl, and you went to college, you joined a sorority. That's just how it was. And since my father was a frater he insisted that going Greek could only help my networking."

Mom’s dad was also an attorney. She honestly didn't need to do any networking. After law school she joined his firm and eventually became partner.

"And you know it didn't hurt that I met your father during college either." She took another sip of her coffee, smiling at me.

"But, things were different, for me, for your sister. When you came home and told us you were going to be a Kappa, your father and I were thrilled. We thought you would finally come out of that shell you had buried yourself in during high school."

I rolled my eyes. "Mom, I wasn't that bad in high school."

"Libby." She stared me down. Those dark brown eyes were almost black.

"Okay, maybe I was a little reserved." I crossed my arms over my chest and peered out the window. The sun had just started to rise and was casting shades of orange, red, and yellow through the slightly drawn linen curtains.

"But, I soon realized that being in a sorority wasn't exactly the best place for you either."

I snapped my head back toward my mom. She was a loyal Kappa. In fact, her office actually still held pictures from her initiation and her pledge paddle hung proudly in our living room. I never thought I would hear her say anything even remotely unkind about a sorority.

"I felt like you lost yourself, Libby, even more. You just became this girl who I didn't even know anymore." She picked up her mug again, staring out the window.

"Then you went to Louisiana. And you know I wasn't for it as much as your father was." She glanced up at me quickly, before looking back down at her mug. "But he thought it was what was best for you, and I hate to say it, but he was right."

"How so?" I cocked an eyebrow, leaning in with my whole body.

Mom rolled her eyes as she stood up from her chair. "Libby. I know how much you didn't fit in during high school, and let's face it, I’m no stranger to the Kappa hazing rituals."

She took another sip of her coffee as she headed over toward the chaise, leaning in toward me.

"Libby." She patted my knee and sat down next to me on the chaise. "At one point I was like you too. Hell, I only joined Kappa because I thought it would be the only way to get ahead in college."

She slipped an arm around me as I bent my head into the crook of her arm, pulling my legs into my chest.

"And don't get me wrong, I met some wonderful people through Kappa. But I think by meeting your father and starting out in my first law firm, I really found out who I was and grew as a person."

She looked down at me smiling and brushed a stray curl from my face.

"And I think you are finally starting to take after your mother."

∞

I almost turned my car around on at least five different occasions as I headed toward Kristi's parents' house. After the wedding, she and Gabe would be moving into a small two bedroom apartment in Wrigleyville. But for now she lived at her parents' sprawling North Shore estate, which, I think, was twice the size of my parent's house.

I didn't really understand why her parents needed that big of a house for just three people. They were both doctors, so they were always gone, and Kristi was an only child. I wondered if they would be selling it after the wedding. Of course it would either have to be a huge family, or just a very wealthy one that would want to move into their house.

I took a deep breath and parked my car, just past the big gated entrance. All the other bridesmaids already had their cars lined up and down the driveway, and soon the limo would be making its circle around their giant Grecian fountain. We would all pose for pictures in our usual fake smiles with our hands on our hips right in front of the fountain.

I wondered what Blaine would say about all this. Would he change his opinion about me, knowing that I hung out with girls that lived in gated mansions?  I almost turned back again and drove away, just thinking about it. I thought if I started right then I could maybe be in Elsbury by the next morning. Then I could give Blaine a good swift kick in the butt, and then go out to Café Du Monde with Britt until Blaine came and begged for my forgiveness. It sounded wonderful.

But Kristi was my big sister. She'd been there for me more than enough times. Every time Beau cheated, she was there; every time I just needed a shoulder to cry on, she was there. So instead of turning around I walked across the cobblestone path and headed through the front door into one of the longest days of my life.

∞

I think the makeup artist's job was to make us look like a bunch of beauty queen porn stars. I think that Kristi just said to her,
you know, I just want them to look like a porn star decided to become the next Miss America.

The hairstylist's job was to put our hair in what I thought looked like modern bee-hives. The stylist straightened the hell out of my hair, paving through it with a flat iron, before piling it into a big over hair-sprayed pouf on the top of my head. I really looked like an X-rated, blonde Loretta Lynn.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't even recognize myself past the inch of foundation and mile high false eyelashes. But it looked like Kristi was happy with her same painted face and mile-high hair. Well at least she seemed happy in between her snarling bridezilla moments. Her mom is a psychiatrist; she really should have slipped her something before she almost took down the florist and two bridesmaids. Now they were just casualties in the bridezilla aftermath.

Kristi had us all get in our dresses before the grand finale of helping her in her dress, which I think she needed all of us for. Her dress was an over twenty thousand dollar, custom-made gown that she had worked on with some famous designer in New York City. It was big, and over the top, and if you would have put a red wig on it and spray painted it orange it could have been Kristi's personality twin.

All the bridesmaids assembled in Kristi's bedroom. Each one of us pulled our dresses off of the hanger, eager to just get them on. It wasn't the most flattering dress for every girl, with its low-cut sweetheart neckline and tea-length hem. But it was what Kristi wanted, and it was a very cute dress, at least on the hanger.

I slowly slid off my sweat suit and stepped into the dress. It was definitely a bit more snug since I had tried it on at the beginning of the summer. In fact, maybe a little too snug. In May, I had been able to zipper up the dress on my own, but this time it kept getting stuck at about the middle of my back. I called another bridesmaid over to help me, but she couldn't get it. So she called another girl over to help us.

"Oh it's not you honey," she cooed. "I think this zipper is just having some issues."

"Damn, how much weight did you put on Libby?" Lacey quacked from across the room.

She sauntered over toward us, a few other girls were snickering beside her. "You better not let Kristi see you. She will flip shit," she whispered before taking a big gulp of her champagne.

I wanted to cry. I knew I had put on weight over the summer, but I didn't think it was that bad. I didn't know what I would do. The wedding was in only a few hours, and my dress didn't fit. I was a big yellow whale.

"What's going on in here?"

I snapped my head to see Kristi in the doorway. Her hair was all done with her veil in it, but she wore nothing more than a white corset top and a pair of blue panties. I guess she was waiting for us to help her into her dress.

I froze when I saw her. I knew if she would have seen that my eyes were watering, she would have added that to the complaints that I didn't fit in the dress. Ruining the dress now the makeup, minus two points for Libby.

"Looks like your little, isn't so little anymore!" Lacey cackled along with a few other girls.

"Shut up, Lacey." Kristi snapped as she ran toward me. I never had heard her yell at Lacey before. Lacey was like her little pet. And I could tell Lacey was a surprised too, since her jaw was almost to the floor.

"Now what's going on?" She looked down and assessed the zipper situation.

"We can't get it to zip…"  One of the girl's whispered, preparing for a meltdown.

"Kristi I’m so, so—" Kristi cut me off with a single wave of her hand.

"Don't worry about it, Libby." She turned toward one of the girl's who was helping me with my zipper. "Tiff, go get a needle and thread from my mom."

"Libby honey, you are gonna get sewn up in this bitch, so I hope you don't plan on getting lucky."

It was the first time I heard Kristi laugh all day, and I think it was the first time I had laughed in a while.

Chapter 27

 With me sewn into my dress, it was time for Kristi to get into her giant ball gown. It took about five of us to actually get her into it, and then another three to smooth out the back and extend the cathedral train. I could see why she needed so many bridesmaids.

We all grabbed our flowers, pink Stargazer lilies of course, the Kappa flower, and headed into the giant stretch limo after a barrage of pictures in front of Kristi's house. I didn't know how much more fake smiles and posing I could take. I felt like it was recruitment all over again. But for the first time in this entire wedding process, Kristi actually seemed genuinely happy. She smiled and joked with the photographer, laughed at her dad's stupid jokes, and even gave Lacey some extra lipstick.

It was going to be a long day, and I knew that from the start. A day of watching two people profess their love to each other for all to see; when I had someone, whom I loved, who couldn't even profess his love just to me.

Now I was raised Catholic. My dad's family was from Louisiana, so naturally they were all big Catholics. My parents would take my sister and I to church every Sunday morning, followed by catechism afterwards. Once I was confirmed, we stopped going as regularly and became the Christmas and Easter Catholics. That was until I moved to Elsbury.