Never Satisfied: Do Men Know What They Want? (31 page)

“Good idea,” Allen agreed. “I’m starving.”

“That’s fine by me,” Donna said. “But let me have one drink before we go.”

I quickly flagged down the waitress hoping to order the drink and get the hell out of there as fast as possible. While Donna sipped slowly on her strawberry daiquiri, Allen and I practically stood guard until she finished. And just as we were about to leave, guess who shows up, Kelly. She stood directly in front of the table with a bottle in her right hand and her left arm tucked behind her back. She was clearly drunk and looking spooky as ever.

“Hello, Robert,” she said. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”

“I don’t think so,” I said as I positioned myself in front of Donna.

“Well, the least you could do is thank me for the drink I sent you.”

“Look, Kelly, I don’t have time for your bullshit.”

“Kelly?” Donna shouted. “Are you the sick bitch that’s been following my child into the park?”

“No, I’m the sick bitch who’s been following your man into the park. I have no interest in your nappy-head child.”

“So what the hell do you want?” Donna shouted.

“I want to teach your cheating ass man a lesson about toying with a woman’s emotions. He’s not going to treat me like some trick and kick me out after he fucks me.”

“Woman, you are out of your mind,” Allen said.

“You shut up four eyes and mind your own business!” Kelly screamed.

That’s when she lifted the bottle over her shoulder, swung it once at Allen, and then hurled it in my direction. Everybody ducked. After the bottle smashed against the wall, I looked up to see Allen’s bloodied face. She had hit him directly in the eye. His eyeglasses cut through his skin and he was bleeding profusely. The yelling began immediately.

“You crazy bitch!” I shouted. “Look what you did.”

“You should be more concerned about what I’m going to do to you.”

In one motion she swung her arm from around her back and began violently throwing what felt like large steel darts. I quickly pulled Donna down onto the floor and shielded her with my body. I felt two sharp objects pierce my backside; one hit me in the upper back and the other in my buttocks. Once she was out of ammunition, Donna jumped up and ran towards her like a mad woman. Kelly tried to run but Donna grabbed her by the hair and slung her to the floor. By this time, the music had stopped and all eyes were focused on the catfight. Even the bouncers stood by and watched.

“I’ll kill you bitch, I’ll kill you,” Donna threatened as she ripped Kelly’s blouse off and smashed her face against the floor.

“Let me up,” Kelly begged.

“Not until I knock some sense in your young ass.”

I ran over to where the fight was taking place with the two darts still inside me. I started break it up, but Donna was giving it to her good. So, I stood by like everybody else and watched. After a few more scratches on the back and punches in the face, Donna let her up and the security guards moved in. We were all escorted to the back office where the owner was waiting. Allen and I knew him personally so the police were not called. Kelly admitted to starting the whole thing and offered to pay for the damages. I chose not to press charges since Donna kicked her ass pretty good and nobody was seriously injured. Allen, on the other hand, was holding a cold towel over his right eye. He tried to grab her by the throat as she was escorted out of the club. But this wasn’t the end of it. When I got to my car, three of my four tires had been sliced and the windshield was smashed out. On the hood there was a message carved in the paint that read, “Now we’re even motherfucker.”

The most fatal attraction of all is not the woman with a weapon in her hand, but a disease within her body. While the cheating man swears up and down his Mistress of Jump Off is clean and healthy, she could be burning with herpes, syphilis, or even HIV and AIDS. And just as he neglected to wear a condom to prevent pregnancy, he will likely neglect to protect himself from contracting a STD. It is well known that many men who cheat become comfortable with the Other Women and foolishly stop using protection, sometimes weeks into the relationship. That’s a hell of a decision considering whose life is at stake. His own and the life of the innocent wife or girlfriend who is dumb enough to continue to trust him. This is why the cheating man must slow down, take a step back and ask himself, “Is it worth it?” This is an important question for any real man to face up to because it’s only a matter of time before the high cost of infidelity hits his wallet, his conscience, and hits home. When that happens, he will lose his most valuable asset of all, the woman who loves him. And she won’t be as easily replaced as money. Nor will her loss of respect be remedied with a shot of penicillin. Sometimes women don’t give us a second chance, and judging by how reckless and irresponsible we can be at times, she may be wise not to.

Why do so many women get involved with men whom they suspect are cheaters? And more importantly, why do they remain in those relationships even after their suspicions have been confirmed? The answer to that question would depend on which woman you ask. Some claim it’s because of love, or the kids, while others openly admit, it’s all about the money. But these so-called reasons are nothing more than lame excuses for the timid wife or girlfriend to hide behind. In my opinion there can be only one common denominator for tolerating this kind of disrespect, and this is fear, more precisely, the woman’s fear of being alone.

This paralyzing dread of waking up to an empty bed and growing old alone is all the leverage the cheating man will need to take full advantage of his relationship. He has predetermined there will be no consequences for his actions so he continues to take risks with his life and hers. The men I interviewed for this book are the perfect examples. They bragged about their methods of cheating with no regard for who might read it. And although names have been changed to protect the guilty, there was an air of arrogance that the games would continue in spite of what was said. As one gentleman boldly put it, “It doesn’t matter what I tell you about how I cheat. Once a woman falls in love with me, she’s not going to listen to anyone telling her anything. She won’t even listen to herself.” He is clearly depicting women as too stifled by emotion to act on any proof of infidelity, and he’s not alone. Several men promised to purchase a copy of this book to give to their wives and girlfriends as gifts. What audacity! I’m not sure whether it’s the ratio of men to women that have men so cocky or how much mess the women in their lives have put up with, but the cheating men of today are on a rampage. They are going through women like a hot knife through butter. Even the truth about how the game is played is not a threat to them. Chris Rock said it best in his stand up, “Let a playa play!”

Earlier in the book I mentioned open relationships, which is defined as couples where both or one of the partners have intimate relationships with other partners. In fact, I have done several topics about it on my radio show. Each time, women shut down and became defensive believing it was just another male trick to justify sleeping around. It’s understandable that women would look it that way since they only see relationships from one of two perspectives. One, all men do not cheat; therefore they will hold out for that man who also possesses other qualities that make them compatible. Or two, most men will cheat at some point, and if they choose to be with that man they will weather those storms, usually with the hope that he will get tired, grow up, or whatever, which normally never happens. For some strange reason women have this idea that our desire to have sex with other women is like the chicken pox, that it will go away after puberty. Ladies, please listen loud and clear. It’s not a disease; it’s in our genes. Just accept it and let’s move on for God’s sake!

I personally don’t believe every man cheats, but I do believe the majority will at some point in their relationship, and so will most women. If we can agree with that assessment, then we can move forward and stop approaching relationships the same way over and over again expecting a different result. We all know the definition of insanity, right? Let’s face it, most relationships are open anyway. People either don’t know it, or they are in denial. And if women are going to tolerate their man being involved with other women, then they should reserve the same option to see other men, if they choose to. Every statistic about infidelity shows that over 70% of men have cheated once and over 50% of women have stepped out. Why are we afraid to tackle an issue that’s staring us right in the face?

Besides, not having the open relationship talk is to the man’s advantage and the woman’s disadvantage. Why, because men know that if a woman is into him sexually and emotionally, she most likely won’t desire sex with other men, but women who are honest with themselves know that most men will exercise that option whether the woman agrees to it or not. It’s not until men are faced with the possibility that their woman will be sexing other men that the reality of what they are asking the woman to put up with becomes real. As a married woman in New York put it, “It’s called, put the shoe on the other foot! Or what’s good for the goose is good for the gander!”

I think part of the problem is women give in to the ideal of monogamy too easily, without any agreement or understanding that the man will do the same. Ladies, please stop making it so damn easy for us, geesh! It should be clear from day one to every man who wants to play the field that you will exercise your option to do the same damn thing. And I promise you that your relationships will improve immediately. But you must start out with the conversation day one! Try it and let me know how he responds. You can reach me on
BaisdenLive.com
, BaisdenLive on Facebook, and BaisdenLive on Twitter.

Teaching a woman not to tolerate infidelity in their relationships is not a simple task, especially if she was raised in an environment where it was normal behavior. Karen, who is 28 years old, can relate well to this type of programming. At a young age she was brainwashed by her mother, aunts, and other female family members into believing, “A man is gonna be a man!” For years she accepted this philosophy as gospel and quietly went along with the program. But after years of being neglected and disrespected, she finally woke up and smelled the coffee.

Karen’s Story

M
y mis-education about men began at age fifteen. That’s when I first started to notice my father was staying out late and going away for long weekends, supposedly with his fishing buddies. My mother never once complained. She just went about raising my brother and me as if nothing was wrong. But sometimes I could see the frustration come out. She did a great job of disguising it by fussing at him about leaving his empty beer bottles on the living room table or playing the music too loud in the basement. This was her only way of getting back at him, at least as far as she was concerned. My mother was an attractive and intelligent woman. She had a Bachelor’s degree in English and a body that would have given a twenty-five year old a run for the money. That’s why I never understood why she put up with my father’s cheating for all those years. It was obvious that his affairs were annoying her but she never threatened to leave him. I’ll never forget what she used to tell me when we were alone. “Marriage is forever baby, no matter what.” By the time I was seventeen, she began to preach about a few other things as well. Things that had a dramatic impact on the way I would view my own relationships.

What family would be complete without a gossiping aunt or a know-it-all friend of the family. I had both. My Aunt Dorothy, and my mother’s girlfriend Carolyn were one helluva duo. Every Sunday afternoon they would come by the house while my mother cooked dinner. Of course, this was the signal for my father and my older brother to escape to the basement, and my cue to get lost. However, on one particular visit no one asked me to leave. It was obvious by the way they were all grinning that this was my indoctrination into the Woman’s Club, but my young mind was ill-prepared for their bold conversation. As usual, my loud mouth Aunt Dorothy started in on me about my boyfriend Jason. Everybody all of a sudden got quiet.

“So I hear you’ve got a man, Karen,” she said while picking the ends off the green peas.

“Dag, why are you all in my business Aunty?”