No Holding Back (17 page)

“Whose were they?”

Chris
’ head dropped, and she wiped her eyes. “They belonged to Hess. He even signed ‘em.”

Wade closed his eyes and breathed forever through his nose.
He never knew they were special to her - never once entertained the idea that they belonged to Hess - especially on the rare occasion he hurled them out to hungry fans. She always kept them so close, so well protected. But despite her obvious attachment to them, he still couldn’t bring himself to understand why she couldn’t move on.

“
Hess never played with anything other than Vic Firth’s. They’re no different than the ones on the counter,” he pointed out.

Wade was amazed at the softness in his own voice. He was always yelling and screaming, whether at his brother or at his concert. But this was an entirely different situation - infinitely more delicate.
He wanted to shake some sense into her, but this was a hurdle Chris had to overcome on her own.

“
You don’t understand,” Chris shook her head and sniffed. “They’re the only reason I got into Heretic-.”

Wade shook his head and snatched Chris by the shoulders, but kept the energy of his words to a dull roar.

“
Bull
shit!
You’re
the reason you’re in Heretic - not some lousy paperweights you blew your money on!” he seethed. “You and I
both
know you’d sound beast on a set of drums with
any
of those sticks up there!”

Chris shook her head,
“You’re wrong. I’m
nothing
without them.”

“
No,” Wade corrected. “They’re nothing without
you
. Without
you
, all they can do it
sit
there in a damn box!” he said, nodding towards the counter.

“
Chris - look at me,” he commanded, but almost wished he hadn’t. Her blue eyes sparkled up at him through a glossy coat of moisture and for some reason, all he could do was picture himself kissing her full, pouty lips.

“
You’re crazy if you think that you’re only as good as your sticks or some other make-believe shit
that makes you
think
Hess is better than you,” he explained. But it was his next words that he hoped would get through to her. “You know? For a while, I didn’t think we even
could
find something better than what Hess gave us. I’ve never been so glad…to be so wrong.”

Chris barely shook her head and bit her bottom lip.

“And believe me when I tell you,” Wade continued. “You don’t need someone like Hess holding you back. Besides, the only person who’s really holding you back…is you.”

Wade watched his words have an almost immediate effect on her. Right away, her lips began to tremble and she tried desperately to sniff the upset out of her eyes with her long sleeves. Wade very nearly brought her into him in
an embrace, but Ed’s small voice chimed in again.

“
Uh…s-scuse me? I have one last pair of sticks he could try.”

Wade
’s eyes widened at the small bit of good news, but when he looked back at Chris, he was even more relieved to see her nod in consent.

Wade nodded back at Ed.
“Show us what you got.”

As they both walked back over to the counter, Wade noticed Ed
’s unusual shift in demeanor when he reluctantly retrieved a gray box from under the counter with about an inch of dust on it. When he blew it off, Chris and Wade coughed and fanned the dust away from them.

“
I…gotta warn you though,” he said. “These aren’t your typical drumsticks.”

With that, he opened the box reveling two slender, matte finish sticks that appeared dark and glossy and resembled the lizard-like scales of a reptile.

Chris reached for one and held it over the light from the glowing countertop. It had a high luster and a beautiful silky-smooth finish that nearly made her eyes water again.

“
Snakeskin wood,” she whispered.

Wade was intrigued and he too marveled at the drumstick.
“The wood grain is beautiful,” he said, and just then, he noticed the brand name in red acrylic paint on the side. “Xero? I’ve never heard of that brand.”

Ed frowned.
“No one has. Company went under about five years ago thinking they’d fly off the shelves. I thought I they would too.”

“
What’s wrong with ‘em?” Wade asked.

“
Other than being really damn expensive and virtually indestructible - nothing. Unfortunately, they’re really-.”

“
Dense,” Chris finished, tapping the side of one on the glass with a hard echo that sounded as if each one could break the glass.

“
Bingo,” Ed said. “Turns out, drummers don’t like it if they feel too much of the drums in their hands. They’re lousy at absorbing vibrations. Begins to sting after a while. But uh, certain people,” he paused, gesturing to Heretic’s drummer. “…could use it to their advantage.”

While Chris weighed the object in her hand like she did to
the others, Wade continued to press Ed for more information.

“
How so?”

“
Well, with that much energy from the drums going into your body instead of the sticks, the theory is that a drummer knows how soft or hard their throws are. If they’re disciplined enough, they can be in complete control of the beat and the music at all times.”

“
Bottom line?” Wade begged.

“
Basically - whoever has
those
can make any drum set sound like it’s on steroids.”

Wade forehead came together as he weighed all of this in his mind. He looked at Chris who
had been twirling one of the drumsticks in the air during their conversation and studied her more intensely than he ever had. He even heard the whistling cut of the stick as it sliced through the air - all while Chris held it dangerously close to her ear, as if testing the very molecules of the wood itself. Ultimately, it didn’t matter to Wade what she chose, but he was hoping that this Cinderella had finally found her missing shoe.

“
S’up to you,” he said, waiting for any ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

But he got neither.

“I need to test ‘em,” she said in a low voice.

Wade couldn
’t agree more. “You have something set up in here, don’t you, Ed?”

Right away, Ed
’s eyes lit up as if his day wasn’t going any better.

“
Fuck - yeah, man!”

Ed jogged as best he could from around the counter and disappeared into the darkness. Suddenly, a single light came on over a once hidden corner of the building that shelved CD
’s, guitars, wires, and best of all - a top of the line, pristine, fire-red Tama drum set.

Unafraid, Chris approached the drum
s and sat down at the black cushioned seat. Ed parked himself next to Wade off a short distance, when all at once; she unleashed the sticks on the drums.

Surprise
d, both Wade and Ed jumped at the sudden noise and watched in silent awe as Chris went up and down the drum line with ease. Wade was no drummer, but the musician inside him caught the subtle differences between the snakeskin sticks and the other sticks he was accustomed to hearing.

The snakeskins carried a deep, rich tone, yet the purity that came from them was pristine, clear
, and utterly set apart from other types of wood like oak or maple. He looked for any sign of distress coming from Chris and the pounding effects the Ed warned about or even a sign of her wrist injury that was still healing. But if her hands stung, she did a good job of hiding it.

He became lost in her free play and watched her ability to command the snares and drums so eloquently, it almost made his eyes water. The bellowing echo drove Wade
’s eardrums to madness, but he stayed absolutely still, watching Chris make magic before his eyes.

The sheer vibration of the drum set made Wade feel as though the
entire building was being torn apart at the foundation, yet the fierce battle of sticks versus drums gripped Wade’s very soul and for the third time in his life, goose bumps rose on his skin.

When Chris
’ haunting melody finally came to a close, he felt glued to his spot and unable to look away from the drums even as the dying sound of the snare disappeared entirely.

Chris got up from her seat, still twirling the drumsticks in her fingers, seemingly desperate to find a single flaw in
the wood’s integrity - the funnel and symbol of her talent.

She approached Wade and stood directly in front of him, bringing her acrobatic stick-play to a halt. After shoving them into his chest, she made a fist up by the side of her face and flexed her fingers. Wade distin
ctly heard several knuckles crack and pop.

“
They’ll do,” she said.

And she walked away.

Both Wade and Ed turned around and watched as Chris disappeared through the doors.

“
Holy fuck,” Ed whispered. “I never got a hard-on from a dude before.”

Wade chuckled and looked down at the finely polished pieces of wood in his hands. He didn
’t care how expensive they were. All he knew is that he had to have them.

Finally, Wade turned to Ed and put both sticks in front of his face,
trying to snap him out of his delirium.

“
Ed! Ed - hey, c’mon, man!”

“
Huh-wha?”

“
These sticks,” he said, shaking them in front of Ed’s face. “How many do you have?”

Ed shook his head and blinked.
“Hell, I dunno, man. Forty? Fifty? In five years, I haven’t sold a damn one-!”

Wade dove down into his back pocket and held up a credit card in front of Ed
’s face.

“
I want ‘em
all
.”

With a not-so-subtle
‘ching’ of the cash register, Wade left carrying all of Ed’s snakeskin drumsticks (fifty-four to be exact) and several packs of Vic Firths just in case - but not before taking half a dozen photos with Ed, all while wildly exclaiming that his friends were ‘never gonna believe this’ and Wade even offered to autograph a few guitars in his store.

Wade ran up a hefty bill but he didn
’t so much as bat an eye at any of it. In fact, he was so happy, he told him he’d have tickets for Ed and a few of his friends for the concert that night - best seats in the house.

Afterwards, Wade couldn
’t recall the last time another man hugged him for that long, but he didn’t care. With Chris’ new sticks in tow, they all made it to the concert just in time.

From that day forward, no one spoke a word of the events that almost led to Chris’ reveal.  Chris was happy to pretend that it never happened either despite what could have come of it.  Even Os seemed to be extra nice to his younger brother, trying everything he could to get back on his good side. But he still never talked to Chris - not if he could help it. He didn’t even offer so much as an apology after that night.

Wade could have cared less about his brother
’s brown-nosing but he made sure to put him in line whenever he could. It must have worked, because after a few performances, Wade never got any more trouble out of Os. It seemed that Wade’s threat to remove his brother from Heretic set itself firmly into his mind, although sometimes he would catch his older brother staring at him - as if he and he alone held a secret that would keep Heretic together. Wade didn’t like that his brother had the upper hand on something and tried to focus on other things.

After Chris settled into her new drumsticks, it was as if she was a new person
. But Wade had to constantly watch himself around her, careful not to arouse any suspicion with Joe or Os.

Chris did her best to
forget Wade’s sleepover. In fact, she pretended like it never happened, wanting only to return to her normal routine.

Wade noticed that Chris
’ playing was different after her new drumsticks - in a good way. If he didn’t know any better, he never would have guessed that her wrist was injured at one point in time. Wade swore up and down that even Heretic’s fan cheered harder and louder - just for her. 

Since
Chris always wore her hoodie and beanie, her other injuries went by relatively unnoticed. But there was still one thing left that Wade needed to do.

“Heads up!” Wade threw a plastic package at Chris and this time, she caught it.

“Nice catch.”

Chris sat up in her bed, confused at wh
y he would get her boxer shorts.

“
What’er
these
for?”

“They
’re for you.”

Wade tried to keep a straight face as he spoke. 
He
knew why she needed them, but she didn’t know that Wade accidentally caught her getting dressed a few weeks prior. 

“I
have
underwear,” Chris stated and not at all embarrassed.

“I realize that
. But it got me thinking about the day you got separated from the rest of us. You’re lucky they didn’t take your pants for a souvenir. They are kinda baggy, y’know.”

Chris sighed as she opened the packaged a
nd inspected them.

“Plaid?” she asked, turning
her nose up at Wade’s fashion sense.

He laughed.
“It beats the alternative. Girls think you’re a guy, Chris, and they’re going to pull at your pants and grab your ass-.”

“…they already have…”
she mumbled under her breath

“-
and the last thing we need to explain to fans is why you wear ‘panties’.”

Chris r
olled her eyes and as Wade started to close the door behind him, he turned and looked at her one last time.

“They
’re not too bad, actually. They help with circulation,” Wade teased. “Put ‘em on!” 

He made a funny face
on purpose and stuck his tongue out at her. Chris chuckled at Heretic’s front man and threw the partially torn package at Wade, but missed.

It hit the door and landed on the ground in a soft
thud.  Wade snickered and left her alone. But as he walked away, he could have sworn that he heard her groan in protest.

After
their last concert, Wade thought that Chris could use another outing. As much as she was nervous about being spotted, she couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

“Ooh -
ooh!! I wanna go too!” Joe begged.

“What the hell for?” Wade asked as he got out his wallet
, handing several large bills over to Chris.

“Awe, dude! I want one of those
new tablet-thingys!” Joe spouted off, making a square shape with his hands.

“Why the hell do
you
want one?”

“I just -
I wanna be able t-…y’know? So I can watch movies in my room,” he finished sheepishly.

“Movies hell.
You just wanna watch porn and yank off in ‘your room’!”

“
Dude
! You promised you wouldn’t say anything!” Joe punched Wade weakly in the shoulder while Chris roared with laughter. “Ever since you took away my girls, I’ve had to take care of shit myself!”

Months ago
, Chris would have been disgusted at Joe’s comment, but now, she loved his humor and laughed outright.  Even Os couldn’t help but snicker to himself in the corner.

“Fine. T
ake this,” Wade groaned, slapping more money into Joe’s eager hands. “You can go, but not like that-.”

“Yeah, yeah. I
’m goin’,” Joe grumbled and dragged his feet to his room.

“Not like what
?” Chris asked as Wade punched in a few numbers on his phone.

“
If he’s gonna go with you, he can’t look like Joe Bedden. Get my drift?”

“Oh.
”

Chris planted herself by
the table and waited patiently for Joe. She only half-listened to Wade while he talked to Mike over the phone - too busy listening to the sound that was made whenever his hand dove into his pocket. She was never able to get over Joe’s explanation from several months ago. Even now, she still chuckled to herself.

“Ta-DAA!!”  Joe pushed aside his plastic partition and sprung
from his room in one big jump.

“Oh. My. God.”

“I know, I know. Sexy, right?” 

Joe twirled 360 degrees and opened his plaid
, button-up shirt, showing off his a shirt from his favorite sports team underneath.

“I don
’t think I’ve ever seen you without your hair in your face.”

“Likewise, sista,” Joe fired back and flicked playfully at her ponytail.

Chris stuck her tongue out at him but she still couldn’t get over Joe’s transformation, albeit small. All he did was tie his dreads up into a ponytail and stuff them through the hole in the back of his baseball cap. Other than a few simple clothing changes, Chris would never have recognized him if he had passed her on the street.

“Alr
ight, we ready!? Ladies first,” Joe said with a sweep of his hand.

Before Wade could talk himself out of it, Mike
’s voice seemed to fade away as he stole a glance at Chris and at the skinny jeans she wore. She looked stunning in a small black and grey dress shirt that showed off her bosom a little more than what he approved. He tried shifting his thoughts elsewhere and away from the lingering scent of her perfume and searched for Mike’s voice again.

“
Wade. Wade? Are you even listening to me?” came his agents’ irritated drawl.

“
Yeah! Yeah, I’m here.”

“I
’m not a lady, remember?” he heard Chris over his agent’s lecturing.

“Ohhh!
Right!”

Joe clasped his hands on his baseball cap
, preparing to walk out, but not before Chris held her arm out in front of him.

“But
I
will
go first.”

Surprised by her comment, Joe backed out of
her way and lip synced, d
id you see that,
to Wade while pointing at her.

Wade
shook his head and laughed while ‘uh-huh’d’ with Mike on the phone. They were nearly out the door when Wade stopped them.

“Hey! Hold on a sec, Mike…hey! Hey, I want you guys back in one hour!” Wade
said, pressing the receiver firmly against his chest, rendering his agent deaf to his conversation.

“One hour?!” Joe protested.
“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I got somethin
’ planned for us.”

“Man…
”

“Oh,
Chris!”

“Relax
, man! I’ll watch her!” Joe interrupted.

“Actually, I was going to tell her to watch
you
.”

Chris snickered and walked off t
he bus.

“Joe, did you hear me? One. Hour.”  Wade delivered his order one last time before turning his atte
ntion back to his phone. “Hey, Mike - you there? Yeah, okay. Listen-.”

Without missing a beat, Joe held up his middle finger and repeated,
“One hour? Okay - got it.”

Wade glared at him just as Joe ra
ised both of his middle fingers and waved them around in the air. “Or was that
two
hours?”

Wade wanted to retort, but Joe made a goofy face and go
t off the bus just in time, before Wade tried to slap him.

Afterwards,
he found it hard to concentrate on the phone with Mike knowing that Chris was out and about in form-fitting clothing. He knew they would be alright, and that Joe would look out for her like a sister despite the fact that he jokingly hit on her. But Wade couldn’t get over the feeling in his gut as Mike’s voice faded in and out of his head. It was the same feeling that night that he had slept with Chris. It was also the same feeling that he had whenever the two of them went off doing their own thing. But Os’ sleazy grin defeated him whenever he thought about it. He was careful around his brother since that day. But the feeling in his gut wouldn’t stop when he realized something.

He was jealous of Joe.

Chris and Joe found an ice cream parlor just a few blocks from where the bust was parked. From the moment Joe spotted cherry pistachio, Chris didn’t have a choice as she was practically dragged in against her will. As soon as they walked in, he pranced up to the counter like a small child, but the few patrons inside didn’t know or care who they were. For the first time in a long time, Chris felt safe being hidden in plain sight.

When they found a place to sit, Joe licked at his cone while Chris picked at her sundae.

“So, uhm…Joe?”

“
Yeaowp?” he asked as he vigorously attacked his ice cream.

Chris decided to use Joe
’s short attention span to her advantage, hoping he could answer a question she had.

“
Why does Wade act like that?”

“Like what? Tss
! Brain freeze!” Joe asked, rubbing his head.

“Like he
’s our mom.”

“
He just doesn’t want anything to happen to us is all - especially you," he admitted, and she flushed at his response. "Hell, I dunno what I’d do if I couldn’t play anymore. I don’t think I could work in the real world!”

Chris covered her laugh with her hand trying to keep her mouth
, full of vanilla ice-cream, closed.

“Do you even know what happens to all the money we make?”

“Mm! Oh - uhm. H
e’s a brainiac when it comes to that…like investing ‘n shit. So, whatever we make from playin’ goes directly into accounts that he made for us. Come quittin’ time? We’ll be sittin’ pretty.”

“You mean
…when we stop playing?”

“Well yeah but,”
Joe paused, wiping his mouth with his napkin. “I don’t plan on that happenin’ till my balls drop off. Know what I mean?”

Chris shook her head at Joe
’s answer. With all of the time she spent with Joe and the rest of Heretic, he could still surprise her with his humor.

While
Joe answered her questions, she played with the idea about mentioning her predecessor. Even Wade mentioned him as little as possible. She knew it was a sore spot for all of Heretic and she certainly didn’t know how Joe would react to the mere mention of his name. She never had the courage before, that is, until now.

“What about Hess
’ stuff? What did he do with his account?” Chris asked gently. And for the first time ever, Chris watched as Joe’s upbeat and lively personality seemed to settle into that of a quiet serial killer. At once, she regretted asking it.

Joe licked the remaining ice-cream from his lips.

“He can burn in hell for all I care.  But as for his money? I wouldn’t be surprised if Wade rolled it into something for you.”

Touched by the thought of it, and by the fact that Wade seemed to look after them like a big brother, mad
e Chris feel a bit melancholy. After all, the only family she ever had was her father and he was anything but warm and caring. In fact, every time she thought about him, a cold chill swept over her. But she decided not to push the issue of Hess any further.