No Holding Back (15 page)

“Chris?” Wade said, trying to shake their drummer back to life. “Chris? You awake?”

A soft snoring met him in reply.

An awkward moment seized him. With Chris passed out cold and unresponsive, he didn
’t know what to do with his arms. He swallowed, but his dry mouth became even drier.

“Shit.”

Carefully, he placed his arms around her, his embrace swallowing her more than her baggy clothes. And there he patted her gently on the back, the only soothing display of gentleness he could think of.

He closed his eyes but when he did, there were more fleshy, sweaty bodies – an unending maze of hide and seek that he felt like he was playing with Heretic
’s drummer.
His
drummer.

He had appointed himself as Chris
’ protector from day one, but that night made him feel utterly helpless. To Wade, he was no different than the crowd that mauled her, beat her, suffocated her. A single innocent act of predatory spying from earlier that night, and the masturbation afterwards.

He felt like a monster.

He embraced her again, a little tighter, and he could feel his arms and legs jerk in oncoming sleep. He knew he had to force himself awake, to get up and go to his own room, but exhaustion came upon him in no time at all.

And soon, he also passed out.

No sooner than Wade closed his eyes than he sprung up in the middle of an assault. At least, that’s what it felt like to him.

He found himself smack dab in the middle of a crowd, clawing and biting at his exposed flesh like ravenous zombies. Wade felt his symptoms rising again; he broke out into a cold sweat at once, his rib cage tightened around his already cramped lungs, and his vision began to tunnel in on him. But the sight he saw just before him made his stomach drop.

“Wade! Wade!!”

In front of him, Wade saw Chris struggling as he did. But due to her smaller size, she was worse off than Wade, and very nearly getting trampled.

“Chris!” he cried desperately, knowing that yet again,
he
let this happen.

He fought, he kicked, he thrashed and screamed, but no matter how hard he tried, his surroundings folded in on him, crushing him to the ground.

“Wade!”

He heard her voice among the screaming and yelling and tried to ge
t up, but it was no use. He felt stuck to the ground, and despite his ogre strength, it was no use here. Everyone else was stronger than him. Every time he took a step forward, arms rubber-banded him back two more.

He heard whispers snake into his ears about their success, their defeat, some claimed to know that Chris was a girl and couldn
’t wait to fuck her. And Wade felt his stomach drop with each ugly syllable.

Others offered record deals, some shoved pens and paper in front of him begging for an autograph, cutting off his vision to Chris, but he swatted them away. He tried pushing
them all, and everything else for that matter, trudging through the muck of nonsense that came from everywhere.

“
Wade, Wade! Look this way – for the camera!”

Flashing lights came from everywhere, essentially blinding him, but when his vision cleared, he saw Hess standing in front of him.

Wade’s anger mounted and his blood boiled. Somehow, seeing his smug face nearly hidden beneath his rough black dreads made him even stronger. Soon, Wade began to push back, even though Hess had both his arms, digging his heels into the ground.

As Hess came forward, he whispered into Wade
’s ear.

“You think you can replace me?”
he hissed.

Wade ignored him and spotted Chris just a few yards away. His strength was renewed even as more arms and legs came from out of nowhere, desperate to keep them apart.

“
No one can replace me…
” Hess continued. “
She’ll never be good enough.”

Wade grew so enraged at those last words that he balled up one of his fists. And when Hess pulled away, Wade reared back and was prepared to
knock the smile off his face, but he stopped mid-throw.

Wade stood stunned when Hess
’ visage morphed into that of his brother. But Hess’ voice came through when Os spoke.

“
I never thought my brother would choose a girl over this band...”
Os repeated, although his mouth never moved. Instead, the thundering echo of their argument from earlier buzzed around in his head like angry bees.

Incensed, Wade redoubled his efforts and loosed the full force of his fist.

“Get out of my
way
!!"

Wade found renewed strength in his own words and watched as his balled fist came forward, but it connected with thin air as Os disappeared.

Finding one limb free from the fray, Wade trudged through the crowd, feeling the rest of his body become free. He heard and felt the snapping of bones and ligaments of those around him – casualties of his rage.

But he didn
’t give a damn about anyone except Chris. He plowed through all the fans, all the reporters, and anyone else foolish enough to stand in his way. They fell like dominoes before Wade’s tremendous strength – strength he didn’t know he had.

“
Wade!”

Chris screamed again
from underneath a group of people who dog-piled her. Her hand was the only thing he saw now as he made his way as fast as he could through the tug and pull of so many people.

“
Chris!” Wade yelled again. But each step he took toward her became a massive effort to even move his feet. Soon, he felt glued to the floor and unable to move altogether.

He cursed aloud and out of sheer frustration, he reached for Chris
’ hand.

Wade saw the escalating fear in her eye as she too
struggled to meet his grip, their fingers inched forward, their fingertips barely touching.

Just a little more
, Wade thought, and he would have her.

Wade forced his foot to move and he came forward and snatched her wrist.

“Gotcha!”

“
Wade!”

Chris
’ voice brought Wade from his sleep so fast, he choked on an intake of air and coughed violently. The inside of the room was a blur, but he could feel a pair of hands push against his chest. For a moment, he thought he was still in his dream, caught in a web of arms and hands.

Wade forced himself out of his sleep coma and saw
Chris - staring up at him stark full of fear.

“Wade?!” she squeaked. “I-I can
’t…
breath!
”

When Wade
’s vision stopped spinning, he saw that he had Chris in his arms, clamoring to get away. Finding that his dream hit too close to home, he quickly released her.

“
I-I’m sorry!”

T
hankful to be let go from what reminded her of a bear hug, Chris scooted to the other side of the bed as far as she could. Meanwhile, Wade put his head in his hands, hoping that the sick feeling in his gut wouldn’t cause him to vomit on her floor.

Determined not to
let his symptoms escalate, he talked himself down.

Calm down. Calm down….breathe.

The steady beat of his heart slowly came back under his control and with the help of a few controlled breaths, the tightness in his chest began to go away.

After a few minutes, Chris finally had the nerve to ask,
“Are you okay?”

Wade rubbed his eyes.
“Yeah. Yeah, I just…it was just a bad dream,” he convinced himself.

“
What was it about? Crushing me to pieces?” she asked.

For some reason, the
question seemed to make Wade laugh absent-mindedly in response. Thankfully, his symptoms were subsiding and when he had the courage to look back at her, he found her looking scared, starved, and utterly small - especially in her baggy clothing.

He didn
’t mean to fall asleep with her, but he could tell the atmosphere was a little uncomfortable for the two of them.

“
I’m…I’m really sorry. I-I didn’t mean t-.”

“
You’re…still in my room,” she said, not once taking her eyes off him.

“
I…you passed out. I just wanted to stay and see if you were alright.”

It
was the half-truth but Wade tried to convince himself otherwise. He tried not to think about her breathing on his chest, or the fact that goose bumps rose on his skin whenever he thought about touching her hands.

“
I’m fine now," she said quickly.

“
Uhm…right. I’ll…get outta here.”

He motioned to get up and had his hand on the handle, but
the thought of her near reveal coupled with his horrendous nightmare made his frayed nerves dance on edge.

“
Are you…are you gonna be alright?”

Chris gathered up her legs and buried her head in them, but Wade saw her nod.

“Don’t worry about Os,” he assured her. “He’s not stupid enough to do that again-.”

“
I don’t care about that. Just whatever happens…don’t send me back,” she finished in a whisper.

At once
, Wade became confused. “Send you back where?”

When Chris didn
’t answer, he sat back down on her bed, but at a respectful distance.

“
The streets? Your home?” he urged, but Chris remained silent.

He peered at her questioningly, but only after a passing streetlight revealed some of her face, he saw her eyes tear up. Wade knew a nerve had been hit somehow, but he didn
’t exactly know how to get her to talk about it.

But then, the bus passed another streetlight, shedding a brief glow of light over the tattoos on her wrists. The gears started to turn in his head. His gut urged him to make sense out of all of this, or he
’d never get a good night’s sleep.

“
You’re still here?” Chris snapped.

Wade laughed softly and nodded,
“Looks that way.”

“
I need my beauty sleep,” Chris hinted.

“
You’ll get it,” he said, “Right after you tell me what ‘it’ is you don’t wanna go back to.”

“
I’m not goin’ down this road…”

“
Too late,” Wade gestured out the window. “In more ways than one.”

“
You think you’re so damn funny-.”

“
-and persistent, and stubborn,” Wade interrupted. “I’ll put it to you this way: start talking or neither of us will sleep tonight.”

The two of them locked eyes
for the longest time, but Chris was beginning to think he had a knack for this game.

“
I can scream,” Chris gambled.

“
I can scream louder,” came Wade’s retort.

Visibly frustrated, it was all Chris could do to keep her composure.

“Who the hell’er you supposed to be, huh? My fuckin’ high school guidance counselor?”

“
No,” Wade replied in a calm tone of voice. “But I am pretty good a deductions.”

“
Well, why don’t you enlighten me, Sherlock?” she responded curtly.

Wade paused for a moment, almost afraid to continue. After all, he was in unfamiliar territory and he had no idea how Chris would react.

“Your tattoos.”

“
What about them?” she snapped.

“
Well, they reveal more than you know.”

“
This’ll be good,” Chris commented, rubbing her eyes.

“
For instance, the barbs on the wires are turned in,
towards
you - not away. You’re bleeding, in pain. Whatever you’re carrying around with you hurts, but it means enough to make it a permanent reminder. Even the heart on your back is wrapped up in barbed wire. You keep it behind you - not exposed in the front. It’s like you’re running from something. Or some
one.
”

Neither of them
dared move for the longest time until Wade saw fresh tears on Chris’ face.

“Who was he?" he guessed.

“Who cares?” she whispered.

“
I do.”

”
Why?!” she hissed.

“Because I don
’t think it’s right for anyone to carry luggage around with them wherever they go. I saved your ass out there. You owe me.”

Wade
smiled, but it didn’t catch on.

He sat for ages it seemed, waiting for a response, but when she didn
’t indulge him, he came up with one instead.