No Regrets (No Regrets #1) (20 page)

Chapter 25

“No, don’t touch me.”
I can’t stop my hands from moving. Slowly, my arms are moving to her back, pulling her into me. I whisper, “It’s okay, I promise.” She’s pounding on my chest. When I look into Mollie’s face, my hands instantly release her and my head is moving toward the brick wall. I brace for the sound but it doesn’t come. Instead a sharp pain stabs at my temple.

My eyes pop open as I realize what happened. I rolled off the couch into the coffee table. My hand reaches up, rubbing my forehead where it hit the corner.
Shit.

Trinity rushes
in, wide-eyed. She starts laughing when she sees me on the floor between the couch and the table. I sit up, carefully realizing how sore I am from working out and the damn couch. The fall doesn’t help matters.

“We’
re going to have to do something about these sleeping arrangements. My back can’t take much more of this couch.” I admit with a wry smile.

She skirts around the table and sinks into the
cushions as I move onto the edge.

“For at least a few days it won’t matter. Grey, we’re going to Vegas tomorrow.
” She changes subjects, frowning. “Did you have a dream, is that why you fell off the couch?”

As her words
about Vegas register, tightness moves into my chest. One name is on the tip of my tongue, -Mollie. I have a feeling that’s where she is and I’m not sure I want to see her again. My mouth moves into a smile, assuring Trinity I’m just as excited as she is. I know she’s trying to keep her own spirits up, trying not to think about Parker, as I’m trying and failing miserably not to think about Mollie. This last dream was something else. Suddenly I became Theodore James striking the wall and Mollie was the girl again.

“Hey, I need to take care of some things today. Can I use your car?”
I ask as I stand up.

She nods
, reaching for the TV remote, already trying to distract herself from her new reality. I know all too well what that’s like. My hand moves to the remote, forcing her to look up at me. She squints in an attempt to conceal her pain.

“Hey, I’m here if you need to talk.”

Her face conforms to a firm look as she stares at me for a minute. “Grey, I think we both have terrible communication skills, but when you decide to open up and share with
me
, I’ll talk to
you
.”

Fair enough.
I turn without answering her.

“That’s what I thought.”

I smile at her words but really it is terrible. Today I vow that I will make a move toward trying, but not with Trinity. She has too much going on to even know what my demons are. She would never be able to handle how shitty my stuff is.

When I make it to my
room, I make a call, knowing this may be the deal breaker for sleep tonight.

An hour later I
’m sinking into a chair across from Bethany Edwards. She smiles that same homely smile as I take a deep breath. She asks, “So do you think you’d like to share today?”

I nod but stay silent. I’m
not sure where to start. I don’t want to relive that night all over again. It’s too painful and still so fresh and raw. I decide to go with the dreams. As much as I’ve tried, I must admit that I’m not done thinking about Mollie.

“Th
ere’s a woman and a nightmare.” I stop and wait. The look on her face is stoic. She reveals nothing.
Fuck.

“Every time I picture the woman
needing me to help her, I try to help and she disappears.”

I wait
once again and she moves her mouth in a tight line.
What the hell?

“Greylan, there must be more. Is there?”

It’s my turn for a tight line. I decide I don’t want to share. I can’t tell her about five years ago and it’s silly to analyze my shitty dreams without that piece of information. Coming here was a mistake that I regret. My hands move to my knees, clenching as one of them bobs up and down with uneasiness.

She
sighs. “What do you think these dreams mean?”

I do
n’t answer.
This is so typical. Can’t she do any better?

“You called
me,
Greylan. I can’t tell you anything if you don’t open up.”

I sit
statue still, thinking this was a bad idea. I’m not ready to tell her this shit and I’m about to battle in my first pro fight. If I hash it all out now, I won’t be able to concentrate. I stand clenching my jaw to keep the anger at this whole situation at bay.

“Okay, Greylan, it’s fine. I get it, dreams and a woman. She’s important to you
, obviously. Do you know what it means?”

I shake my
head, refusing to speak.

She stands
. “Good luck this weekend.”

I frown
, not understanding how she could know about the fight.

She clarifies,
“I see Jackson every week, Greylan. He told me he might not make it in next week because of your fight.”

I nod and leave
without a backwards glance.

Fuck Mollie. She made it
all worse. Her red hair and green eyes scream at me. I long to see her again. Now I’m pissed at Bethany. The shrink is useless as far as I’m concerned. She gave me some noncommittal responses, what do you think it means? If I fucking knew, I wouldn’t have to try and talk about the shit to her. I am failing miserably at that, too.

When I get
back to the apartment, Trinity is in the exact spot that I left her. I can tell she isn’t even paying attention to whatever is on the screen. I sink into the seat next to her and stare ahead a moment. As a sigh leaves me, I look at her, watching the profile of her face. She doesn’t move or return my stare. My hand darts to her nose and I push. Her mouth moves, turning up on the sides, but that’s the only reaction I get. My hand drops along with the attempt at improving either of our moods.

We
remain like this for most of the afternoon, barely speaking, each of us in our own personal hell. The longer I sit here staring at mindless TV the more my mind wanders to all the things I’ve failed at. My little sister beside me is essentially in pain because of my actions. If I would have stayed around and not left her, she probably would have never met Parker and been in this heartache. My arms cross in an attempt at getting more comfortable. The thoughts make me want to crawl out of my skin, shed all of the shit roving through my head.

Finally at dusk I push off the couch and look down at
Trinity. She’s been dozing in and out of naps. I take a deep breath to pull myself out of the funk. “Okay, enough moping. We both need a change of scenery.”

She glances up
, a tear rolling down her cheek, and shakes her head.

“Aw
, Trin, come on. You’ll feel better.” I reach out and squash her nose. She smiles in response but doesn’t acknowledge me otherwise. It breaks my heart that she’s so depressed. I have never seen Trinity so upset besides when I was sentenced. She has always been the one to float around happy and carefree. It’s my fault that she’s had to endure the horrible things she’s had to go through.

She seems to sink further. I let out a frustrated breath, lean over
, and pick her up effortlessly, laying her over my shoulder. She guffaws in shock and starts laughing while yelling, “Grey, put me down!”

But the laughing quickly transforms to heavy sobs.
Her stomach constricts uncomfortably against my shoulder. I take her into my room, setting her down and gathering her in my arms as she cries. My thoughts are all over the place. I want to hit Parker so badly but all of this is more my fault than anyone else’s.

“Trinity, I
’m so sorry you have to go through all of this. If I hadn’t left, you wouldn’t have to go through this.”

I take
a deep breath, wrestling with it all.

She s
niffs and withdraws her head from my chest. Looking up at me, she glares and pushes me away. “You still don’t get it, do you? This isn’t about you not being here for me. Greylan, stop it. You’ve always been there for me.”

Before she can continue
, I shake my head, looking at the floor.

“Greylan, will you just listen to me?”

I stare at her, full of the pain we both carry.

“You have to forgive yourself. Carrying around all of this guilt is
n’t good, Grey. Everything that happened is done. You can’t take it back. You can’t change it, but you can face it and move on. Greylan, that’s all I want for you. Go on with your life and find happiness. I know you think you don’t deserve it, but you of all people deserve it the most. You’re my big brother who always puts everyone else first. Live your life, Grey, the way you’re supposed to.”

Her words mean a lot but my
demons are still an arm’s length away. They always will be. I pull her back into my arms and squeeze quickly before releasing her.

“Trinity, I
’m sorry this shit happened. None of this is what Mom and Dad would have wanted. They expected me to take care of you and shield you from pain like this.”

She shakes her head
. “No, they would have wanted both of us to live our lives, and from this moment on, that is exactly what we’re both going to do. Remember, no regrets.”

She pushes me
toward the doorway. “Get out of here so I can get ready. We’re going out for a change of scenery, right?”

I smirk
, leaving for the door. A glance back shows the cloud in her features. Guilt takes a hold of me but I push it inches away. Tonight I need to make sure Trinity gets a chance to escape the pain and I know exactly where we’ll go.

***

Christina lets out a loud whistle when I cross the threshold into the bar. “Well, well, if it isn’t our resident champ. Have you come to grace us with your presence before you move on to bigger and better things?”

I shake my
head, not commenting, while leading Trinity to a chair at the bar. Christina sets up two low glasses and pours whiskey into each. Trinity frowns and grabs my arm. “Hey, I thought you were going to lay off of this until after the fight.”

I grasp the glass
. “I need this and so do you. Get your glass.”

She lifts it
. “To getting rid of all this shit.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

We both drink as Christina comes back around. She pours again, but this time I encourage her to fill only Trinity’s glass.

“Well
, that’s just great, I get to drink alone now.” Trinity huffs out a breath.

“No ya don’t, I’m here for you
, Trin.” Christina fills my glass and tilts it back. I lean into the chair, trying to keep a clear head but a glance down the bar reminds me of the night I first spotted Mollie. She was mysterious then and now. I still know very little except that I can’t forget about her as hard as I try.

“Hey
, Grey, check it out.” Trinity brings me out of my head. I glance at the television over the bar as my face flashes across the screen. The caption across the bottom reads, ‘Fighter is Given Second Chance.’ Christina turns the volume up just as the announcer says… “Greylan Pace, an MMA fighter with a background in wrestling from Penn State, was up for the pro circuit over five years ago when he squashed his chances and openly punched a man in an alley, killing him with brutal force…”

“Turn it off, Christina, I can’t watch this.”

Christina holds her hand up to shush me. My head falls into my hands as the announcer continues… “Now Greylan Pace, after starting all over again from the bottom, has worked his way back up. Many say he’s getting a well-deserved second chance. Critics are opposed to his rise, stating he had his chance and it’s gone. He’s scheduled to fight David Pontas, a fighter with a background in Jujitsu, five years his junior, just making it into the circuit himself. Will Pace take this offering and make a go at it or has it been too long? Is his time up?”

Christina lowers the volume again as video
s of me fighting spans the screen.

“Well
, that’s just shitty. Why would anyone say you don’t deserve this? You’ve worked harder than anyone I know. They can all go fuck themselves.” Christina prattles on. But I know the odds are stacked against me. Everything the man says is true; I had my chance and blew it. I don’t deserve this just out of the sheer fact that I killed a man. But I can’t give it up. It’s in my entire being. I need it almost as much as I need to breathe.

Trinity slams her glass b
ack down and looks up at me. Her speech is slightly slurred when she says, “Grey, I think I’m feeling a little bit better. And don’t listen to that shit. They don’t know you like I do. You’re gonna win it and show them all.”