No Regrets (No Regrets #1) (24 page)

Chapter 30

When I get back to
Mollie’s apartment and crawl into bed, she shifts, moving her arm over my chest. She mumbles, “Did you get it?”

A
smile spreads in the darkened room.

“Yep, I think I now have a sponsor and it feels good.”

Her tone changes but I barely notice. “That’s great, Grey. I’m happy for you.”

I kiss her forehead and whisper
, “Go back to sleep, angel. See you in the morning.”

***

The next day Jimmy shows up with news. He has a fight scheduled with Mario Cortez the next week. He’s got a pretty long streak of wins. This both excites and worries me. Jimmy is beyond ecstatic with the accomplishment. He keeps saying we’re on the up and up, especially with Vincent Luciano behind us.

I dial Jackson when I get
back to Meyer’s house.

He
picks up on the second ring. “Hey, Pace, how’s it going?”

“Great
, I have a fight next week with Mario Cortez. Do you think you can make it?”

A long whistle sounds over the line
. “What the hell did you do to land a fight with that killer?”

I shake my
head, still not believing it myself. I knew Jax would call it like it is.

“I signed with a sp
onsor. Jimmy is planning it.”

“You can say that again. It’s doable but you’re gonna have to train hard this week. He’s one solid mothe
rfucker.”

“Message received. When are you coming?”

“Give me a few days and I’ll be over.”

“Sounds good.”

Meyer comes into the kitchen as I end the call. He seems apprehensive and skirts around, avoiding me. I consider attempting a conversation to find out what the problem is but I’m sure it’s still the Mollie thing and I don’t feel like dealing with that shit right now.

I head to the gym and put
in a hard workout, just as Jackson told me to.

When I get
to Mollie’s, she’s already there with a celebratory candlelight dinner. But as I spot the table, I find four place settings instead of two.

“Hey, who’s coming over?”

“You’ll see. Go and get cleaned up.”

I smile
and kiss her, lingering longer than I had intended. She pushes me away and wrinkles her nose. “Ew, you stink, go away.”

I laugh
the whole way to the shower, thinking nothing could bring me down right now. When I’m dressed, I stride out to find Trinity and Parker. This is a nice surprise. I gather her into my arms and squash her nose. She laughs, pulling away.

“Hey
kid, it’s so good to see you.”

“You too, big brother;
I heard you got a sponsor.”

“I did.”

“I’m so proud of you.”

She looks quickly
at Parker and smiles. Taking a deep breath and grabbing his hand, she turns back to me and says, “Hey, I need to tell you something and I don’t want you to freak out.”

My eyes narrow
, taking in her uneasiness.

“Starting a conversation like that, Trin
, is probably not going to get your desired effect.”

My
body is relaxed with all of the things going well lately. I’m not ready for the news Trinity announces. “Um, Parker and I got married yesterday.” My heart stops. I move unintentionally, causing the chair to topple over. My blood starts to heat up as the full meaning of her words hits me.

“What the fuck were you thinking
, Trinity?”

I
run my hands through my hair, wanting to hit something so badly.

Mollie stands and picks up
the chair. She looks at me and back at Trinity.

“M
aybe we should go.” Trinity states, unsure.

I spin
around, glaring at Parker. “And you. I’ve about had it with your junk. How can you say that you’re protecting and caring for my sister when you go and do shit like this?” I lunge forward, pushing Parker into the wall, pinning him with my arms.

Parker winces at the pressure on his throat but
doesn’t fight back.

Trinit
y screams and pulls on my arm. “What the hell, Grey? Get off of him.”

I move away from Parker
, clenching my fists.

Parker walks toward the door
, taking Trinity’s hand, but turns his voice is firm and steady. “Grey, we’ll let you deal with this on your own, or with Mollie. I’m sure Trinity will want to talk in a couple of days.”

Trinity pulls her hand from Parker’s gra
sp and surges toward me, her finger poking me in the chest. “Greylan, we had this conversation when you got out and so many times since. I fucking chose Parker. It has nothing to do with you and there’s nothing you can do about it. I don’t care if you don’t like him, because I love him, and I have no regrets.”

The words cause me to wince. My
mouth opens to argue but it quickly closes as she turns to walk away. I shake my head, pulling at my hair as Mollie slides her arm around my back. She whispers, “Grey, let them go.”

Trinity takes a
nother step but spins back. “When you can grow up, you can call me and talk about this like an adult. Until then, I don’t want to hear from you.”

I watch
the door close behind them and sink into the closest chair. Somehow I failed my sister and now she’s made one of the biggest mistakes she could have made.

***

After a while Mollie asks, “Will you come and sit with me?”

I’ve
been in the chair staring at nothing for an hour. At her request I move to the living room and ruffle the long red locks I love so much. She moves into my arms, nuzzling my chest.

She hesitates a moment before asking
, her voice muffled by my shirt, “Will you tell me about your family? I mean, you’re so protective over Trinity, and I’d like to know about it.”

I take
a deep breath, considering her request. There’s still very little that I know about her and she’s often extremely guarded with the past, so I offer, “I’ll tell you about them if you tell me something about you, maybe about your parents?” My request is half -hearted. All the energy I seemed to have when Trinity and Parker were here has seeped away.

Her breath
ing speeds up a moment under my touch but she relents. “Okay, I’ll start.” Her voice wavers. “My mom left my dad when I was a baby. I never got a chance to know her, so my dad raised me. It’s always been the two of us. Well, not exactly. I mean, he had help from my two aunts, but for most of my life it was just us. I learned how to fend for myself because he was busy a lot. But I was fine with that. It worked for us. I learned a lot about myself and other people.” She pauses, taking a deep breath. “He did the best he could and I love him for it.”

I lean my head i
n to kiss her forehead. Her words weren’t much but it was the most she has revealed about herself. I’ll take it. I remember two months ago I asked what she did to earn money and pay bills. The apartment where she lives is top dollar, it must be. Besides the location, so close to the strip, everything is done for her. She told me that her dad foots the bill. He’s some sort of businessman. I was good with that. Now, hearing about her past, I understand some of it. I know how it is losing a parent, whether by death or just not being there.

“Okay, my turn
, but first I want to tell you, I love that you trusted me enough to tell me that.” She sighs and palms my rough cheek before laying her head against my chest again.

My breathing steadies
. “When I was twenty my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. We thought we could fight it and we did, aggressively, with everything we had, monetarily and emotionally. She went through chemo and endured everything to stick around. It was hell watching her lose her hair and the glow in her skin turn grey. She grew so thin and gaunt that I didn’t want to go into her room those last months. I wanted to remember her when she looked healthy and she was happy. I hated myself for feeling that way. It wasn’t fair to her. She didn’t ask for the cancer, none of us did.”

My
voice cracks for a moment and I pause before going on. “My dad, though, he loved her so much. The life seemed to seep away from him just as it did in my mom. He lost the will to work and even eat. At one point my sister made me sit down with him at the kitchen table to watch him eat a whole meal because he was never hungry. It’s like he was losing the battle right along with my mom.”

“
I think Trinity was the worst. Well, at least I felt the worst for her. She was only seventeen when Mom was diagnosed. She was in her last year of high school. I’m not sure how the kid did it but she passed and graduated. She was the one that kept us all afloat. I didn’t want to face the fact that we were going to lose my mom and neither did my dad. But he kept up appearances just for her. He would go into her room and act as if everything was normal, like she just woke up from a long night’s sleep and the day was just beginning. I think my mom saw through it but she tried to be strong for all of us. I remember one day I came home from college. I was going to Penn State at the time. I drove home as often as I could but toward the end I didn’t want to visit anymore. Every time I came home, was one day closer to losing her and I was selfish not wanting to face it.”

My chest tightens but I go on
. “Anyway, I got there and Trinity was making a cake. I asked her what the occasion was and she said there didn’t need to be one. When it was all done and perfectly frosted, she called my dad and I into my mom’s room. I thought it was a shitty thing to do. My mom had nothing to celebrate, she was dying, but for Trinity I put on my smile, the best I could. And before anyone knew what was happening, cake was flying everywhere. That is what I remember the best about my mom - her smile that day as she watched the three of us whip cake across the room at each other. In the midst of it my dad and I were reluctant, but the more we were covered, the happier it made my mom. Trinity is special, she brightens everything and everyone she comes into contact with. I promised my mom I would always look after her and I’ve tried the best I could. I’m afraid I made a mistake, though, I’m not sure it was the right thing to let her stay with Parker.”

Mollie’s hand move
s in soothing circles over my chest. She takes a deep breath as a tear rolls down her cheek. I wipe it with my thumb. “When she passed, we all knew it was coming, but you never know. You’re never prepared. The funeral killed my dad. I was so upset myself that I never realized…” I can’t go on for a moment. I’ve never told anyone all of this and it brings everything back to the surface, saying the words.

“He handed me his ring
.” I hold her hand in mine so she can see the heavy gold ring on my pinky finger. “He closed my palm over it and told me to take care of it. He knew where he was going and he wouldn’t need it. I should have seen it. I should have known what he was planning.”

M
inutes of silence pass. “He killed himself the next day. He took a shitload of pills. I was pissed at him for a long time. He took the pussy way out but now I’m just sad that he didn’t stick around. I guess he couldn’t live without her.”

Mollie holds my
hand as we sit, each in our own thoughts. When I move, she shifts on my chest and looks up at me. Her green eyes seem stormy and I want to take any sadness away. I tilt her chin with a finger and kiss her. When we pull away, she smiles reluctantly. “Thank you for telling me about your family.” “And for what it’s worth, I think you did everything your mom asked you to do. Trinity is a grown woman. You have to let her find her own way, Grey.”

“I know
, Red, it’s just hard to see her get hurt by the person she’s chosen to spend the rest of her life with. I haven’t told anyone this, but from the moment I met him, I had a bad feeling about Parker. He always seems like he has an ulterior motive.”

A few minutes of silence spreads. Her voice cracks as she
says, “I know it seems hard but sometimes you just need to let things go. Things you know you can’t change.” She seems sad with her last word. My hands move under her arms, lifting her up my body. As our eyes meet the pain in her words are evident across her face. Her face lowers, meshing our mouths in a deep kiss. Her hand trails along my chest to my cock, and any sadness I was feeling seconds before is momentarily forgotten. We flip so that my body is hovering over her milky skin. With each touch she quivers, exciting me further. I know I won’t last very long this time with all of the emotion we both shared, but it doesn’t matter. Here in this moment with Red is where I need to be right now.

Chapter 31

Fight day com
es with queasiness. I’m not sure what to expect in the cage today. Watching Marcos’ videos didn’t help my strategy. He’s unpredictable and that makes for lots of injuries. I’ve been lucky in that department so far. I might be pushing my luck at this point.

I
step out of the shower at Meyer’s house, dressing in street clothes to go to the venue. It’s a casino on the strip this time. Jimmy is excited because this is the first one that’s billed as a big fight, making it available for the world on pay-per-view. It’s the little things, I guess.

As I trek
to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, Meyer is sitting at the table with his head in his hands. I glance over, considering whether I should acknowledge his obvious unhappiness but I’ve been a shitty friend lately. I lean against the counter reluctantly. “Okay, Meyer, what’s up?”

He looks up
miserably, wiping his hands through the long tendrils of hair. As his hand passes over his face, he asks, “Grey, can you sit for a minute?”

Hell no, not this shit.
It’s always drama with him.

“That’s okay, I’ll stand.”
My arms cross.

He stares at me, his eyes unblinking. I’ve never seen him this bad. The dark circles under his eyes give him the appearance of the walking dead almost.

“I have to ask you something.” His voice barely passes over cracked lips.

Already I’m annoyed,
it’s probably going to be some shit about Mollie and I’m already regretting I ever asked him. He’s been ribbing me about dating Red. Whenever we’re both around the house, he makes snide comments about taking her away from me. Up to now, I’ve attributed it to how much of a tool he is. At first I felt guilty. I thought maybe he really was into her. But for a guy into only one girl, he has a weird way of showing it. Every night he hasn’t been home, which is most, he’s had sleep overs with other chicks. I don’t feel sorry for the guy and I doubt he was really into Mollie.

“Grey, you need to throw the fight tonight.”
His words crash into me.

I pause before my heart speeds with the flow of blood into my ears. I wonder if I heard him correctly
. “What the fuck? You want me to lose on purpose? From what fucked up planet did you just come from?” My words halt suddenly. Maybe I heard him wrong.

He looks around the kitchen, anywhere but at me
. He stands, holding his hands out, finally meeting my stare. “You need to lose. There are things that you just don’t understand. Please just throw it.”

Each word is strangled
. “How could you ask me some shit like that? This is my life, Meyer. You can’t ask me to do that.” I’m shocked. Full of anger, I tell him, “Hell no. If I lose, that’s fine, but not on purpose.”

“Whatever
, Greylan. I knew you wouldn’t just do what I tell you. Back in Jersey I told you as long as you listened to me, things would be good. But you’re so fucking stubborn.” He turns as if to walk away.

At this point I’m furious
, “I don’t think you realize what you just asked me to do. I can’t just throw a fight. That’s illegal, it’s dirty. And I just won’t do it. I can’t believe that you could even ask me to do that.” Now I’m hurt more than anything. Meyer has known my goals better than anyone else.

Meyer’s hands go up in frustration
. “Luciano is the Mob, Grey, and they have a bigger stake in this than you do. Just lose the fight and get over yourself. Think of Mollie.”

For a moment I can’t find my voice. All of the words floating in the air are impossible, shattering. Finally I ask,
“You mean like organized crime, illegal shit, you got me involved with the Mob?”

A hand
moves over my face as Meyer’s last words run through my head, Mollie. How is she involved? Will they hurt her? My skin turns crimson as I look back at Meyer, who is waiting for what I have to doll out. Instead of my first instinct to hit him, I storm out, leaving my friend behind. Suddenly panic finds its way into my body, the same feeling coursing through as years ago when my dream was lost; it all starts again. I’m losing my grip and it’s nothing that
I
did this time.
I can’t lose Mollie, she’s more important than anything else, even fighting
.

I
climb into the black truck I bought a month ago on autopilot. I don’t remember getting to the fight, but soon after, I’m waiting for my world to come tumbling down. So many thoughts roll through my head but I can’t focus. I can’t decide what to do. This could ruin my career but it could ruin more than that if I don’t go through with it.

The night seems to mo
ve in fast forward. I’m suspicious now of everyone who speaks to me, even those in the crowd of fans. Paranoia is starting to settle in. Did they all betray me? Does Jimmy know? By the time the fight starts, Jackson is the only one beside me. I debate whether to ask him but I can’t. I would be broken if he’s part of it. And if he’s not, his response would be, fuck them all. But Mollie sitting in the first row beside Parker and Trinity is in the forefront of my mind. I can’t let anything happen to her.

As the whistle sounds I attack with a kick but it
’s futile. My full force is lacking. This goes against everything in me not to put everything into it. Cortez doesn’t disappoint, his feet move around me while his arm latches around my neck. He slams my body against the mat before I have a chance to move. My face flinches with the impact and I consider just lying there but my body won’t allow it. I try to roll out of the hold but his grip tightens. My elbow moves into Cortez’s ribs, loosening the grip just slightly. My legs push with all the strength I have into the other man, but time sounds before I can make any progress. A decision is made declaring Cortez the winner.

When I move
back to the corner, Jackson lays on the guilt. He declares that I made him fly out here just to lose. My guilt grows. Jimmy strides up, his usual confident smirk across his mouth. My eyes narrow, trying to decide if he knows. I shake my head and look at the floor.
Of course he fucking knows.

The beginning o
f the next round starts. I move swiftly onto the mat with a spin, landing a round house kick to Cortez’s side. My fists clench, hammering into the same side. The anger surges. This is what I needed, the fucking anger. Cortez ducks under a hit and lands a punch into my side. My body falls with the contact, but I’m able to roll away when Cortez lands next to me, trying for a takedown. My body scurries over him as my hips thrust down in a sprawl over Cortez. He collapses, allowing me to take a side control pin just as the whistle sounds, ending the round. I walk to the side of the cage, glaring daggers at Jimmy. He looks away, causing me to follow his gaze. My eyes meets Mollie’s stare. She looks scared and it’s written all over her face. She knows something. I’m not sure what and I’m pissed she didn’t tell me, but that look just decided it, I can’t lose her. I can let the fight go but not Red. The ref calls me as the winner.

The final round begins with
Cortez slamming me down into the mat. I don’t make a huge attempt to move away. My hand comes up in a jab, hitting the jaw of Cortez but he still lands all of his weight against my body. I’m pinned. I know how to get out but it’s a moot point. If Jackson doesn’t see me try, he’ll ask questions and I need to protect
him,
at least. My legs raise with a knee to Cortez’s side. The man falls away, giving me a chance to get up. I make it to my knees with a jab before Cortez slams a fist into my eye, taking my body in a guillotine hold. The whistle sounds and the decision rules in Cortez’s favor.

When we
exit the cage, everything seems muffled around me as if I have cotton stuffed into my ears. My body is broken over the fact that I just had to lose on purpose. Jackson pats me on the back, obviously fearing I’ll take it harder than he is. In an attempt to make nice with Jimmy for Jax’s sake, I call it an early night, needing to get away.

As my feet move, taking me away from the holding room, away from the lie I just allowed to happen,
Vincent Luciano approaches me in the deserted hallway. His voice void of feeling, he says, “I know that was a hard one. We’re glad you did as you were told. There will be wins and losses. Now that you’re on the payroll, you do as I say.”

More than anything I want to hit him. I will it away and decide he’s not worth it. Without a backwards glance or acknowledging the other man
, I walk away shouldering my bag. As I move further down the hall, my reason for everything appears, Red. She’s standing by the door, nervously waiting for me. Her eyes dart around, refusing to meet my glance. I stop in front of her and she finally meets my eyes. I know for sure. Somehow she’s mixed up in this and she betrayed me. It hurts more than anything else.

My words are whispered as we stare unblinking
. “I just need to know one thing.”

She nods
, a guilty expression all over her face. She winces, looking into my face. I’m sure from the swelling I can feel on my eye or the fact that she’s about to break my heart all over again.

“Did you know?”

“Yes, Grey, I did, but…”

My words cut
her off. “That’s all I needed to know.”

My body
pushes through the door, my chest heaving as I walk away.

Three
hours later Meyer comes into the house through the screen door. The slam breaks the silence I’ve endured for hours. I’ve been sitting at the tiled table, a now warm ice pack held to my swollen eye. The warm air, barely coming in through the open windows, does little to cool the place off or make me feel any better. My eyes follow him as he moves around the kitchen getting a glass with ice and filling it with water from the tap. His nervous movements tell me that there must be more. Of course there’s more. Meyer wouldn’t come near me for fear of getting hit if he didn’t have more to tell.

The last time Meyer acted
like this was the summer before our senior year. We were beachside with a group of friends enjoying the last days of freedom. He avoided me all day like the plague. Finally, as we were working out ride arrangements back into Brunswick, I made him ride with me. He played with the radio, put the window up and down, and bobbed his leg up and down for half the trip.

After lettin
g him suffer for a while I asked, “Okay, Meyer, what’s up?”

His guilt burst from
his mouth. “I slept with Jenny. Grey, I know you guys were together but we’ve been spending some time together. I’m not sorry though, I really like her.”

I remember how I
felt hearing Meyer admit that. My reaction was shitty but I was angry at the time. It pissed me off that Meyer had to go after what was mine. I told him, “That’s okay. You can always have my sloppy seconds.”

Now in hindsight maybe I
was part of Meyer’s reluctance to come and see me in prison. I shake my head at how inconsiderate I was back then. Thoughts move in, picturing Mollie sitting at the fight tonight, a look of fear on her face as the referee called the winner. The thought of Mollie makes my heart speed up. I couldn’t face her tonight knowing that she had knowledge of this thing. The fucking Mob. How does someone like Meyer get involved with the Mob?

I
told Meyer the day that I slept with Mollie for the first time that I wasn’t sorry for it. Those were Meyer’s words so many years ago. And I wasn’t sorry for it. Now there are so many other things I’m sorry for.
Regret at its finest
.

Meyer slams a cabinet
, bringing me back from the past. As I did years before, I wait him out. Meyer walks the room with displaced energy. After twenty minutes with nothing more to drag out the inevitable, he sinks into the chair across from me. He leans forward, glaring as if we’re in a staring contest. If I didn’t know any better I would mistake the look for hate. Finally his breath comes out in a rush. “Grey, why do you have to be so good?”

My eyes widen
. Those are the same words that came from Mollie the night we found each other again.

He continues, “I convinced myself while you were gone that you’d come back pissed, angry at the world.
You’d be damaged and broken. I reasoned that what I did would be deserved. But what the fuck, you came back the same. The same damn compassionate asshole.”

I wait
, still calm and unbelieving of Meyer’s earlier revelation about the Mob. I’m far from compassionate but I’m not going to interrupt the guy while he’s on a roll.

“You fucking gave up the fight
, Grey - why? This was everything to you and you just let it go.”

Now I’m beginning to get peeved. I look down to the
bruises already surfacing on my arm from the match. My glance moves past Meyer as the sheer curtains flow in the almost stagnant air. I wipe the sweat from my brow. “You asked me to.”

A tear runs down Meyer’
s cheek. He moves his hands in frustration as he starts yelling, “Greylan, it was planned, all of it. Mollie being in the alley that night, you were supposed to get her away from that douche and fall for her. We paid him fifty bucks to come on to her so you could rescue her. She was our leverage. But you killed him and the stakes grew. We had to find someone else. You fucking went to jail when you were supposed to be the golden boy. Where Harris is now, that was your spot.”