No Surrender (15 page)

18

S
EAN
WASN
’
T
SURE
what had changed Kentucky’s mind about looking for a house.

He guessed that
changed
wasn’t really the word, but what had motivated her to say she was ready to go look.

He wasn’t going to assume that since he’d given her space, she was suddenly ready to set up house. He’d just try to be grateful that she’d agree to cohabitation and he’d be able to see his child whenever he wanted.

The roar of the Harley outside signaled that she’d arrived.

He came out of the motel and she took off her helmet. “Hey.”

It was a simple greeting, but it seemed to be more than that. Maybe it was the way she smiled. Or maybe it was just that they were going to look at a house to buy together. But something seemed different.

“Did you get in touch with the Realtor?”

“Yeah. I thought maybe you might want to get breakfast at Maudie’s first. So I told her to meet us at Pleasant Grove at eleven thirty.”

“Sure, that sounds good.” She handed him her extra helmet. “You ready?”

He climbed on the back of the bike and they drove the few blocks to Maudie’s Diner. It was a great vintage place with bacon and eggs all day. They had a nice selection of old-fashioned ice-cream treats, too. Like egg cream soda.

They sat down across from each other and ordered.

She didn’t really say much until their food arrived.

“So, last night,” she began.

“We don’t have to talk about it. I was pushing and I shouldn’t have been.”

“No, you weren’t. Not really. And maybe I needed to be pushed.” She pinched her fingers together. “Just a little bit.”

“Well, I feel like a dick. I decided in the hospital that I was going to make this plan to get my way and execute it. I really wasn’t thinking about what you wanted and needed. I’d just decided that I knew best and that’s how things were going to be.”

“Of course you did. A man doesn’t do the things you’ve done without being decisive. Without seeing a situation and distilling it to problems and solutions and making a plan for those solutions and following through. I understand that about you.”

She sipped her water.

“Well, I’m glad. So, I’m sorry.” He was only kind of sorry. He was sorry that he still wanted to try to get his way and sorry that she didn’t see the same solution as he did.

“I went to see Lynnie.”

“And?” He took a bite of his bacon. It tasted like sawdust in his mouth, but he decided that was probably just the ashes of all the feelings he wished he could hide from.

“And I said goodbye to her in a way, I think. It was the craziest thing, but I could swear that just for a moment I could smell her perfume.”

Something bittersweet twisted in him. “Maybe you did.” He didn’t have to wonder what Lynnie would think of them now. She’d wish them the best; she’d want them to be happy. If she’d found some way to tell Kentucky that, he’d say she was pretty lucky. If he could talk to Lynnie one last time, he didn’t even know what he’d say.

He didn’t have anything unfinished with her and he supposed that was a blessing. When they’d said goodbye that night, he hadn’t known it was forever. But he’d told her he loved her, and she’d said she loved him, but it was platonic. It was friendship. They hadn’t had any loose ends.

“Maybe.” She nodded. “I wanted to tell you, I finished Betty.”

“That’s wonderful. What are you going to do with her?” Was she trying to tell him something?

“I’ve decided to sell her.”

“Why would you do that?” His stomach tensed with unease.

“Because she’s done. Much like what I thought she meant to me. Remember what I told you about her?”

“That she symbolized freedom?”

“Yeah. She was everything I thought I wanted, but not. So I’m going to sell her. Maybe she can be someone else’s dream.”

“That’s heavy. Are you sure you don’t want to wait until after the baby is born to make that decision?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Oh, you think I’m overemotional because I’m pregnant?”

He wasn’t going to touch that with a ten-foot pole. He could only dig the hole she was about to throw him in deeper. “No, that has nothing do with it. At least, not like you think. You’re in a high-stress situation with a lot of changes. Why add to those changes?”

She smiled then. It was a genuine expression and not the baring of teeth that he might have expected from another woman. “Because these are all changes I want. Life isn’t just happening to me, Sean. I’m choosing what I want, where I’m going.” She put her hand down over where the baby grew inside her. “Where we’re going.”

“If you’re sure.”

“You sound more attached to Betty than I am.” She laughed.

“Maybe I am a little attached to her. She’s been part of your life for so long. I remember when you bought her from the junkyard. I was there when she was born, so to speak.”

“I think I should take you for a ride in her before I sell her.”

“Maybe I’ll buy her.” So he could give her back to Kentucky if she changed her mind.

“Maybe I’ll let you.” She nodded and reached from her own plate to his and stole a piece of his bacon.

“I think this is where I draw the line. No one said I’d share my bacon.”

“You’d deny a pregnant woman your bacon?”

“I might.” That was a total lie.

“This makes me question all of my life choices. How can I be having a baby with a man who won’t give me his bacon?” she joked.

“How can I be having a baby with a woman who wouldn’t hesitate to steal my bacon?” he tossed back.

He liked this.

It was all old but new, too. This was them, who they were as friends, before all of this. Before sex, before babies. This was just Kentucky and Sean together. It was how he wanted to spend the rest of his life.

He’d give her all of his fucking bacon if she’d have him. He pushed the plate over to her. “Fine. My daughter needs all the bacon she can get.”

Kentucky beamed. “I think it’s a girl, too.”

“Really? Why?”

“I don’t know. It just feels right.” She watched him for a moment. “Yeah, I know it’s hippie-dippy bullshit, talking about feelings and such. But nonetheless.”

“I believe you. When my mother was alive, she liked to talk about how she knew that I was boy.” He fidgeted with his fork. “Do you have any other ideas for names if it’s a girl?”

“No, not really.” She cocked her head to the side. “But you do, don’t you?”

“Yeah. I’d like to name her Anna, after my mother. Anna Lynnette.”

“Yes. I knew that’s what you’d want.”

“Really?” He didn’t know why he was startled, but he was.

“Yeah.” She smiled. “Anna Lynnette Dryden. It’s a lovely name.”

Gratitude rushed through him, as well as a swell of other emotions that he was having a hard time putting a name to.

“It’s a perfect name,” he agreed.

“Are you sure about this house thing? Because I’m pretty sure this house is going to be the one. I think we need a code.”

“Like what?” He grinned. If she wanted the house, he’d make sure she got the fucking house. He didn’t much care where they lived. Four walls were the same everywhere. He just wanted to make sure those four walls were in a good school district.

“Like if we want the Realtor to go away, if we want to talk privately, if you think the house isn’t the one we should get...”

“I think that if you want the house, we’ll make an offer. I got preapproved through Veterans Affairs for a home loan that will cover absolutely any house in that neighborhood.”

She put her fork down. “Are you serious?”

“Of course I’m serious. You know, that whole preparedness thing. I don’t want to go look and fall in love with something we can’t have.”

Silence reigned between them for a long time and it made him think about how true a statement that was. For the longest time, she’d been in love with him and thought she couldn’t have him. Now the shoe was on the other foot, so to speak. He could think of nothing but having a life with her and it seemed to be the farthest thing from her mind.

It was funny how the world turned and what was topsy became turvy.

“Now we won’t, thanks to you,” she finally said.

“I was worried you might be irritated I got approved without you on the loan, but Kansas is an equal-share state anyway.” He shrugged.

“You were right to do it. I don’t need any more stress at the moment. I’m okay with you taking care of those things for now, but we should talk about how we’re going to pay our bills if you’re out on an op.”

“There’s a lot to think about with all of this adulting.” He grinned.

“Yeah, and it’s exhausting. I think ice-cream sodas are just the thing for that.”

“Definitely,” he agreed.

When their sodas came, she began spooning the ice cream into her mouth with such a look of pure lust on her face that his cock was instantly hard. The way she swirled her tongue around the spoon made him remember what it was like to have that sweet mouth on his dick and that look of pleasure on her face as he watched her take him deep.

All he could think about was wanting to touch her. He felt like an ass because she was a pregnant woman enjoying her ice cream and he wanted to give her a treat of a much different kind.

She paused in her licking. “What?” Then she blushed, seeming to realize the effect she had on him. “It’s good.”

“I can see that,” he said.

She took another bite, devouring the ice cream with absolute abandon, unmindful of his eyes on her. That added another layer of sex appeal. Until the last bite, when she met his gaze across the table and gave the spoon a final swipe with her tongue.

“You’re evil.”

“I know.” She grinned but then looked thoughtful. “I guess it’s only evil if I don’t plan on the follow-through?”

“Do you plan on the follow-through?” They hadn’t talked about this part of the relationship. If they would still sleep together. They hadn’t defined anything and he didn’t know where he stood, what was expected of him. He didn’t like that part. He didn’t know how to keep that light in her eyes if he didn’t know her expectations.

“I guess you’ll see.” She winked at him.

Something had definitely changed between them. He didn’t know what, but he was sure he liked it. He decided to let her set the pace. She’d tell him when she was ready.

After they’d eaten and were heading back to the bike, he said, “Thank you for doing this with me.”

She looked at him for a long moment. “I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.”

19

K
ENTUCKY
DIDN
’
T
KNOW
why she was nervous.

She guessed because this was a big commitment, not just the house, but Sean. This was her future.

Her daughter’s future.

His future, too.

They met the Realtor at the stone sign signifying they’d entered the Pleasant Grove neighborhood. She was driving a dark full-size SUV and led them to the only yellow house in the neighborhood. It was at the end of a cul-de-sac, on a slight hill, and Kentucky imagined what it would be like coming home to this house.

Probably everything she let herself dream it would be and more.

There was that little-girl part of her who’d never had a house of her own, aside from the apartment above her garage, that just wanted to take it, inside unseen.

She reached for Sean’s hand and his strong fingers closed around hers.

Together. They were doing this together.

The Realtor stepped out of the SUV. She was a blonde middle-aged woman with chubby cheeks and a pleasant demeanor.

“Is this your first home?” she asked.

“Yes,” Sean answered for them.

“And you mentioned on the phone that you’re all set to go on the loan?”

“Yes.”

“Great.” She smiled wider. “This house is really a gem. It’s brand-new. It was originally intended for the developer of Pleasant Grove and his family, but they ended up buying in Kansas City. Their daughter is attending a private school there.”

Kentucky nodded.

“If you two wouldn’t mind taking your shoes off... It’s a bit of a muddy day.” She nodded at them.

Sean took off his boots and Kentucky took off hers as they stepped inside.

Just as she’d imagined, their boots were side by side. She almost started crying, until Sean took her hand again and squeezed.

“You want it without even seeing it, don’t you?” he whispered into her ear.

She whispered back, “Our boots look just like I thought they would, lined up together.”

He pulled back from her to look at her face. Seeming to be searching for the answer to some unspoken question.

The Realtor kept moving through the house. She was in the kitchen now. “And we have granite countertops—”

Kentucky grabbed his hand and dragged him into the kitchen.

“Do you have a large family? This six-burner gas stove is fabulous for preparing large meals.”

“No,” she answered. “Just us and the baby on the way.”

The Realtor smiled. “There’s plenty of room to expand, too, if that interests you. With four bedrooms and a full finished basement, it’s very roomy.”

Kentucky wandered through the house, leaving Sean to talk with the Realtor and let her show him what she wished them to see. She wanted to visualize; moving from room to room, she imagined their life there.

Eventually, Sean joined her.

“Do you want it?”

“Yes. Oh, yes.”

“I’ll tell her to start the paperwork.”

“Can you tell her to give us a little while alone? I mean, we’re making an offer. Surely we could have a few minutes to talk?” Excitement surged.

“Yeah, of course.” He exited through the double doors of the master suite and returned a short time later. “She’s thrilled. We have an hour.”

She pursed her lips together and she suddenly found that all the things she’d wanted to say had died on her tongue. Kentucky couldn’t get her mouth open. Looking up into his eyes, so open, so familiar, the embodiment of her forever, she didn’t actually know where to start anymore.

“What did you want to tell me?” he prompted.

She looked at his hands, his beautiful, scarred hands. She loved the feel of them on her own, on her skin. She loved looking at them. Every imperfection, every flaw had become somehow dear to her.

“That I love you,” she blurted.

“I love you.” His expression was pained.

She knew he thought she was going to say something else about why they shouldn’t be together or about what this meant between them, but she wasn’t. She was going to make him an offer.

“I was going to bring you here and say yes to your offer, but I’ve decided that’s not good enough.”

“What do you want from me?” he said, sounding exhausted, almost resigned.

“I don’t just want to live here with you or try this relationship thing. I want everything. If we’re going to jump, we might as well climb to the tallest peak. It’ll be a better ride on the way down.”

“What are you saying, Tuck?” He closed the distance between them, his hands on her shoulders.

“I’m saying that one of us should be on one knee right now. Maybe both of us.” She sank down to her knees and he followed suit. “I’m saying that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you and I’m ready to jump with both feet, like you said.”

The silence stretched on and on and for a moment, she wondered if all of her recalcitrance had changed his mind. If maybe he’d listened to all the reasons she’d given for why they couldn’t be together and had taken them to heart.

Then he smiled and it was like turning on the light after hours of darkness.

“Then I guess there’s just one thing to say, my wild Kentucky Lee.”

“What’s that?”

“That you’re going to marry me and live happily ever after.”

“Maybe one more thing after that.” She put her arms around him.

“Oh, yeah? What could be better than that?”

“That you’re going to make love to me here in our new bedroom. We’ve got an hour.”

“I like how your mind works, Mrs. Dryden.” He kissed her soundly and all the feelings she’d been holding back exploded in a tidal wave.

This was what it meant to drink down everything that life had to offer. This was what it meant to her to be alive. It wasn’t cruising down a country road on her Harley at a hundred miles an hour; it wasn’t sliding down Mossy Rock into a freezing Sutter’s Pond; it wasn’t even eating her own weight in moonshine cherries.

It was loving and being loved.

Not just by Sean. It was believing that she was worthy of that love. It was loving herself enough to take this chance and believing that she deserved to be happy. That she was good enough.

She pushed her hands up under his T-shirt, loving the way his skin felt under her fingers. Loving that no woman but her was ever going to touch him this way again. She loved the wide expanse of his strong chest, the muscled curve of his shoulders, the intensity in his eyes when he looked at her.

He allowed her to peel the shirt off. “Is this the follow-through?” he asked, referencing their earlier conversation at Maudie’s Diner.

“Yeah. You like it?”

“I more than like it. Come here.” He pulled her shirt off over her head.

Her first instinct was to hide from him. Her body was changing; her previously flat stomach now was just a little round.

He pressed his scarred hands over the small protrusion and looked at her with such an expression on his face that she felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. His hands moved up and removed her bra, cupping her breasts and kneading them gently.

It was a good thing he was being careful with her. Her breasts were oh-so sensitive, her peaked nipples sending jolts of sensation straight to her clit.

She wanted him inside her right now.

But she wanted to show him how much she wanted this; she wanted to give him the follow-through she’d teased him with.

She unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down his hips, his swollen cock springing free for her attention. He’d gone commando.

The sight of it, so hard and engorged for her attention, drew her. She shoved him down onto his back and leaned down over his cock and wrapped her mouth around the crown.

He groaned, the sound deep and guttural. She felt as though she was the one in control, the one with all the power. She loved it when he was a slave to the sensation. She loved his hips bucking up to push himself deeper into her mouth, the way he watched her when she closed her palm around his shaft.

She especially loved the way he felt challenged to outdo her when she pleasured him like this. Kentucky knew any level of bliss that she could take him to, he’d strive to push her beyond when it was his turn.

He was a competitive kind of guy and she loved it.

She raked her nails lightly down over his obliques and his body tensed, tightening and flexing, his cock jerking in response to her stimulation.

“It’s been too long, Tuck. Don’t deny me.”

“What do you want? Tell me,” she commanded.

“I want to taste you while you taste me.”

“That’s wicked. Aren’t you the least bit ashamed?” Kentucky grinned and stroked him.

“Not a single bit.” He pulled her up.

She allowed it and helped him strip off the rest of her clothes.

“I want to remember this moment after we’re moved in and this is our bedroom. I want to be able to look at this place and remember that’s where it happened. Where we agreed to love each other forever and then drove each other wild. So we never lose that wildness in our marriage, and we never lose it in ourselves.”

“Again with the pretty words. You have more of those than you think.”

“Only when I’m with you.”

He guided her up so that her knees were braced against either shoulder and his hot tongue thrust up against her cleft while she fellated him.

A lifetime of sex with this man would never be a bad thing.

He moved his tongue in time with hers. When she increased the speed and pressure, so did he. He was singularly focused on bringing her to climax, which was hot as hell. She worked his cock ever more diligently, tasting him and the evidence of his desire on her tongue.

Bliss built inside her with every tandem stroke of their tongues.

It had been much too long and she wasn’t ready for it to be over yet, but his hands anchored around her hips and dragged her down to his mouth so she couldn’t flee the sensation and electric ecstasy bloomed and she shuddered against his lips as he continued to lick and kiss her.

When he released her, she was a boneless mess and he loomed above her. “I hope you’re not done, because I’m not.”

She hooked her legs around his hips and he pushed into her with no preamble—it wasn’t needed. She was so slick and wanting. Her eyes were heavy, but he wouldn’t let her escape the intensity between them.

“Open your eyes. I want to see you.”

“Mmm,” she moaned. “You can see me.”

“No, I can see your body. I want to see you. That’s only in your eyes, Tuck.”

She opened her eyes slowly, dragging her eyelids up, and when she looked into his eyes, she knew what he meant. This joining of bodies was hot; there was an earthy physicality to their pleasure.

But staring into his eyes while they made love, well, that was when it became making love.

Desire surged inside her again and she drew him deeper, kept squeezing him with her inner walls.

She liked watching the play of expressions on his face as he fought his orgasm. She always thought he approached lovemaking the same as he would a kind of op. He had a plan—he evaluated weaknesses and then exploited them until he got the desired effect.

Now she was doing it to him.

And she’d gain his surrender.

Kentucky arched up to meet him, his thrusts hitting her in that place deep inside that caused sensation to spiral outward through her whole body so that she felt it in the tips of her fingers.

She hoped that never changed.

Her entire body quivered in response to the stimulation and he did it again and again until she thought she was going to orgasm yet again.

She wasn’t about to be outdone.

Kentucky raked her nails down his back, giving him that edge that he enjoyed, and he tensed, causing him to press into her hard and deep.

She cried out.

So he did it again.

“Surrender to me, Sean.”

“I already have,” he growled in her ear.

Then he kissed her. His mouth, tasting of her, slanted over her lips and she shared their mutual pleasure.

Despite her good intentions, it sent her over the edge. He followed suit and spilled into her body, hips jerking hard as the aftershocks of their lovemaking consumed them.

“I fucking love you,” he said when he collapsed next to her.

She loved the way he said it. As if he was in awe of it somehow, as if it was a kind of magic. Who knew—maybe it was.

“I fucking love you, too.” She laughed, breathless.

“Is this everything you wanted?”

“And then some.”

His fingers twined with hers. “Me, too.”

As they lay together, catching their breath and basking in the sunrise-like sensation of the afterglow, it occurred to Kentucky that she’d gotten everything she ever wanted.

Everything she’d dreamed about in the dark and secret places she’d been afraid to show to anyone else and sometimes even herself.

She’d had a few dark moments where she thought she’d lost, where she thought she’d been beaten, but she’d never surrendered.

Neither had Sean.

She knew they’d be stronger together, and as they faced the uncertainty of life hand in hand, that would be the thing that defined them: no surrender.

Kentucky wouldn’t have it any other way.