Nobody Likes Fairytale Pirates (40 page)

“Yes.  I do.”

“Yeah.  I guess you do.”  She
swallowed.  “Anyway, I’m… I’m weird right now.  My head isn’t right.  I’m still
me, but there’s now a big part of me that’s feeling really uncertain about
trusting anyone, because she hated the world.  It feels… odd.”

“Dove, if I were going to hurt you,
I would have done it by now and saved myself a death march through the Great
Nothing.”

“Don’t you think I know that?”  Her
voice broke again.  “It’s… it’s not
me,
okay?  I know…”  She trailed
off.  “I wasn’t the kind of person who would value a friend.  And I wasn’t the
kind of person who was big into ‘trust.’”

“For what it’s worth: I met her,
she seemed nice enough.”  He paused.  “Well, except when she tried to kill me,
but everyone does sooner or later, so I don’t hold that against her, obviously. 
In fact, I thought it was
aggressively
hot.  I’m a hard man to best in a
fight, but she managed.  I find talent so attractive, in case I’ve never
mentioned that.”

She shook her head again.  “I’m
just going to make a clean break from her life and her memories.”  She rested
her head on his shoulder.  “They aren’t… they aren’t
me
.” 

“Whatever you want.”  He took her
hand.  “I will support you in any decision you make, you know that.  You want
me to keep referring to her as ‘her’ and not ‘you,’ I have no problem with
that.  You wanna be pirates, we’ll be pirates.  You wanna be royalty, we’ll be
royalty.  Anything you want to be or do.  I’ll make it happen.  And as long as
you’re there, it’s the fulfillment of my every desire too.”  He squeezed her
hand reassuringly.  “You just tell me what you want.  I’ll do anything for you. 
Always.”  He paused.  “
Except
kill you.  I might
get
you killed
because I’m an idiot and I know I’ve certainly proven that I’m not capable
of...”  He trailed off.  “Well, my track record on protecting you isn’t the
best.”

They were both quiet.

She could feel his eyes on her
scars.

“Please stop looking at me and
feeling guilty, Uriah.”  She whispered.  “It doesn’t make me feel good.  In
fact, it makes me feel rather shitty.”

He took her face in his hand.  “I
think you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, Dove.  It would take a
hell of a lot more than a few scars to change that, especially since you wear
them so well, if that doesn’t sound too weird.  I associate them with you.  It’s
simply what you look like and I find you irresistible.  But I don’t feel guilty
because of the scars.  I don’t look at them and feel pity, I look at you and
feel… well… lust, to point a fine point on it.  I look at you and I want you. 
From the first second I saw you.  While you were trying to kill me, I looked at
you and wanted you.  And sometimes I feel guilty, yeah, but I feel guilty
because you got hurt.  Very badly.  And…and it was my fault.  You trusted me to
keep you safe and… and I couldn’t.  And that’s my fault.  You got hurt because
of
me
.  And… I can’t even apologize.  Because it would sound so…”  He
trailed off.  “Saying ‘I’m sorry’ won’t just wipe that away.  It’s hollow. 
Like I’m trying to escape responsibility for what I caused to happen.  But that
shouldn’t make you feel ‘shitty’.  That should make
me
feel shitty. 
That’s
my
shame, not yours.  Never yours.”  His thumb moved over her
cheek. 

She let out a long sigh, trying not
to cry.  “I’m really sick of your bullshit, Uriah.”  She told him flatly,
unable to think of a gentler way of phrasing it.

“Huh?”  He sounded genuinely
confused.

“You had me going for years on
this.  I’ll admit, there were times you even managed to convince me.  Had me
believing
you
, because you were there and obviously knew what happened.”  She
paused meaningfully.  “But I remember now.  And there was no way to win that
fight.  And we both know it.  You can pretend there was, if you want, because
you don’t like the idea of feeling helpless.  But deep down, you
know
it
was unwinnable.  There isn’t a person on this earth who could have won it.  Not
a single goddamned one.”  She swallowed.  “But you tried anyway.  Because I
needed you to.  And you did a better job than anyone else possibly could have. 
But
trying
to do the impossible makes you my hero.  My champion.  And it
forever
puts me in your debt.”  She tried to swallow the lump in her
throat and only succeeded in starting to cry.  “So if you
ever
try to
apologize to me again for the bravest thing I’ve ever seen, I will slap you in
your fucking face.”

He didn’t reply.

“Do you understand me?”  She
pressed, fresh tears tracing down her face.  “I take it as a
personal insult
when you insult yourself like that.  I hate it, Uriah, I fucking
hate it
. 
This ‘shame’ bullshit ends
now
.  So… you’re forgiven for whatever it is
you irrationally
think
you did.  We’re moving past it and I now consider
the matter settled.  We’re
done
with that.  Because our lives are bigger
than one day.”  She squeezed his hand.  “I’m proud to call you my friend.  And
I’m proud of what you can do and what you did.  Because you saved my life.  You
protected me when it mattered and when I needed you the most.”  Her voice was
little more than a sob.  “Thank you so much.”  She brushed the tears from her
face, trying to get a handle on her emotions.  “You saved me.”

He didn’t respond to that, he
simply pulled her closer, resting his chin on the top of her head.  “I love
you, you know.”  He said, his voice tight.

“I know.”

He kissed her forehead.  “Thank you
for saving me.”

“Teamwork.”  She shrugged, trying
to sound nonchalant and not start crying harder.  “I save you, you save me. 
That’s how it works.”

She wrapped her arms around him and
let out a long sigh, feeling like it was the end of a long day.  Which it was. 
But more than that, she just felt that things were messed up and horrible… but
Uriah was there, so they’d get better.  Or they wouldn’t.  But in either case,
they’d deal with it together.

He kissed the top of her head
again.  “Wow… a princess.”  There was a teasing note in his voice now.  “Just
like the storybooks.”

“Shut up, Uriah.”  She mumbled
against his chest.

“Hey, do you know Prince Charming?”

“Shut up, Uriah.”

“My brother tried to kill him once,
but I’d still love to have his autograph.  He’s dreamy.”

She let out an annoyed groan. 
“See, this is why I don’t tell you things!”

“Sorry, sorry.”  He caressed her
back in comfort.  “I didn’t mean to make you upset…”

She mentally counted down, waiting
for it.

“…Highness.”

“Dammit!”  She swatted at him.  “I
knew you couldn’t be an adult about this!”  She made an annoyed sound.  “What
kind of person does something like that!?!”

“You said the same thing to me just
the other day.”  Ryle interjected, wandering over to them from somewhere.

“You’re a princess too?”  Uriah
asked, feigning surprise.

“No, I…”  Ryle began, then stopped. 
“Oh, shut up!”  He paused for a beat.  “Wait… she’s a really princess?  Like
for real?”  He snorted and flopped down onto the log across from them.  “Figures. 
I mean, have you ever noticed that only important people get amnesia?  It’s
like, you never regain your memory and figure out that you used to be the girl
at the cheese shop.  Amnesia is a rich people problem.”  He made a small sound,
like he was considering something.  “Was she the kind of princess who was
perfectly perfect at everything and sang to little birdies?”

“She was the kind of princess who
killed that kind of princess for sport and then ate the damn birds.”  Ransom
deadpanned.

“Ah.”  Ryle cleared his throat nervously. 
“I… I don’t like that kind.”  He shifted on his log.  “That kind scares me.” 

Uriah kissed the top of her head
again, obviously worried the Swab’s words would somehow hurt her feelings.  “Honestly,
I’m just rather sad I won’t get to hear some kind of ‘but we’re from two
different worlds’ speech since you’re renouncing your old life.”  He sounded
deeply regretful.  “You know what a fan I am of trite sentimentality.”

“It’s like your hobby.”  She
agreed.

“It is, it really is.”

“Everyone gets to be royalty
lately, it’s totally unfair.”  Ryle sulked, apparently feeling mistreated by
fate.  “First my sister and now my fucking
kidnapper
.  I mean, I know
two women and
both of them
have become royalty this year.  What are the
odds of that?”

“Personally, I’m just more amazed
that no one has killed you yet.”  Uriah leaned down to stage-whisper in her
ear.  “Nice enough lad, but you have to admit, he’s kind of a jinx.”

“Oh, this isn’t
my
doing, you
idiots have problems because you
want
to have problems.”  The Swab
dismissed.  “You’re addicted to your own misery, you know that?  Your
codependency has turned into a death spiral which neither one of you wants to
pull out of, because you love the drama of it all.  It makes you feel important
or some such shit.”  He scoffed at the very idea.  “I’ve ceased caring.”

“Speaking of problems, I think it
might be time for another family meeting to discuss our predicament.”  Uriah
announced.

“
Your
predicament.”  Ryle
corrected.

“There’s a thin line between
‘hostage’ and ‘coconspirator’ in my partner’s world.”  Ransom explained.  “In
case you haven’t noticed.”

“I think our main concern should be
the Adithians.”  Uriah continued, apparently choosing to ignore the negativity.

“And
not
the band of
cutthroat barbarians which currently has us captive?”  Ryle sounded confused by
that.

“Again, you’ll have to excuse my
partner.”  Ransom moved her face so that it was pressed against his chest. 
“He’s allergic to reality.”

“I mean to get my treasure, and then
I’ll deal with the Adithians once and for all.”  Uriah’s voice was firm.

“You don’t want to get involved
with them.”  She told him, imagining all the terrible things which could happen
to him.

“We already are, Dove.  It’s a
little late.”

“Not ‘we’.”  She corrected. 
“‘You.’”

“Is this going to be one of those
things where you go off with them and pretend not to care about me because
you’re afraid I might get hurt?”  He wondered aloud, guessing where her plan
was going.

“This is going to be one of those
things where we go off together and I kill every one of them before they get
the chance to kill you.”  She pressed her hand to his chest, feeling his
heartbeat against her palm.  “But we do it immediately and with far less mercy
than you typically show.”

“Oh.”  He nodded.  “Okay, I support
that plan then.  Once again, you and I are on the same page.”  He cleared his
throat.  “Swab?  We’re going to go kill her mother and brother.  And
possibly
other assorted siblings.  Which means you’re coming too.”

“Jeez… this is a really messed up
family.”  Ryle made a disinterested sound.  “Sure, whatever.”

“And so our magnificent plan is
finished.”  Uriah sounded pleased with himself, like he’d just solved a great
mystery.  “Am I a genius or am I a genius?”

“What’s my third option?”  She
teased.

“It's not hard to be the smartest
guy in the Grizzwood.”  Ryle agreed.

She nodded.  “I’m told their
greatest philosopher was the first one of them to figure out that mud wasn’t
edible.”

Uriah snorted in laughter and
kissed her forehead.  “Don’t ever change, okay?  I think you’re simply
marvelous the way you are.”

“You two are sickening, you know
that?”  Ryle made a retching sound.

“You don’t like it, leave!”  Uriah
snapped, irritation evident in his voice.

“He’s a hostage, baby, remember?” 
She whispered to him.  “We just went over this.”

“Well, he can feel free to wander
off into the endless salt of the Great Nothing and die.”  Uriah snorted.  “I
certainly won’t try to stop him.”

Ryle chuckled, finding that funny
for some reason.  “Man, this is the best fucking kidnapping ever.  Waaaay
better than the last one.  Or the one before that, which kinda sucked.  The one
before that?  Meh.”

“Glad we could entertain you.” 
Ransom said dryly, wishing the boy would leave so she could be alone with her
partner.  She was still feeling upset and frightened about her newfound
memories and she just wanted Uriah to hold her.

Ryle wasn’t needed in that
arrangement.

The girl from her memories would
have cut the Swab’s head off for that by now.

Ransom was really growing as a
person.

“This is waaaay more interesting
than listening to all that boring political shit that my sister and Dom are
doing.  Frankly, I have less than no interest in the logistics of rebuilding
our kingdom.”  Ryle told them.  “I’ll almost be sorry when Dom kills you for
this.”  He paused meaningfully.  “Almost.”

Footsteps on the loose salt,
approaching them.

Ransom tensed, instantly expecting
a fight.

“It’s fine.”  Uriah soothed,
caressing her back and keeping her pressed against him.  “It’s just one of the
underlings.”

“Tzadok, the Lord of Salt, will see
you now.”  A man with a deep voice announced, obviously irritated with Uriah. 
“He is not happy about being summoned by a Brightlighter like this.”

“Do we care about that, Dove?” 
Uriah asked her.

“We do not give a single, solitary
fuck.”  She deadpanned.

“Not a single one.”  Uriah informed
the man, as if conveying the news as it was reported to him.  He kissed her
again, then stood up, still addressing the man.  “Sorry.”

“Xiphos will watch over your people
while you speak with The Lord of Salt.”  The man said, not rising to Uriah’s
bait.  “He is honor bound to ensure that no harm comes to them.”