Notes from the Life of a Total Genius (5 page)

From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

Sent: October 9, 8:10

Hi Arthur,

I’ll do it, but I think we should talk with Mr. E. about whether you’re going to screw everything up for the paper. I’m really counting on this award!! And why would you EVER insult a girl’s shoes? That’s SO not cool!

Kennedy

From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

Sent: October 9, 16:27

Dear Kennedy,

Thanks so much! I promise that I’m not trying to cause any trouble. I think I was just so nervous that I spoke without thinking. But don’t worry. Ms Kraleigh will never have to deal with me again!

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

October 10th

Dear RJ,

Dad and I are going to start fencing lessons next week. He wanted me to choose something we could do together (I think he’s been reading the parenting books my aunt gave him). I figured that fencing would be the easiest and the coolest. It’s not really a sport, but we get to learn how to stab people. I watched some videos of fencers, and it looks pretty cool. Plus, now he’ll have to buy me a sword, which will just be handy to have around. You never know when you’re going to need to be an expert swashbuckler. Maybe pirates will overtake our apartment building. Or maybe the third musketeer will die and I’ll be called up to defend France. Ha!

Thanksgiving is this weekend, so we’re spending the weekend in Balzac at my grandparents’ house. I don’t think Dad wants to go, but thankfully, there will be turkey. Grandma wouldn’t hear of having vegetarian Thanksgiving. I think she thinks tofu is poisonous, which is awesome. I hope his vegetarian kick ends soon. At least he buys me deli meat for making my lunch. Otherwise, I would maybe die.

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

Assignment: Literary Devices Summary Story

To improve your writing skills, we are moving forward from individual literary devices to the final assignment in the unit. If you have any questions about material we’ve covered, please come and see me.

Write a short story of at least one page, incorporating at least three of the literary devices we studied. Challenge yourself to use as many of the following literary devices as you can:

Personification

Onomatopoeia

Similes and Metaphors

Hyperbole

Irony

Please underline any literary devices used in your story.

Due: October 30

By Arthur Bean

Ms Kraleigh has made her first mark as principal of Terry Fox Jr. High with a highly controversial decision. As of next Monday, all students must have their student ID visible at all times. The decree came out on Tuesday, when all students were handed their student ID on a bright blue Terry Fox Jr. High lanyard. Any student not wearing their ID will be sent home to retrieve it. And good luck if you’re one of those kids who loses everything all the time: lost IDs will cost you $10 each time you need a new one.

I see this new school law as problematic for a number of reasons, but I’m going to focus on two. One: Safety. Ms Kraleigh insists that the IDs are to be worn for our protection, ensuring that everyone in the school belongs in the school. She insists that teachers will also be wearing their IDs. But is it really a great idea to have our names and photos printed on things we can lose so easily? In a world riddled with identity theft, what if someone steals not only my ID but also my identity? There’s a lot of information encrypted in those cards; a smart identity thief could probably find out all kinds of personal information if they got their hands on one. Teachers are always talking about how important it is that we keep our identities safe online. Shouldn’t the same logic apply to offline?

Two: Fashion. Royal blue may be one of the school colours, but it’s not the easiest colour to match. I feel certain that there is a large contingent of the student body who will have to re-think their entire wardrobe. And we know what that means: it means that the office staff will be overworked handing out late passes to every girl who couldn’t find the right shoes to go with her lanyard. Poor Mrs. Hui. She’s going to have carpal tunnel before winter break! And not just that, but Lucie D’Allard got her braces off one week AFTER picture day. She’s stuck with the constant reminder of her dental shortcomings for the whole year. If you ask me, that’s just not right. But hey, that’s …

Just One Guy’s Opinion.

Hey, Artie,

This is an interesting start to your editorials. Coming out with a bang, hey?

I think it is important that the newspaper share the student opinion, but we do want to remain objective as well. Come by my class at lunch tomorrow and we’ll edit your piece to ensure it’s respectful to everyone. We’ll make sure that it looks good, and then we can publish your article and Kennedy’s pro-ID-wearing article side-by-side. We’ll make sure that our readers get to read from both sides of the coin!

Cheers!
Mr. E.

From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

To: Robbie Zack ([email protected])

Sent: October 18, 18:43

Dear Robbie,

What are you up to this weekend? I’m not doing much of anything. Other than starting work on my play, of course. I was thinking of writing a five-act play like all of Shakespeare’s stuff, but Hark said that he wanted it to be a one-act play festival. I suggested to him that my play could be the final night of the festival, and cap it all off with this epic tragedy. He said that I could write a long show, but that I should challenge myself to write a shorter, tighter piece, but keeping the tension of a long piece. He’s totally right, of course. Not only that, but the plays have to be written before Christmas break so that we can cast them and rehearse in the winter. You should transfer back to Calgary for the second semester! You could be in my play! I’ve been thinking about ways to get football into my show, but I don’t know if it’s going to happen.

How’s football? Are you the quarterback yet?

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

From: Robbie Zack ([email protected])

To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

Sent: October 19, 15:04

Hey dude-

mom is super strict re: w-end screentime (sux so hard), so this is gonna be short. caleb is losing his mind w her. its almost funny. lethbridge = deathbridge = true story. Plus, mom signed up both me and caleb for tutoring. there goes any fun. football is good. i’m not QB, just defence mostly. the guys on the team are pretty cool. theyve all been going to school 2gether 4 so long tho that i dont get most of the in-jokes.