Notes from the Life of a Total Genius (6 page)

theres 1 girl who i think is cool. her names Hayley and shes into art. shes hot, but shes pretty quiet. i think she has a bf tho. Shes always with this guy with died purple hair named dominic. Im 4ever cursed in love. just call me shakespear.

Rob

From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

To: Robbie Zack ([email protected])

Sent: October 19, 18:19

Dear Robbie,

Hayley sounds awesome. It sucks that she’s dating someone already. But you should have an edge, being the new, mysterious football player at the school. There’s no one here to date, either.

On another topic, Kennedy got elected to the grad committee. She’s really excited. I think she’ll do a pretty good job of making it a good party. She’s already been coming into the Leg Breakers to get some candid photos of all the clubs for the year-end slideshow. Catie’s on the grad committee too. She’s as awful and mean as ever, so I try and avoid her at all costs. I can’t believe you used to like her last year! I hope that Hayley is a better human.

My dad and I started fencing this week too. It sucks! It was all a bunch of footwork, and we practised going forwards and backwards for an hour, because in fencing you can ONLY go backwards and forwards. You can’t even turn your back on your opponent without losing a point. Not only that, but our fencing master (that’s what he calls himself) is this French dude named Didier (I call him Deeter), and all the commands and steps are in French. It’s really lame, and I asked him to do it in English, but he said that fencing is always in French. It sucks so much, but Dad said that we had to finish the beginner lessons, so I’m stuck until winter break. At least Dad seemed to hate it too. Hate brings families together!

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

Hey, Artie,

Can you stop by my classroom today after school? Ms Kraleigh and I want to chat with you about your articles.

Cheers!
Mr. E.

October 21st

Dear RJ,

I can’t believe it! I got called into a meeting today with the new principal and Mr. Everett to talk about my article about school IDs. Ms Kraleigh thought that it shouldn’t be printed, and she wanted to talk about respecting the school policies and the decisions made by those in authority. I told her straight up that I wasn’t being disrespectful, but that I thought her new policy was stupid. I couldn’t tell what Mr. Everett thought, but I figured he would take my side. After all, he said that I did a good job on my article. We even went over it on Friday together! He was silent through the whole thing, and just said that we would be working on our objectivity. I tried to explain to Ms Kraleigh that I used all the techniques I’d learned in English about writing a persuasive argument, and I figured that that would show her that I was a good student, but she didn’t care. Frankly, RJ, she should care. I’m not one who should be getting in trouble. It’s not like I’m smoking or skipping school. I bet I’m one of the most boring kids at Terry Fox (well, not more boring than April Rawlin; she is seriously dull). I barely have any friends. I don’t know if I’m madder about getting in trouble or what I got in trouble for. I’m the editor. Editors have opinions! That’s my job!!! What does she want? A newspaper full of lame articles about sports?

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

Dear Hark,

I started working on my play this weekend, and I wanted to get your opinion on where I started. I want to keep the dramatic tension really high for the whole thing. Can you give me some feedback or pointers on what I have so far?

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

By Arthur Bean

Scene One: Living Room

Matt and Chelsey are fighting. They break up, and Matt leaves.

Scene Two: On the Street

Matt is sad, and on the street. He is confronted by a gang of six people. He thinks he’s going to be mugged, but instead, they kidnap him and take him to their secret lair.

Scene Three: The Secret Lair

It turns out the gang is actually a group of superheroes who need Matt, because Matt is inadvertently carrying a ring that makes him indestructible (it used to be his grandfather’s ring, but it’s been passed down through the generations). Matt tests out his new superpower, where the gang pretends to beat him up, and he is able to stop them. He learns that he needs to help them defeat The Great Evil, who is a demon who has risen to destroy humanity.

Scene Four: The Training Room in the Secret Lair

They train.

Scene Five: The Demon Lair

The team is ready, and they descend into the demon’s lair. The demon and his minions are there, and there’s an epic battle. Matt loses the ring during the fight, and he ends up in hand-to-hand combat with the demon, who doesn’t know Matt has lost the ring. Matt and The Great Evil both deliver killing blows at the same time, and both die. The gang that is left is relieved, and they return to the surface of earth victorious.

Scene Six: The Living Room

The gang goes to Matt and Chelsey’s house to share the sad news of Matt’s death. Chelsey is very sad, but accepts Matt’s grandfather’s ring. Then she says, “I will give this to our baby,” and rubs her stomach like she’s pregnant.

The End

Dear Arthur,

Wow! This IS epic! I can tell that you thought a lot about completing the circle and have a defined conflict, like we talked about. Here’s something to consider: you told me about your experience in film; remember how different plays are. Major scene changes are a big problem for staging, and can interrupt the flow and the dramatic tension you’re trying to create. Think smaller, and think tighter. What story would you like to tell, and how can you tell it in one space? Consider how you could stage your play. Remember that we can’t have too many different sets backstage either; we’re all working together here to put on this festival! Creativity is going to be the key to world building!

Otherwise, though, I want to see you develop this into a film script one day. It’s going to be amazing!

Hark

October 25th

Dear RJ,

It’s official. I’m being replaced. Robbie’s got his new football friends, and they even invited him to a party this weekend. This means I’ve got to make some new friends fast. I wonder if Ben is having a party. I should find out who is having a Halloween party. Maybe I should ask Ben to hang out one day. He’s in the Leg Breakers too and we make jokes that we both laugh at, so I know we have stuff in common. Or maybe Haruki. But he’s only in grade eight. I bet Kennedy is going to a party. I should ask her and then go. I don’t think you need to be actually invited to stuff. A party is a party, right?

I wish I got invited to more stuff, RJ. No one ever invites me to parties. I know I’m not a geek, because nobody avoids me at school and they don’t make fun of me, but they don’t notice me, either. I’m told that you’re not supposed to care about what other people think, and I don’t, but I do want them to like me and be friends with me.

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

By Arthur Bean

Dennis Bruce was a high-powered businessman in the world of insider trading. He
wore his Armani suit like a badge of honour
, and
carried his briefcase like a St. Bernard dog carrying medicine to sick people
. People would see him and
bam!
They fell in love with him.
He was the most popular insider trader
New York had ever seen.
He was a machine
when it came to charming people.
He was literally a god on Wall Street
. There was even a statue of him in front of his building, which never happens while you’re still alive.