Nothing to Lose (26 page)

“The truth?”
She laughed. “Do you even know what that word means?”

He sat down, giving her a stern glance. “The
truth
is, I don't care. I can't allow my future, that of my family, and the people who have supported me all these years to be affected by a car washer.”

“You say that like he's not even worthy of mentioning,” Erica said. “He's a human being.”

“Just barely,” he mumbled back.

Erica felt her blood boil. “The disregard with which you speak of some people is disgusting and borderline racist.”

“Racist?”
He seemed disappointed. “Trust me, I place value on people according to how they conduct themselves in their lives and their contribution to society. It has nothing to do with race.”

“Just that some people are worth the respect of a human being and some aren't,” Erica concluded for him.

“Those are your words,” Jonah said.

“Look,” Erica said, sighing, “this isn't even about Terrell—even though I'm pissed you didn't give me a chance to try and fix that myself. This is about Alex. How could you include him?”

He looked at her; his expression seemed to note that she really cared.

“He's a good guy,” she continued. “You do things the way you do them. I get that.”

“Do you?” he asked doubtfully.

“But Alex isn't like that.”

“How well do you think you know him?” Jonah asked.

“We're friends, Jonah. I know him.”

“Then you should know, he was eager to help me.”

“He wasn't eager,” she said. “He just made it seem that way because he didn't want you to think you couldn't count on him. He only did it because you lied to him about me being in danger.”

Jonah shrugged. “Whatever the case, it's done.”

“You really don't care who you trap in your web, do you?”

Jonah laughed. “You're being a bit dramatic. I don't need to trap anyone. Besides, you're the one who brought him into it, Erica. I told you to keep your distance from him, from a personal standpoint.”

Erica rolled her eyes. “Are you on that again?”

“It's his closeness to you that allowed me to convince him so easily,” Jonah said. “So, can you just blame me?”

“Yes, I can
just blame you
!” Erica couldn't believe what she was hearing.

“Are you involved with him or not?” Jonah asked, leaning forward on his desk.

“Not,”
she said, remembering their kiss and feeling uncomfortable. “We're just friends, I told you. But I'm surprised you don't want more. After all, the closer we get, the easier he'll be for you to manipulate.”

“I don't need your help for that,” he said. “But despite your concern, Alex will be fine. You just don't tell him anything he shouldn't know and he won't be compromised.”

“I'm the one making all the compromises,” she said. “But I guess it would be a waste to even
ask
you to. You never keep your end of any of our bargains.”

“If this works, and it better work,” he said, his face transforming to grave seriousness, “there will be no need for him to be involved for one second more.”

“What is that worth?” she asked.

He frowned, appearing offended for just one second. “Is that all, Erica? I'm very busy.”

“No,” she answered. “Did your wife tell you about our last interaction?”

“Why would you be interacting with her at all?” he asked.

“She was at campaign headquarters a couple of weeks ago. She was drunk, by the way.”

“You don't have any proof of that.” He leaned back in his chair.

“Really?” she asked, disbelieving his attitude. “I'm not the press, Jonah. Is that necessary?”

“It's best you keep your distance from her.”

“I've tried to,” Erica exclaimed, “but she accused my mom of carrying on an affair with you after you were married.”

Jonah immediately sat up straight. At first, he seemed offended by the suggestion; but then, Jonah appeared as if trying to figure something out.

“Well?” Erica asked finally.

“Tell me what happened,” he said. “That can't have been all.”

Erica replayed the conversation for him; she was heating up with anger all the while.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” she asked. “I don't care if she is a drunk. She can't say things like that about my mom.”

“Juliet is under a lot of stress right now,” he said. “She's saying things she doesn't mean, and she's not a drunk.”

“You said that you cared about my mother when you were together.”

Jonah's face grew very still and more serious. “I cared about Achelle very much. And, of course, there wasn't anything between us after I left for the military.”

“Well, you slept with someone,” Erica said, “and she almost divorced you over it.”

“That's none of your concern,” Jonah said. “Now, if you'll let me get back to—”

“It is my concern!” Erica stood up from her chair. “My mother deserves more respect than that. You need to clear it up,
now
!”

“Don't give me orders,” Jonah warned. “And sit down.”

Erica stood where she was, folding her arms across her chest.

“I'm serious, Jonah. I don't care what that woman thinks of me, but I'm not having her think my mother was your mistress.”

“You're right,” he said, nodding. “I'll clear it up with her.”

“How will I know you'll do it?” Erica asked. “You lie all the time.”

“I don't lie all the time,” he protested, “but all I can give you is my word. I respected your mother tremendously. And, even though you're acting like a brat, Achelle deserves to have her name cleared. I'll handle it.”

“Good.” Erica turned and headed for the door. When she reached it, she turned back to him. “And from now on, leave Alex out of your dirty dealings.”

“Mind your own business,” Jonah said. “I'll do what I want.”

“Ugh!” She threw her hands in the air and left his office. He didn't deserve a good-bye in her opinion.

She was extremely frustrated just thinking about Juliet's accusations. But for some reason, she believed Jonah. It was crazy, but she had a feeling that whatever it was he had with her mother was real enough that she could count on him to at least clear her name with his wife. He was right. She deserved that.

Regarding Alex, Erica didn't know what to think, but she was afraid for him. Jonah could pull him in and then he'd stop being the great guy she had come to care about so much.

 

Sitting on a park bench after eating lunch, Billie was checking her face in her pocket mirror. She'd hoped to clean up before going back to the office, but she wasn't having much luck. Lately she'd been crying often. It wasn't just that the person she loved most in the world hated her, but it was that she deserved it. She deserved all of it.

She was blaming Porter for being an asshole or Michael for not understanding. She wasn't willing to face up to her own weaknesses and faults. She'd gotten a taste of power and felt like she could get justice for wrongs done to her in the past. For once in her life, she felt in control and thought she could do whatever she wanted. No, she thought she was
entitled
to do whatever she wanted.

With Michael ignoring her and Tara feeling worse than ever, Billie reached a low she hadn't felt in a long, long time. It was similar to how she'd felt when her marriage first fell apart and Tara begged her not to leave, but she had to. She'd felt like such a failure.

She watched as a couple sat down on the bench less than twenty feet from her. They had to be at least in their eighties. Still holding hands, they sat and looked around. The woman made eye contact with Billie and smiled softly. Billie smiled back, noting the look of happiness and contentment on the woman's face.

She wondered, how long had they been together? How many kids did they have? How many grandchildren? How many times had one of them hurt the other and thought it was over, only to figure out he or she couldn't be without the other? How many times had one failed and the other lifted the spouse up with love and support?

The man looked at the woman and said her name. She'd been looking at a pigeon on the grass, but she looked back at him. He winked at her and she giggled, squeezing his hand more tightly.

Billie felt her heart catch in her throat at that small gesture. She wanted to cry—but not the painful crying she'd been doing this last week. No, she wanted to cry from joy at seeing real, enduring love.

This was what she wanted—what she'd always wanted. She'd thought she'd had it with Porter, but it didn't happen. She had blamed him, claiming his affair ruined it all. It broke their marriage, but he didn't ruin it all by himself. She allowed herself to believe that the way he'd treated her ever since she left him was his fault alone. It wasn't, though. She'd let him in her bed. She'd let him tell her lies. She'd let his touch mean more to her than her self-esteem.

She was still so angry because that enduring love had been ripped from her, and she'd thought she knew who was to blame. But nothing was that simple, and she was a big-enough girl to face up to that. Finally . . . but probably too late.

Erica was nervous as hell as she knocked on the door to Alex's office at campaign headquarters, but she knew she had to face him. It was ridiculous for her to continue bending over backward to avoid running into him. She had ignored any texts or e-mails from him that weren't strictly work-related. She'd made excuses to avoid their usual lunch together, or she'd made sure that she left for lunch while he was still in a meeting.

She didn't care what Jonah wanted. Yes, there was a part of her that craved pleasing him, right alongside the part of her that wanted to tell him to go to hell every time she came face-to-face with him. It was not the father/daughter relationship she had in mind, and she imagined it would never be what she'd wanted. But she wasn't about to let him get in her head so much that she couldn't move on with her life.

“Come in!” Alex yelled.

When she entered, he was talking on his cell phone, but stopped the second he saw her. Erica sensed surprise and annoyance in his expression.

She closed the door behind her and walked over to his desk as he quickly finished his phone call and placed his phone on his desk.

“Long time, no see,” she said with a cautious, almost questioning tone.

Alex nodded. “So you're not ignoring me anymore, or is this about work?”

She sighed, walking around the desk. She leaned against it, trying to appear as humble as she felt.

“I know I've been a bitch about this, Alex. I'm sorry. I genuinely am.”

“It was just a kiss,” Alex said. “You acted as if we'd almost had sex.”

“It was just unexpected.”

“Was it really?” Alex asked, looking up at her. “I feel like this has been building between us for a while. Was it completely one-sided?”

“No,” she assured him. “It wasn't. Obviously, we were growing . . . We were becoming good friends.”

“Friends?”
He laughed, leaning forward. “Wow, I guess I had this all wrong.”

“This isn't easy for me, Alex. Please give me a chance.”

He nodded, sitting back.

“I don't have a trusting nature,” she said. “Growing up without a father and . . . Just where I was, I had to be on my toes all the time. It's a coping mechanism to believe I shouldn't trust someone, shouldn't get close to them.”

“You've proven yourself to be someone I can trust,” she continued. “Even though that whole scenario with Terrell threw me for a loop, I know you did it because you care about me.”

“I do,” Alex said, quickly getting up from his chair.

Erica was a little startled at the sudden action, but she didn't move. He was standing next to her, facing her, only a few inches from her.

“I don't want explanations,” he said. “Erica, I want to know how you feel.”

“I—”

The door to his office swung openly suddenly and Jonah entered, yelling Alex's name in a dangerous tone. They both turned to face him. The second he realized what the scene was, or what it appeared to be, the dark expression on his face grew even darker.

“What in the hell is going on here?” he asked, entering the room.

“Nothing.” Erica quickly stepped away from Alex and walked around the desk.