Now and Then (17 page)

“You like having me in your bed?” he asked in a low voice, his breath tickling her neck.

“Yes, very much.”

“Tell me what you like.”

Emma flipped her legs around so she could straddle his lap. Cole gave a low groan as he pulled her body against his. A surge of hot desire flooded through her, and she nibbled on his ear gently.

“There are so many things to like,” she said softly. “I like your hands on me. And your mouth
. I like the way you sound and the way you seem to know whether I want it nice and slow or hard and rough.”

Cole’s hand slid under her shirt and
up her bare back, his long fingers wrapping around the back of her neck. She gasped into his ear at the feel of his skin against hers, and then closed her teeth tightly around his ear lobe.

“God, Em, what you do to me…
Hearing you talk that way makes me crazy. I don’t ever want anyone else to know my sweet Emma is really a dirty girl. Save all that for me.”

Emma wanted to tell him that she had no choice anymore. Everything in her that had anything to do with sexual desire always started and ended wi
th Cole now. What scared her were the other feelings – joy, attachment and even love – that she couldn’t deny she had for him. Did he feel that for her, too, or was this just a sex thing? She wanted to ask but was worried about the deer-in-the-headlights expression she might get if she did. But hearing Cole call her “my Emma” gave her hope that maybe this was something for him, too.

H
er mouth found his, and she was crushed with a wave of desire when he pulled her against him tightly. Her worries faded as Cole kissed her deeply, reminding her that right now, she was the object of his desire.

He pulled her shirt over her head, tossin
g it on the floor, and she reveled in the powerful sensation of his eyes roving over her body, his gaze darkening as he drank her in.

She slipped from his lap and slid her jeans down, his eyes never leaving hers as he pushed his hips up from the chair to pull his jeans and boxers off. He pulled a condom from his pocket as his pants hit the floor, and Emma took in the sight of him.
Usually their clothes came off in the heat of the moment. She’d never been able to look so closely at his entire body, and it set off a fresh wave of longing.

He seemed as lost in desire as she was as he
sat in the chair and rolled the condom on, eyeing her as he reached for her hips.

“You’re beautifu
l, Em,” he said softly. He guided her body on top of his, and she tried to swallow the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. She knew his words were more than just a casual comment about her looks. He was telling her what she meant to him, and the flood of passion it sent through her made her grind her hips into his with a force that made her cry out with pain.

“Slow, baby … slow,” Cole said, his voice tinged with arousal and concern as he moved her hips back slightly. But Emma couldn’t hold back, and as her body adjusted to the deepness of him inside her, she rocked against him with a fierceness that made him throw his head back and groan loudly.

His hands locked around her narrow waist as he gave in to her deep, fast pace. As she arched her back to throw her hair behind her, Cole caught one of her nipples between his teeth with a nip that made her cry out for more.

She hadn’t been able to find the words to tell him wha
t he meant to her, so she was showing him. When she lowered her lips to his for a kiss, she instead found herself moaning into his open mouth as she was overcome quickly by powerful waves that coursed through her entire body.

“Oh, God,” she cried,
gripping his shoulders roughly. “God, Cole!”

“Yes, Em,” he said, his voice low and rough. “Come hard for me.”

His words made her sink her fingertips deeper into his shoulders, and she panted against his ear as he pulled her hips tightly against his one last time with a long, loud groan.

She collapsed against him and he let go of her hips, wrapping his arms around her back. His low laugh rumbled against her chest.

“Fuck … you do something to me no one’s ever done before, Em,” he mumbled into her hair.

“What, no one’s ever ridden you shamelessly?”

“Not … like that. Never like that.”

He gathered her hair and laid it over her shoulder as she knew
he’d watched her do so many times. His fingers traced circles on her bare back as her body relaxed completely into his. She wanted to tell him it had never been like this for her, either, but she didn’t want to ruin the moment with words.

*****

Emma was pulled gently from sleep by Cole’s light, rhythmic snoring in her ear. When she shifted, he reached around her waist to pull her back against his chest.

“Let’s sleep in,” he said with a grunt.

“You go back to sleep. I’m getting up to paint,” she said softly.

“Stay here,” he said, tightening his hold.

“I’m awake now, I can’t go back to sleep.”

“We don’t have to sleep,” he mumbled, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her neck. Emma laughed as she turned to face him.

“You’re insatiable,” she said.

“Only when you’re around.”

“I really like waking up with you.” The vulnerability in her statement sent a trickle of anxiety through Emma, and she watched for a reaction on Cole’s face.

“I like it, too,” he said, pushing a section of her hair away from her face. “And since our mornings often start out the same way … I’ve been meaning to ask you if you’re on the pill.”

“Yes,” Emma said quickly. “I have been for three years.”

“What do you think about not using condoms? I’ve been tested for STDs and I’m clean. And if you’re on the pill…”

“Oh. Maybe, I don’t know,” Emma said, sitting up. “I’ve always used condoms.”

“We can keep using them if you want,” he said, running a finger lightly over her bare shoulder. “I just thought we’d talk about it, because, you know, when you’re in a relationship, it’s, you know … an option.”

Emma sighed as she looked away.

“Are we … in a relationship?” she asked hesitantly
.

Cole’s deep exhale set her on edge.

Do I want him to say yes or no? Yes. Wait, no.

“I hope so,” he said, his voice tight. “It feels like one to me.”

“I know, but it’s … complicated, with Layla and with our mothers both wishing you’d go out with her.”

Cole sat up quickly, running a hand over his hair in aggravation.

“They’ll get over it!” he said loudly. “Is this all you ever want us to be? Pretending we hardly know each other, lying to our families … I hate it, Emma. You’re the only woman I’ve ever been with who wanted to hide it.”

“You know why, Cole. It’s because o
f Layla,” Emma said, agitated.

“I think you’re kidding yourself with that shit. You do
n’t want anyone to know about us, but it has nothing to do with Layla.” He shook his head bitterly, and Emma couldn’t hold back the anger that rose within her. She jumped out of bed, hurling her words at him.

“It has
everything
to do with her! Why would I ruin my relationship with my sister so I can be with a man who lies to me?”

“
Lies
?” Cole recoiled, looking hurt. “You think I’ve lied to you?”

“I know you have!” Emma’s voice shook and tears sprang to her eyes. Cole
stepped out of bed and looked at her expectantly, and she steeled herself. “About Layla. All those times you told me it was ‘no big deal’ and you ‘went out a few times’?”

“It
was
no big deal!” Cole yelled. “Christ, I never would have--”

“Then I must not be a big deal either, Cole, if that’s how you feel ab
out the women you sleep with!”

“Emma?”
His voice sounded hollow and stunned as he reached for her hand, moving it away from her face. “You think I slept with your sister?”

“You did!” she cried.

“I didn’t.” He said it flatly, and Emma’s face flamed with anger at his denial.

“I already knew! You don’t need to lie about it!”

“I never slept with Layla.”

“Maybe you just forgot,” Emma said snidely. Cole shook his head and gave her a look of disgust.

“That’s what you think of me? I sleep with so many women I can’t keep them straight and I lie to you?”

“She told me when it happened!” Emma said.

“Well, she lied, then. When did she tell you this?”

“The morning after p
rom night.”

Cole’s jaw tightened in anger.

“No, Em. She wanted to, but I stopped. I could tell she wanted something more than just sex, and I was leaving for college. I didn’t want any attachments. I wanted to take her home, but she asked me to drop her off at a party instead, so I did.”

“My sister wouldn’t lie to me, Cole.”

He ran a hand through his hair, and Emma could see his muscles were tensed.

“I’ve got to hand it to her,” he said coldly. “She’s driving us apart and she doesn’t even know she’s doing it.”

“Your lies are driving us apart!” Emma said bitterly. The hurt on Cole’s face ripped at her heart.

“Layla’s a lying bitch,” he said. “But if you ch
oose to believe her over me, fine. I didn’t lie to you, but if you don’t trust me, we’ve got nothing left to talk about.”

His face was still set
with anger when he turned toward the door.

“What about your sister?” Emma asked, her voice thick with emotion. “Have you lied to me about her?”

He froze, and Emma wished she could see his face. His shoulders dropped as he sighed, and she cursed the part of her that wanted to run to him and wrap her arms around his back, to feel his closeness and tell him it didn’t matter.

When he turned around, the anger was gone from his face. Now h
e was stoic and resigned.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I did.”

Emma cringed, new tears welling in her eyes.

“Well, I’m sorry, Cole, but I don’t know what to believe. It sounds like when you told me you’ve never lied to me, you were lying.”

He shook his head, looking away.

“Em, I’ve never lied to you about anything else. Shay … it’s complicated. But she h
as nothing to do with us. I haven’t been dishonest about anything to do with us.”

His tortured expression made Emma want to cross the room to be near him,
but she folded her arms over her chest, determined to stand her ground.

“You say you want us to be together, but I don’t know if I can trust it based on your actions,” she said. “I think when someone’s just a casual fuck, lying to them is no
big deal. When you care about someone, you don’t lie to them. Ever.”

“You think you’re a casual fuck to me?” Hurt, anger and disappointment were all etched on his face.

“I don’t know, Cole. I don’t know. Here’s what I know: I’m
terrified
of this thing between us. It feels like I’m back to being pathetic and lovesick and you’ve got me at arms’ length.” Her voice rose with emotion and she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“How do I have you at arms’ length?” he yelled, incredulous. “I’ve been chasing after you since the day we ran into each other at the coffee shop! I’m the one who wants to tell our parents about us! I’m not seeing anyone else! What more do you want from me?”

“I want you to not lie to me,” she said, her voice sounding small. He shook his head with disgust.

“
I didn’t sleep with Layla,” he said, his eyes flashing angrily.

“Cole, the problem is that you say one thing and she says another, and she’s never lied to me about anything else. But you have.”

He put his hands up to signal his defeat.

“I guess we’re done, then,” he said, looking away. Emma’s stomach dropped with terror as she wondered if he meant done with the conversation or done with everything. She wanted to ask, but she knew if she tried to get past the lump in her throat, she’d break down in tears.

Every step he took toward the door was like a punch in her gut, with a knockout delivered as he closed it behind him. Emma dropped to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and releasing the flood of emotions she’d been holding in.

Chapter 16

After a long day of trying to work while avoiding the unwanted attention of Aaron Wright, Emma just wanted to go home. A long bath, some good wine and painting in her pajamas sounded better than anything. Unfortunately, she’d agreed to go out with Layla, Lane and Dani.

Lane Morganstern was Layla’s oldest friend. They’d been cheerleaders together, and Emma found their strolls down memory lane gag-inducing. But Dani was looking forward to going, and Emma figured it would be good for her, given how down she was about Cole.