Now and Then (19 page)

“Sorry,” Emma said, embarrassed.

“Don’t be sorry, Em. Ask me whatever you want.”

“Did she ever get better?”

“Yes and no,” Cole said, a cloud crossing his face. “The doctors got her pretty stabilized, but it never lasted. We’d bring her home and she’d be a mess again. She tried to kill herself a couple times and my Mom was just about out of her mind trying to protect Shay from herself.”

Emma’s chest felt heavy as she wondered where Shay was. She didn’t want to ask, because she had a terrible feeling Cole had been keeping secrets about Shay because she’d committed suicide. She cringed at the way she had treated him for lying to her.

“She didn’t kill herself,” Cole said softly, seeming to know what Emma was thinking. “She lives at an inpatient facility in Indianapolis.”

“Do you see her?”

Cole dropped his eyes, sighing heavily.

“No. I haven’t seen her for a few years. It’s hard, you know? It wouldn’t take a shrink to see I have a lot of resentment toward her.”

“Why?” Emma asked softly. Cole gave her a puzzled look.

“Can’t you see why?” he asked.

“Sure, but sometimes it feels good to say it out loud.”

Cole gave her a tiny smile.

“Everything’s always been about her,” he said bitterly. “My parents have fought over her, cried over her, spent a fortune on her. And she doesn’t even care. Do you know my parents missed the playoff game my senior year because they were at the hospital with her? She’d stolen her roommate’s medication stash and overdosed on it. And my Mom missed my college graduation because Shay had a violent episode at the hospital. There was always this thing hanging over us, even when she was away at the hospital. Always wondering, every time the phone rang, if she’d killed herself. I tried so hard to be the best, to make my parents happy and proud, but it was fucking impossible.”

“Cole, I’m so sorry,” Emma said, pushing down the
tears that threatened to fall. “I wish I could have been there for you then, more than you know.”

“I’ve kept it all to myself for such a long time, and I don’t want it to poison me, Em. I don’t even talk to my parents about it. These past few days I’ve been so pissed at my Mom because the lies she created
about my sister caused tension between you and me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Shay sooner, but I didn’t know where things were going with us, and--”

“Don’t apologize,” Emma said firmly, reaching up to his cheek. “I’m so sorry for doubting you. It was more about doubting myself, anyway. I keep waiting for you to realize you can have any woman you want.
In some weird way, I think I wanted to sabotage things to save myself from heartbreak down the road.”

“Em,” Cole said, his expression serious as he met her eyes, “You have to stop thinking that way. You’re not a teenager with a crush on an older boy anymore. You’re a beautiful, smart, incredible woman. I’m the lucky one, not you.”

Emma smiled, flattered but unconvinced by his words.

“Cole--” she started.

“I love you,” he said, reaching his hands around her hips. “I’m in love with you, Em, and I want us to be together.”

She stared at him, too stunned to speak.
It took a few seconds for his words to sink in, but when they did, she couldn’t keep her tears from falling. Every time she considered speaking, she stopped, replaying the sound of his words in her head instead.

Cole looked at her imploringly, leaning forward and causing Emma to catch a hint of his scent.

“Be with me,” he said. “I’ll never let you down. Just give me a chance to make you happy, baby. If you don’t love me now, I’ll do whatever--”

“I do love you!” Emma blurted loudly. “Of course I love you! And of course I want to be with you.”

Cole’s muscles relaxed as he sighed, looking relieved.

“You weren’t sure?” she asked, confused. “How could you ever wonder if I’d want to be with you? I’m hopelessly in love with you, Cole.”

“How could you ever wonder if I’d want to be with you?” he challenged playfully. “I’m hopelessly in love back.”

Emma laughed loudly, overwhelmed with happiness. She reached for Cole, but he tightened his hold on her waist, keeping her back.

“Listen,” he said earnestly, “We need to tell our families. I don’t want to hide it anymore. I’ll tell Layla with you if you want.”

Emma sighed heavily.

“You’re right. We do need to tell them. I think it’d be best if I tell Layla when we’re alone. We’re going out to dinner Friday night, I’ll tell her then. Hopefully she won’t beat my ass in a crowded restaurant.”

Cole laughed, pulling her close in a hug.

“It’ll be fine,” he said. “She knows I’m not interested in her. Why would she care if I’m interested in you?”

“Oh, Co
le,” Emma said, resting her head against his shoulder. “In a lot of ways, it all started with you. Layla always wanted me to know I couldn’t have anything she wanted. She knew about my crush on you and that’s why she lied to me about sleeping with you.”

“But that was when you were teenagers,” he said, pressing his nose into her hair. “You’re adults now, and I’m sure she has the maturity to be happy you’re happy.”

Emma smiled to herself, knowing Layla wouldn’t be happy. She wasn’t sure how bad her sister’s reaction would be, and she wasn’t looking forward to finding out.

Chapter 17

Emma yawned and reached for her coffee cup, giv
ing it a look when she saw it was almost empty. She’d been up late with Cole the night before, and though it was worth it, she was tired at work today.

She was in the middle of a design project, so the marginal break room coffee would have to do. She scrolled through her phone as she walked that way, rolling her eyes when she saw a missed call from Layla. What more could she possibly have to say after last night? She’d been so rude to Dani.

Emma dialed her sister back, hoping she’d be busy and the call would go to voicemail, but Layla answered.

“Hey, Em,” she said.

“Hi.” Emma was cool and guarded. Layla sighed deeply on the other end of the line.

“I’m sorry about last night,” she said. “
I want to call Dani and apologize to her, too. I really don’t have any excuse.”

“I don’t get any of it, Layla,” Emma said hotly. “Why you’d be so bitchy to my friend or to me, even if it was ten years ago. It just brings back all the hurt I felt back then.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and Emma wondered if the call had dropped. Layla was never at a loss for words.

“I’m sorry, Em,” Layla finally said. “I’ve been thinking about it constantly since last night. I lied about Cole after prom night because I was ashamed. I really liked him a lot. More than I let on to anyone. When he asked me to prom at the last minute, I was so excited. I’d wanted to be his girlfriend since the day they moved in. Cole was always more than just a hot guy to me. He’s
got a sweet side and I love that he’s kind of intense and secretive. I wanted to get closer to him and I knew that was my chance. I tried so hard at prom to show him I was worth being with.”

Layla’s voice cracked with emotion, and Emma’s heart sank.

“I wanted him to be my first. I thought he’d see … I just thought it would change things, make him want to be with me, even though he was leaving for college. But he stopped. He said he liked me a lot, but didn’t want any attachments back home when he left. I know I was just a stupid 17-year-old, Em, but I was devastated. I went to a party and screwed John Jeurgens thinking I’d show Cole. It was awful – a huge mistake. And when I woke up the next morning, I told you what I wished was the truth.”

“Layla,” Emma said softly. “I’m sorry.”

She didn’t know whether she was sorry for the rejection her sister had endured as a teenager or sorry for secretly being with Cole now, but Emma felt remorseful.

“It’s not an excuse for the way I treated you back then, or the way I treated Dani last night. I really am sorry, Em. When Cole came to Mom and Dad’s house that day, I thought it was my second chance.
My feelings were all still there. I talk a good game, but the truth is I want the same thing all women do. I want a great guy that I can have something real with. And it’s hard to see everyone around me finding it while I’m still alone. I tried with Cole again and got rejected again.”

Layla sighed deeply and Emma sank into a break room chair, grateful the room was empty for once.
It was unlike Layla to be so vulnerable and honest, and she was caught off guard.

“It’s going to happen for you, Layla,” Emma said. “I know it’s hard to be patient--”

“Maybe someday. I hope so,” Layla said. “But I didn’t call to cry to you about my love life. I called to say I’m sorry. For hurting you back then, and for last night. You’re my sister, and I love that we’re close now. I feel like such a shit for being so mean to you back then. You’re worth a hundred of the bitches I hung out with in high school.”

“Thanks,” Emma said softly. “It would be nice if you’d apologize to Dani, but we’re good.”

“Okay,” Layla said, exhaling with relief.

“I have to get back to my desk, can I call you later?” Emma said, refilling the coffee cup she’d already drained half of.

“Sure.”

As they hung up, Emma realized she was in deep. How could she tell Layla she was with Cole now?

*****

Aaron Wright’s eyes were locked on her breasts, and Emma was mortified. They were in a meeting with
a client, and she hoped he didn’t notice.

Her white blouse wasn’t cut
that
low, it was just lower than what she usually wore. She had put it on that morning, along with a black pencil skirt and black thigh-high stockings, in anticipation of dinner with Cole that night. He always raved about seeing her in stockings in heels, and dammit, she wouldn’t have worn four-inch heels for
anyone
but him.

Definitely not for Aaron
, who licked his lips as his eyes met Emma’s.

“Do I have something on my shirt?” she asked, pretending to look.

“Uh … no,” he said, looking away.

“I like what you’ve done,” said their client, Max Hart. He owned a dozen car dealerships in Chicago and had more money than he knew what to do with. Aaron and Emma had created a campaign promoting the dealerships, with Max as the star. Emma wasn’t surprised he loved it, since his face was featured prominently on every billboard, pamphlet and Internet ad.

“We’ll let you take these materials and think it over,” Aaron said, rising to shake his hand. “Actually, I’ll have them delivered to your office.”

“No, that won’t be necessary,” Max said.  “I’m in. This is everything I wanted and more.”

“Outstanding,” Aaron said, smiling widely. “Emma and I will get to work immediately.”

Emma felt a thrill at being part of the project. She was usually behind the scenes,
but being front and center was better than she’d expected.

They saw Max to the elevator
, and Aaron guided Emma back toward his office with a hand on the small of her back.

“We’
ll need to get right to work,” he said. “But first, a quick celebration. I keep champagne in my office for occasions like this.”

His wink made Emma certain she didn’t want to celebrate with him.

“Raincheck?” she said. “I have to finish up another design project I have open.”

“Which one?” Aaron said, agitated.

“Kyoto. I want to wrap it up.”

“That’s not due for almost two weeks. Get your tight ass into my office,” he said in a voice only she could hear. Her coworkers were eyeing them, and Emma shifted uncomfortably.

“I’d rather not,” she said.

“You’d rather not listen to your boss?” Aaron was skeptical and even more agitated.

“You aren’t paying me to drink champagne, you’re paying me to design, and that’s what I want to do.”

Aaron’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You’re telling me you wore
that
to design logos in?” he said. “I fucking hate it when women practically beg for it and then play hard to get.”

“I’m not begging you for anything, Aaron. I’m having dinner with my boyfriend tonight. And I fucking hate it when men use their power to make women feel like they have to do things they don’t.”

Aaron’s mouth dropped open in shock.

“Emma,” he said smoothly, “You’re--”

“Don’t bother. I quit,” she said, turning for her desk. Her few photos and possessions fit into her carrying bag, and by the time she finished packing everything, she was surprised how calm she was.

“I don’t want to get you in trouble,” she said to Brian in a low voice, not looking at him. “But keep in touch, okay?”

“I will. That was awesome, Emma,” he said, grinning as he kept his face on his computer monitor.

During
the elevator ride down, Emma pulled out her phone to call Cole. She remembered he was in court when she got his voicemail, so she texted him to call her.

After
she exited the glass doors of the building that was home to Wright Design for the last time, Emma smiled. She’d done something risky and scary entirely on her own, and it felt good.

*****

Frank Sinatra crooned from the speakers in the living room as Emma whisked batter in a large mixing bowl. She looked over when the door opened, smiling when Cole walked in.

“You okay
?” he asked, concerned. “I’ve been texting you.”

“Sorry, I’ve been working on this recipe. It’s grilled ham and cheese that you make with a waffle iron. It’s amazing.”

“That sounds good,” Cole said, loosening his tie as he walked over. “Why did you change your mind about going out?”

Emma sighed heavily.

“I had a shitty day at work,” she said, looking down into the batter. “I just want to spend the evening at home alone with you.”

“What happened?” he asked, approaching to wrap his arms around her from behind. She closed her eyes and leaned back into him, enjoying the solid, comforting feel of his body.

“My boss was an asshole to me and I quit my job,” she said in a small voice. She tensed, waiting for a reaction, but Cole just tightened his hold, lowering his head so his lips were against her ear.

“You want to talk about it?” he asked.

“Do I look slutty?” Her voice wavered with emotion, and Cole slid his hands to her hips, turning her around to face him.

“Did he say that to you?” he asked. Emma looked away.

“Just … do I?” she asked again.

“Absolutely not, baby,” Cole said firmly, reaching for the whisk that Emma still had in her hand, which w
as dripping batter onto the floor. “You’re beautiful, and it’s impossible not to notice that no matter what you’re wearing. Did he come on to you?”

She
nodded miserably.

“We landed a big account, and he wanted to celebrate in his office. I knew what he had in mind, because he’s not very good at hiding it, so I told him I had work to do. He knew I didn’t. Anyway, he said I wouldn’t dress this way if I wasn’t trying to get his attention and he got mad.”

Cole’s face had darkened in anger.

“What a prick,” he said. “I’d like to kick his ass and sue him – in that order.”

Emma reached around his neck, pressing herself against him.

“Tonight I just want to wallow,” she said. “I know it’ll be okay. I have paintings I can sell, and this will give me more time for my art.
I won’t be able to afford my apartment, but I can move in with Layla, she has a guest room. But it still feels crummy. If I quit, I wanted it to be because I wanted to, not because of this.”

Cole grabbed her hips and lifted her to sit on the kitchen counter. Emma smiled, thinking of how much better she felt since he’d walked in.

“Why don’t you move in with me?” he said, brushing his nose against hers softly.

“You don’t have to do that. Layla won’t mind,” Emma said, her heart pounding as Cole ran his fingers up her calves. Even through her stockings, t
he sensation of his touch made Emma close her eyes, the familiar burn of desire for him setting in.

“Em, I want
you to move in with me. We spend most nights together anyway.”

“Have you ever lived with anyone?” she asked, apprehensive.

“Just college roommates and fraternity brothers. What about you?”

“No. I mean, not
really. I kind of lived with someone in Paris, but not for very long.”

“A man?” There was a hint of jealousy in his tone.

“Yes, but we were more like roommates. I only let him move in because he was broke and had no other options.”

“Do
n’t you want to move in with me?” he asked, his voice low and sexy. As he pushed her hair aside to kiss her neck, Emma felt a sigh and a moan escape at the same time.

“Um … I do. I mean,
it sounds great, but … God, that feels good … there’s, I have Vincent, you know, and you may not want a cat around. And also … I have to have a place to paint, and I don’t want to take over your apartment, and I … you’ve never seen me without makeup …”

Cole’s hand
wandered higher, and Emma squealed as he lifted her down from the counter, pulled her skirt up around her waist, and lifted her back up.

“Much better,”
he said. “I don’t care about any of that, Em. Bring the cat, make my office into a painting room. We wake up together now and I see you without makeup and you know I want to fuck you every single time. So tell me what I can do to convince you.”

He ran his fingertips underneath the seam of her thigh-high stocking, his other hand unbuttoning her blouse.

“Cole …” she murmured, raking her fingers into his short hair. His hand made its way from the stockings up to the lacy white panties she’d worn in anticipation of a night out. As he slipped his fingers inside, his mouth moved hungrily over the lace of her bra, and Emma arched her back toward him. Her newly unemployed status forgotten, all she wanted was for Cole to take her right here on the kitchen counter, next to the waiting waffle batter.

He groaned as
he slid his fingers in further, and Emma moaned loudly.