Obsession: Loving An Alpha Male (10 page)

I’m really in trouble now. I’m beginning to love being in the light.

So almost two and a half months had gone by since Josh and I met and we have spent a lot of time together. The times we didn’t see each other, we’ve spoken by phone a lot. We’ve met some mornings at Sara’s, and he was taking me back and forth to work from Finn’s and LeMonts. It didn’t matter to Josh how late I was working either job. He was there no matter what. The times he couldn’t be there, he would send someone, i.e. Ivan, to make sure I got home safely.

When he wasn’t protecting me, he was making me laugh and making me fall for him deeper and deeper by the second. I loved talking to him. I loved being with him, and every time my phone would ring, my heart would beat double time with just the anticipation of hearing his voice. I never meant to catch feelings, but I had and I was not one hundred percent sure that he felt the same way. I mean, if you think about it, no man would spend as much time with a woman just for fun, but still the string of doubt was embedded in me. I’d been brought up not to expect good things to come my way.

Being with Josh, it was hard to keep those things in mind. It was the way he looked at me that had me believing he cared about me. The tender way he touched me and smiled at me. It seemed as though all of his sweet smiles and dimples were only made for me, and well, he had proven that time and time again. Any time he saw me I swear his face lit up, those beautiful dimples deepen, and I couldn’t help but melt right in his arms. I couldn’t be imagining things. I mean, things between us were heating up, so he had to feel something for me, right?

And when I say things were heating up, I’m not kidding.
Holy shit
. Every moment of everyday I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to feel his arms around me, I wanted to feel his body against mine. God, the things he made me feel was something I would have loved to explore, but I was afraid of that part. He never pushed me though, and we definitely had some hot make out sessions. And when I say
hot make out sessions
, I mean HOT.

I needed him. I felt so incomplete when we weren’t together, and what was weird was the moment those feelings of loss over him appeared, he either called me or showed up at my job. It was like he knew or could sense me needing him or something.

I was afraid of that, naturally, and who could blame me, right? Seriously, no human being should need another human being this much, unless they are a helpless infant. I knew it was unhealthy to need Josh the way that I do. Hell, what if he got tired of spending time with me? What would I do then? Maybe I was beginning to become too needy.

So I made a plan. Josh told me to call him when I got off work from LeMonts, and he would come and get me. For the last few days Josh had been working some crazy hours, and every time I saw him, he looked exhausted. He told me briefly what he was working on at work, and I offered to help him. International finance and business was my thing. It’s what good at, and I told him during my time in Princeton I got articles published in quite a few business journals on the topic. I could probably find whatever he was looking for a lot faster than he could because I knew what to look for, but he declined my offer. He said it would be unethical for me to help him, and even though no one would find out, he still didn’t let me help.

No matter how tired he was, he got out of bed, drove twenty minutes from town to Mt. Washington just to take me home. Then he drove back home to get up for a daily meeting he has scheduled in the early a.m.

Now please don’t think I’m selfish. I’ve told him I can take a cab home from work, or I’ll purposefully not call him when my shift ended. But wouldn’t you know it; he was sitting outside the building waiting for me anyway.

When he dropped me off, I would offer him my bed or my couch, anything to get him to not have to drive back home, but he would always decline. I was starting to feel really guilty, so when Mr. Creepy told me today I could leave early, I didn’t call Josh. I called a cab and made it home safe and sound. I took off my clothes and jumped in the shower, reminding myself that when I get out to text Josh and tell him I was home.

Once I got out of the shower, I did just that and said he should get some sleep. I did my usual night routine and removed my SIM card from my phone, in order to keep my movements a secret, and replaced it with another one. I pushed the button to turn my phone back on, climbed under my blanket and I swear I was asleep in two point two seconds.

****

Bang! Bang! Bang!

I rolled over and wondered who in the heck did my neighbor piss off this time? At least once a week some girl was cussing and yelling at my neighbor, Stanley, who moved in three weeks ago and lived across the hall. He had a different woman in his apartment almost every night. He tried to hit on me one time, but I looked at him and said, hell no! My saying no didn’t have anything to do with the way he looked or that Stanley wasn’t hot because he was, in that Abercrombie & Fitch model–type sort of way. He was tall and lean with like zero body fat. He had thick dark hair that always looks like a few hands had been raked through it. It was just that my sights were on another guy, and I had my hands full with just him.

Anyway, after I turned him down we were just cool.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Damn, that sounds close, and wait, did I just hear my name?

I reached for my phone and realized it was off. What the hell? I sat up and pushed the on button and realized then that when I changed my SIM card I didn’t turn my phone back on.

“Summer!” I heard the most egregious voice known to man, and I instantly jumped out of my bed.

I came out of my bedroom, turned the corner past my kitchen and got to my door.

“Who is it?” I asked.

Yeah, I knew who it was, but the question just came out.

“Open the door, Summer!” An angry Josh admonished.

I undid the chain and the deadbolt and opened the door to a red faced Josh. He moved past me just as my neighbor opened his door.

“Hey you, okay?” Stanley asked.

I felt the heat and that was from Joshua Cooper standing behind me.

“What the fuck do you want?”

Josh started to move me from the doorway when I realized I better diffuse this ticking time bomb behind me.

“Josh, this is my neighbor, Stanley. Stanley, yes, I’m fine thanks for asking and sorry if we woke you.”

Stanley looked at Josh for a minute longer then looked over at me. “Okay, well let me know if you need me.”

“Don’t worry she won’t.” Josh replied and closed my door.

I reeled around to find Josh’s back facing me as he walked around my apartment. I followed dumbfounded.

“What are you doing?”

He didn’t reply. He walked around my small space checking my bathroom, closets and headed to the back of my apartment to my backdoor.

“Josh!” I called.

Finally satisfied, I guess, he stormed back to me. I was still in the living room and as he barreled down on me all I could do was back up against the wall.

Josh caged me in between his arms and asked in a very calm tone that was still a little unsettling, “How did you get home?”

I looked up in his eyes and what I saw was something that shocked the hell out of me. It wasn’t anger that would undoubtedly match his behavior. No, what I saw in his eyes was hurt.

“Summer, I’m holding on by a thin thread here. Answer my question. How…did...you...get...home?”

“I took a cab,” I said quickly.

“Why didn’t you call me? You know I hate you traveling alone late at night.”

“It wasn’t late at night. Josh. I got off early. Mr. Creepy–”

Josh frowned. “Who?”

Shit

“Um, Mr. Red, my boss… he um… he let me go home early. And you’ve been so tired lately… working like crazy. You won’t let me help you, so I figured I’d help another way by letting you sleep. I texted you when I got home so you wouldn’t worry. Didn’t you get it?”

Josh exhaustedly ran his hands from the top of his head down past his face.

“Yeah, I got your text.”

I smiled. “Okay, see so why–”

“But when you didn’t respond to my reply and the countless calls and text messages after that…” he trailed off.

Damn!

“Josh, had I known you were texting or calling, I would have answered,” I told him, understanding why he was banging on my door and why he checked my apartment.

“Yes, I know that, so when you didn’t… Let’s just say I didn’t want to assume you were okay.”

Josh backed away from me and turned around. He placed both of his hands on his head and looked around my apartment.

“I’m sorry you were worried, but you don’t have to be. I’ve been okay this long I think…” I started, but when he whirled around, the look I saw his eyes told me I had made a grave mistake.

“How can you tell me not to be worried that you didn’t respond to my text and that your phone was off?” He started walking toward me again. “Your phone is never off. I was going shit out of my fucking mind wondering if you’d been hurt or if that son of a bitch had you. Do you have any idea the things I thought about? Damn it, Summer, I thought I was coming here to find your lifeless body in this fucking apartment.”

I instinctively put my hands on his face and leveraged myself so at least I didn’t have to pull him down to my level too much.

I said, “I’m so sorry, okay? I didn’t realize you’d worry about me so much. I was just trying to let you get some sleep. But I’m fine; I won’t do that anymore, okay? I’ll call you instead of texting. I’ll wait for you or I’ll call Ivan, okay?” I caressed his face softly and said just as soft, “I’m sorry, Joshua.”

I got all the way on the tips of my toes and kissed his lips. I gave him a few chaste kisses until I felt his body relax. His arms snaked around my waist, and he pulled me closer to him.

He took over the kiss the moment I opened my mouth and our tongues touched. That was when I found myself backed up against the wall, my arms pinned up above my head and a roaming hand that seemed to be getting quite familiar with my body… YES!!!!!!!

Josh was on his way to pick up Summer from work on Mt. Washington when he saw her on the side of the building looking out onto the city.

Josh pulled up and got out of the car. She turned, hearing his car door close, and when she saw him, she smiled. God, he loved her smile. He smiled back but instantly froze when a man approached her he didn’t recognize; it was clear Summer did. Her smile dropped from her face and was replaced with paralyzing fear. She shook her head and put her hands up in a defensive gesture at the man.

That’s when Josh saw that the stranger had a gun in his hand. Josh yelled Summer’s name and went for his own piece, only to find he was unarmed.

“Fuck!” Josh yelled and ran to Summer, but it was too late.

He heard the gun go off before he saw the impact. Summer’s lovely face contorted with pain, disappeared along with her body over the guardrail.

“Summer….” Josh shot up from the couch and instinctively grabbed for his phone.

That’s when he saw Summer had texted him that she was home about an hour ago.

“Shit!”

He remembered hearing his phone go off, but he dismissed it thinking it was Paula calling him or texting him again. She was becoming relentless with her pursuit of him, and he knew he needed to talk to her.

He texted her back, asking how she got home.

He kept trying to stress to her the importance of not relying on public transportation to get home. He felt better when he or Ivan took her home and check her apartment, just to make sure she was safe. He didn’t think she was in immediate danger, but one thing that has always been his motto: never underestimate anyone and always be prepared. He hadn’t started the steps to rid Summer of her past, but once he started shaking trees, he wanted her already in a regimen that would keep her safe.

When he didn’t receive a reply in the first fifteen minutes, he didn’t think anything of it. Thirty minutes later when he called her and her phone went straight to voice mail, he became worried. She never turned her phone off, no matter what. And to top things off, she wouldn’t just leave work without at least calling him and telling him. She would never text.

“Fuck!”

Josh got up quick, grabbed his phone, keys, wallet, and glock and headed down to his car. He’d probably lost an hour and a half, which was time he would never get back. He started to call his brother, but he decided to wait. He hoped it wouldn’t be too much for his brothers to track her if she was taken. He knew deep down if she was still in the apartment, it was a possibility she wouldn’t be breathing.

His heart was beating out of his chest as he pounded on her door.

Please be in here.

The moment she opened the door he wanted to grab her and kiss her silly. That was until he saw what she came to the door in. She wore this really thin silky tank shirt with no bra and these extremely short silky matching shorts.

Ashamed of his ignorance, his next thought was she wasn’t alone, and it didn’t help watching her neighbor come to the door and rake his eyes over her body. He was fuming and out of control. The steel behind his back was weighing heavily, and he prayed he wouldn’t find anyone here. He knew he was becoming undone, but he couldn’t help it. The possessiveness in him took over.

When his search came up empty, he calmed slightly, enough to talk to her, but that calmness didn’t last very long. He was starting to get pissed off even more at how clueless she was about how he felt about her.

He almost confessed to her what she truly meant to him when she did something that she had never done before, she took charge. She must have felt he was holding on for dear life, and she reached up and touched his face and initiated a kiss from him so sweet he had no choice but to let go. When she opened her mouth to him and let him kiss her the way he loved so much, all control left his body.

He pinned her up against the wall, her wrists together in one of his hands, and positioned them above her head while his other hand traveled down her side and to one of her breasts. He squeezed and massaged it, marveling over how it fit in his hand the way he liked, while he trailed kisses down her neck and behind her ear.

Her moans were making him lose his mind, and the way her hips started to move made Josh instinctively put his thigh between her legs, giving her the friction she was searching for. Josh pulled her shirt down just enough to reveal a perky round nipple that was screaming for him, teasing him.

He bent over more and moved his tongue over her taunt nipple before he greedily captured it in his mouth.

“Oh Joshua… yes… please….” she whispered to him with a need that fueled him to consume her completely.

He yanked harder on her shirt, and the front of her shirt fell, revealing what he’s been dreaming about since he met her.

“Damn, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered to her before taking the other nipple in his mouth while he massaged and pulled the nipple from the other breast.

“Joshua… Please let me touch you…” she called to him.

Josh wanted nothing more than to let her touch him, searing him with a desire so strong, but what he had behind his back, tucked in his pants, would undeniably freak her out.

He would have to figure out something when he moved this show to her bedroom, but for now, he was enjoying this heavenly body of hers.

He trailed kisses back up to her collarbone, her neck, back to her lips and kissed her with everything he’d been feeling for weeks. This kiss was hard and rough and demanding. He wanted her to know how much he ached for her, how much he desired her.

As he kissed her, he kept a tight hold on her wrists, and his other hand traveled down to her shorts and under her panties to her heat between her legs. He caressed her clit and moved his mouth back to the sensitive spot right under her ear.

“Oh my… Joshua!”

Summer started moving her hips, and he knew her desires were building. Just as Josh started moving his finger to feel her, she instantly went ridged and clasped her legs together.

“Wait, Josh, oh God I…”

The panic in her voice felt like someone poured cold water all over him. He moved back from her as quick as he could, his eyes wide as he raked them over her. To see the state she was in, red marks traveling down her chest, her breast red and her lips swollen, her shirt torn and…
shit.

Josh reached for her wrists and saw how red they were.

“Oh fuck, Summer, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to be… Oh fuck…”

Josh ran his hands over his head and closed his eyes. He started to move toward her, then stopped unable to look her in the eyes.

Summer stared and didn’t move at first, then finally she said, shaking her head, “No, Josh, it’s okay, really. I’m…”

“No God damn it, it’s not okay. After everything you’ve been through, I go and I lose control like that.”

Josh closed his eyes and shook his head. He was completely ashamed of himself. He lost control and ruined the best chance of his life.

Summer shook her head and moved closer to him. She held her shirt over her breasts with one hand and the other went to touch him on his arm, but he moved back from her.

“Listen, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you, God, baby, I’m…” Josh closed his eyes again then moved quickly to the door, unlocked it and left without another word.

He couldn’t get away from her fast enough. To think he’d been trying to get her to trust him, to see that she was safe with him, and he singlehandedly fucked it up in only a matter of minutes. He lost control and became the very person he was trying to save her from.

“Fuck!!!!!!”