On Becoming His (16 page)

I don’t know journal. Am I a bad girl and too willful for him? Maybe I am
,
but I’m trying to be the woman he wants and needs. I want so many things for us and so much that we share. I just don’t know how to tell him everything. I’m afraid he’ll think of me badly. No, I’m afraid he’ll think I’m a freak, but what if I want to try pussy whipping? What if I want to try being tied down and taken savagely? Is that weird? I worry.
The truth is I feel a distance between us and I can’t understand why. It has to be me.

“Oh baby.”
Luke shook his head and reread the passage again.
How could she think she was doing anything wrong?
There was nothing wrong with her desires to learn more, taste more. He’d tried to encourage her curiosity about everything related to BDSM, but the choice in his mind was hers when the time was right to indulge in darker fantasies. He didn’t feel she was ready. As he brought the coffee cup to his mouth he realized his hand was shaking. The plausible truth was that he wasn’t ready. While he wanted the joy of sharing every aspect of their journey together, including BDSM, he wasn’t certain he was ready to take their relationship to another level. The heightened level of responsibility wasn’t something he took lightly. One fumble and he could easily push her
unprepared down
a path
froth with risks.

For a few seconds he thought about Suzana, the only woman from his past that he’
d loved almost as much as his Jezebel
. She’d been the very first woman to allow him the opportunity to truly be
himself
and her love was the very first time he’d felt real devotion, without a single question. Suzana would have given
him
absolutely anything he’d asked for, never hesitating for a minute. They’d shared so many aspects of the D/s lifestyle, quickly moving into kink
.  Much to his regret, he
had misjudged her readiness to move into the darker aspects of the D/s lifestyle and it cost both of them dearly.
Hissing through clenched teeth he
clamped
his eyes shut, admonishing his thoughts.

He’d promised himself he’d
stop beating himself
up
over what happened. How could he know she’d lose her
way?
Unfortunatel
y what had happened would forever change him and the single reason he hadn’t been able to love again or consider another D/s relationship, until Jessie had entered into his life.
He would die protecting her, loving her and cherishing her. Nothing was going to happen to her.
Nothing.
He would not make the same mistake again.

He glanced up at the ceiling as he tried to calm his breathing, fisting his mouth.
Of course
,
she had comment
ed
on his terse moods as of late. While work was taking him away from home far too often, there were ugly and very dark truths hiding behind his swinging emotions. The why he couldn’t quite grasp onto
or rather he didn’t want to face the painful truth
.
Maybe he needed to spend s
ome time reflecting. Even Jezebel
had been trying to convince him to connect with his old friends, buddies he’d gone through college with. Luke hadn’t seen the guys in almost six years. After Suzana he’d ended a chapter in his life, shutting the door completely. Maybe his decision had been rash. Then again, he needed time to heal.

Jezebel
was the love of his life and she deserved everything she longed for.
Sighing, Luke closed the book and knew he needed to make certain she didn’t think there was anything wrong with her desires. She was a woman of great passion and one of the aspects about her life and her personality was how much enjoyment and passion she had for trying new things. Their intimacy was something he’d never experienced before. Never. The way she loved him and ga
ve her body to him so freely, made
his hunger swell every day to the point he had to have her often.
 
Even now
his balls were swollen,
aching to the point he needed relief and soon.

Exhaling slowly he rose from the chair and turned toward the sink. There were so many things he wanted to talk to her about, including his past. She deserved nothing less. She’d given him so much of herself. As he gazed out the window he thought about how to begin another chapter
in their life
. Slowly. That was a given. He would make certain she really wanted to try some new things and he wanted to
understand and learn if
her level of commitment was strong enough
, if she was strong enough
.

He no longer questioned her total devotion to him. She had proven repeatedly she would do anything to please him, to make him happy and that’s what scared him. 
When he started this D/s journey with Jessie, he vowed
not
to rush matters, not to push her into aspects of the lifestyle before she had learned some important lessons.  He would NOT repeat the same error in judgment
with
his precious Jessie
that he did with Suzana. He
needed to know, beyond a shadow of doubt,
if Jessie
was strong enough not to lose her identity or her will
. 

Hearing her light footsteps
from
behind he growled. “Good morning my Jezebel.”

“Good morning my Sir.”

As he turned around he moaned. The very vision of her was breathtaking.

****

Jezebel
walked into the kitchen and
could tell Luke was
thinking about something
that bothered
him
. He’d been very tense the past few days and his mood swings had added
to her anxiousness, her second-
guessing
of herself and how well she was progressing
.
She smiled when he turned, refusing to allow him to see her angst.
Unfortunately
,
h
e was leaving for another long trip in a little over two weeks and she’d taken a few days off from work so they could be together. She certainly wasn’t going to spend their time grousing or worrying. Besides, she knew what would give him pleasure. Brushing her hand through her hair she shifted forward and licked her lips. “I woke up and you weren’t there
beside me. I was lonely
.”
She fondled the lock on her collar, having sele
cted one with a lock on purpose. She enjoyed
reminding him that he owned every part of her.

“You were resting peacefully and I had a few things to work on,” Luke said quietly, his eyes darting down the length of her body.
He glanced at her collar and smiled. “Nice choice.”

“Thank you, Sir.
I
was going to give you some very special attention
in bed
this morning.
I was going to give you everything you crave.
” Easing her hand inside the bodice of her silk robe, she gave him a mischievous look and swayed her hips back and forth
as she tugged on the single sash
.
As the robe fell open, she absently flicked her finger back and forth across her nipple,
moaning
as the bud instantly became rock hard. She was wet and horny, having awakened from a scintillating dream about him
taking her hard from behind
. There was something so incredible about the way he looked at her and right now she was tingling all over.

“Special? I like the sound of that
and baby, there’s not enough time in life to give me everything I crave from you
.
”
Beckoning to her with a single finger
,
he narrowed his eyes. “Come to me. Show me.”

Jezebel
eased forward, taking her time
. W
hen she was right in front of him she shifted, allowing the slip of material to fall to the floor. “What would you like this morning?”
Taking both hands
,
she brushed the flats down from her neck to her breasts, pinching and squeezing her nipples as she blew him a kiss.

“Everything
and don’t tease me
.” His voice filling with a husky tone, Luke cupped her face, bringing her close. “I want every part of you.” Capturing her mouth he wrapped his other hand around her neck, pulling her all the way into the heat of his body.

When he pressed his tongue inside she melted into him, her heart racing. The mere touch of his hand was enough to cause her to shiver from head to toe. Their tongues entwining
,
she inhaled his musky scent and slipped her hand around his waist. Her nipples
were swollen, aching with need. T
he second she felt his throbbing cock thumping into her belly she almost dropped to her knees.

When he broke the kiss he brushed his thumb back and forth across her lips. “My kitty is hungry this morning. Would you like some cream?
The question is, do you deserve my cream?
”

“God yes. Yes, Sir!
I’ve been very good.
” Her eyes opening wide, she
could tell he was amused but thirsty for her.

Placing his finger into her mouth, he thrust it in and out, forcing her to suck. “Do you want to have my cock in your mouth?”

Shuddering, Jezebel
tilted her head back and nodded slowly as she savored the taste of his skin.
She sucked fervently, issuing soft moans around his finger.
She held his hand in both of hers and watched his every move. When he removed his finger she sighed and nibbled on her bottom lip.

“I can smell your desire this morning.
Pinch your nipples for me.”

Instantly obeying, she held both hard buds between her thumb
s
and forefinger
s
, pinching and twisting both until a slice of pain swept through her system. “
Mmm
…”

“
Are you wet for me?” Giving her no time to answer he swirled the tip of his finger around her clit as he studied her face and then pressed three
fingers
deep inside
her pussy
.

“Oh!” Tossing her head back Jezebel panted, her leg quaking. She spread her legs in a
blatant
offering and closed her eyes.
“Yes, Sir.”

“Very wet and very tight.” As he continued to thrust his fingers inside, flexing them both open, he wrapp
ed his other arm around her waist
and eased her back into an arc. Lowering his head he pushed her hand away with his chin and engulfed her nipple, sucking on the tender tip.

Lying limp in his
arms, she continued to squeeze
her breast,
her body hungry for so much more.

He grunted as he bit down, pulling the tender flesh into his mouth
before moving to her other breast, dragging his tongue in between her fingers before nipping her nipple.

“God.” Her voice barely audible she wriggled in his arms
as she opened her eyes
.

Breathing a swath of hot air across her skin he chuckled darkly and then eased back, pulling her into a standing position. Removing his fingers, he held them in front of her face before taking the tip of his tongue and licking all the way down and back up. “Very tasty.”

Right now she was so turned on she could barely think clearly. A single bead of perspiration trickled down the side of her face.
Her mouth suddenly dry, she
reached out, stroking his cock. “May I suck you?”

“Tempting, but I
need to be inside of you.” Luke
brushed his lips across hers before inching back and
grabbing a kitchen chair. Jerking the wood across the floor he yanked off his shirt and sat down. “Come ride me.”

A smile curling in the corner of her mouth, Jezebel closed the distance and leaned over, fumbling to
unzip his pants, her collar jingling from the effort
. When his shaft was free, throbbing in her hand, she purred and gave him a heated look. There were days she simply spent hours sucking his cock. He often instructed her to pleasure him while he watched a game, content
to have her lick
him throughout, refusing to cum until the last few seconds
of the fourth quarter
and even then the majority of the time he pulled her into his lap, impaling her pussy or ass instead. She loved the taste of his sweet cream and there were times her punishment was his refusal to allow her to have any. Those moments of discipline she loathed.

“You’re teasing me again. Do I need to place you over my knee to remind you of your place?”

“No, Sir.” She couldn’t tell by the look on his face whether or not he was teasing. Hesitating for a second she finally dragged the tip of her nail back and forth across his slit several times
and darted a glance in his direction
.