On Becoming His (6 page)

When he asked her to tell him what kind of man she’d want as a third, she’d been unable to even think about the option for at least two weeks and then he’d pressed her again. Telling him her options had surprised her more than she realized.
Yep, her ideal man
was
blondie
all right. No wonder he’d been pissed.
At the end of the day, she wasn’t entirely certain what she wanted other than Luke.
But she’d told him of course and while he repeated the question about a woman, she knew something had bothered him. When Luke admitted jealousy of certain types, including more alpha males, she couldn’t help but smile. But there was no need for him to be jealous. What she wanted more than anything and certainly more than any kinky act was Luke and to please him and to be with him. Shivering, the thought remained a constant and something that filled her nights with more than once fantasy.

Finally Luke had admitted to her that he didn’t want her craving a dominant man. In truth he’d had been adamant about the fact and the one condition of sharing. He also told her he truly didn’t want another dominant woman either
,
but the door was open to whatever and whomever
Luke decided
and she’d accepted the fact easily.
After all, he was going to be in charge.

He’d asked on
e
other question that he knew she would answer too quickly
. And true to form, Jessie answered fast and furious. Then he’d looked at her, in the subtle way he could,
and really asked her to think about what he was
asking
again.
There was no doubt there would be certain “concerns” from family and friends if they knew what her relationship with Luke was going to be based on. After all, she wasn’t simply getting involved with a man of color, which shocked the crap of her that
something so ancient and in her mind ugly
still mattered, but also having him in charge of her in a D/s situation. Many would frown, scoff and think she was losing it. This time she laughed out loud.
How utterly ridiculous.
But he deserved the question answered in the method in which he had asked.

If question
ed
about why you would enter into a relationship with a black man who you want to be your Dom, what will you say to the naysayers?
There are so many aspects to this question and some I’m not certain I can answer fully. I know in my heart what I found is right for me and I don’t look at a man in the concept of color. How would I answer then?
That I am
who
I am and have never fallen into the traps of bigotry period. I love men of all flavors and that has always been a part of me. My friends and family would not understand my foray into entering in this kind of relationship period. Whether or not they see a difference based on color or heritage won’t s
top me or hinder my decisions.

T
his is about the man I want to be with, share my life with, my bed with and my love
. My decision to enter into a D/s lifestyle is a dark craving and I would only share with the right person.
In my opinion that person for me comes along once in my life.
You are the man I have dreamed of and searched for and the man who fills my dreams every night with thoughts and cravings. There is nothing wrong with wanting what I desire.

Chucking to herself, she wanted to add,
anymore
questions
?
Sighing, Jessie reread the passages.
This was a good entry. Pleased with herself, she pushed the pad and pen back and got up from the table. Later she’d add a few poems she’d been thinking about. Now it was time to finish cleaning and then on to shopping.

After all, tomorrow night wasn’t just about submitting finally to her man, her Dom
,
but
also
about pleasing a man entirely
– body and soul
. The thought was more than just daunting. She had to look perfect for him. Giggling, she fingered the new dress and licked her lips.
Sometimes Jessie had to remind herself that she
was a woman
first and foremost
.

I BECKON

I beckon

You come

Your eyes full of trepidation

Yet a slight smile curls across your face

I nod

You whimper

Your legs trembling as you come closer

Yet you obey without a question

I sigh

You hurry

Your mind understanding of what’s to come

Yet your soul needs peace as only I can give

I growl

You scamper

Your body closing the distance, ready for your punishment

Yet your lips open and close as if to beg

I pat

You nod

Your hands shaking as you climb across my lap

Yet you succumb and relax, the anticipation of what you crave

I inhale

You pant

Your legs opening wide, begging to be whipped

Yet the little girl remains shy and nervous

I smack

You jump

Your body trembling with each hard strike

Yet you meet every whip, wanting more

I moan

You sigh

Your soul at peace from the hungered discipline

Yet you will ask for more, knowing only I can give you what you need

And again…I beckon

I WILL NEVER…

I will never forget him

His touch

His kiss

His taste

And that feeling when I knew

I will never resent him

His will

His wants

His needs

And that moment when I realized

I will never combat him

His hunger

His control

His command

And that knowing when I succumbed

I will always protect him

His passion

His words

His desires

And that understanding that I belong

I will always love him

His thoughts

His cravings

His love

And that willing knowing
we are as one

IT IS I

I want

I fear

I need

I crave

I wish

I trust

I fight, I quiver, I moan

Yet you take control

I scream, I rage, I purr

Yet you take my soul

I hunger, I crave, I whimper

Yet you take my heart

I ask, I give, I pray

Yet you take my body

I pause, I succumb,
I
surrender

Yet you acquiesce my will

You ask

You hunger

You beckon

You take

You punish

You forgive

You are

You own

PLEASURE ME

Pleasure me

Beyond my control

As I whimper in your hands

Begging for release

Pleasure me

Taking my will

As I shiver from your needs

Praying for understanding

Pleasure me

Forcing my hand

As I fight every step of the way

Wishing for more

Pleasure me

Desiring my body

As I moan and writhe with your touch

Promising you everything

Pleasure me

Craving my soul

As I rage against what I need

Thriving on your single command

Pleasure me

Accepting my faults

As I wish for acceptance

Understand my faults

Pleasure me

Taking my body

As I succumb to your skill

Allowing your final control

Submission

Saturday morning dawned with bright blue skies and fluffy clouds trailing in the sky
. S
ince getting up bright and early to take a long walk and finish cleaning the house, Jessie had remained a bundle of nerves. There was no way she couldn’t adequately describe the tense and yet freeing feeling she had enveloping her. The dichotomy was certainly strange
,
but she was excited,
apprehensive and uncertain what Luke had in mind.
A series of wild thoughts raced through her. What was he planning? Had she done enough? Would he like how far she’d come in her journey? Sighing, she had to push the thoughts aside for a little while or she’d go mad.

Dinner was first and then he told her he had something special in mind.
He had asked her if she was ready to give him her answer
, in his quiet and thoughtful demeanor
. There’d
been zero hesitation.
Yes
popped out of h
er mouth instantly and then he had exhaled slowly
and didn’t ask anything else again until a text at almo
st midnight. She’d answered him, hoping for additional information but
since then he’d been silent. He usually sent her an email or two reminding her of certain things and making certain she was okay. Nothing. Zippo. The thought made her cringe a bit inside. This meant he truly did have something particular in mind and something she knew instinctively would change them.
Forever.
This was the night of her choice, her ending of a
life
as she knew it and a glorious chapter
.
If she was ready.

Quivering deep inside, s
he could only imagine what
the something special
could be. Was he going to bring over some form of play equipment? No, that wasn’t what this was about. Was he going to punish her for all her indiscretions? Probably but she knew she wanted him to. He’d only in truth disciplined her a couple of times after she’d asked but there was so much he was holding back. Her heart and her gut told her that. Why? Perhaps Luke didn’t want to push her away. After all, he was still a man. The thought gave her a smile.
In truth, he was easing her into the lifestyle.

Shaking her head, she stood in front of her bathroom vanity and smiled, gazing at the reflection of the woman staring back at her. While somehow she’d anticipated haunted eyes
on the morning before her entire life changed
, instead th
ey were bright and full of life
. Jessie leaned forward to make certain she wasn’t seeing things. No, she looked positively radiant
and her eyes twinkled in almost defiance. Oh wouldn’t
that
bode well for submitting to her Master? Giggling, she cocked her head and grinned.
Her skin was glowing, her smile genuine and while her heart raced, sending a series of echoes into her ears,
she
was so very ready.
And utterly terrified.

After brushing her teeth, she walked into the bedroom and turned on the radio while
selecting
her day clothes to wear
. Than
k God it was warm outside or the evening’s rather sultry
dress
wouldn’t
be appropriate. Then again, they weren’t going out.
At least that’s what he’d told her.
He’d been gone too long away on business and she genuinely missed the hell out of him. Luke had become not just her lover but
also
her best friend.
And now he will become my Dom
. Thinking the words never grew old.