On Becoming His (3 page)

Was there really such a thing?
Pressing the back of her hand over her mouth, her mind raced with such thoughts.
Luke continued to call her willful and i
n truth she knew she was. A top-
level marketing executive, she was and always had been
a balls
to the walls kind of woman. From the provocative way she dressed to the car she drove, Jessie was formidable and it wasn’t simply because of her height and prowess. No, Jessie took no prisoners and garnered respect wherever she went. Well spoken and educated, she took everythin
g in her life seriously and the majority of her peers
thought of her as extremely powerful and therefore happy with every aspect of her life. Too bad she’d had one failed relationship after another and knew the truth. She hated being in charge and men feared her.

Twirling in a complete circle, she closed her eyes and allowed the incredible and very sensual guitar licks to remind her this was something she wanted, to be owned by one man. Right?
Exhaling slowly
, Jessie had tried so hard to do what Luke asked, to give a realistic presentation of why she wanted to do this but every time she picked up her pen she was almost frozen by the fear of telling. Perhaps this was
admitting all of
her flaws, or so other
s would think. Anxiety
had stymied her for years in her desires. She’d pushed them aside moving from one relationship to the next thinking t
he “right” man would be the perfect
knight in shining armor. In truth there were no such creatures for her.

Almost sloshing the wine over the rim of her gl
ass, she couldn’t help but think
about the first time Luke had showed her his level of
complete
authority
and one she realized she would learn never to challenge
. They’d talked for hou
rs on end about her
cravings
, the basics of the
lifestyle and their shared interest
s. A
nd the first night he’d spend at her house she made him angry. Chuckling, she took a sip of wine remembering the look on his face. From disappointment to frustration, he’d walked away and sat down in her leather chair, refusing to look at her. And God the entire moment had killed her.
Never in her life had she been so incensed at her own behavior.

They were going to be intimate for the first time in her bed and she fucked up the moment with something stupid. Luke had never even explained fully about what, if anything, he would do with regards to punishment for any infractions
before the night
. He hadn’t pushed her in the least, choosing to allow her to ask questions about everything and anything. But that night he was furious and simply walked away from her. The night had been more than cathartic between them. Of her own choosing she asked him to discipline her. Specifically she’d asked him to turn her over his knee and spank her.
To Luke’s credit he did. Then a
fter the moment she couldn’t help but think he hadn’t been harsh enough with her. Only later had he smiled and agreed and then he began to tell her certain differences about his levels of discipline.
Whew.
The
re
was no doubt she didn’t want to anger him too often.

Laughing softly, Jessie sipped her wine and swayed back and forth. The look on his face had been priceless. When he’d realized she was serious, he’d done just what she asked, spanking her ass until she was in tears
, but they were tears of letting go and not from the effects of his hand
. And then they made love. Sweet Jesus
they’d made love and to date
their
shared intimacy that night
was without a doubt the most intense session of sex she’d ever experienced.
Brushing the back of her hand over her mouth
,
she tried to remind herself the incredible moment
wasn’t
because of
the discipline
,
but the
heady experience of her finally
letting go, of her body and soul. The moment for her was about acknowledging for the first time she wanted and what she had to have. No, what was required for her to be happy.

The only other time she had seen him so angry was after a night clubbing. Sadly, Jessie only remembered part of her bad behavior, including drinking too much, coming on to one hot b
lond male and nearly fucking the stranger
in the bathroom
,
and subsequently upchucking until the wee hours of the morning. Luke had said little, wiped up her puke and put her to bed. And in the morning she’d awakened with a terrible hangover and a sense of knowing how horrible she’d been.

When he hadn’t been able to look at her she’d been mortified. Finally after shedding tears and pleading, he’d taken a belt to her. But only after explaining why he wouldn’t tolerate such deplorable behavior
in a calm and very patient demeanor
. What a
n
awful breakdown for her but in the end the ugly blip had drawn them closer together – albeit in a difficult manner.
There was no doubt that was never going to happen again.
Hearing her ringing phone dragged her out of her moment of sheer misery.

As Jessie reached for the phone she smiled. “Luke.”

“How’s my kitty
kat
?” His voice barely a whisper, he
exhaled slowly and growled
.

“Missing you.”
The man’s voice alone was almost enough to drop her to her knees.

“Good. That’s what you’re supposed to be doing.”

Inhaling deeply
, she leaned against the counter and fanned her face, envisioning his
carved body and long legs and… “How’s the trip?”

“Going very well. Hey, have you been writing in your journal?”

“Um, some.” The words sounded like a lie even to her. Wrinkling her nose, she could hear his long and rather exasperated sigh. “Just getting ready to sit down.”

“Jezebel, this is one thing I’ve asked you to do for me while I’m gone. You continue to tell me you’re ready to fully commit. Unfortunately, I’m not certain of your level of commitment.”

Luke could see right through her and always had been able to. The man had
an electrified
connection straight into her brain. “Yes, sir. You’re right. I’m just not sure what to say.”

“Anything and everything. I simply want to know your thoughts, your concerns. And if you want to add in something about how you feel about me, even better.”

“Tease.”

“You bet. I’ll be home on Saturday and I expect to hear your final answer. If I think you’re wavering at all, I’m going to know. And I won’t go any further.”

Jessie shook her head. She knew exactly what he was saying. “You’re right.
Of course.
I’ll be ready. I miss you.”

“I miss you.”

“I love you.” The words blurted out, every part o
f her body froze as chills raced
through her system. Dear God, she hadn’t anticipated saying the words. They’d skirted around them for a full month, but to blurt them out now and…would he go crazy? Would he race away? Would he… Cringing, she closed her eyes.

“Kitty
kat
, I love you too.”

Releasing an audible sigh, she clenched her fist and grinned. “Safe trip back.”

“Don’t worry. I have a special lady to come back to.”

As she hung up the phone she exhaled slowly. “Wow.”
Jessie shook her head and eyed the journal
on
her
coffee
table.
Why was Luke always right? Then again, what the hell was she supposed to write?
She’d toyed around with the idea of penning some poems, not only for Luke but
also
for herself. While she was no artist or poet, so many thoughts raced through her mind
she had to do something to release them. Without a doubt she
wanted to please him. She wanted to
have him smile because of her accomplishments. She longed to have him in her arms in a manner she hadn’t been able to enjoy with other men. Swallowing hard, she brushed her hand through her hair and nodded over and over again.

Nights spent dreaming. Days spent longing. They were going to have some additional “serious discussions”, as he called them
,
and he wanted her to tell him why and how and when and… Could she do it? Glancing at her watch she smiled before heading to the couch. Today was Wednesday and he was coming over on Saturday night after returning.
This trip had been far too long in her opinion and she half suspected he had gone away to give her space and time to think.
And prepare.
The talk was going to be the most frank they’d had in their time together
and maybe sign their respective contracts, entering into something more formal. The concept of a binding contract was interesting
and she was prepared. Wasn’t she?
“Hell.”

The thought daunting, she sat down and fingered the journal. The title page she’d started almost two weeks before and the page was blank.
On Becoming His.
The title was perfect for him
, her journey
and the situation. Sadly, she hadn’t written a damn thing in the entire time other than the title, in blazing red ink no less. Jessie rubbed her eyes and smiled as she remembered their
heated
dance and the way he looked at her the very first time he’d met her that night at the bar.

Oh yeah the man was hot and she’d been horny and he’d refused to go to bed with her. Chuckling, she had never been so brazen with a man until that night and for some reason she wanted him. Luke. Now she had him
,
or so she hoped. Old fears crept in as she leaned back against the couch and sipped her wine.
You can do this. You can tell him exactly why you want him to own you.
The pep talk did little good but as she set her glass down and dropped her head, a thought came to her.

Picking up the pen, she twirled the metal in her fingers as she grinned. Suddenly she knew exactly how the start her journey into becoming, into belonging to the man of her dreams.

AS IF I BELONGED TO YOU

I sense your presence, your hunger growing

You have willed me to this place

A dark haven on hallowed ground

As if I belonged to you

I imagine your thoughts, your desires keening

You will bind me to your soul

A longing to succumb without question

As if I belonged to you

I feel the heat of your breath, your patience waning

You will take me as you wish

A final acquiescence, my body given

As if I belonged to you

I understand the strength of your love, your control commanding

You will now own me, enrapture me, protect me…punish me

A quiet reverence, master of my domain, the trust complete

As I belong to you

BREATHLESS

Your breath sparks against my skin, sending a trickle of shivers dancing down my spine as your eyes gaze down the length of me and I feel nothing but need

Your fingers brush over my face, gathering the salty beads of tears as your tongue tastes the heat of my skin and I want everything that you can offer

Your legs push mine apart, forcing me further into the soft covers as your lips suckle my nipple and I can feel nothing but the passion racing through your body

My breath pulses against your face, forcing you to growl savagely, the slice of hunger raging within the man that forces me to succumb

My fingers feather down the carve of your chest, settling on the tip of your swollen cock as you lick your lips, the anticipation fueling the famished beast

My legs wrap around your thighs, drawing you into the heat of my body and you cup my chin, lifting it as you kiss my lips

Your heart thumps in ragged sputters against your chest as you pant, your actions becoming savage as you force my legs further apart

Your eyes blaze a long
,
sensuous trail down the length of my body as you nod, reminding me that I belong to you

Your hands force me wide open, telling me in no uncertain terms that I
will take all of you, take the M
aster that I long to be with for the rest of my life

My heart pulses until I am left unable to focus, sparkles of vibrant light marring my vision as I arch my back, ready to accept