On Becoming His - Lessons Learned (13 page)

Tick. Tock.

Bursting into laughter he shook his head. “That’s so my kitty kat.” He pulled up the vibrator and patted the tip on his hand. “Very interesting.”

For some reason his laughter made her angry. “What do you mean?”

“I had a feeling you couldn’t wait.”

“You’re not angry with me?”

“Come here.” He tossed the toy onto the couch and shook his head.

Inching forward, Jessie realized sh
e was tingling all over. “Yes, Sir.” As he held her arms she cringed inside. Disappointing him was something she never wanted to do and now seeing the almost playful and what she thought was a demeaning look in his eyes made her grow more and more angry.

“I’m angry with you for disobeying, yes. I think you deserve punishment for your impetuous actions. Do you remember our discussion about devotion before I left?”

For some reason Jessie had to fight not to roll her eyes. Why this was bothering her gave her pause, but there was something about his almost haughty voice reminded her how much he enjoyed testing her. How many more tests was she going to have to face? Wasn’t she good enough? Now her head was aching. “Of course I remember. Is pleasuring myself such a horrible thing?”

“
Jezebel, be careful with your tone with me. Part of what devotion is that there is no question about what you are doing with me and for me. The concept of pleasuring yourself isn’t bad at all, but when I tell you to do or not to do something I do expect you’ll obey without question and without reservation. If you can’t then you certainly won’t be able to be devoted to me. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I think I do.” Lowering her head, she had to think about his words
, chastising both her behavior and her anger.

“Tell me then. What do you think your punishment should be?”

Stealing a quick glance at the hall table, Jessie eased back from him and slowly walked to retrieve the hairbrush she’d already placed there, knowing what he should do and what she deserved. As she held out the favored method of punishment, her eyes imploring him for discipline, she could see his heated breath. "Please spank me, Sir.”

Gazing down to the brush, he narrowed his eyes and
shook his head. “Not this time.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jezebel, you and I both know you actually thrive on and crave being spanked. I’m honestly beginning to wonder if a brush or hand spanking is the best way of trying to really push through this wall you have with be about obeying. I think you’re pushing me and continuing to test me. I won’t give in to your childish tactics here.”

“Childish tactics?” Jessie knew her eyes were flashing, an agitation in her voice. Looking down, she exhaled slowly.

Luke took a step forward, remaining quiet for a full minute. “I ask you again. Tell me honestly. Do you think an actual spanking is going to keep you from testing me, challenging every rule I put into place?”

The man should have been a psychologist. “No.”

“Straight forward answer. Excellent. Then what will?”

“I…I don’t know.”
This was new. Her heart racing, she titled her head. “What do you want me to do? How can I atone?”

“Let me think about this.” Luke
studied her for a few seconds before pacing the living room, then ending up by the window.

Jessie was just about ready to stamp her feet when he cleared his throat.

“I know how important it is for you when we go out to show men and women around us that you’re a collared woman.”

“Yes, Sir. I am very proud. Why?”

“Because tonight you’re going out without your collar.”

“What?” Blinking furiously, tears immediately sprung to her eyes. “You’re taking away my collar?”
Holy fuck. He had to be kidding her. From the very beginning Luke promised her he’d never take away her honor. Never. Her heart raced as she took a step toward him, longing to reach out. Her leg was trembling as ugly and vile thoughts raced in her mind. Why was this happening? “You’re not really serious. Right?”

“Just for tonight. You need to be taught a lesson and I think this will matter much more to you than a spanking.”

“Please don’t do this. Please.”
No. No. No!

“Jezebel, you and I know that we need to come to some understanding about your expected levels of behavior and about discipline. I can’t seem to get through to you, no matter what I ask or encourage and I…”

“I’m sorry!”

Luke narrowed his eyes. “Jezebel, do not interrupt me.”

Frustrated, she muttered under her breath.

“What did you say?”

She could hear such sharpness in the timbre of his voice. “Nothing.”

Luke walked toward her, his eyes never blinking. “I’m certain taking away your collar is the right punishment. Tonight you’ll feel not only my disappointment, but
those who see us together as well.” He nodded toward her and started to turn away.

Shaking her head over and over again, Jessie had no idea what to say. And so she blurted out the words. “No.”

“No? What do you mean no?”

“I mean you’re not taking my collar away from me!”
Oh my God. Had she really just told him no? Was she losing it?
God, oh God.

Luke
turned around to face her. “I didn’t hear you right. What are you saying to me? You are going to obey me. Come to me. I’m going to remove it now.”

There was no doubt she’d crossed the line but she was pissed. No, she was furious.
Pressing her hand against her neck, she shook her head and took a step backwards. “I said no you’re not taking my collar. I earned my collar and you removing it for something so stupid is ridiculous!”

Exhaling slowly, Luke looked away. “I think you need to rethink this right now. You’re going to give me your col
lar period. Do you understand? As I said, you
are
going to obey me.”

“No!”

“Jezebel. I mean it. Right now. Do not act like a child. You need to learn your place.”

Anger raced up from the base of her soul. Her body shaking, she had no idea what to do but suddenly she lost it. “What the fuck did you just say?” Jessie glared at Luke and realized she was raising her voice, showing him her ugly side, and at this moment didn’t give a damn. Furious, she could feel her blood pressure rising. “You have to be out of your fucking mind!”

“Excuse me?” Luke stopped short and took several steps toward her. “What? I know I didn’t hear what you said.”

“Oh you heard me all right.” While said under her breath, she knew he’d heard her.

“I think you need to calm down, now!”

“I don’t think so. In fact, I think you finally need to hear me for a Goddamn change. You never listen to me and you think you’re all superior all the time. Well guess what, buddy, you’re not!” Grabbing the sex toy, she flung the still vibrating dildo across the room. The sound of the thick rubber hitting the wall reverberated in the dense space.

“What did you say to me?” Luke asked, his eyes flaring with anger, his face showcasing his rage. Slowly he turned his head toward the wall and exhaled as he clenched his fists. Shaking his head, he lowered his voice until the tone was barely audible. “I have no idea what’s going on here, but I’m going to ask you one more time to come to me so I can remove your collar.”

There was something about the way he was looking at her and his face was filled with hurt. Swallowing hard she looked away. “Please.” Suddenly remorseful, she moaned as she closed her eyes.
When he said nothing for a full minute she wiped away tears. What was going on with her?

“This is my decision for tonight. Tomorrow,
we’re going to talk seriously.”

Jessie shivered as he eased behind her, unlocking the clasp. Sucking in her breath, she reminded herself he was her Sir. He was in charge and he was the man who…
The very calm tone of his voice and the way he was so casually able to take away something she revered more than any gift she’d ever had in her life was making her feel nauseous. Her ears were ringing and she looked at him, swearing she could see a smile on his face. A smile? “Why? What are you hiding from me?”

“Hiding? What are you talking about? This isn’t about me.
”

“
I know you too well. What’s going on with us? What are you really angry about?”

“This is about you disobeying me, Jezebel and nothing more. Don’t try and make this about me.”

Studying his eyes, she could tell he was indeed hiding something. The mask he’d been wearing lately was firmly jerked back onto his eyes, covering his soul. Defiant and pissed off, she walked toward him. “Luke, I said I don’t think you’re taking away my collar. No, I know you aren’t because I won’t allow it. Period. That’s is my collar that you gave to me and I want it back now. I refuse to be without it and besides, what I did wasn’t that bad.” Jerking the collar out of his hand, even she was shocked at her brazen behavior. Goosebumps appeared all over her body.

Luke remained still, blinking rapidly. “Jezebel…”

“I simply wanted to pleasure myself. For God’s sake, you never told me I couldn’t when we started this journey, or so you call it. You never said anything about the fact I couldn’t touch or play before this damn trip. I wasn’t doing anything bad. Was I? Jesus Christ, Luke…” She could see how much he was fuming and the second he held out his hand she stopped and then she narrowed her eyes.

Giving her a harsh look, he closed his eyes. “I’m going to say this one time. You need to stop right now. And I mean stop
your accusation as well as your behavior, Jezebel. Give me your collar.”

“Stop? Hell, I’m fucking just getting started. Maybe
I’m
pissed off for a change. Think of that. I was missing you and I needed you and you weren’t here and…” Her voice trailing off, she groaned inwardly. Sneaking a look at the wallboard, she could see a scrape and a dent. Accusations? Suddenly so many realizations flowed into the back of her mind. What in the love of God was she doing? This was very bad, so ridiculous her legs were trembling. She cradled the necklace to her bosom, the thought of not being able to wear the right of passage, the very statement she belonged to him too much to bear. But she knew her Sir. Something was very wrong. “I’m right. You are hiding something from me.”

Taking a step back he wiped his mouth and looked away for a few seconds. “Excuses. Always excuses.
And now this. I am very right in taking away your collar. Go get dressed now.”

“No!” Jessie snapped.
Her eyes darting back and forth, she shifted back and forth between feet, her heart racing. The very look on his face was beyond disappointed. What in the hell had she just done? What? And why? Now she’d done it. Yep. Her behavior was beyond reprehensible. In the space of two minutes she’d managed to insult her Sir, as well as misbehave over a decision, and one he had the right to make. Now she really wanted to throw things. Several seconds ticked by and tears sprang to her eyes. She’d never crossed the line this way. Never. “I’m sorry. I mean I’m sorry, Sir. I was just missing you. Can’t you get that at all?”

Tick. Tock.

“I have no idea what to say to you. None.” Luke walked toward the window and stood looking outside, his body tense. Sniffing, he palmed the glass and allowed a slow breath to escape.

Very tentatively she walked toward him. She could sense how upset he was by the way he was breathing. Should she ask for a whipping? Should she kneel down? Hell, this had never happened and she simply didn’t know what to do. “Sir, I’m really sorry. I don’t know what to say.” Several more seconds passed by.

“Jezebel, there’s nothing you can say to me.
Nothing.
You need to get ready for us to go out. I refuse to disappoint people who offered such an incredible invitation as you have done to me. We’ll talk about this later when I’m prepared to do so and when I can control what I say and what I do.”

“But Sir…”

Holding out his hand, Luke stopped her cold.

Quivering, she swallowed hard and brushed a bead of perspiration from her brow as she lowered her head, contemplating what to do. Why had she been so stupid? Why? Everything had been going so well between then. What the hell was wrong with her? “Please.”

“No!”

The harsh tone in his voice made her jump as a slight whimper escaped her lips. Unsure of what to do she dropped to her knees and crawled to him, brushing one hand across the back of his thigh. “Please punish me. Please. I’ll get you a brush, a belt. I’ll get you the whip. Please just spank me
, hurt me. I was wrong and I’m so sorry. I promise you that will never happen again. I promise!” Tears trickled down her cheeks. She’d never felt so low in her life. Wrapping her arm around his leg, she clung to him, weeping.
“Please!”

Inhaling deeply
, he said nothing for a few minutes as the sounds of her sobbing floated around them. “I’m very disappointed in you but I’m not going to punish you right now. I’m far too angry with you. Tonight I would use the whip and enjoy every minute and you aren’t going to push me this way. Ever! Now go get dressed and I expect the collar to be on your nightstand. Do you hear me?”