On Becoming His - Lessons Learned (14 page)

Sniveling, she wiped her eyes and glanced up at him. He still refused to look at her. The moment he moved away, disconnecting her hold, she had to fight to keep from screaming. No punishment. He was too angry. She’d crossed the line. How in the hell was she going to show him how sorry she was? Slowly managing to rise to her feet, she sucked in her breath, looked at him longingly one more time and walked out of the living room. There had to be a way to show him how sorry she was. There just had to be a way.

Sniveling, she walked toward the bedroom, her heart racing. Suddenly a thought came to her and while she knew he might grow angrier with her, she wasn’t certain she had another choice. She had to win back his respect. What if she couldn’t? Then again, what was her Sir hiding?

Chapter Six

Luke was furious, so angry he had no idea what to do. He’d never been challenged this much from her. Never. How in the hell had this started from something as
ridiculous as her disobeying him about masturbating? Hell, he’d expected she couldn’t hold back. So what? Now this. This.
Fucking this!

He realized he wasn’t just
seething. Rage was filtering through every pore in his body and he continued to pace back and forth, unable to even think straight. Kicking the door shut to his office, he walked toward his desk, uncertain how or if he could calm down. Why had Jessie gotten under his skin so much?
Because she knows you’re not telling her something.
The thought was a terrifying realization. His lover, his friend and the woman he cherished owning could see right through him. “Fuck!” He snarled and paced the floor, counting to ten in a basic effort to calm his fury.

“Fuck. Fuck!
Fuck!”
Shit. He was as angry as he’d ever been with her. Goddamn he was pissed off. Pacing back and forth, he clenched his eyes shut as echoes of her biting words bounced back and forth from ear to ear
. Calm down. You’re the one in control here. You’re the Dom in this relationship and you have to…
He stopped short and slapped his hand against the wall. Right now he felt like a failure as well as a phony. For Jessie to be able to get to him this way, yank the nasty man he feared he could be from under the tight bindings was horrendous. The worst part was if she could do this once and get away with her behavior, she’d do it again and again until she discovered the right buttons to push him over the edge. And the precipice he couldn’t walk toward. Not now. Not ever again.

Control. Get freaking control.
Luke exhaled slowly and palmed the wall. She’d been right about a few of her accusations but the length she’d gone to meant she didn’t… Jerking his head up, he knew what the crux of the problem was. She didn’t completely trust him. How the hell could she? He’d been keeping things from her, unable to talk at all about the past, other than a few basics. No wonder she was pushing over and through, around and bulldozing. He was going to have to suck it up and tell her every detail. However he couldn’t be allowed to get away with her childish behavior. The continued push and shove would drive them apart. He refused to allow that to happen.

What in the he
ll was he was going to do? As Luke clenched his fist and tipped his face toward the ceiling, he was grateful he hadn’t attempted to punish her. Thoughts about the past and Suzzana ravaged his mind. A night so very similar remained fresh in his mind, digging into his very soul. Jesus Christ. What in the hell was going on here? Was Karma kicking him in the ass? There wasn’t any doubt to the answer, nor had there been. He deserved to be challenged by God, the Devil and all of humanity.

He held out his hand, turning and twisting as he studied the lines, the dark skin. This was the very hand that had disciplined
Suzzana and recently spanked Jezebel. This was the hand that had signed a multi-million dollar deal not twenty-four hours before. This was also the hand that had managed to take a life. No, his arrogance and stupidity had taken a life, something he’d never be able to forgive or forget, no matter the circumstances.

As he breathed in and out,
the sounds strangled, he knew he had to get control. Jessie was no doubt continuing her challenge of him and this night might be the very defining moment. Time and reflection he needed right now. They’d go out and then talk later.

Talk to her.
Tell her what is on your mind. Tell her the truth.

The truth.
And then what? “Fuck.” Luke grabbed the decanter of scotch from the small bar, pouring a full shot. Right now he needed to calm his nerves, quiet the savage beast living just under the surface. He lifted the glass, twirling the crystal back and forth before taking a gulp, draining almost all of the contents. As he closed his eyes, visions of Jessie smiling and laughing remained in the forefront of his mind. God, he loved the woman. Luke held the glass to his head and counted to ten. When he finally looked up, he knew he was right about letting any further discussions, let alone even the remote concept of a punishment go.

He had to gain control. Tonight was still about moving forward, the amazing future he knew they were both going to have, but he now realized what he was going to have to do. Expressing his inner demons wasn’t going to be easy and he risked losing the woman he loved more than life itself, but the admittance had to be done.

Staring down at his drink, he wanted nothing more than to go back a few months, perhaps start all over with Jessie. Sadly, there was no going back. There was only the chance of moving forward. Luke eased the glass to his mouth, pressing the edge against his lips. The aroma of the liquor alone was enough to remind him that he didn’t need a drink. He needed more soul searching.

His body quaking, he
slid the glass down on top of the desk, patting the top. Well, at least tonight was certainly going to test both of them. Perhaps this was a good indicator of things to come. Or not to come. There wasn’t any doubt he was right about taking away her collar. No matter the reason she’d expressed such…such anger toward him. The behavior simply could no longer be tolerated or he’d lose control, succumbing to a relationship he honestly had no desire to be a part of. Brushing his hands through his hair, he nodded over and over again, gathering the Dom behind his self-imposed mask of shame.

Luke heard nothing as he moved up the hallway. There was no
sound of crying or exclamation, music or cursing. There was nothing but quiet. How he hated the silence. He stood just outside the door, his heart racing. Tonight he didn’t want Jessie to be without his collar. He certainly didn’t want to members of the club to know they were struggling in the least, but D/s relationships weren’t easy, nor were they without difficulties. Tonight was about learning as well about growing. Tonight was about a rekindling and tolerance, something he had such difficulties with.

As he turned the knob and opened the door, Luke certainly wasn’t expect
ing the sight in front of him. His breath stolen, he shifted back and forth from foot to foot as he pressed the back of his hand across his mouth.

A slight moan escaped her lips as she lowered her head, her entire body
trembling.

While she didn’t utter a word, certainly didn’t make a demand, the way she was bound, naked and wai
ting for him, was heart skipped several beats. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen her tied to the bed, or handcuffed to a cross before, but tonight, this was so much different. Jessie had managed to shackle her wrists to the bed, a feat and one he wasn’t certain how to explain, nor did he want to try. The fact she was prepared in such a way, more than just as a submissive, sent current racing through his body.

The glow of her skin, the way her hair was shining, even in the dim lighting, was so powerful, so enigmatic. “Jezebel.”
Tilting his head, he fought the groan bubbling from his stomach seeing the collar positioned strategically on the top of the dresser. She was trying to atone, hoping to obey and gain his forgiveness. And he so wanted to give in, but he refused to or she’d gain control, something neither of them wanted.

Wiggling, she remained silent, a slow breath escaping her mouth.

He walked closer, almost instantly able to detect how turned on she was by the wafting scent of her delicious feminine fragrance. She was beautiful, so sensuous as a woman, and tonight the offer was blatant. She was begging for his forgiveness. His cock was aching so damn badly he was having difficulty moving forward. Stroking his groin, he shifted his shaft as he took two steps forward, his mouth suddenly dry.

“Sir,” she said, the whispered v
oice full of sadness.

He stopped, placing his hand over his heart, and gazed up and down the
very inch of her. Her back was strong, her waist slender, her legs long and lithe. She was the perfect woman in his eyes. “What do you want, Jezebel?”

“I…”

He could hear anguish in the single syllable, the tiny voice. Luke moved forward until his leg was touching the bed. Reaching down, he brushed the tip of his finger down the length of her spine.

She shivered, her breath escaping as she clenched her fists, the sounds of the steel cuffs rattling against the iron headboard.

“Jezebel, what do you want?”

“To ask you to forgive me.”

Luke sighed and concentrated on tracing lines and circles on the small of her back.

Moaning, Jessie struggled with her bindings.

“Ssshhh…” Inching his finger down to the crack of her ass, he gently rubbed up and down as he allowed his mind to wander. Luke slid the tip of his finger between her legs, lightly tapping the inside of her thigh.

Opening her legs wider she arched her back, shoving her ass back toward him.

The sound of metal scraping against metal was so enticing. Enough so his hunger was rushing off the charts. Luke closed his eyes and slid his finger into her pussy, groaning as her cunt muscles clenched around the slight invasion.

“Sir…I…”

Luke leaned over and lowered his head, licking across her shoulder blade. There was a moment where he was totally transfixed by her desire for him, her trust. The gift was the greatest joy of his life, and one that terrified the hell out of him. Thrusting his finger in and out of her pussy, he nipped her skin, dragging the tender flesh into his mouth.

“
Ooohh…” Her breathing ragged, she buried her face into the comforter.

He continued sliding his finger as deep
inside her pussy as he stroked her back with the other hand. “What are you asking of me other than forgiveness?”

Jessie hesitated.

Crack!

The slap wasn’t harsh, just a simple reminder he was indeed in charge. “Answer me.”

“I…want…you to…spank me and…fuck me hard. Please. Punish me.”

Her bedraggled moans were enough to make him suck in his breath.

“Please!”

Luke closed his eyes, allowing the jolt of current to sizzle every cell in his body. The beloved woman turned him on in ways he’
d never experienced before. He pressed his hand on top of the small of her back, kneading her skin with the tips of his fingers. “I will spank you, but I’m not going to punish you.” Her body tensing, he could tell she was confused. “I’m far too angry with you to truly discipline you and I refuse to harm you. Do you understand?”

Jessie hesitated. “Yes, Sir.”

“Good.” Luke continued caressing her skin as he moved behind her, standing at the end of the bed. As he studied her back, the smoothness of her skin, he realized he was indeed very angry as well as frustrated with her behavior. Tonight he was only going to use his hand to discipline her. Holding up his hand, he studied his fingers, clenching and unclenching his fist.

She seemed to sense his debate and opened her legs further as she lowered her face and shoulders to the bed, a moment of total acquiescence.

Crack! Slap!

“
Ooohhh…” Moaning, Jessie jerked until the cuffs rattle against the bed.

Pop! Slap! Crack!

Inhaling, Luke thought about the words she’d said and the way she’d said them, challenging his complete authority.

Crack! Slap! Slap! Pop!

“Aaahhhh.” Her strangled cry permeated the room.

“You are going to learn that my word is the last word. Do you understand me?” Luke kept his voice even and yet his heart was racing, his nerves on edge.
Her ugly phrases swirled in the back of his mind, dragging the past to the present in a cataclysm of damaging emotions. “Do you?”

Crack!

“Yes, Sir!” She jumped, the last smack harder than the ones before.

Pop! Crack!

“Better.” Issuing a series of hard spanks, he finally took a step back and studied her crimson ass. She’d had difficulty sitting but the marks were superficial at best. Still, his exasperation was off the charts. Wringing his hands he saw stars. What in the hell was going on?

Crack!

“Oooohhh…” Shuddering, she panted as she struggled with her bindings, her legs shaking.

Pop! Crack! Crack!

Luke fisted his mouth, his eyes watering.
No more. None.
He realized he wanted her to feel his wrath, his punishment for her ridiculous actions, her childlike taunts. Raising his hand, a rush of memories and wretched thoughts filled his mind, spilling down into his heart. This needed to stop for tonight. He was far too outraged. “That’s enough for tonight, but Jezebel, we will talk about this again. Understood?”

“Yes…yes, Sir…” Jessie whimpered, her voice trailing off.

He knew her tears were more about the acceptance that he was thoroughly disappointed. As he honed in on the muffled sounds of her crying, he tossed his head back and groaned. Jessie needed him to take back the power, be the one in charge in all aspects. Her challenge to him has been a line drawn in the sand. Tonight she needed a strong Dom and he was going to give her what she needed. In all ways.

Unfastening his belt, he lowered his head and remained unblinking. She knew what he was doing, no doubt craved the fact he was going to be forceful with her. This moment and this incident
wasn’t about making love, or even about the basic aspect of submission. What she was asking and what he was going to give her was merely taking her body, controlling her will and reminding her in no uncertain terms she belonged to him.