One Day at a Time (Starting Over Series Book 4) (21 page)

***

Tessa cried the whole drive back to her apartment. She hadn’t wanted to leave him—he looked so sad, so broken, while she pulled out of his driveway. An ache hit her chest so hard. It felt like her heart was literally breaking. When he told her everything she couldn’t help but feel sadness. It didn’t diminish her feelings for him at all. It was sad because he obviously hadn’t forgiven himself for what happened.

When she pulled into her parking spot, she took a deep breath. If her brother noticed that she’d been crying then he’d start asking questions she wasn’t ready to answer yet. She didn’t want to deal with her bag. She knew all of her stuff was going to smell like him and she didn’t need that right now. A few stray tears leaked out as she grabbed Daisy and carried her up to the landing for their apartment. As she reached for the door handle the door flung open and a woman was standing there. She was gorgeous, even with her red-rimmed eyes. It was obvious she was crying.

“Sorry,” she said as she bumped into Tessa and squeezed past her. The girl flew down the stairs and was gone.

When she entered the living room she found Jonathon sitting on the couch with his head buried in his hands. She sat down beside him and put her hand on his back. He looked up at her—his eyes looked tired. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. He reached out, wiping the tears that were still leaking out. “Why the tears, Tess?” She laid her head on her brother’s shoulder and told him almost everything. There was some stuff that she wouldn’t share because it was no one’s business.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I hope he realizes what a huge mistake he’s made, and when he comes crawling back I hope you make him work for it.” He kissed her forehead and then hugged her to his chest.

“Jonathon, who was the girl? Is that who you’ve been seeing?”

He didn’t answer her at first. Maybe it was something that he considered to be none of her business, which wouldn’t surprise her since he was pretty tight-lipped about his love life. “It was. Have you ever said something out of anger that you knew was a mistake as soon as it came out of your mouth? I fucked up, Tessa. I fucked up and I can’t fix it.”

“I’m sorry. Are you sure there’s nothing you can do?”

“I don’t know. I’m just going to give her some space for a while. Can you pick up Josie today? They asked me to pick up an extra shift tonight.”

She agreed, and she and Daisy went into her room to read.

***

A month had gone by since Cash broke up with Tessa. Some days were better than others. She missed him so much. The way he would sing to her, dancing them around the kitchen while they cooked together. She missed lying with him in his hammock—sometimes talking, sometimes just enjoying the peace and quiet. Daisy missed her daddy, or at least that was what she thought when Daisy would sit at the front door and cry. She did try to call him a few times, but knew in her gut that he was hitting the ignore button. Those were the hardest days.

Betsy was her only line to him. Betsy told her he’d been pretty scarce lately, but he seemed okay. At least she knew he was okay. Every day she worried that she’d hear that he started using again, but he was stronger than that. Tonight she was going to the tattoo parlor that his friend Jared owned and she was going to get her first tattoo. Betsy promised to be there with her since Cash wouldn’t be.

A week ago she started sending him random texts with songs that reminded her of him and pictures of the two of them. Maybe she was grasping at straws, but she wasn’t going to give up. He loved her and she loved him. He just needed some space. So far she’d sent him “Sing”
by Ed Sheeran, because that was the song she was listening to the first time she’d seen him. She’d also sent “I’ll Stand by You”
by Pretenders,
because she wanted him to know that no matter what, she was there for him. Did she get a response? No, but that was okay. She wasn’t going to give up. Tomorrow she’d send two more and a picture of her tattoo. She was sure she’d get a response.

She took a deep breath and walked into the tattoo parlor. It was certainly unlike any place she’d ever seen. She assumed they were dark and dingy with pictures of naked women everywhere and loud rock music playing, but Jared’s shop was gorgeous. It had a retro feel, lots of reds, blacks, and chrome. The walls were covered with pictures of their artwork. A picture by the door caught her attention—upon closer inspection, she saw it was a picture of Jared, Cash, Betsy, and some other people she didn’t know. Cash wore the biggest smile and it tore at her heart.

“Hey, sweetheart.” She spun around to find Jared standing behind her. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “You okay?”

“Hey, Jared. Yeah, I’m okay. I’m ready to get my tattoo.”

She told him again what she wanted and while he was drawing it in the back she started filling out the papers he gave her. Just as she was finishing up Betsy came running through the door. “Sorry I’m late. Dario got called in to work so I had to take the kids to his momma’s house. Is Jared drawing it up?”

“Yeah, he said he’d be back in a minute.” Tessa hugged Betsy then finished filling out the papers. The other woman seemed to be doing better since Sam’s death. She knew Betsy struggled at first, fearing that she’d relapse herself, but she had a strong support system that wouldn’t let that happen.

Jared returned a few minutes later with a piece of paper in his hand. Her palms started to sweat in nervous anticipation. He pulled out a chair and sat next to her. “Okay, so I did two drawings. One is going off of your idea. The other is my vision. Don’t feel obligated to choose mine. I just wanted you to have options.”

He handed her the piece of paper and when she turned it over she felt all of the air rush out of her lungs. The first was her idea—the word ‘Hope’ in cursive with little birds flying out of the letter ‘e’ across her shoulder. The other was a little girl all in black with an arm outstretched—reaching for a red balloon. The string of the balloon said “There is always hope.” It was gorgeous.

“I’ve seen this before.” She said looking up at Jared.

“It’s Bansky’s Girl with a Balloon.” He pulled out his phone and showed her the original.

It seemed fitting and that’s what she wanted. “It’s gorgeous, Jared. Let’s do it.”

“Great, give me a minute to get set up and Betsy’ll bring you back.” As soon as he disappeared into the back Tessa turned to Betsy.

“I’m scared. I know it’s going to hurt but is it going to hurt really bad?” Betsy was covered in tattoos so she was the perfect person to ask about the pain.

“I’m not going to lie—it will hurt. The outline is the worst, but everyone tolerates it differently. After a while the buzzing gets irritating and you just want it over with. But don’t worry. You’re in good hands. Jared does amazing work.”

A few minutes later they made their way to the back. Jared was sitting at his station getting everything together. He had little cups of ink and needles in envelopes sitting on a little table. He motioned her over. “Okay, darlin’, let’s get you set up.”

She pulled off her sweater, piled her hair up on top of her head, and let Betsy help her pull the strap of her tank top and bra down. He had her straddle the chair and transferred the image to her skin, checking it to make sure it was where she wanted it.

The pain was irritating, but not as bad as she expected. Betsy distracted her by keeping up a constant chatter. When they reached the halfway point Tessa asked for a bathroom break.

Once done with her business, she was tempted to peek but decided to wait until the tattoo was complete. When she opened the door Jared was leaning against the wall. “How is he, Jared?”

“He’s doing okay, darlin’. I can tell he misses you.”

“He won’t respond to my texts. I keep trying to reach out, but I get nothing. Why does he think he doesn’t deserve me?” She took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay. She hated crying in front of others.

“You just need to be patient. The man is still punishing himself over the whole Abby situation. Sam dying just seemed to set him off. Just don’t give up, okay?” He gave her shoulder a squeeze, “Let’s go finish your tattoo.”

She nodded and followed him back down the hall.

An hour later she was staring at her ink in the mirror. It turned out better than the drawing. He made it a little larger so the writing was visible. He gave her some ointment and explicit instructions on how to take care of it. She wrapped her arms around him. “I love it! Thank you so much. Watch—watch out for him.” He nodded his head and then took the gift card he gave her for her birthday. She tried to tip him but he refused to take her money so she gave Betsy the forty dollars to give to him after she was gone.

She stopped by the drugstore to get the lotion he recommended. She wasn’t ready to go home to a sulking Jonathon. Poor Josie was dealing with a moody dad and aunt lately. Maybe she’d pick up some new nail polish and maybe some hair chalk and they would do makeovers.

As Tessa was contemplating the different nail polish colors, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. She felt like she was being watched, but when she glanced around, she didn’t see anyone.

She shook it off and went to the hair color, and grabbed the colored chalk she was going to use. Tessa picked up the lotion and some ice cream and made her way to the checkout line. Then she felt it again and looked around, but saw no one she recognized.

By the time she made it home the uneasy feeling was gone, so she chalked it up to stress. Tessa opened the front door and found Josie and Jonathon playing with Daisy on the floor. They were both smiling, which was a good sign for her evening.

“Let me see it, Aunt Tessa!” Josie said as she got up off the floor, her dad following. She turned around, took her sweater off and then pulled the strap of her tank top down. Jared said she could take the covering off when she got home, so she had Jonathon do it.

“Wow, it’s cool!” Josie said, “Did it hurt?”

“Thanks, baby girl, and yes it did. What do you think?” she asked her brother.

“It looks good. My sister the rebel.”

“Whatever, dork. Josie, check out the nail polish and stuff I got for us. I thought we could beautify each other. What do you think?” She picked up the bag and handed it to her niece, who was already going through it.

“You spoil her,” Jonathon muttered as he threw an arm around Tessa’s shoulders.

“I know, but I feel bad. I haven’t been in the best mood lately and, really, you haven’t either.” He visibly flinched.

“Ouch,” he said shaking his head.

“I’m sorry, but you know it’s true. Has she responded to your texts or calls?” Tessa still didn’t know the mystery girl’s name, but knew her brother was desperately trying to get her to acknowledge him. He led her into the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the fridge.

“Nope, I get nothing. What about Cash?”

She shook her head because if she said it out loud again she was going to cry…again. “We’re a couple of losers, aren’t we?” she said jokingly. He shook his head, his lips tipped up in the corners.

Back in her room, Tessa took a picture of her tattoo and sent it to Cash.

Tessa: I finally got it. I wish you could’ve been there with me. I love you and miss you.

She sent it and prayed that he would respond, but after staring at her phone for almost an hour, she gave up. Standing up she went over to her mirror; looking herself over she felt tears prick her eyes. Did all of her texts to him make her look pathetic? She told him that she’d give him time and that she wouldn’t give up, but maybe he was just done with her. Great, now the tears were flowing freely again. Her heart had a constant ache in it.

Grabbing a tissue she wiped the tears from her face, took a deep breath, and went to join her family in the living room.

Chapter Fourteen

Cash loaded up his tools after he double checked that the steps were tight. It had been an easy job, but work was work. He went inside, bringing Mrs. Jacobs the envelope that contained the bill. After they settled up he said goodbye and hopped into his truck. Checking his phone he looked up where he was off to next. He’d been working ten, sometimes twelve, hours per day and then hitting the gym after. That was the only way he was able to sleep, working himself to exhaustion.

He missed Tessa something awful. Everyone kept telling him he made a mistake and that he was wrong for breaking up with her. His sister had tried to change his mind. It had been a couple of weeks ago when she had called him to invite him and Tessa over for dinner. He told her what happened and was met by dead air, and then his sister let him have it.

“Are you seriously kidding me right now? Honey, I totally understand why you might think that way, but you know that’s not true. Just because Sam couldn’t defeat his demons doesn’t mean you can’t—you have. Don’t you think it’s time that you finally forgive yourself completely? Maybe grab onto a little bit of that happiness that Tessa gives you. I’ve never been where you are but I do know that there’s a certain kind of love that can consume you. Make you a better version of yourself. It all comes from someone who gives you all the love and support to get you through the hard times.

“You know some people thought I was too forgiving with Dylan, but it doesn’t matter. He shows me every day how much he loves me and our children. Is every day sunshine and rainbows? Not at all. But, at the end of the day, I love him, he loves me, and together we can get through anything. I could tell that’s what you had with Tessa. Please, I’m begging you to talk to her. Tell her you made a mistake. You know you belong together.”

He didn’t know what to say to his sister. So he told her he’d call her later to talk more. Now, two weeks later, he was still hiding out from his sister. Everything she had said was spot on, but he wasn’t ready yet. He wasn’t sure what was holding him back and Derek has been trying to help get it out of him.