Our Totally, Ridiculous, Made-Up Christmas Relationship (3 page)

I smile and nod once. “All right.”

“Good.” She pushes me away from her and points toward the living room. “Now go hate your brother and your dad some more. It wouldn’t be a holiday without all of your stupid attitudes.”

Moving over to the stove, I breathe in the delicious foods. Taking my finger, I go to taste one of her many sauces heating up and she slaps my hand. “No! That one has pecans in it, and I’m not interested in killing you today. Try the one in the back I made for you.”

Listening to her order, I do as I’m told and it tastes as fantastic as always. There’s really nothing like Ma’s cooking.

I
really
should make time for Sunday dinners.

The rest of the night runs pretty smoothly, because my mind is focused on nailing the interview tomorrow. Dad and Landon make their normal, offensive remarks about me, but I don’t give a shit. Tomorrow everything changes, tomorrow my life begins.

Tomorrow, I prove them all wrong.

After a night spent at my parents’ house, I am more determined than ever to ace this audition. But the longer I sit across from this pregnant lady who looks like she’s five, the more I feel like a failure. She tugs on her ear, browsing over my less-than-amusing résumé, which forces me to shift around in my chair.

“So, Mr. Reece, you’ve been acting for—?”

“A few years. Mainly looking for a way to break into the business, to get a chance to show what I can do.”

She nods, muttering to herself as she continues looking at the résumé with a look of displeasure. Setting the resume aside, she lifts her head to give me a benign, kind smile that does little to disguise the pity she feels as she searches for the right words to let me down gently. “You have a great look, you really do. A fresh face, nice voice. But—”

There’s always a ‘but’.

“But, your experience is a bit lacking. Perhaps work now on building your résumé, getting more experience. When you do that, come back and see me again.”

I hear my Dad in my ears, echoing how I’m a loser and need to get a real job. Placing my hands on the edges of her desk, I search for a voice that sounds confident and not beggarly. “Mrs. Ericks, I can do this. I know I can be a big benefit to your agency, and I know I will benefit from your agency’s representation. I get it—I lack the impressive credentials you are looking for. I didn’t study theater at the top schools, or lock in my first commercial at the age of three. But this is what I want. This is who I am. From the bottom of my soul, I promise you better than my best. I promise you the top of the line. I won’t disappoint you, and failure is not an option. There’s something inside me telling me I’m in the right place. This is supposed to be my home. All I need you to do is invite me in.”

She’s quiet for a moment, staring at me with eyes that are filling with emotion.
She’s giving in. She’s going to let me in.

Suddenly, her office door bursts open and a woman wearing way too much make-up stumbles in, her face pale. Even with the make-up she looks freaking awful. “Stacey—sorry to interrupt. We are swamped out here with auditions for the toothpaste commercial and I have—” Her hand flies to her mouth as a gagging sounds comes out and her body starts to quiver. Shifting quickly to the garbage can, the lady starts upchucking her lunch, breakfast, and the rest of the week’s menu.

“Oh my gosh. Grace! Go home!” Stacey stands, and moving closer to her co-worker, checks to see if she’s all right as she ushers her toward the door.

No! Come back! You were just about to sign me!

“Mr. Reece.” Stacey turns to me and gives me a sad grin. “Thank you for coming in. Remember, when you get those additional résumé builders please, stop by again. In the front lobby there is some information on acting classes and headshots from photographers. Please hang out for as long as you wish.”

No.
No!
Rejection. Failure. Loser. Dismissal.

Walking out of the office, I hang around in the lobby for a while, watching real actors coming in for real auditions. I sit there, pretending to be one of them, make believing. I don’t go home right away, because the moment I walk out of this building, I know my once-in-a-lifetime shot at a real acting career will be nothing more than a memory.

“Ms. Peterson, no offense, but I’m not going to let you win this time. Oh, did I tell you about my family trip coming up?” I exhale noisily, moving my checker pieces across the board.

On Thursdays I always take a half-day from work so I can volunteer at the Outers Retirement home. Nursing homes just so happen to smell like a million of grandparents’ homes all at once; kind of like a mixture of candy and liniment. I love coming to Outers; the people here are so amazing to interact with in this place. It’s so important to give back to the community, remembering that the elderly need love too and…Ah hell.

Really I come here to complain about my dysfunctional family because all my friends and co-workers are sick of hearing about it. The old people don’t care either, but most of the time they are just happy to have someone playing checkers with them. I would play chess—but do I look like Einstein? Trust me, I don’t look like Einstein.

“I mean, I’m trying my best not to think about it too much, and there’s not much I can do to take away from the awkwardness of it all, but well, here we are.” I sigh and double jump the red checker chip over the black. “Do you think I’m overthinking it? Mom said I’m overthinking it, but let’s be honest. She also said I was overthinking the fact that Danny wasn’t going to propose and look at us now.” My eyes shift to my ringless finger and an unattractive, heavy frown takes over my lips. Mom should have named me Pathetic. It seems more fitting.

I look up to the old woman sitting across from me, who is smiling wide and nodding in response. Happy listeners are the best listeners, so I keep on yapping. “I know what you’re thinking. Why didn’t the jerk propose? Well, probably because he was too busy getting it on with my nasty ho-bag of a sister. There are so many days I wish I had a sibling redo. I wish I could take her and push her back into Mom’s va-jay-jay and get another sister. A real sister, not a ho-bag sister.” The elderly woman smiles even bigger and nods some more.

I bite my bottom lip, grinding my teeth into my flesh and narrow my eyes. “Did you forget to put in your hearing aids, Ms. Peterson?” No response other than a big fake dentures smile and nodding. “Perfect. Anyway, at least this time I have someone to take home with me for the Christmas weekend at the cabin. Mom kept reminding me about the fact that I’ve ditched the last three years and she guilt-tripped me by saying Grandma probably doesn’t have many more years with us because she’s as old as a bat—no offense.”

Nod. Smile. Smile. Nod.

“Besides, this Christmas is going to be special.” Reaching into my coat pocket, I pull out a ring box and watch Ms. Peterson’s eyes widen with joy. Leaning in toward her I whisper, “Richard’s going to propose!”

“HA!” is the sound that travels to my ears from old man Eddie, who’s sitting at a table across the room. “Sunshine, how do you know a man’s going to propose? Either he does or he doesn’t!”

“Shut it, Eddie. He left it under the bed this morning.”

“You mean he
dropped
it under the bed this morning.” Eddie snickers as he rolls his wheelchair over to the table, joining Ms. Peterson and me.

Rolling my eyes I shrug my shoulders. “Po-tay-to! Po-tah-to! Whatever! I’m engaged!”

“He didn’t ask you.”

I frown, staring at the sparkling, somewhat underwhelming diamond. “Must you put such a damper on this?”

“Listen sweetheart, you’ve been dating this guy for what, seven months? He’s not the one. And when you’ve been around as long as I have, you realize that you should let them go and not waste your time. He’s not for you.”

Running the ring through my fingers I sigh, “He’s the one for me. Not everyone can be like you and Ms Peterson.”

Ms. Peterson laughs as Eddie takes her hand into his and kisses it, making her instantly transform into a high school teenager. They met each other a few years ago here and are the main couple of the nursing home. Ms. Peterson has been known to beat off other women who give Eddie googly eyes. I appreciate her ability to mark her territory, as it’s something I wish I could have done in my past.

“Julie Anne, the loser’s idea of date night is ordering Chinese food and having you watch him play something about calling and duties all night long.”

I hate when Eddie uses my full name. It makes it seem like he’s scolding me. “I like those nights. Besides, he’s finally ready to meet my family. He’s coming to Wisconsin with me. I think he’s going to propose in front of my parents!”

Eddie groans at my words and slaps his hand against his face—for extra insult. “Let’s think about this. We all know you rush into relationships.”

“I do not!”

“Do too!” is heard throughout the whole community hall from all of the people who live in the nursing home. If I weren’t so awkward, I may have even been offended.

Eddie smiles to me and rubs the bald spot on his head. “Peter the computer geek, Ryan the drug addict, and don’t even get us started on Tyler the personal trainer.”

“They weren’t that bad.”

“Ha! Tyler had you working out five times a day. And I think we both know how you feel about gyms. It’s a nasty sweatshop that makes…”

I mutter, “…women feel inferior to men. Yes, okay. So in the past I haven’t picked out the best guys. But Richard is different. This ring shows that!”

“Ah to be young and an idiot again.” Eddie grins and kisses Ms. Peterson’s hand. She is of course nodding and smiling. “The truth is you never got over that asshole Danny.”

“That’s not fair. He was the love of my life…” I explain, hoping to change the subject.

Eddie’s mood shifts as he leans in toward me and places his hand over mine. “Sunshine, the love of your life wouldn’t cheat on you with your sister.”

He’s right. I definitely hate him for being right, but mostly I hate myself for still missing Danny, even though I now have a Richard.

“Alright, well, I think I’ve suffered enough for one visit. I gotta stop by the agency, pick up some liquor to hide in my sock drawer like in high school, and then hit the road.” Standing from my victorious game of checkers with Ms. Peterson, I give Eddie a hug and receive a kiss on the cheek from the handsome gentleman. I walk around and kiss the elderly woman on the top of her head. “Merry Christmas you two.”

“Happy Easter, dear,” Ms. Peterson says, holding up her middle finger and kissing her lips against it.

“Happy Christmas, Jules! And congratulations on your bubble gum machine diamond.” Eddie laughs and laughs, with Ms. Peterson joining in. I watch her pull out her hearing aids and stick them in.
She was ignoring me on purpose!
After picking up my stunned jaw from the floor I head out toward the acting agency to grab some packets before my five-hour trip to upper Wisconsin.

“Oh my gosh, Jules, I’m so glad you’re here! We are swamped! First, fast question, do my feet look swollen?” Stacey, my co-worker, steps out of her slip-on shoes and shows me her fat toes. Ew. She sure knows how to make pregnancy look appealing. “Gross, right? Anyway, please say you’ll stay and help me with these auditions.”