Parker's Island (3 page)

“
I didn’t mean anything…
I just…
”

“I know.  I just think you’re selling yourself short.  You’re
very intelligent
,
Delaney
.  D
on’t think you’re not.”

“Thanks.  So, um…
are you going to college somewhere, I mean I’m sure you’re going to college, but which one?  I’m sure you have your pick of any university that you want.” 

“I don’t know. 
I really hadn’t thought much about it.”

“Why?  You’re so
smart.  Y
ou could go anywhere you want. 
If
its
money you’re worried about
,
I’m sure you can get scholarships
,
if
you don’t already have some.  And if not, there
are
always student loans
,
” I kept babbling.  I was completely unable to stop.  “I mean, I’m sure you can work something out. 
You could
work part time…just enough to
…”  I finally stopped when I noticed h
e was grinning at me.  “What?”
I
finally
asked.

“I was just waiting for you to take a breath.”  More laughing.

I
knew I was turning
bright red because I could actually feel it running
from my chest, up
my neck and into my cheeks.  “Sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to embarrass you.  I’m just not sure if or where I’m goi
ng yet.  I’d like to, it’s just
…complicated.
”

“Oh.”  Brilliant reply, I thought to myself.

“So, where are you going?”

“Um….I’ve put in applications at a few colleges and got a few letters of acceptance, but I’m not really sure either.” 
I didn’t want to commit to anything until I knew where he was going, just in case I
may actually have a shot at attending the same
school
.

“Everyone take out a clean sheet of paper
,
please
,
” Mr. Phelps, one of
our
mo
re
unusual teachers said, trying to get the class started.

“I would like
each one of you
to write one nice thing about the person sitting next to you.” 

Oh no, this can’t be happening.  There is no way that this is going to end well for me.  What am I going to say that won’t make me sound like a love-sick teenager, or worse?!  I thought with
impending doom.

I took out a piece of paper and stared at it for about five minutes, trying to figure out what to say without giving anything away
,
yet
also wanting to be really nice at the same time.

My hand was shaking as I scratched out a few lines, crossing them out one by one as fast as I wrote them.

Logan always turns his homework in on time.

Logan is the smartest guy I know.

Logan has a beautiful smile.

Logan has the most beautiful eyes.

Logan is perfect.

Logan, I love you.

I finally crunched up the paper and got out a new
piece
.

Logan is an exceptional student.

“There, that’s not
only true, but it’s not
too incriminating,” I thought. 

I looked up to find him studying me from across the desk.  He probably thought I was crazy.  His paper was sitting in fro
nt of
him.  I could see that he’d written on it, but I couldn’t actually read it.

“Everyone finished?”
Mr. Phelps asked.

There were murmurs and nods around the room.  I sat there frozen, wondering what he could have possibly written about me.

“Please exchange papers with your partners
,
”
Mr. Phelps
said. 

I took a deep breath and slid my paper across the table to him, and he handed me his.

I watched him while he read
m
y perfunctory statement.  His facial features never changed, and then he murmured a quick “thanks.”

I looked down and my jaw dropped as I read what he wrote about me.

Delaney brightens up even the cloudiest of days.

“Could I possibly feel any worse?” I thought as I whispered
,
“Thank you.”

“Just telling it like it is
,
”
h
e said.

“Logan, I…”  I
didn’t get to
apologize for the generic statement
I wrote because Mr. Phelps interrupted me and said, “I hope everyone learned something about themselves
,
today” and then we were told to open
our
books to chapter 13.

I knew I had
learned something about myself.
I was a coward. 
I had the perfect opportunity to tell Logan how I felt about him and I blew it!

I refused a ride home from Molly after school, feigning that I needed the exercise and that I’d see her in the morning.

I locked myself in my room for the entire night, complaining of a headache, only to have my mother checking
in
on me and bringing
me soup
,
aspirin
or
a cold wash cloth all night. 
             
“Are you sure you’re alright
,
Delaney?  I’ve never seen you like this.  You never get headaches that keep you locked up all night.” 

“I’m fi
ne
,
Mom.  I just have a headache,”
I groaned, rolling over in bed.

“
Are you sure that’s all it is?  You’ve been very distant lately, like something is really bothering you
.
  Is there
something you need to tell me?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.  Is there a boy
involved?” s
he asked, rubbing my back.

“O
h
, why can’t I just have a headache?”

“Okay, okay, but if you want to talk about anything, I’m here.”

“Thanks, but I’m fine.”

She turned o
ff
my light and shut my door
,
finally leaving me alone in the dark to think.  “Why didn’t I write something wonderful on that stupid piece of paper?” I berated myself for about 30 minutes before I fell into a restless sleep. 
             
The next morning I walked to school thinking about what to say to Logan.  Nothing great came to mind.  I was at a loss for words, and as I sat down next to him in class, I decided I had
to say something.  “Logan, um I
….I just wanted to thank you for what you wrote about me yesterday.”

“It was hardly Shakespeare
,
”
h
e shrugged.

“It was very nice, much nicer than I deserved.”

“That’s not true
.  Y
ou do brighten things up.”

“If I’m so bright, then why couldn’t I come up with something better to write about you?”

“It did look like you were having a difficult time, but then
again
,
I’m not a very interesting subject
,
”
h
e grinned, and then opened up his notebook.

“That’s not true
.  Y
ou’re the most interesting person
I know
and I had lots of really nice things to say about you, but when I put them down on paper, they all looked
…
s
tupid,
”
I sighed.

“Delaney, it was a stupid assignment
.  I
t’s no big deal.”

Chad paraded into the room
then,
spouting off more plans for the senior blow out.

“I wish he’d just shut up about that stupid party
,
” I said
angrily
, irritated
at myself and
Chad.

Logan laughed at my obvious irritation.  His smile made me completely forget
my
anger
.  “How can anyone be that
perfect
?”
I thought, while watching him
out of the
corner of my eye. 

It was April 17
th
, that last day of class before spring break.  The last few months had been pretty much uneventful.  Logan and I did actually talk a bit more now, about this or that, but nothing of any great importance. 
I could never get him to tell me anything about himself
,
though
.  He was still such a mystery. 
I wanted so badly to tell him how I felt about him, but didn’t
know where to begin. 

I kept thinking that I should just ask him out, but the reverberating no’s he had given his other earlier suitors kept echoing in my head. 
Why would he
even
consider going out with me when he turned down Hailey, Chelsea, Amber
,
etc
.
,
etc
.
,
etc
.
?

When the final bell rang, I looked up to see Logan staring at me like he had something to say. 

When he didn’t say anything, I asked him if he had anything exciting planned for the break.

“No
,
not really
.  H
ow about you?”

“Um, nothing exciting
.  W
e’re supposed to see
a movie,
you know, a few of us are going as a group.  Maybe you’d like to see
it
with us?”
Oh my God, I actually did it, well sort of
,
anyway.

“
Thanks
,
but
I’m not much into movies.  Have a nice break.”  He stood up, look
ing at me
once
again
like he wanted to say something, but then
he
just walked away.

I watched him go, feeling completely crushed.  I put my head down on my desk, trying to control the tears that were inevitable, when Molly came waltzing through the door.  “Hey, you ready
to go
?  What’s wrong?”

“Nothing
.
I just have another headache
,
”
I lied.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”  She obviously didn’t believe me, but didn’t push it.  “Well, let’s go.  I have all kinds of fun planned
for
this week.  I thought we’d go see
the
movie tomo
rr
…
what?”
s
he
aske
d when she noticed the tears welling up in my eyes at the mere mention of
the
movie.  “Are you okay?”

“I told you, I have a headache.  I think it’s a migraine.  The lights in here are killing me.  Can we just go
, please?”
I said, while trying desperately to hold back the tears.

“O
h,
okay, let’s g
o,
”
s
he said.

“So, what were you and Logan talking about all by yourselves after class?”  Molly asked, unaware that he was the reason I was feigning another headache.

“Nothing.”

“It must have been something to get you this upset
,
”
s
he said, obviously more intuitive than I gave her credit for.

“He didn’t
…
I’m not upset.  I told you, I have a headache!”

“Fine, don’t tell me.  But, you better pull yourself together and make that more believable by the time you get home or your mother is going to be all over you.”

“Oh
no
, she’s never go
ing to
buy another headache
,
”
I moaned.

“Neither do I
,
by the way.”