Penny Dreadful Multipack Vol. 1 (Illustrated. Annotated. 'Wagner The Wehr-Wolf,' 'Varney The Vampire,' 'The Mysteries of London Vol. 1' + Bonus Features) (Penny Dreadful Multipacks) (187 page)

 
Walker
. Well, he bolted, leaving all
his traps behind, and me amongst them, and not a skurrick to pay the hotel bill
and find my way back agin to England. The landlord he seized the traps, and I
was forced to walk all the way to - I forget the name of the place —"
    "Constantinople, perhaps," said Suggett, kindly
endeavouring to assist his friend in his little geographical embarrassments.
    "No; that ain't it," returned Snuggles.
"Howsomever, I had every kind of difficulty to fight up against; and I
never see my guvner from that day to this. He owed me eight pound, nineteen,
and sixpence for wages; and he was bound by contract to bring me back to
England."
    "Disgraceful raskel, that he was!' ejaculated Mr.
Suggett. "I raly think that we gentlemen ought to establish a society for
our protection. The Licensed Witlers have
 
their
 
Association; why shouldn't we have
the Gentlemen's Gentlemen organized into a society?"
    "Why not?" said Snoggles.
    The waiter now acquainted the company that supper was ready
in an upstairs room for those who liked to partake of it. All the gentlemen
whose names have been introduced to the reader in connection with the parlourof
the
 
Servants' Arms
, removed to the banquetting saloon, where the table was, spread
with a white cloth and black handled kniyes and forks. At intervals stood salt
cellars and pepper boxes, the latter resembling in shape the three little domes
upon the present National Gallery in Trafalgar Square. A huge round of boiled
beef tripe both boiled and fried, and rump steaks, formed the supper. The
methodist parson insisted upon being allowed to say grace - or, as he expressed
it, "ask a blessing," for which purpose the same neighbours who bad
kindly helped him up the stairs, now, sustained him upon his legs. Dread was
the havoc then made upon the various dainties on the table, Mr. Guffins being
especially characterised by a good appetite upon this occasion.
    The Reverend Mr. Drummer was also far from being behind-hand
in this onslaught upon the luxuries supplied by the
 
Servants' Arms
; and while he bolted huge
mouthfuls of boiled beef, he favoured the company with an excellent moral
dissertation - upon abstemiousness and self-mortification. Mr. Drummer was,
however, one of those who content themselves with inculcating morality, and do
not consider it necessary to set an example in their own persons; for, after
having clearly demonstrated that gluttony and drunkenness lead to blasphemy,
ungodliness, and profane swearing, he abruptly turned to the landlord, who
presided at the supper-table, and, holding his plate to be filled for the
fourth time, exclaimed, "D—n your eyes, don't cut it so infernally
thick!"
    After supper, "glasses round" of hot brandy and
water were introduced, and the conversation was carried on with considerable
spirit. It was mid night before the party thought of breaking up, although
several of the gentlemen present had already begun to see three or four Dutch
clocks staring them in the face besides the one which graced the wall. As for
the Reverend Mr. Drummer, he declared that he was so affected by the ungodly
proceedings of those present that he should forthwith endeavour to wash away
their guilt with his tears; and it is distressing to be compelled to observe
that all the reward this truly pious and deserving man experienced at the hands
of the ungrateful company, was the cruel accusation that he was "crying
drunk." This disgraceful behaviour produced such an effect upon his
naturally nervous temperament, that he fell flat upon the floor, and was
compelled to be taken in a wheelbarrow to his own house close by. 
    We may also add here that on the following day this
proceeding was rumoured abroad, so that the much injured minister was
necessitated to justify his conduct from the pulpit on the ensuing sabbath.
This he did so effectually, that two old ladies, who carried small flasks of
brandy in their pockets, were conveyed out of the chapel in a peculiar state -
no doubt overpowered by the minister's eloquence. They however recovered at the
expiration of some hours, and immediately opened a subscription to present a
piece of plate to the Reverend Stephen Drummer, together with a vote of thanks
and confidence on the part of the congregation. The vote was respectfully, but
gratefully declined by this holy man; but, after some little entreaty, he was
prevailed upon to accept the plate. From that time to the present day his
congregation has been rapidly increasing; and, although envy and jealousy have
declared that he himself helped to augment its numbers in the shape of three
innocent little children by different servant-girls, he very properly disdained
to contradict the report, and is con sidered by his flock to be a chosen and
savoury vessel of the Lord.

THE BANK-NOTES

WHEN Richard left the presence of Diana, after the full confession
of her frailty, he hurried home on horseback at a rate which kept pace with his
thoughts.
    Upon reaching his dwelling, he retired to his apartment, and
sate himself down seriously to consider all that had taken place.
    His eyes were now open to two facts: in the first instance
he saw that he had been giving way to a passion which was dishonourable in
respect to the relations existing between its object and another individual -
the baronet; and, secondly, he perceived that even if that barrier were
removed, Diana was not the being whom be ought to make the partner of his
fortunes. He was endowed with feelings and notions of the most scrupulous
honour; and he deeply regretted that he should ever have been induced to utter
a word or manifest a sentiment towards Diana, which he would have been ashamed
for the baronet to become acquainted with. To such an extent did he carry his
notions of honour, that if, for instance, he had pledged himself to keep a
secret, he would sooner have suffered himself to be put to death than have
forfeited his word. Even were a crime communicated to him in confidence, he
would not have benefitted society by handing the perpetrator over to justice.
He thus fell into an extreme almost as dangerous and fatal as the total absence
of moral rectitude.
    If the reader should marvel how a young man possessing such
punctilious sentiments, could have so far forgotten himself as to declare his
affection to one who stood in the light of a friend's wife, let it be
remembered that he was surprised into a partial avowal of that passion: and that
a certain impulse, favoured by a rapid succession of visits, parties, and
 
tête-â-tête
 
interviews, in which the object thereof was always present, had
hurried him forward up to that point when a word was to decide his fate.
    Love is a stream so rapid that be who embarks upon it does
not observe that his rude boat crushes the beauteous flowers upon the banks
between which it passes:- it is a river whose waters are those of oblivion, in
which all other passions, sentiments, and ideas are swallowed up.
    O woman, what power hast thou over the heart of man! Thou
wast born a creature of grace and fascination: to whatever clime thou dost
belong, neither habit nor costume can deface in thee that natural charm of
witchery and love which characterises thee in all the relations of life.
    Richard had not been long alone, when a knock at his door
aroused him from the reverie in which he had been plunged; and Mr. Chichester
entered the room.
    "My dear Markham," said he, "you must excuse
the liberty which I take in thus intruding upon your privacy; but what is the
meaning of this? You were to lunch with Harborough to-day, and we were all to
dine together in the evening. You called at Diana's; and from what you said
upon leaving, she fancied you were coming straight home. So I have galloped all
this way after you. You shut yourself up from your friends as if you had a
design upon your life."
   
"I am not well-I am anxious
to be alone."
    "But I shall not allow you to remain alone," said
Chichester. "If you should feel melancholy what guarantee have I that you
will not commit suicide, or do what is nearly as bad - sit down and write
sentimental poetry?"
    "I am not very likely to do either."
    "You must come and join us: the baronet-"
    "I would rather-"
    "I can take no excuse. Order round your chestnut, and
let us be off."
    "Well - at all events I must go straight into the City
first," said Markham. "I have occasion to call at my guardian's
banker."
    "Will you join me at seven precisely this evening, at
Harborough's own lodgings in Conduit street? We shall expect you."
    "You may rely upon me," answered Markham, who now
suddenly experienced an anxiety for society and bustle. "But who will be
there?"
    "Only the baronet, you, I, and Talbot-a
 
partie quarre.
   
 
Talbot is really a good fellow at
heart, and has taken a great liking to you. Besides, he is the most liberal and
generous fellow in existence. He sent a hundred pounds to every hospital in
London yesterday morning - his annual donations; and be thinks that no one
knows anything about it. He always puts himself down as X. Y. Z in the lists of
charitable subscriptions: he is so unostentatious!"
    "Those are admirable traits in his character."
    "They are, indeed. Just now, for instance, he heard of
a horrid case of distress. Only conceive a poor man, with nine small children
and a wife just ready to present him with a tenth, dragged to Whitecross Street
Prison, for a paltry hundred pounds! Talbot instantly called me aside, and
said, '
Chichester, my dear fellow, I have not time to attend to any business
to-day. There is a five hundred pound note; have the kindness to get it changed
for me, and devote a hundred pounds to save the unhappy family.
'
 
Those were Talbot's own words," added Mr. Chichester,
surveying Richard in a peculiar manner from under his eyebrows.
    "How liberal! how grand! how noble!" exclaimed
Richard, forgetting all Mr. Talbot's vulgarity and coarseness, as he listened
to these admirable traits of philanthropy. "To be candid with you, I am
myself going to the banker's to draw some money; and when I see you this
evening, I shall be happy to place twenty pounds in your hands for the use of
that poor family."
    "No, my dear fellow, keep your money: the baronet and I
shall take care of those poor people."
    "Nay - I insist -"
    "Well - I am sorry now that I told you of the
circumstance."
    "And I am very glad."
    "There - you shall have your own way then. But, by the
by," added Chichester, a sudden thought appearing to strike him, "you
are going into the City, and to your banker's?"
    "Yes. And you?"
    "I am anxious to get back to the West End as hastily as
possible," answered Chichester. "You could do me a service, if you
would ?"
    "Name it," said Richard.
    "Get this note changed for me in the City,"
returned Chichester: and as he spoke he drew a Bank of England note for five
hundred pounds from his pocket.
    "Oh! certainly," cried Markham; and
 
he took charge of the note accordingly.
    He and Mr. Chichester then separated. Richard mounted his
horse and rode towards the City, while his friend proceeded to the West End.
    At seven o'clock Richard was ushered into Sir Rupert
Harborough's drawing-room in Conduit-street, Hanover Square.
    "There!" exclaimed Chichester, who was lounging
upon the sofa; "I knew that my melancholy young gentleman would be
punctual."
    " Delighted to see you, Markham," said the
baronet, pressing his hand with more than usual fervour.
    "How are you, my tulip?" shouted Talbot. "Why,
Chichester said you had the blue devils!"
    "I really felt unequal to society to-day,"
returned Richard; "and I fancied that a little rest-"
    "A little humbug!" ejaculated Mr. Talbot.
"That's all my eye and my elbow, Markham. A d—d good bottle of champagne
will soon put you to rights. But when I'm ill, what do you think I always
take?"
    "I really can't guess."
    "Why, going to bed I always take a pint of dog's nose.
There's nothing like dog's-nose for getting into the system. You must have it
in the pewter, you know - and nice and hot: you will then sweat a bucket-full
in the course of the night, and get up in the morning as right as a rivet. I
can assure you there's nothing like dog's-nose."
    "And pray what is dog's-nose?" enquired Richard.
    "Well, may I be hanged! you are jolly green not to know
what dog's-nose is! You take half a pint of the best half-and-half - or you may
have ale all alone, if you like - a quartern of blue ruin -"
    " It is a mixture of gin, beer, and sugar," said Mr.
Chichester, impatiently.
    "Well, and why couldn't you let me tell the gentleman
how to make dog's-nose in my own manner?" asked Talbot, somewhat sulkily.
"However, there's nothing better than dog's-nose for the gripes, or wind
on the stomach, or the rheumatics. For my part-"
    "D—n your part!" cried the Honourable Arthur
Chichester, now absolutely losing all patience.
    Fortunately for all parties, the door was at that moment
thrown open, and a valet announced that dinner was served up. Richard took
advantage of the haste with which Mr. Talbot rushed downstairs to the
dining-room, to slip a bundle of Bank of England notes and a quantity of gold
into Chichester's hand, whispering at the same time. "There is your
change, together with my twenty pounds for the poor family."
    "Thank you, my boy," said Chichester; and over
Markham's shoulder, he exchanged with the baronet a significant glance of
satisfaction amounting almost to joy.
    Meantime Mr. Talbot had rushed to his place at the
dinner-table, declaring that "he was uncommonly peckish," and began
sharpening his two knives one against the other. The baronet took his seat at
the top of the table; Mr. Chichester at the bottom; and Markham sate opposite
to Talbot.
    "This soup is unexceptionable," observed
Chichester: "I never tasted better save once - and that was at the King of
Prussia's table."
    "Ah! I once had d—d good pea-soup, I remember, at the
Duke of Lambeth's table," ejaculated Mr. Talbot. "But, I say, who the
devil's that kicking my unfortunate soft corn?"
    "A glass of wine, Markham?" said Chichester.
  
 
"I suppose we'd all better join in," suggested Talbot.
 
 
 
"
I
 
shall be happy to drink wine with
 
you,
 
Mr. Talbot," said the baronet, with a reproving emphasis upon
the pronouns.
    "Just as you please," returned the man of charity,
who certainly required some virtue or another to cover such a multitude of sins
of vulgarity. "I wonder what's coming next. I say, Harborough, you haven't
ordered any tripe, have you? I am so fond of tripe. Thefe's nothing like tripe
and onions for supper."
    The dinner passed away, and the bottle was circulated pretty
freely. Richard regained his good spirits, and offered no objection when
Chichester proposed a stroll up Regent's-street with a cigar.
    The baronet and Talbot went together first; and Markham was
about to follow, when Chichester drew him back into the dining-room, and said,
"Excuse me: but you went to your banker's to-day. If you have much money
about you, it is not safe to carry it about the streets of London at
night-time."
    "I have fifty-five pounds in gold and fifty pounds in
notes," answered Markham.
    "Notes are safe enough," returned Chichester;
"but gold is dangerous. Some one would be sure to
 
frisk
 
your purse. Here - I tell you how we can manage it - give me fifty
sovereigns, and I will give you a fifty pound note in exchange. I can then lock
up the gold in the baronet's writing-desk, the key of which, I see, he has
fortunately left in the lock."
    Chichester glanced, as he spoke, to the writing-desk, which
stood upon a little table between the windows.
    "I am much obliged to you for the thought," said
Richard: "it is very considerate of you."
    He accordingly handed over his purse of gold to his kind
friend, and received in exchange a fifty pound note, which Mr. Chichester
selected from a huge roll that he took from his pocket.
  
 
The two gentlemen then hastened
to rejoin the baronet and Talbot, whom they overtook in Regent-street.
    They all walked leisurely along towards the Quadrant; and
while Talbot engaged Markham in conversation upon some trivial topic or
another, Chichester related in a few words to the baronet the particulars of
the little pecuniary arrangement which had just taken place.