Pieces of Paisley (35 page)
“Sure, sounds good. Let me go home and change, we can meet about eight.” With affirmative nods from everyone I head out. I have enough time to run home and shower and change, take Laura for ice cream then head out with the guys. It has been a while since I have had beers with the guys, and maybe we will shoot a few games of pool. I have pretty much stopped playing since Florida. It was one more memory tainted by Paisley, as I taught her how to play, which led to a marathon sex session because every time she bent over the table I wanted to take her up against it.
I call my mom to make sure she isn’t expecting me even though she cancelled on me, “Hey Mom, just making sure we really weren’t on for dinner. I agreed to meet Joe and the rest of the department for drinks and didn’t want to stand you up. We have this new project we are working on and there is a rep in from out of town that is going to bring some information I need.”
“Nope, Jake. I have plans. Got to go, talk tomorrow.” That was the shortest and oddest conversation I have ever had with that woman.
Dropping Laura off after ice cream and getting sticky chocolate kisses, I realize for the first time in a long time I am actually excited about going out this evening. Mystery girl with the amazing tits, ass, legs and voice have nothing to do with it. Between my new home, Laura, and work my life is on a positive climb upwards and I need to get off my ass and make it continue. I just have that last piece of my heart to take back from Paisley, and hopefully with time I can reclaim it.
Chapter 38
Paisley
Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
I hadn’t talked to Wayne in two days, and I was extremely nervous to see Rose after all this time. The contract with the prison was signed, but I needed to drop of the specs to the head engineer tonight once dinner was over. Joe had said the chief engineer from the VA wanted them so he could make sure they could implement the machine. I may score a new contract without a lot of legwork, and that is fabulous. I glance down to my engagement ring and the weight on my finger is becoming obtrusive, almost like a lead pipe sitting on me. I want to slip it off, but I have already told Rose I am engaged and I have no idea why that feeling is coming over me.
I walk in and spot her immediately. She hasn’t changed at all, and when she sees me, her hand flies to her mouth, and the tears start streaming down her cheeks. She was always so sensitive, but I knew she loved me. I cut her out of my life in order to allow myself to heal, and I haven’t done that. I just feel like a selfish bitch for causing the mass destruction of pain in my wake.
She stands up and stares at me as I walk towards her, as soon as I am within reach her arms encircle me and she pulls me to her the rest of the way. This feels so natural, so right and instead of my anxiety decreasing it shoots up a few notches. What can I say to her to make it okay? What do we have to talk about? This is my past coming back to slap me in the face and give me a wakeup call. I acted like I was the only one wronged in this situation and I did so much of the damage myself. I have never allowed myself to admit that but being in her arms, feeling the security of her love brings me to some huge revelations. Before the moment gets too deep, she pulls apart and ushers me to my chair.
“What are you doing here?” I explain in depth my job, and the responsibilities and the last minute change in plans that brought me here. “Almost like fate,” she barely whispers.
I give her a questioning glance, and she points to my ring. “It hasn’t happened yet, maybe this is the divine intervention you need.” I immediately shake my head no.
“Wayne is a good guy. He has suffered a loss in his life I couldn’t understand. He is my best friend and sometimes understands me better than myself.” I want to reassure her I am making the right decision, and there is nothing to change my mind.
“Sometimes the best ones are the people who make you question yourself, not figure yourself out. You need to feel out of control everyone once in a while, but the same person to drive you to the edge of your seat has to be there it reel you in. Do you have that, Paisley?”
“No, he is safe. He is my future. I have made a shit ton of mistakes, Rose. I was spiraling downhill fast. I went through relationships like they had an expiration date on them. I am finally settled, and in all honesty I don’t know why I am here.”
“That is something only you can figure out. I will tell you that you can’t go through life without regrets. We all have them. We all have doubts, fears, mistakes and joys. The regrets you have in life can change you. If you keep making the same mistakes, you will only learn to live with that regret, not let it go. Why haven’t you married any of the other people?” She is blunt and to the point.
“I don’t know. I didn’t love them. They were lacking the security I crave, I guess.”
“The same security you ran from?”
“It was different with Jake. It wasn’t just security he gave me; he made me feel out of control. We had a lot of issues, Rose.”
“I agree, but he offered you the best thing in life. Security with everlasting love. I promise you, he still loves you, Paisley. I don’t think he will ever stop.”
I finally admit the words out loud, “I love him, too. But you know that saying, love isn’t enough. That is how I feel. I don’t know how to explain it. The out of control emotions he brings out in me, the pain and depression I went through. I never want to go through that again.”
“Do me a favor? Take that ring off for the remainder of dinner, listen to me and then make a decision for yourself, and only for yourself. Don’t take my feelings, your fiancé’s feelings, or even Jake’s into consideration. For once, turn off that head and go with your heart.” I feel like I am betraying Wayne when I remove the ring, but I want to hear what she has to say. She gives me the words of wisdom that only a mother can, one my own mother spares me. I know my mom loves me, she just doesn’t know how to deal with me, I don’t rely on her solely and she is used to being needed, and it feels like a slap in the face to her. In turn, it feels like she is abandoning me in my milestones, and I am craving some insight from Rose. I put the ring in my purse and meet her eyes.
“I think I am ready.”
“Honey, you are never ready for life, it is just something that grabs a hold of you and takes you on a ride you will never escape. Dark places, light places, and every shade in between.” We both laugh and quickly give our order to the waiter.
“Paisley, I am speaking as a mom, one you could have used. Know that I am totally biased because I love my son more than anything, but I also love you. Love, the real love that is once in a lifetime, is bumpy. You have the highest of highs and the lowest of lows while you find your place with each other. You have hurt and enjoyment. When you get past the pivotal moments in life, all the growing pains, you have an enduring friendship and passion that will sustain you for the rest of your life. You have that love and memories to enjoy with each other, you survived what life through at you. Sometimes on the same side of the fence and sometimes at opposing sides, but always by each other’s sides. It can be scary as hell, gut wrenching, and make you question your sanity . . . but God what a feeling it gives you.” She pauses to smile at me. “That is what you and Jake were. What you could still be. The way you are planning to live the rest of your life is what I call ‘smooth-sailing’ and I will tell you love is not void of a bumpy road. Sure, you may never know the out of control feelings and be in your neat manicured lawn of life, but are you really living? I never thought you and Jake would be apart this long. I never expected my son to be an idiot and marry someone right away. He made his mistakes and is certainly not innocent, but then are we ever? All of us make choices and decisions that are spur of the moment, not thought out and those repercussions are a risk you have to take. Both of you have suffered enough. It is time for you to fix it . . . either set him free while you are here or go back to him. Your decision is your own, and I won’t question it, but make sure it is based on your feelings and not anyone else’s.”
I don’t say anything for a while. I am trying to take in every word she said, trying to process and allow myself to hear them. I won’t meet her gaze until I am sure I can do what she asks of me. “Rose, I will think about it. For now, can we enjoy each other and then I have to meet with the engineer for the prison. I have some specs he wants to get to the engineer at the VA so we can see if it will work there.” All too quickly she agrees with me and seems overcome with happiness.
We simply chat through our meal, and she makes me promise not to cut her out of my life, no matter what my choice is. I agree, I have really missed her. I get directions to this place I am supposed to drop the specs off and when I hug her bye, she wipes a tear from her eye and tells me to refresh my make-up and add some lip-gloss, so I am not pale. I don’t know why she cares about my appearance.
“Rose, I am just going to run the information in and drop it off. Then I am going back to the hotel and soaking in a hot tub. You gave me a lot to think about.” I wink at her.
“You never know who you will run into, Paisley. A lady should always look her best.” Thank goodness she has never seen me on the weekends with no make-up, ratty t-shirt and yoga pants. I appease her and make my way to freshen up in the restroom.
I pull up to this little shack. That is the only way I can explain it but when I open the doors I can tell it is much larger than it looks. I am only about twenty minutes later than I told Joe and begin a quick search for him. I didn’t want to bring my briefcase in, so I have the specs in my purse, and I spot him almost immediately back by the pool tables. I start to walk back towards him when I am assaulted by memories of learning to play pool. The way Jake slid his arms up my outer legs to grip my hips so he could get the angle just right, then how he followed the same path at home later that night. I chastise myself and remember I am here for a job.
I reach the pool tables and say, “Hello, Joe.” He turns to me with a big shit-eating grin on his face.
“Hey darlin’,” this old coot doesn’t realize his charms are lost on me. “Ah, our beer is here, stay and have a glass with us.”
“No thanks, I need to get going. Here you go, just what you asked for.” I pull the file out and extend my hand towards him.
“The engineer who requested them is here, just dropped off our beer. Let me introduce you and you can hand them off to him.” I turn around to follow him where he motioned with his head and meet the mocha-colored eyes I have dreamed about for years. The same ones I fell in love with that summer almost nine years ago. Life couldn’t be that cruel.
Chapter 39
Jake
There is no instinct like that of the heart.
It can’t be her. I must have had more beer than I remember, or I am hallucinating. I have dreamt of that face, those eyes, that neck that I love to kiss, every inch of her glorious body and now it is less than ten feet in front of me and I am like a fucking statue. I can’t even swallow, let alone speak at the moment. I hear Joe making some sort of introductions to us and I vaguely hear her maiden name being used; I thought for sure she had moved on if she never came back to me. That jolts me out of my stupor.
“Paisley?” I don’t know why I just worded that as a question. I know without a doubt that is my girl in front of me. She is staring at me, not blinking, not moving, and I hope to hell she is at least breathing. Her eyes haven’t left me since she turned around. I step closer to her and when she doesn’t retreat I take another three steps forward until I am standing in front of her. I bring my hand up and brush my fingertips down her cheek and when I see her blink I realize she is coming out of her stupor.
Joe slaps me on the back, “Jake, everything okay here?”
I wave him off, “Yes, we are old
friends
.”
He seems to clue the fuck in, and he and the boys disappear. “I had no idea you would be here. Your mom didn’t say anything,” comes out of her mouth. She isn’t here to see me? I am confused right now.