Playing Pretend (10 page)

I forgot all about what happened with Caleb in his office, and even forgot about how hard the past few days had been.

When she was done eating, I burped her, and slowly rocked her to sleep. I was putting her back down in her crib when Caleb burst through the door. He stopped in his tracks when he saw me, his chest heaving with breathlessness.

He opened his mouth, but I put my hand up, signaling for him to give me a minute. I turned the mobile on above Braelynn’s crib, and stepped away. I followed Caleb out as he shut the door, and turned to face him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked angrily. His face was taut, and if I weren’t already so pissed with him, his palpable concern for his daughter would have been enough to give way to sympathy. But he’d been an asshole earlier, and my disposition wasn’t exactly forgiving.

“Is that your version of ‘thank-you’?” I bit out.

Caleb’s scowl was thunderous, his sharp brows drawn down with disapproval. “I’d like to know what you’re doing here, before I thank you for something I know nothing about.”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I fixed him with as hard a look as I could muster. I was smaller, and shorter than Caleb, but that didn’t mean I was going to allow him to bully me.

“Paul called me when he couldn’t reach you. He said Danielle left earlier, and never came back, so I got in a cab and came straight here. Braelynn was screaming when I got here, and as soon as Paul left I changed her diaper, and fed her.”

Caleb blew out a breath from between his pursed lips.

When it became apparent that he wasn’t going to say anything resembling appreciation, or gratitude, I said, “You’re welcome.”

I walked towards the guestroom, and slipped my heels from my feet. Caleb followed me, I could feel his presence at my back, but I remained quiet.

“Why would you come?” The question was unexpected, but what bothered me was how it was delivered. He should have just come right out and asked me how I could have the nerve to answer a call for help concerning his daughter.

“I knew Braelynn was alone.” I didn’t bother turning around. “I wasn’t about to leave a newborn to fend for herself until you got here. Why is it so damn hard for you to thank me and just get it over with?”

I was so fixated on the irritation winding its way through my chest that I didn’t realize what I was doing. I lifted my blouse over my head, and faced Caleb. His eyes widened slightly, and he took a step back. I was standing in my skirt, and my white lacy bra.

Awareness dawned, and I moved to cover my breasts but my inner rebel opposed the idea. I placed my hands on my hips, and watched as Caleb’s eyes traveled the length of me. If he could get away with not apologizing for being an asshole, then I felt it was my responsibility to inflict some kind of punishment, and what better way than to make him uncomfortable.

His stance was rigid, his chest faltering slightly with a hitched breath, and his hands clenched. He suddenly looked furious with me, and that in turn changed my sense of triumph into bewilderment. I never knew where I stood with this man, and constantly trying to determine how he was going to talk to me, how he was going to treat me, was taxing.

“I know what you’re doing.” The bass of his voice traveled deep enough to rattle my bones, and sent blood rushing to my cheeks. That was starting to become a conditioned response around him, and if I had any hope of surviving an entire week in such close proximity to him, I had to change that.

“What am I doing?” I asked softly.

“You’re trying to distract me.” Caleb swallowed, and his noticeable discomfort somehow grounded me, reminding me that the feelings I had, were for the twenty-five-year-old version of him.

“Actually, all I want is an apology, followed by a thank-you.”

“Apology? For what?”

That was like a bucket of ice-cold water.

“For humiliating me in your office this morning.”

Something akin to contempt hardened Caleb’s already sharp features, and he stepped so close I could feel his breath.

“I won’t apologize,” his voice lowered. “I gave you a roof over your head, and the least you could do is dress like you’re no longer homeless.”

If ever I was looking for a sign that the man who’d taken my first kiss was no longer there, no matter how deep he may have been buried, then that was it. The sharp twinge in my chest made it hard to breathe, but I inhaled and didn’t even stop the burning sensation.

“Get out.” My whisper was ragged, but I knew Caleb heard me. The contempt I’d seen on his face only seconds ago was no longer there, and the rate at which his emotions changed was starting to give me whiplash.

His hand reached for me, but I was done, and when I took a step back, he had the decency to look bashful.

“Please,” I begged, trying desperately not to show how easily he affected me, how easily his words could unravel me. “Just go.”

He listened, and the click of the door literally brought me to my knees.

I SAT OUTSIDE ON
the terrace, and allowed myself to be comforted by the array of noises rising from the streets below. They were like a desynchronized orchestra, and yet still managed to find a rhythm all of its own. It lulled my senses, and assuaged my emotions to the point where I was able to stop crying. After a hot shower, I’d changed into my ratty shirt and came outside. It was a beautiful evening, warm and humid, and it seemed foolish to lock myself in the confines of the bedroom. The view was spectacular, and the terrace stretched all the way to my right, and around the corner. I spotted a spa tub, a wet bar, and two large grills farther down.

I rested my chin on my knees, hoping that my eyes were a little less red and puffy, and wished that I could call my Mom. But that wouldn’t have been smart, at least not until I was back in an apartment of my own. I wouldn’t have been able to keep the truth from her, and I didn’t want her to worry about me either.

It was just one more thing I wanted to deal with on my own.

The faint sound of a door opening had my muscles going rigid, and I wrapped my arms around my bent legs defensively without thought.

I heard the heavy footfalls of Caleb’s steps across the carpet, and regardless of how prepared I was to hear his voice, I still grimaced when he spoke.

“I brought you some food.”

“I’m not hungry,” I fibbed. I hadn’t eaten since lunch.

“You’re lying.”

My head whipped around, and I gave him a dirty look.

“You have a tell,” he continued, leaning casually against the doorframe between the bedroom and the terrace. “You nibble on your bottom lip when you’re lying.”

I became aware of it then, the feel of the tender skin of my bottom lip between my teeth.

Caleb expelled a long breath. “I wanted to apologize.”

“I can’t think what on Earth for,” I replied sarcastically. It was better than showing him just how bruised I truly felt.

“I was an asshole earlier,” he conceded, dropping his gaze to the floor. “You don’t deserve that.”

“With all due respect,” I started, deciding to throw caution to the wind and lay it all out there. “It wasn’t just today, Caleb. You’ve been an asshole almost every time we’ve been in the same room.”

Caleb’s perfectly shaped brows arched upwards in disbelief.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I said. “You can deny it all you want, but we both know you don’t see me as more than a punching bag.”

“You’re not -”

With a shake of my head he stopped talking. I didn’t want to hear his rebuttal or his excuses. My tolerance for his brand of bullshit was nonexistent.

“You want to punish me, Caleb.”

Saying it out aloud was admitting that I’d finally pieced it together.

“Why would I be punishing you?”

A hollow laugh bubbled up my throat. For someone so intelligent, he was acting rather obtuse.

“For some asinine reason you see one thing when you look at me.” I brought my eyes back to his. “My father.”

The shift in Caleb’s demeanor was swift, and instantaneous, and he pushed away from his position in the doorway.

“We’re not talking about this.”

His hard tone should have deterred me, but as soon as he turned his back, I sprung out of the chair and followed him.

“Don’t be a coward,” I snapped, not at all taken aback by the sudden indignation warming my blood. I’d been keeping so many of my emotions bottled up that I was bound to explode at some point.

Caleb dumped the plate of food he’d been holding in his hand on my dresser, it clattered loudly, and he swiveled so fast that I had to backtrack to avoid bumping into him.

“I’m
not
a coward,” he barked. “I just don’t want to talk about this with you. Ever.”

“You should have thought about that before you decided to hold me responsible for my father’s actions five years ago. That’s what you’re doing, right?
Blaming
me for his mistakes?”

“Careful,” he warned.

“Or what? You’ll kick me out?” I lifted my arms up. “Newsflash dickwad, I
was
homeless, and you know why?”

Caleb continued to scowl, but I didn’t care. It was time to lay this ghost to rest, and we weren’t leaving this room until I’d said everything I needed to.

“For the last two years, I’ve been running from a family I’m ashamed of. You think your family was the only one that suffered, but mine did too. You’ve been so focused on making me feel small, that you didn’t stop to think maybe, just maybe, you weren’t the only one who got hurt.”

Caleb snarled, the sound reverberating through the space around us. “Your father tore my family apart by sleeping with my mother!”

“What my father did had nothing to do with me!” I yelled. “And need I remind you that it takes two people to have an affair, not just one. Your mother was just as responsible for that shitstorm.”

“She wasn’t in her right mind. Your father took advantage of her!”

“Oh for God’s sake, Caleb, I know you’re not that naïve! You just didn’t want to think that your mother was capable of something as deplorable as betrayal. But guess what, it happened, and last I checked it wasn’t
your
family that was exiled!”

“Exiled?” Caleb’s scornful laughter was filled with derision. “Your father
ran
because he was guilty, Kadence. Nobody told him to leave.”

“That’s a lie. You made sure we had no other choice but to leave. You couldn’t see past your own anger and resentment to acknowledge it wasn’t all about you.”

“What? I didn’t do
anything
to make you leave. You just fucking disappeared!”

I stilled at the genuine shock, and confusion in Caleb’s voice.

“I wanted to wait until it had all blown over before I reached out to you. Yes, I was so fucking angry about all of it, but I didn’t blame
you.
I was in love with you!”

The air in my lungs evaporated like water in an open flame.

“W-what?” I stuttered, in spite of having heard him clearly.

“You were so young, and so untouchable, but I couldn’t help myself. You exuded everything I wished I was, everything that was good, and innocent, and I became addicted to how I felt when we were in the same room. The last thing I expected was for you vanish without a trace, or for me to even care that you did.”

“I don’t understand.” It came out as a whisper. “You dated all those women, and then that night, on the roof, I saw you with Katrina.”

“It’s not what you thought.” Caleb was no longer angry. Instead, he looked pained, like he would rather be doing anything else but talking to me about our past. “Your sister was a little drunk, and she propositioned me. I came up with some story about how I didn’t want to take advantage of her while she was intoxicated, and she bought it. I didn’t want her to know I was outside looking for you. I already felt like a creeper. I didn’t need her getting suspicious.”

My mouth went dry, and my mind scrambled to piece together the puzzle of what had happened all those years ago. It was all starting to make sense, but what I couldn’t discern was why Caleb had been treating me so poorly as of late. I reasoned that it was because of what my father did, that Caleb was simply looking for a place to direct his disdain, but I never considered the possibility that my assumption was wrong.

Caleb moved closer, and my mouth opened with a gasp when he brought his knuckles up to my cheek. The warmth in the room had nothing to do with the open terrace doors, or the heat outside.

“Kadence.”

My eyes darted up. “Hmm?”

“When I said I haven’t thought about you in five years, I lied. The night I kissed you, and the knowledge that no other man had been there before me, haunted me for years.”

“Then why have you been so mean?” I asked honestly.

Caleb dropped his hand, and he put some much-needed distance between us. It was both a relief, and a loss.

“Seeing you again blindsided me, and I admit that I handled it wrong, but I didn’t know how else to handle it, to handle
you.
”

“Why couldn’t you just
talk
to me Caleb?”

“Because we’re not the same people anymore, Kadence. A lot can happen in five years.”