Playing Pretend (8 page)

THE AIR INSIDE
the car was hot, and the tension almost unbearable from the moment Caleb climbed in. He sat on the other side of the backseat, and said nothing as his driver-slash-bodyguard drove out of the basement and into the late night traffic. The frenzied tempo filling the streets of the city matched the tumultuous barrage of thoughts in my head, and through the silence I could feel the anger radiating from Caleb. His body hummed with it, and still he said nothing, wouldn’t even look at me.

Between the time he’d put the phone down in my ear, and now, I was sure he would realize the insanity of taking me home with him, but something inside me was hoping he wouldn’t change his mind. I was confused, but also relieved that I wouldn’t have to spend another night in my car.

Minutes passed and I wasn’t sure how long we’d been in the car, the buildings outside blurring until we came to a stop outside the Puck building in Lafayette Street. Caleb climbed out, and surprised me when he held the door open for me while his driver got the few things I had from the trunk.

Caleb’s brows knitted when he saw all I had was a single suitcase. “That’s all of it?”

His driver nodded, and when Caleb’s eyes landed on me, I saw confusion colliding with doubtfulness. His distrust was obvious, so obvious that I could see the questions flitting through his mind, but rather than ask me, he walked into the foyer. I took my suitcase from the driver, thanking him for handling what I thought was an awkward situation with nothing but cordiality and quickly followed Caleb inside. He walked around the corner to a private elevator, and as soon as I stepped inside, the atmosphere shifted with a cold severity, making my apprehension grow inside my belly.

In the course of two minutes, I’d asked myself at least a hundred times if this was the right thing to do, if I really had no other option, and every time the answer was the same.

I was stuck.

I needed help.

And as reluctant as I was to accept it from the brooding man beside me, I wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I chanced a look at him, covertly trying to gauge his disposition, but his expression remained hard, and difficult to read. So I said nothing, and I continued to say nothing when the elevator
dinged
and opened into a grand atrium gallery that led into a double living room. The space was palatial, possibly the biggest penthouse I’d ever seen, but what had me staring in awe, with a wide-eyed expression to boot, was how warm, and welcoming it looked. Like a home. Lived in.

I trailed behind Caleb, feeling more and more unsure with every step, wishing that he’d at least break the silence.

“Are you going to say something?” I asked, unable to take his reticence any longer. He went about switching some lights on, and I watched on as he brushed his hands down his face in evident frustration.

“I want to ask you…” he cleared his throat, and shook his head once before turning to face me. “I want to ask you what the hell you were thinking living in your car, but I’m not sure I can trust your answer.”

I wanted to be affronted, but how could I be when his suspicion was so palpable?

“How did you find out?”

I knew the answer before he told me, but I wanted to hear it anyway.

“Aaliyah, and Macy,” he said. “They were worried about you, said something was off. I stayed late tonight, and waited for you to leave before I followed you. I didn’t expect -”

“To find me living in my car?” I finished for him. “That I showered, and washed my clothes in the office gym?” I tried to stand tall, to show that I wasn’t abashed, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I could do it. “I didn’t have anywhere else to go, Caleb.”

“You didn’t have anywhere else -” Caleb cursed under his breath. “Five years, Kadence. I haven’t thought about you in five years, and all it took was two weeks for you to drive me crazy.”

My mouth popped open. I wasn’t expecting that.

“You knew who I was, and yet you didn’t say anything. Why?”

“Of course I knew it was
you
,” he scoffed. “I chose not to say anything because I didn’t trust you. I still don’t -”

“Then why help me?”

Hearing my suspicion about his distrust confirmed this wasn’t easy, and I knew it had everything to do with what my father had done; but I had to accept that it wasn’t my cross to bear, and regardless of my innate desire to earn his trust, I wasn’t sure it was worth it. My eyes fell, and I fiddled with the hem of my shirt for the second time since he’d found me in my car.

Caleb didn’t answer, and as much as I didn’t like it, I was too tired to fight for it. I saw the tick in his jaw, and waited him out.

“You can stay here until the end of next week,” he said roughly. “You should be able to find a new place by then.”

I nodded, and swallowed the urge to cry. I’d been feeling that urge a lot lately, and wasn’t about to give into it in front of Caleb.

“Thank you.”

With a brisk dip of his head, Caleb walked out of the living room and showed me to the guestroom I could stay in. The bathroom alone was bigger than the apartment I’d lived in, and the bedroom was stunning. A giant four-post bed sat in the center of the room against the back wall, matching the dressing table and dresser on the opposite side. The walls were painted a light blue, with beige and cream accents and a whitewashed dresser. Very beachy for a place in the city.

Through the lacy curtains I could see the lights of the skyline, and two double doors that I guessed opened onto a rooftop terrace.

“You must be tired.” Caleb made no move to step into the bedroom. “I need to be in the office at six tomorrow morning, but I’ll make sure there’s another car here for when you’re ready to leave.”

He turned, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep if he didn’t know how truly grateful I was.

“Caleb.”

Rather than face me, he gave me his profile.

“Thank you,” I said again. “Really.”

His shoulders moved with every weighted breath he took, like he was trying to ground himself, and then he squeezed his eyes closed. Without another word, he shut the door, and left me alone.

The
click
of the door echoed through the room, and it was the first time in the last thirty minutes that I was able to fill my lungs with a decent amount of air. Physically I was drained, but mentally I was alert, and very much awake. My feet padded across the plush carpet, and I was reminded that I was still barefoot. I hadn’t yet showered, and when I stepped into the capacious bathroom, the first thing my eyes latched into was the claw foot tub in the center of the marble floor. A large white cabinet with a single basin stood to my right, and two glass doors closed off the shower at the opposite end, taking up the entire length of the wall.

It was late, and it would have been smart to go to bed, but I needed a chance to decompress, and process everything that had happened in such a short space of time. I removed my clothes, and wrapped a fluffy white towel around my body before returning to the bedroom with the intention of putting my phone on charge before I took a bath.

Murmuring from the hallway outside made me pause, and with careful steps, I opened the door. I peered out, and saw Caleb talking to a dark-haired woman. She looked young, and quite beautiful, and I tried to quash my curiosity. Caleb’s personal life had nothing to do with me. In fact,
every
facet of his life was none of my business.

The young woman said something in a hushed voice, too quiet for me to make out what she was saying, and Caleb replied, his voice just as quiet. He escorted her back towards the living room, and I heard the telltale sound of the elevator doors opening and closing. I slunk back like a creeper, ignoring the way my mind started asking questions about the girl, and used a hot bath to switch it all off until there was nothing but silence.

I ROLLED OVER, and checked the time on my phone.

Two a.m.

I covered my face with my arm, and exhaled loudly. I’d only gotten to bed two hours ago, and I thought I’d manage to fall asleep after my bath, but as soon as I crawled between the sheets and laid my head down, every thought came rushing back in unwelcomed, and unbidden. I squeezed my eyes closed, willing my mind to remain quiet for just a few more hours when the strangest sound pierced the noiselessness.

My body stilled, and my breathing slowed as I listened intently for the sound to come again.

When it did, I sat up in bed.

It sounded like…like…a
baby?

No. It couldn’t have been. Surely if…

I climbed out of bed, my footsteps muted, and gently opened the bedroom door. Everything was dark, except for the faintest light coming from further down the hallway. I heard murmuring, and then another cry, and couldn’t help it when my body involuntarily moved closer to seek out where it was coming from.

I stopped outside another door that was slightly ajar, holding my breath when I heard Caleb’s voice. I’d never heard it so calm, and so comforting before, and it only heightened my inquisitiveness. I told myself to walk away, that it was rude to invade whatever was going on behind the door, but once my palm rested on the wood, I knew there was no going back. With minimal effort, the door slowly swung open, and I stepped into the doorway.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I found, or what I’d feel when I did.

The pale pink, and green walls were washed in muted light, cast from a lamp on a dresser beside a dark wood crib. The room wasn’t as large as the one I was in, but big enough for…for…a
nursery.

I covered my mouth with one hand, and watched as Caleb swayed his body from side-to-side, his back to me. He wasn’t aware that I was there, that I was watching him in complete rapture, but when he turned slightly, I caught a glimpse of the tiny person in his colorfully inked arms. It was the most beautiful paradox I’d ever seen – someone so big, not only in size but in stature and presence too, holding someone so tiny, and so fragile with such benevolence and care.

From the color on the walls, and the letters that spelled out ‘Braelynn’ on the wall above the crib, it wasn’t difficult to figure out that it was a little girl, and looking at how small she was, she couldn’t have been more than four weeks old.

Blue eyes, so much like Caleb’s, stayed glued to his face while he gave her a bottle. Her little head was already covered in dark hair, and from my vantage point I could see that she not only had Caleb’s nose, but his pouty lips too.

Oh.

My.

It was his daughter.

Caleb was a dad.

I gasped, only this time it was audible. Caleb’s head snapped up, and his eyes widened when he caught my open-mouthed stare. I tried to say something, but everything that was fighting to come out of my mouth was either inappropriate or completely nonsensical. My brain was misfiring in every direction, and I was woefully stuck between
what the fuck
and
I must be dreaming.
But it was all very much real, and I knew the moment Caleb realized it too.

His warm, loving expression, clearly reserved for his baby girl, became shuttered, and before he could say anything, I fled. Like a complete and utter coward, I ran the length of the hallway, passing my room, and the all the others, until I stopped in the living room. I had no idea why I stopped there, but I felt the overwhelming need to get as far from Caleb as his huge penthouse would allow.

Time passed, but I had no recollection of how long. I didn’t hear him come up behind me, but I knew he was there, and yet, I still flinched when he spoke.

“Kadence,” he murmured. He didn’t sound as angry as what I’d expected. Instead, he sounded cautious, and circumspect with his approach.

When I managed to speak, my voice was quiet, and just a little hoarse.

“She’s your daughter.”

It was a statement, not a question, and I felt the shift in the air around us, as if putting it out there somehow changed things.

It did. I just didn’t know
how
.

“How much did you see?” he asked, his tone hardening as if he was prepared to deny, deny, deny.

I turned around, and faced him, bracing myself for only God knows what. I didn’t know how to anticipate what he was going to say, or do.

“Enough,” I whispered. Stepping forward, I searched Caleb’s eyes, running my gaze over his stony features hidden in shadows. With no lights, and only the moonlight to guide me, it was difficult to get an accurate read on him. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Because I was hoping I wouldn’t have to,” he snapped.

I frowned at his logic. “You expected me not to find out you have a daughter while I stayed with you for a week?”

“I didn’t exactly plan on having you here, but yes, I was going to try. I don’t need anyone knowing about her, at least not yet.”

I thought back to the amount of articles I’d read about him in the last few weeks, even the ones I’d read before I came back to Manhattan, and not a single one mentioned that he had a baby. I knew he’d been seen with some Hollywood actress, but nothing concrete suggested that he was in a relationship, or that she might have been expecting his child.

“Do you want me to leave?” I asked, trying to hide the worry that he would say
yes
.

I heard rather than saw his resigned exhalation.

“No.” His arm moved, and his hand brushed down his face. “But I expect you to keep this to yourself, at least until I decide it’s time to let the world know I have a daughter.”

I nodded quickly. “I won’t say anything, I promise.” I hesitated. “I saw you talking to a younger woman earlier. Is that…?”

I let the question hang in the air between us, but it didn’t take Caleb long to figure out what I wanted to know.

“No, that’s not her mother. That’s Danielle, the nanny who looks after Braelynn full time while I’m at work. Her mother isn’t in the picture.”

The reverence with which he said his daughter’s name was unmistakable; as was the resentment he evidently had towards her mother. It became apparent that she wasn’t dead, she just wasn’t around, and my heart started hurting for Caleb.