Playing Pretend (25 page)

As much as I wanted to hear more about Caleb’s childhood, and the obvious closeness between him and his father, I knew we couldn’t discuss it without getting into the history between our families.

The only way to avoid that land mine was to change tack, and talk about less volatile topics. Caleb asked about college, and while I wanted to leave out the challenges I faced, I chose to tell him everything. One part of me felt relaxed enough to talk about it, and the other part – subconsciously – wanted him to know that I was nothing like my family. The complicated nature of our ‘relationship’ aside, I needed him to know who
I
was. Time passed, we laughed, shared a few silent moments, and ate dessert – chocolate panna cotta. One of my favorites. It was the best first date I’d ever had, not that I could compare it to much. My ex took me on dates, but they were never sincere because it was more for my father than for me.

“Everything okay?” asked Caleb.

I looked up. “Yes, everything’s…perfect. Why?”

“Your face,” he replied. “Your smile fell.”

I took a sip of my wine. “I was just thinking about…” I stopped myself mid-sentence. “Never mind. It’s not important.”

The silence between us grew poignant, filled with everything we wanted to say but were too afraid to. ‘Anchor’ by Mindy Gledhill started playing in the background, and I blew out a breath. “I love this song.”

Caleb placed his glass on the table, and stood from his chair. He reached for my hand. “Dance with me.”

I wanted to throw caution to the wind but…

“It’s just a dance,” he added quietly. I relented, and rose to my feet. Caleb took my hand, and walked me closer to where the music was playing. With my right hand in his, and my left on his shoulder, he wrapped an arm around my waist, placing his palm in the dip of my back, and we started swaying. Perfectly in sync, which was ironic considering I felt like we were in completely different places emotionally. That was my fault though, I was expecting too much. Rather than dwell on that thought, I let go, and took Caleb’s lead. I tipped my head, and stared into his eyes, so blue and lucid and stunning.

“Why did you do this?” I asked. I’d been thinking about it all evening, and could no longer keep myself from asking Caleb outright. I wanted to know why he’d put in so much effort. I expected him to be crass, and say it was because he wanted to have sex with me again, but what came out of his mouth was the last thing I thought he would ever say.

“Because you deserve it.” He touched my cheek, and I realized we’d stopped moving. “And because I want you to know it’s not just the camera’s. I want you to trust me again, and try see me as the man I am, rather than the man who’s been a royal ass.”

“You want to know the truth?” I asked, feeling the butterflies in my belly take flight.

“Always.”

“I’ve always known who you are. I just think you forgot for a while.”

My pulse raced, waiting for Caleb to reply.

“And then you showed up, and made me want to be better.”

God.

How could he say stuff like that and think I wouldn’t be affected?

Without any further encouragement from me, he lowered his head, and brushed his lips across mine. He seemed cautious at first, but when he saw that I wasn’t going to protest or pull away, he kissed me with more force, more determination. I wrapped my arms around his neck, rising to the balls of my feet for better reach, and returned his kiss. His hands slid down to my waist, and I could feel his arousal against my stomach. My nipples peaked beneath my shirt, and I rubbed them against Caleb’s chest, needing the contact. He pulled away, and opened his eyes to look at me.

“I think we should take this to the bedroom.”

I bit my lip, and then replied, “I’m tired, and we need to check on Brae.”

“You’re using my kid as an excuse?” Caleb snickered, his smile wide beneath his stubble. I caught a glimpse of the man I so desperately wanted to believe was beneath that rugged, and tough exterior.

“I guess it would seem that way, but you’re wrong. I really am tired, Caleb.”

He squeezed my hips, and brought his mouth closer to mine. “We’ll do this at your pace. I promise.”

“This won’t be in the papers tomorrow?” I had to ask. The thought of Caleb putting this all together for me only to have it photographed for the press made my gut twist.

“No one knows about this, so it’s just you and me.”

It wasn’t long before I found out that Caleb was able to keep a promise after all.

AFTER THAT NIGHT, Caleb and I found a new routine. It was easy, falling into step with him and finding my place with him and Braelynn. In the blink of an eye, three of the best weeks flew past.

It was the night before the launch party for Callahan Records. It had kept me busy, but I loved it, and Aaliyah was right when she’d said Caleb would give me whatever I needed to make sure the event was a success. After several meetings, he was satisfied, and even optimistic about the concept I had in mind. His confidence in me only made me want to work harder, and deliver the best I could. I knew if the event was a success then a promotion wouldn’t be far off, and that was something I wanted. To prove myself, to prove that I was both capable and willing. Things with Caleb were going so well though, that it put a kink in my plans of getting a place of my own. Caleb hadn’t defined what we were, but I was sleeping in his bed every night – or not sleeping – and I was helping him with Braelynn. We shared her feedings, woke up together if she was being difficult, and spent time together like a real family. It was perfect, but the possibility of it all being for ‘show’ had still nestled its way into my mind, burrowing deeper and deeper the more permanent our situation started to feel. It had less and less to do with Caleb proving that I could trust him and more to do with a feeling that my time with him was limited. For the past week I had a feeling that something was coming, like my newfound contentment with Caleb wasn’t going to last.

It was Thursday night, and I was going over the final seating arrangements for the launch party. Caleb walked into the living room with a bottle in one hand, and a squirming Braelynn in the other.

“There you are,” he said, careful not jostle Braelynn when he sat down beside me. It was late, but I was feeling a little restless, and wanted to make sure I had all my ducks in a row for the following evening.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I replied, shifting on the brown leather sofa to make room for Caleb. I crossed my legs and tucked my feet beneath my butt. “The seating arrangements are keeping me awake.” It wasn’t a blatant lie, I
was
preoccupied with the launch party only being a day away, but I didn’t want to tell Caleb what was really keeping me awake. He wouldn’t understand, and then he’d probably fuck me into thinking everything was just dandy. Not that I would have complained right then. Sex had been a ‘no-go’ the week before, and I was pretty sure my edginess was in part due to sexual frustration. Yep, I was horny, and stressed, and those two mixed together simply weren’t beneficial to my emotional
or
mental state.

“Come on, Brae,” cooed Caleb. “Take the bottle, baby.”

Braelynn turned her head, and put a stop to Caleb’s attempt at sticking the bottle in her mouth. I put all my paperwork on the coffee table, and reached for the little Miss. Braelynn stopped moving as soon as Caleb placed her in my arms, and when I brought her bottle to her mouth, she took it.

I caught Caleb shaking his head in my peripheral, causing my lips to lift into a small smile.

“You’ve bewitched my kid,” he sighed, placing his arms on the back of the sofa. He started playing with a strand of my hair like it was the most natural thing in the world. “It’s the second time she’s wanted you to feed her, and not me.”

“Does it bother you?” I asked. I leaned back, got comfortable, and looked at him. He watched me for a few beats, and then replied, “No, it actually doesn’t. It’s just surprising, that’s all.”

“Why? I love helping you.”

“I know.” His grin was disarming, and damn if the butterflies in my belly didn’t turn into super bats. “But I guess I never really thought about finding someone who would be good enough for my daughter.”

I had no idea how to respond to that, so I turned my attention back to Braelynn.

“Did I say something wrong?” asked Caleb. He lifted my hair from my nape, and started rubbing my neck. I sighed, and he applied more pressure, rubbing the tension away.

“No. A girl can’t argue when a man says she’s good enough for his daughter. It means a lot, that you trust me with her.”

“You know, in most cases whatever is good enough for the baby is good enough for her dad too.”

I bit my lip, and stifled a giggle. “Has anyone ever told you how smooth you think you are?”

“I don’t
think
I’m smooth, I know I am. Or so I’ve been told.”

“Your daddy needs a lesson on humility,” I told Braelynn. “He thinks way too much of himself.”

“I do not.” Caleb leaned over, and looked at his daughter. “Don’t listen to Kadence, baby girl.”

I lifted my head and quirked a brow. “I think she should listen to me. Do you want your daughter to end up with a man who will do to her what you’ve done to me?”

Caleb’s mouth opened, but he snapped it shut long enough to think about his answer. “Uh, no. I’m the only man in her life, and it will stay that way until…forever. You hear me Brae? Daddy is the only man you will ever need.”

“Good luck with that one. It’s your fault you had such a good looking kid.”

Caleb turned his gaze, his eyes resting on my face. “Oh really? And why is that?”

“Because you’re not exactly hard on the eyes, Caleb.”

He gave me a cheeky smirk. “You think I’m hot?”

Bastard.

With pinched lips, I turned my attention to Braelynn who’d just finished eating and avoided answering. Of course I thought Caleb was gorgeous, but with my luck I would use words that revealed the unfounded expectation that we were more than what we were. I was under no kind of illusion, but I still wanted to enjoy this just a little bit longer.

Caleb felt my discomfort, and dropped it. He took Braelynn, told me to stay put, and took her to bed. He came back a few minutes later, and took his place beside me. I grabbed the paperwork as more of a diversion, but Caleb removed them from my grasp.

“You’re going to be fine,” he said. “The event is going to be perfect.”

I remained quiet, and he added, “I know you couldn’t sleep because you’re nervous, babe, but you don’t need to be.”

I took a deep breath. “What if I fail?”

Caleb cupped my cheek, and I had to admit it felt good to air my fear of failing. “Not possible. You love your job too much to fail. And besides, you can never fail with me at your side.”

“Oh God,” I laughed, “Just had to get that in there, huh?”

Caleb shrugged. “Just trying to live up to my reputation.” His expression turned serious. “But I mean it.”

“What? That I can’t fail with you at my side?”

“Well, yeah,” – I slapped his chest, and he grabbed my hand, his deep chuckle filling the room – “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”

“And you’re terrible at making me feel better!”

Leaning in close, Caleb pinned me to the sofa. “I know exactly how to make you feel better.”

I deflated a little, and Caleb caught it. “What?”

I swallowed, and was quick to brush it off. “Nothing. I think we should go to bed. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

“We’re not going anywhere until you tell me what you were thinking.”

I diverted my gaze, and then cried out in surprise when Caleb placed his hands on my hips and lifted me so that I was straddling him. The man moved so fast, one minute he was leaning over me, and the next he’d flipped our position.

I stayed silent.

“I have the patience of saint, babe.” Caleb brushed my cheek.

“And you’re also a very good liar,” I teased. “Your patience is shorter than a matchstick.”

“Not when it comes to you,” he replied quickly. “And Braelynn.”

“It’s a little hard to be serious when you say things like that, Caleb.”

“Oh I’m being serious, as serious as a heart attack. So lay it on me, whatever’s bothering you. You know you can always be honest with me.”

“What makes you think something’s bothering me?”

“Because you can never hide from me, Kadence.” His words slayed me, left me raw. Naked. “You try, but I see you. I
always
see you.”

See? Always a charmer. Except this time, I believed him because it was an undeniable truth that I could never hide from him.

“You scare me,” I murmured, and motioned between us. “
This
scares me.”

Caleb’s gaze was pensive. Seeking. Perceptive. He was smart but it was moments like this that made me realize there was so much more beneath his surface. More that I wanted to discover. “You don’t have to be afraid of me.”

“I’m not afraid of
you
, it’s just…”

“It’s just what?”

“It feels…” I paused, “
Real.
And for the last few days it felt like I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Caleb’s brows bowed, making a crease between his eyes. “It
is
real.” He sounded convinced.

I on the other hand, was not.

“I’m never sure with you.”

Caleb’s frown deepened as if I’d wounded him somehow.

“I can never tell when you’re being real with me,” I continued. “Or if you’re playing pretend. And it’s driving me crazy because I know we’re putting on a show for everyone else, but when I’m with you, and Brae, I find myself wishing it was true.”

“I think I know where this is going.”

The look in Caleb’s eyes, the hardness on his face, made me want to backtrack.
Now.
I didn’t want him to think I was
asking
for more.

I placed my hands and tried to lift myself from his lap. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Forget I brought it up, okay?”

He stopped me, and sat up, bringing us nose-to-nose. “You didn’t let me finish,” he admonished in a low voice.