Playing Pretend (28 page)

“Hi, Mom.”

“I’m so happy to see you, sweetheart. I’ve really missed you.”

I gave her a half smile in an attempt to look better than I felt. “Me too.”

My Mother returned my smile, and I noticed how she’d aged. She was still beautiful, but her features now showed that she’d weathered a few storms. In my eyes, she was more beautiful now than she had ever been because I could see it – the happiness in her eyes. Her dark hair was streaked with light lines of grey, and she’s also gained some weight. She looked healthy.

My heart swelled.

“You must be tired,” she said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go home.”

“Thank you for fetching me, Mom. I appreciate it.”

My mother waved me off. “It’s nothing. I would have been upset if you’d taken a cab.”

I laughed. “I know. Aunt Jenna has mentioned that you have quite the temper these days.”

My Mother snorted. Actually
snorted.
“I learned from the best. Your Aunt.”

We stopped in front of a small black car, and my Mother tossed my bag into the backseat.

“I’m really glad I came,” I told her.

“Me too, sweetheart. I’m so excited for you to meet Byron, and your Aunt has been bitching about having you come sooner all week.”

I gasped. “Did you just curse?”

“Whoops,” she laughed, folding her long body into the driver’s seat. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I like the new you.”

“So do I.”

The drive from Charlotte to Matthews was short, but just long enough for us to catch up. I avoided talking about Caleb, and was grateful when my Mother seemed to know I wasn’t ready to bring him up. I would have to talk to her eventually, I knew that, but for the time being I preferred hearing about my Mother, and the life she’d made for herself.

WE SPENT THE morning helping my Aunt Jenna in her flower shop. It was a beautiful sunny day with blue skies and ninety-nine degrees outside, and as much as I loved being in the city, there was something to be said for fresh air and friendly people. People who seemed to have taken quite the liking to my Mother.

It was the happiest I’d ever seen her.

It was after lunch when Aaliyah called so I stepped outside to answer. I was afraid to talk in front of my Mother in case she started questions.

“What you got for me?” I asked.

“I found you a place,” replied Aaliyah. “It’s not far from the office, and within your price range.”

“That was fast.”

“I had some help.” She didn’t elaborate. “It’s nicer than my place, and I think you’ll like it.”

When I didn’t give her an answer immediately, she asked, “Do you need some time to think about it?”

“It’s just…” I was scared. But I didn’t want to verbalize it. “Can I let you know this afternoon?”

“Sure, take your time.”

I didn’t need time. Not exactly. I think I was waiting for a sign.

“Thanks, Liy. I appreciate the help.”

She laughed. “That’s what friends are for. Are you enjoying your time in Buttfuck, Egypt?”

It was my turn to laugh. “It’s North Carolina, not the middle of nowhere.”

“Anywhere that isn’t Manhattan is the middle of nowhere to me.”

“You’re such a city girl,” I teased.

“And maybe you were a good ol’ country bumpkin in your past life.”

“I’m coming back,” I assured her. “I just needed to get away, and spend some time with my Mom.”

“I understand,” replied Aaliyah. “Just don’t call me and tell me you’ve met a hot cowboy named Tucker who milks cows for a living.”

“You’ve been watching way too many western movies with Landon.”

“Firstly, it was the Longest Ride, and there was more riding going on that night than watching.”

“Oh dear God, I’m hanging up now.”

Aaliyah snickered and yelled “Call me later!” through the phone just as I ended the call.

And before I could take my next breath, I got the sign I was waiting for.

My phone
pinged
with a Google alert, and a photograph popped up.

Caleb was pushing a stroller down 5
th
Avenue, and Natalia was hanging on his arm. They were smiling. A perfect little family.

That was the part that gutted me the most.

I deleted the alert, and followed it up with a text to Aaliyah letting her know I’d be taking the apartment, and that I’d be back on Tuesday. The door to the flower shop opened, and my Mother stuck her head out.

“Are you ready to grab lunch, sweetheart?”

I shut my phone off, and gave her the brightest smile I could. “So ready.”

And I wasn’t just talking about the food.

I GOT BACK TO
the city on Tuesday morning, and to my surprise, I found Alfie waiting for me. He took me straight to the Puck Building, and when we arrived, I asked the doorman, Paul, to let Caleb know I was downstairs. I’d left my key to his place behind when I left, knowing I was no longer going to need it. My body was fraught with nervous energy, but after spending a few days with my mother, and seeing the photographs of Caleb and Natalia with Braelynn, I was ready to move on. It still hurt, and I still loved Caleb, but my mother made me see that I deserved better than allowing myself to be a doormat. I couldn’t regret wanting to help Caleb though. I’d seen a different side of him, a side that made this so much harder.

Caleb buzzed me up, and I spent the entire ride up to his penthouse giving myself a pep talk. It didn’t help, because as soon as I saw Caleb, everything I’d said to myself was declared null and void. He was leaning against the wall in his pajama bottoms, and nothing else. His broad chest covered in ink was on full display, and I cursed him for not wearing a damn shirt. Didn’t he realize this was hard enough as is, without him looking like
that
?

He looked up, and the first thing I noticed were the bags under his eyes. It looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

That made two of us.

“Hi,” I greeted lamely. “Did I wake you?”

He pushed away from the wall but didn’t come any closer. “No. I haven’t been to bed yet.”

Just then I heard Natalia calling Caleb, and it was a bucket of ice water to the face. Unlike my relationship with Caleb, this was real, and it was happening. He frowned, and cleared his throat. “It’s not what you think, Kadence. Braelynn hasn’t been sleeping well.”

“I didn’t think anything,” I lied. He didn’t need to know that the thought of him with Natalia made me want to rip her hair extensions out and strangling her with them. “Is Braelynn okay?”

Caleb shook his head. “She missed you.”

Oh God.

He pulled
that
card and it only intensified the pain already slicing through every part of me.

Breath in.

Breathe out.

Pack your stuff.

Leave.

Four steps. Four easy steps. I just had to tick them off, and this would all be over.

I inhaled deeply, aware that Caleb was watching me with a severity that made it difficult to concentrate on the task at hand. But I forged ahead, because I had to.

“Do you have a box I can borrow? I need to get my things.”

Caleb hesitated, but gave me a brisk nod. I followed him to the living room, but went no further. When he came back, he handed me the box.

“I won’t be long,” I told him. I moved to walk past him, but froze when Natalia walked down the hallway. She was wet, and wrapped in a towel.

“I was waiting for you,” she cooed, looking straight at Caleb. “Oh hi Kadence. I didn’t know you were coming today.”

I hated her.

I diverted my gaze, reminding myself that the faster I packed up, the faster I could leave.

“Excuse me.” I looked away from them, and went to the guest bedroom. I stuck my belongings in the box, leaving all the clothes Caleb bought me in the closet. Seeing him at the office every day would be torturous enough, I didn’t need another reminder. I checked the drawers, cleaned out my toiletries, and left before I could overthink everything. I snuck into the nursery, careful not to make a noise, and said goodbye to Braelynn. She was restless, her tiny forehead furrowed – she looked just like Caleb then.

Leaning in close, I took her tiny hand in mine, and whispered to her, hoping that someday she would remember what I’d said.

“Take care of your daddy,” I sniffled. “And don’t ever forget how much I love you sweet baby girl.”

I kissed the crown of her head, and savored her scent, admitting it to memory. I was going to miss her, and watching her grow and change as the days and weeks went by. With one last image of her in my head, I let go, and as soon as I turned my back, she started crying.

I squeezed my eyes, and shook my head as if to tell myself I couldn’t go to her. I wanted to, every fiber of my being felt drawn to her. Natalia came rushing to the nursery, her face drawn into a scowl.

“What did you do to her?” she snapped. She picked Braelynn up with too much force, startling her. She screamed louder. Natalia tried to pacify her, but it was very clear she had no idea how to comfort her own child. That angered me. It wasn’t fair.

I wanted to say something to Natalia, lash out in anger and tell her that she didn’t deserve Caleb and Braelynn after walking out on them, but it wasn’t my place, and I didn’t think she had the ability to understand where I was coming from. She was a selfish bitch, incapable of thinking about anyone but herself, and any words of anger would have been wasted.

I turned around, and went back to the living room with my belongings in my arms. Caleb reached for my things, but I refused his help.

“Aaliyah told me you found a place,” he said.

“Of course she did,” I muttered. I’d asked Liy to help me find an apartment while I was away, and felt relieved when she called to say she’d found a place. It was in SoHo, and when I heard what the rent would be every month, I couldn’t believe my luck. I could actually afford it, and still be able to save some money every month. It was a win-win. At least that’s what I told myself.

“Do you need any help settling in?”

Not from you
.

Caleb was stalling.

“I don’t have much,” I replied. “But thank you. And thank you for taking me in when I needed it.”

The air around us filled with an ice-cold silence that chilled me to the bone. When I was sure I had nothing left to say I headed towards the elevator. Caleb followed me, and stopped me by wrapping his hand around my arm.

“Kadence, I -”

“Don’t.” I looked at him. The anguish on his face matched my own, but it wasn’t enough to make me stay. “Please. I feel humiliated enough as it is.”

“I’m sorry,” he breathed, letting go of my arm.

“Me too,” I replied. “I’m sorry that I thought whatever we had could be real, and I’m sorry that I believed you’d changed. Not even our first date was real, Caleb, and the only fool in this situation was me.”

“Our first date
was
real,” he argued.

Once again I was made to look like the idiot.

“Photographs don’t lie.”

Caleb looked confused.

“No one else knew about that date,” I continued. “So it’s not hard to assume that it was you who had them taken. That tells me it was all for show.”

I waited for Caleb to deny it, to tell me I was wrong. He never did.

“That’s what I thought.” The elevator opened, and I hesitated before stepping in.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for,” I said quietly. “All I want is for you, and Braelynn to be happy, and I see now it’s not with me.”

“We’re not over.” Caleb was adamant, his hands fisted at his side.

“We are, Caleb. There are no happy-ever-after’s when you play pretend.”

The doors shut before Caleb could say anything more, and I clutched the box in my arms like it was a lifeline. I held it all the way to my new apartment, and the moment I let go, I cried.

FOR THE NEXT two days I did nothing but focus on work. I woke up, got dressed, went to work, stayed late, and came home. It was monotonous, and boring, but I found that having the structure kept my mind from going back to Caleb, and everything that happened. I avoided him at work, and the only time we spoke was when we had a meeting about the success of the launch party. Caleb praised me, and I replied with the courteous “Thank you Mr. Callahan,” but couldn’t look at him. If I did, it would have been more than I was ready to take on.

It was Thursday morning, and after another restless night, I was running on fumes. Macy was coming in today, so I walked to Macy’s in Herald Square during my lunch break and bought her a gift for her son. She was at the office when I got back, but when I stepped in front of her office door I hesitated. Voices – angry voices – came from the other side. From what I could tell Caleb was arguing with Macy and Aaliyah.

I told myself to walk away, and that listening in on a conversation that had nothing to do with me was unethical and unprofessional. That was until I heard my name.

“Caleb, you have to make things right with Kadence.” That was Macy.

I pressed my ear closer to the door.

“And tell Natalia to fuck off.” Aaliyah.