Playing the Field: A Diamonds and Dugouts Novel (27 page)

Ray wasn’t one to pull punches. “It made you act like an ass.”

JP raked a hand through his hair. “Can you be more specific?” Being an ass was such a generalized condition.

“Look JP. You’re involved with a single mother. She already naturally feels protective of herself and Charlie. Especially since you say she’s had a rough go and crappy upbringing. It’s been her all by herself holding the boogeyman at bay, taking on the world, ready at the spur of a moment to slay dragons or anyone who might possibly pose a threat to her and her son. And you’re a professional athlete—a celebrity. You live your life wide open for anyone to see. That’s got to be scary for her, man. I mean, think of the potential risk from her point of view. It probably goes against every protective instinct she has just to
be
with you. And then you went and told her kid about the relationship. Even if it was an accident, you did it without even discussing it with her or knowing her thoughts. You made her feel defensive. Plus, you pushed her way too soon with your apartment situation. Between those screw-ups and the tabloid it’s no wonder she’s not answering her phone.”

The sinking feeling in his stomach indicated that he understood what Ray was spelling out. “Damn it, Ray. It’s a clusterfuck, isn’t it?”

“Yeah it is.”

“I just saw what I wanted and didn’t pay attention to any warning signs or really anything else, period. I was completely insensitive to her needs.”

“You’re a good guy, JP. But you’ve always been the golden boy who never did anything wrong. You’re life has been nothing but roses and you’ve always been told your shit don’t stink.”

“Gee, thanks.” His brother was such a sweetheart.

“Shut up and let me finish.” Irritation made Ray short. “You’re cocky, J, and you know it. You have good reason. But sometimes that arrogance clouds your judgment and you get pushy or step on people. We’ve all gotten used to the way you work because we know you have a big heart and we love and trust you. But this woman you’re dating doesn’t. Not yet. Add into the mix that you actually like being famous, and you can be a whole lot to take.”

JP pressed his lips in a flat line. What his brother was saying rang true, and he suddenly felt like the biggest horse’s ass. “I love her, man.”

If anybody understood that it was Ray. “Then go get her back, dumbass. Use some of that hard-headed persistence you prize so much and show her that she and her boy are safe with you no matter who’s watching.”

Sounded like a plan.

He ended the conversation and tossed his phone on the counter. That’s just what he needed to do. JP had to go to Sonny and he had to win her back. Even if she was resistant, he couldn’t give up. Because they were meant to be together.

Yeah.

Racing around his apartment, JP got his stuff together in almost no time. Surely Sonny had calmed down in the week since they’d seen each other. That alone would make the conversation he was planning go a whole lot smoother.

Heck, maybe she was sitting at home hoping to talk to him, but she just didn’t know how and that’s why she wasn’t picking up the phone. Yeah, maybe.

With one last glance around the apartment, JP grabbed his wallet and keys and headed out the door, locking it behind him. He was pretty sure that once he explained his side of things, she would forgive him immediately. Then they could get back to the way they were before she’d flown off the handle.

As he drove up the interstate a feeling of apprehension buzzed at the back of his neck. It was just the unusually dreary weather, he told himself. He was a sun lover and the clouds were making him depressed.

When the sky opened up and it started pouring buckets, the apprehension grew. It was like the universe was giving him a great big sign. Question was what was it? And, was he willing to listen?

JP turned on the wipers and kept going. Not a chance.

Chapter Twenty-Four

R
AIN POUNDED AGAINST
the windows of her workspace as Sonny set giant pots of goat milk boiling. She’d been up working since about four in the morning, having been unable to sleep. This thing with JP was really getting to her.

Still hurting from the way things had gone down, Sonny reached for the mug of coffee she’d brought from the house and took a bracing sip. It just figured that she’d fallen in love with a guy who was fundamentally wrong for her. Right from the get-go her intuition had warned against getting involved with him. She’d heard it plain as day. But she’d ignored it because he’d made her feel wanted and so very alive. And now she was dealing with the consequences of following her hormones instead of her head. Hadn’t previous experience taught her anything?

Rain raced down the windows, making a rhythmic patter on the glass. The sound usually soothed her, but her emotions were so jagged this morning that it only succeeded in not making her feel worse. It certainly didn’t help make her feel better.

That made her even madder about JP. He’d ruined the rain for her. And here she’d thought that wasn’t even possible. Just showed how much she knew.

Big fat jerk.

Snuggling into her oversized dark blue sweater, Sonny wrapped her arms around her waist and stared blindly out the window. It was raining so hard she couldn’t see anything out there anyway. At any other time she would have loved this morning’s weather. Rain was one of her very favorite things, and it was definitely in short supply in Colorado.

But this morning all the rain had accomplished was to make her feel isolated and alone.

She’d let herself down.

Tears sprang to her eyes, making them sting at the thought. She’d known the risks, known what could happen. But she’d done it anyway. Anger seized her and she bit back a sob. Typical.

She really knew how to pick them, didn’t she? When was she finally going to understand that she was a relationship failure and just give up?

“Starting now,” she sniffed. She was done with men.

It was for the best anyway. Every single time she ventured from the safety of the sidelines she got hit hard. Not once had a relationship with a guy brought anything but heartbreak.

Now she could go back to the way it had been before JP had swaggered into her life. Just her and Charlie. The two of them against the world. It was right—the way it should be.

So why did the thought of it feel so bad?

Sniffling again, Sonny padded in her monkey slippers to the pantry and stuck her head inside, searching for something—anything—to distract her. The door creaked open behind her and she said without looking, “What’s up, Charlie?”

“Sonny.”

Her heart stopped beating. JP. Every emotion imaginable slammed into her solar plexus at the sound of his voice. Anger and sadness dueled for top billing while she tried to brace herself.

When she was reasonably confident that she wouldn’t start blubbering, Sonny closed the pantry and rounded slowly on JP. When she was facing him and saw him standing there dripping wet, the bottom dropped out of her stomach. “What are you doing here?”

“Can we talk?” He sounded uncharacteristically subdued.

Emotions dueled and anger won out. It was safer to feel angry than get her heart stomped on. “I don’t want to talk, JP.” Why did she have such poor judgment when it came to men?

This whole thing was all her fault really. She’d chosen to sleep with him. Even knowing that this very thing could happen. That she could find her private life flung wide open for public viewing. But she’d just had to go and get naked with him and now look at the mess they’d made. Charlie was acting all weird and distant since the day he’d caught them kissing.

JP was wasting his time. “Go home.”

His face was set in a grim line. “I want you to hear me out, Sonny.”

She held up her hands. “Why?” She shook her head. “There’s nothing you can say that will make it all right.” The shortstop opened his mouth to speak and she cut him off, her heart aching, “Look. We both knew this wouldn’t last anyway.”

Eyes loaded with emotion pinned her. “I didn’t know that.”

Sonny snorted humorlessly. “Then you were a fool.”

“Maybe, but I have some things to say, and I won’t leave until you hear me out.” He planted his feet and braced his legs apart. His arms were crossed over his chest.

There was no point in arguing. She knew it. JP could say all he wanted to, but it wouldn’t change anything. “I won’t listen.”

Frustration ripped through him and his voice went gravelly. “Christ, you’re a stubborn woman.” He shoved his hands through his hair and swore. “How am I supposed to reason with you when you refuse to be reasonable?”

“You’re not.” Sonny inclined her head toward the door. “You know the way out.”

What she guessed could only be sheer obstinacy held him rooted to the spot. “I said I’m not going anywhere.”

One look at him proved he was serious. Fine. Let him stay there all day. She turned off the stove, biting her tongue. She’d consider the pots of milk casualties of the fallout.

Sonny grabbed her jacket off the giraffe and walked around JP and out the door. Rain was soaking her before she heard, “Where are you going?”

She didn’t even look back. “Home. I suggest you do the same.”

“I’m not leaving. I’ll stand here in the rain all damn day if that’s what it will take to get you to hear me.”

Against her better judgment she glanced back and saw him standing there in the downpour, his clothing plastered to his fit body. “What’s to hear, JP?” Seeing him like that made her heart squeeze tight. But it was best this way.

With muscular legs spread and rain pounding his shoulders, he shouted to be heard over the downpour, “That I’m sorry and I want you to come on the next road trip with me so that we can spend time together and talk things out.”

She narrowed her eyes on him. “What about Charlie?”

JP shrugged his broad shoulders and strode closer. “Can’t he stay with a friend or something? We need some time, just the two of us, without him.”

Ghosts from the past rose up and swallowed her, the fear of abandonment she’d struggled against her whole life suddenly overwhelming her. Her mother had dumped her because her boyfriend hadn’t wanted Sonny. Having a kid around had been a real drag. And now it seemed JP was saying something very similar.

It hurt.

But unlike her mother, she loved her child more than freedom. “Charlie and I are a package deal.” And he deserved to be wanted every bit as much as her.

He quickly shook his head, water shedding. “Christ, Sonny. That’s not what I meant.”

Maybe it wasn’t. It didn’t matter either way.

JP and his life were just out of her league.

“I can’t do this.” On those words she turned her back on the only man she’d ever loved and left him standing in the rain.

It was the hardest thing she’d ever done.

Charlie was standing in the kitchen when she came inside, dripping water on the floor. “Was that JP, Mom? He’s coming to my game later, you know. He promised.”

Sonny clamped down hard on her emotions and watched through the window as JP drove away. “Not now, Charlie.”

His eyes grew sullen, “You really are going to forget about me now, aren’t you?”

Frustrated and emotionally tapped out, Sonny snapped, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. How can I forget you when you’re my entire life, kid?”

His thin shoulders rounded defensively. “I thought you liked it that way.”

She had. Before JP. And that realization was sobering. She really was her mother’s daughter.

Suddenly weary, Sonny scooped Charlie up in a bear hug and ignored the stiffness in his posture. “I love you, big C. And I do like it being just the two of us.”

He held his body rigid against her. “Then why are you so upset? Before we met JP you never got this sad, not that I remember.”

Before JP there’d never been anything that could make her feel that sad. That was the complexity of love.

But she didn’t want Charlie to worry. “I’m upset because he’s my friend and we had a big fight. Just like I get sad when Janie and I argue.”

He snorted against her shoulder and began to relax. “But you don’t kiss Janie.”

Good point.

Sonny sighed into her son’s hair, grateful that he’d thawed out and was hugging her back now. “Look, baby. Grown-up relationships are complicated, and sometimes they hurt. But I love you and I will never ever forget about you. You’re my heart.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Letting Charlie take up all the space was the best thing she could do. It kept life simple that way. Just her and Charlie and no temptations that could lead her astray.

If her heart wept a little at that, she was the only one to know.

B
Y THE TIME
Sonny had pulled into a parking spot near the ball fields at Sandstone Ranch she had a splitting headache. It had started with all the tension she was holding. But then it’d been compounded by Charlie’s endless chatter about JP and how excited he was to have him come to his game.

She wasn’t so sure. For one, it was Saturday again. And two, it was yet to be determined if he would actually show up or not. Odds were against, she was guessing. Because a guy like JP, who was so wrapped up in himself he couldn’t see daylight, probably wouldn’t bother coming to some kid’s game now that they weren’t dating.

She was okay with that, but JP had made promises.

Sonny put the minivan in park and pushed the automatic door opener. The passenger side door slid open and Charlie jumped out, his uniform sparkling clean and pressed. Though she abhorred ironing, the kid deserved to look his best for every game.

“Do you see his truck, Mom?” Her boy craned his neck and scoped the parking lot. “I bet he’s here already.”

Much more skeptical, Sonny rounded the back and popped the trunk. A medium-sized box sat on the floor filled with a huge plastic bag of orange slices and Nalgene bottles full of fresh water. Lifting the box out, she slammed the trunk door and winced. Her brain hurt.

“I don’t think he’s here, kiddo.” She hadn’t actually looked. Talking to JP again today was about the last thing she wanted to do. She’d rather have her teeth pulled.