PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans (7 page)

“Does it look like I have any fucking money in there?” I ask out of frustration with both the teller and my current situation.

I could tell that she was restraining herself as the red in her checks appeared. I stood there and thought about it. There are only so many things that I could go without. I need my electricity and water so that was a must. It looked like my car insurance and cable was going to be put on the back burner for the month.

“Can I have my damn ID back please?” I asked as I snatched my belongings off the counter. I knew that this wasn’t her fault but I didn’t care. I was mad at the world and was ready to blow up on anyone that I came across. It wasn’t even really because of my financial situation, I had been there before. It was because I felt that I had wasted my time. I felt that I had lowered myself and fucked a stranger on the hopes that I would become a porn star. Plus, my self-esteem was lowered. Why hadn’t he called? Wasn’t I good enough? What didn’t I do right? On one side of things, I had the best time of my life, and on the other hand, I felt inadequate. Fuck this shit, I thought. I just needed to go home, jump in a hot bath and smoke a fat one. I jumped into my car that would soon be uninsured and headed to the nearest weed spot. This was my only vice so far. I had always made sure to stay away from liquor after seeing what it had done to my mother. To me, weed was harmless; all I had ever done after smoking was eat and sleep.

I took a 20 out of the fifty dollars that I had left for groceries and brought a DUB. It would be enough to fuck me up and maybe put me in a better mood. Or at least take my mind off of the things that were bothering me. Once home, I dropped my bags at the door and headed straight for the couch. I let my body sink into it as I picked up my palmistry book. It was wide and long with a hard cover. It was my favorite thing to roll my blunts on. As I broke the lime green buds in-between my fingers, I knew that soon I would be in a foggy heaven, and I wasn’t wrong. The smoke invaded my body and made its way up to my brain. Within five minutes of my first drag, I was high. I walked over to the stereo that was on my book case and turned on Alice Smith’s
For Lover’s Dreamers and Me
. As her smooth yet deep voice swam through my apartment, I let her words flow through my soul.

When I wake up in the morning time, I like to see you sleeping by my side. I think about the nights we had before, want to give you this and more, let you know I truly adore you.

Every time the first song on her CD came on, it was like I was hearing it for the first time. The song
Dream
said everything that I had ever wanted to say to a man but never did. It was also everything that I wanted to hear myself. I swayed my way to the bathroom and let the almost too hot water run until it filled my small tub. I slipped off the little dress that I had on and stepped into the tub. I slowly sat down to let my body adjust to the hot water. As I relaxed, I lit the half smoked blunt and sang along to Alice’s
Woodstock
. Midway through the song, I thought I heard my cell phone ring. After trying to listen through the music, I decided that I hadn’t heard anything after all. If it did ring, I wasn’t in the mood to care.

After an hour of soaking and bathing, I was ready to move my one woman party to the bedroom. I barely dried off before visiting cloud nine again. Mid-way through my little piece of heaven, my phone rang. I thought about letting it go to voicemail, but I didn’t want to take a chance and miss Breeze’s call.

“This better be good,” I said into the receiver. I didn’t even bother to look at the caller ID.

“I guess my little Jezebel isn’t in a good mood today.”

My heart skipped a beat when I heard him say Jezebel. I still wasn’t used to it but it sounded right rolling off of his lips.

“Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t think that you were going to call.”

“What are you crazy or something? How could I not call you back, you blew my mind, Jezebel.

I wanted so badly to tell him that I felt the same way, but I didn’t have the courage to do so.

“So you have good news for me or should I just kill myself now?” I asked trying to lighten the mood with a little joke.

“Well, you better get your gun, rope, knife or pills ready. I’m sorry to say that it’s not looking good.”

My mind had begun to spin. How could I not get this contract? He just told me that I blew his mind. All of my plans to catch up on my bills and really save some money for a rainy day went out of the window, and I wanted to jump right after them.

“What did I do wrong? Is it something that could be fixed? I really need money right now and I am willing to learn if you’re willing to teach.” My voice reeked of desperation and I was too down and out to even try to hide it.  

“Calm down Jazzy. I was just testing you. I was calling to tell you that you made it. I just wanted to see how badly you wanted in, so calm down. Like I said before, this porn thing is not for the faint of heart. I don’t want to sign you to a deal and have you flake out on me after just the first one.”

My heart raced although I was relieved. I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself for pulling that joke on me but I held it in instead. Now that I knew that I had made it, I was both scared and excited. I went after this and for a change, I got it. It was now go big, or go home.

“Look, I’m sorry for doing that to you. I shouldn’t play such games. Will you let me make it up to you?”

“And how will you do that?” I asked pulling hard on my blunt.

“What are you doing tonight?”

“You wanna put me to work already, huh? I know that I will be making money too but I will be working for you. That’s not quite making it up to me.”

He chuckled; he knew that I was right.

“Who said anything about working? I wanted to know if you can come see me. I have some things that I need you to sign.”

I was just as high as I needed to be and didn’t really feel like driving, but knew that I needed this contract and I didn’t want to wait and have him change his mind.

“I’ll leave now; see you in about 20 minutes,” I said as I got ready to hang up.

“Don’t you need the address first?”

I looked at the phone thinking that this dude is slow.

“I was just at your office yesterday, remember?”

“I’m not at the office, I’m at home.”

I stayed quiet. I didn’t know what to say. Why would he want me to meet him at his house? I thought that I would be signing my contract in a professional setting. I was even going to ask my friend Tina to come with me. She wasn’t a lawyer yet but she was in law school.

“Umm, I…I thought…shouldn’t I bring someone to look over the contact?”

“Look Jazzy. I know that you don’t know me well but you can trust me. My family has been in this business for a very long time. Do you think that we could have lasted this long if we were fucking people over?

What he said did make sense. But I couldn’t shake the feeling I was having.

“Maybe we should do this some other time. Like when you’re at the office.”

I could hear the frustration in the words that he spoke next.

“Come on Jazzy. I don’t have time for this bull shit. My time is money and your time could be worth a lot too if you jump on this opportunity. You impressed me the other day and I am willing to sign you to a deal that does not come along so easy. I am even going to give you a thirty-five thousand dollar signing bonus. I am not going to beg you to take a step in the right direction. We either do this now or the offer is off of the table.”

I knew that he meant what he said so I had no choice. Plus at that moment, all I could think about was that thirty five g’s he just mentioned.

“Give me the address.”

*****

Breeze’s home was in the Hollywood hills. Although I had never ventured to this rich man’s land, I had always admired it from afar. I had dreamed of living the lifestyle of the rich and famous for so long that it was embedded in my mind. I started to feel really shitty once I entered Breeze’s neighborhood and realized that there wasn’t a car that looked like mine. I admired all of the BMW’s, Jaguar’s, Rang Rovers, and Porches that drove pass me. I hated my little burgundy 1999 Corolla even more that day. Breeze’s house took my breath away. I must have sat in my old car for about ten minutes just looking at it. My car and I felt out of place in front of his massive home. The driveway alone was bigger than my little apartment. I felt as if I was in a trance as I rung his doorbell that seemed to play a long song. I heard what must have been two or three monster dogs barking on the other side. I stepped back hoping that whatever it was that was barking didn’t run out when the door opened. I saw Breeze’s head down the stairs through the glass windows that were on the door. He told his dogs to back off and it was as if they were never at the front door.

“What were you waiting for?”

I felt embarrassed that he had seen me just sitting in my car like a dummy.

“You weren’t doubting yourself, were you?”

“Oh, no, I was on the phone,” I lied, and we both knew it.

I followed him to the living room area and took a seat. His place was very modern and looked sterile. There was a lot of metal and steel. It was very chic but it wasn’t very warm or inviting.

“So how do you like the place? Tanya decorated it. It’s not really me but I live with it.”  

I couldn’t believe that crazy Russian bitch lived here. Not only was I mad that her low class ass had the privilege to live in the Hollywood hills, but I was also upset that he had me up in there.

“Is Tanya here right now?”

“Oh, no, she has a couple of scenes to do tonight. Don’t worry; I made sure to keep her busy.”

He answered sensing my discomfort.

“So where’s the contract?”

I wanted to get those papers signed and out of there as soon as possible.

“Relax, there’s no rush. Let’s have some Champagne to celebrate. This is a big deal for you.”

I wanted to say no, but once he flashed his smile, I couldn’t turn him down. I watched him disappear into the kitchen to reappear holding a tray that held two champagne flutes and a chilled bottle of Dom Perignon. I had always heard talk about this drink but never had the pleasure of tasting it myself. I couldn’t take my eyes off of his arms as he poured our drinks. The muscles that protruded from them damn near had me wet.

“Here’s to a very interesting and profitable future together. Plus, you never know, we may end up having more between us than just business.”

Breeze looked at me hungrily as the words left his mouth. I downed my drink wondering if we were thinking the same thing. He refilled my glass as soon as I emptied it. I was feeling two things at that moment. For one, I was worried that the Amazon may show up and fuck up my night, and the other, well, I just wanted to spend as much time in Breeze’s presence as possible. He turned me on in the worst way. Plus he had this smooth calming aura about him. Even when my heart was beating a million miles a minute, it was as if it was hardly beating at all.

“So, tell me about that contract?”

I downed about four full drinks as Breeze went over the ins and outs of the contract that I was about to sign. It sounded pretty basic to me and the money sounded right. I would get my signing bonus and the average twenty-five hundred dollars for a straight fuck and suck film.

“So how do you really make it big in porn? How and when do you really start to make the big money? I read that some stars can make ten even fifteen thousand a film.”

“Wow, you’re ready to jump in with two wet feet I see,” Breeze said with a smile.

“Well, when I do something I try to do it to the best of my ability. I want to be at the top no matter what I am doing. I want to be top rated and top earned.”

“You are definitely top rated baby. Your pussy alone is one of the best.”

I didn’t know how to feel about what he was saying. Sure it made me feel good, but he was with Tanya.

“Can you pour me another glass?”

He did as I asked, then moved closer.

“Are you always this nervous and shy or is it because of me?”

“It’s both.”

He put his hands on my knee and made little circles with his fingertip.

“I have been with a lot of women, Jazzy, and none of them has had the effect on me that you have had. Don’t get me wrong, you’re not the only one that’s has blown my mind in bed. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have so many starlets working for me. With you, it’s much more than a good piece of ass. It was in the way you held me. It was in the way your body felt under and on top of me. It was the sound of your voice, it, it was something different.”