Pretty Hate (New Adult Novel) (2 page)

And when he thinks no one is looking, he’s very sweet to Rebel Love.

As I set the table in Merry-Bell’s dining room on Thanksgiving, I looked up and saw the smoke pouring out of the kitchen. My mother ran past me screaming.

“Son of a bitch!” she said as she ran into the kitchen.

She opened the oven and the entire turkey was engulfed in flames.

“Turn the oven off!” I said as I grabbed a box of salt.

I threw an entire pound of salt into the oven and my mother closed the door. When the flames died, she opened the oven and pulled the rack out.

“Jesus wept! She left the wrapper on the goddamn turkey.”

I looked at the charred bird, covered in salt with bits of white plastic fused to its skin.

“What’s all the hollering?” Merry-Bell said.

I turned around and looked at Merry-Bell and closed my eyes.

“Mama,” I said and hit her on the side with a potholder, “turn around.”

We both stared at Merry-Bell for a long time.

“Merry-Bell,” my mother said, “what is that?”

“It’s inappropriate,” I said and looked at my mother and nodded.

“What?” Merry-Bell said and twirled. “I made it. Vonny White wore the exact same thing on The Wheel last month and I designed it myself.”

“Vanna,” my mother said. “It’s Vanna.”

“But not the point,” I said. “Merry-Bell, I think that may be a bit...fancy for tonight. Especially since we’re only eating potatoes and green bean casserole.”

“I need a drink,” my mother said and made herself a large vodka with a splash of orange juice.

“Mother, you need to do something about this. Billy is coming over!” I said through clenched teeth.

“Merry-Bell,” my mother said and took a long sip of her drink, “I can see your boobies and your hoo-ha.”

Merry-Bell looked down at the dress and smiled.

“I know,” she said and sat down at the kitchen table.

“Merry-Bell, I can tell you put a lot of work into this, but--” I said.

“No, not a lot. Doilies.”

“What?” I said.

“I made it out of doilies. I had a whole trunk full of them in the attic from your granny. She used to collect them.”

My phone rang and I ran into the living room and grabbed it.

“Hey, baby,” I said and put my hand on my chest, “you will not believe what just hap-”

“Beth, we need to talk,” Billy said.

My legs got quivery and my eardrums throbbed.

“Okay, do you want to talk over here?”

“Beth! Who’s on the phone?” my mother said from the kitchen.

“Beth?” Billy said and sighed.

“I’m here,” I said and leaned against Merry-Bell’s table.

“Look, I’m not coming over to your aunt’s. Ever. Do you understand?”

“Well, that’s...fine,” I said and took a deep breath. “We don’t have much to eat anyway. Want to do something later?”

Merry-Bell ran into the living room and tugged on my arm as I tried to shake her off me.

“Beth, is that your feller?” Merry-Bell said.

“Yes!” I said.

“Beth, are you even listening? I’m trying to fucking tell you something!” Billy said.

“Tandy,” Merry-Bell screamed into my ear, “Beth’s feller Bobby’s on the horn!”

“It’s
Billy
!” I hissed. “Billy? I’m listening, there’s a commotion.”

“Beth!” Billy said. “I’m trying to tell you that I’m done!
We
are done. It’s over!”

“Ooh, Beth, ask Bobby if he likes ambrosia!” Merry-Bell said.

My legs gave out on me and I hit the floor ass-first.

“Hello?” Billy said.

“Billy, did you just break up with me?” I said and hung my head.

“Yes!” he said. “Look, I just don’t want to be with you anymore, okay? Being with you is just too much work.”

“Work? I did everything I could to make sure that being with me was not work, Billy. I love you.”

I looked up and my mother stood next to Merry-Bell with her arms folded across her chest. She shook her head and knelt down in front of me and stared into my eyes.

“Don’t you dare beg him, Beth,” my mother said.

“Beth, I don’t love you,” Billy said. “I never did.”

“Well, that’s okay. I mean, it sometimes takes a while for that feeling to come around. We’ll take it slow.”

“Beth, it doesn’t take long for that feeling to come around. I have that feeling. I just don’t have that feeling for you,” he said.

Merry-Bell looked at me, then my mother, then back to me and then the ceiling.

“Would someone please tell me if I need to make the fucking ambrosia?” she screamed.

“This is exactly what I mean, Beth!” Billy said. “Your crazy family is in the background and I can’t even get a word in.”

“No, you got plenty of words in. I can’t breathe, Billy. Are you saying you’re not in love with me?”

“Jesus Christ, yes! I am telling you that I’m not and will never be in love with you. I am breaking up with you and I’m in love with someone else. You’re not a bad gal, Beth. You’re just not the gal for me. Goodbye,” Billy said and hung up.

I stared at the dead phone and shook my head. My mother and Merry-Bell stared at me and I closed my eyes and cried. My mother patted my knee as if she was trying to kill a bug and Merry-Bell shrugged.

“He broke up with me,” I said as I stared at Merry-Bell and cried.

“Well, I’m guessing he don’t like ambrosia,” she said and sat down at the dining room table.

“He did not break up with me because he doesn’t like fucking ambrosia!” I said.

“Alright, alright,” my mother said. “I know you’re upset, but--”

“Upset? I’m not upset! I’m devastated! This is the longest boyfriend I ever had. I loved him!”

“Oh, don’t be silly. It was a casual thing,” my mother said.

“It was not! You would say that because every man you ever had a relationship with was casual!”

“That’s one, Beth. You may get two, you may not. I wouldn’t push your luck.”

“Really? And what are you gonna do? Ground me? Oh, that’s right, I don’t have my room because you lost the house. Everything you touch turns to shit!”

“That’s enough!” my mother said and got up and sat at the table by Merry-Bell. “I’m allowing you to bitch because I know you’re hurt, but I wasn’t the one who dumped you!”

“I once knew a feller who touched things that turned to shit too,” Merry-Bell said. “He was one of those Arabs, you know, those boys who wipe their asses with their hands? Honest to jiminey. Always had shit on his hands and touched things all day long. Is Bobby an Arab?”

“No, Merry-Bell,” my mother said and shook her head.

“I’m quitting my job at The Bookworm,” I said and stood from the floor. “I need a change. I’m suffocating.”

“Why? You’ve been there a long time, Beth. I’ll bet you get a raise soon,” my mother said.

“So I can make, what, nine dollars an hour selling books? Big deal. Then what? Find some guy to knock me up and spend the rest of my life in this hellhole like--”

“Me
?” my mother said and threw a dishtowel on the table. “Is that what you were gonna say? Because, if it is, that is two.”

“I do not want to be just a secretary,” I said and stared at the floor.

“Since when is being a secretary so goddamned bad? There are a lot worse things out there.”

“Yeah, you could be a hooker like Rebel Love,” Merry-Bell said. “That’s a bad thing.”

“Rebel Love is not a hooker,” I said. “You people are so self-absorbed. I just had my heart ripped out of my chest!”

“She is so a hooker,” Merry-Bell said. “She took up with that colored feller. Was Bobby a colored?”

“Bill...it doesn’t matter,” I said and shook my head.

I walked over to Merry-Bell’s china cabinet and looked inside.

She displays a large collection of real beetles that she covered in shellac while they were still alive. She makes little clothes for them. She says she’s getting them a record deal.

“Beth,” my mother said, “it’s not the end of the world. People get their hearts broken every day. You’ll find someone in time.”

I turned and stared at her and then looked at Merry-Bell who licked the top of the salt shaker as she stared at me and nodded.

“You know,” Merry-Bell said as she smacked her salty lips, “maybe you should find you another of the blacks. I hear they have them big old schlongs.”

“Billy was not...I have to go,” I said and wiped my face.

“You should put your energy into looking at colleges,” my mother said and stood from the table. “High school’s been over for a while and if you don’t want to be
just
a secretary, seems to me you need to go.”

“With what, mother? The only reason Mazie Goodnight could even go was she got a scholarship.”

“Well, Beth, had you studied like Mazie Goodnight did rather than chasing after boys like Rebel Love did, you’d probably have one too. You are the smartest of my children who does the least with her brain.”

“I don’t want to be alone,” I said and stared at Merry-Bell.

“Ain’t nothing wrong with being alone, girl,” Merry-Bell said. “I been alone for more years than I can count and I’m just fine.”

I took a deep breath and grabbed my purse off Merry-Bell’s recliner.

“Exactly,” I said and nodded. “I’m going home.”

“Well, hold on,” I’ll take you,” my mother said.

“No, I will walk. I need to be alone.”

I walked into Merry-Bell’s kitchen and looked at the turkey destroyed by her insanity. I closed my eyes as I rested my head against her kitchen door and saw Billy Rider making out with some beautiful girl in my head and my stomach burned.

I stopped at the playground on the way to Ivory-Lou’s and sat on a bench and watched stuffed families frolicking with their stuffed babies. I cried as I sent my best friend Stephanie a text to come to my house and then called Mazie Goodnight.

“Hey, dork,” she said after she picked up. “Merry-Bell trying to get everyone to play strip Pictionary again?”

“I’m not there,” I said and choked. “I can’t believe...Billy broke up with me, Mazie.”

“Oh, God. What happened?”

I told Mazie Goodnight the whole story as I screamed, sobbed and snotted all over myself. A lady grabbed her child and pulled him away from my bench.

“Billy Rider is a loser, Beth! I told you about him the minute you started seeing him after that Igor from the coffee shop dumped you.”

“It was Ivan and Billy is less of a loser than he was. Jesus, Mazie, what is wrong with me? Just tell me.”

“Nothing is wrong with you, Beth Munroe! You are beautiful and funny and smart as hell. It’s these guys you pick, Beth. You need to stop fucking with losers.”

“Yeah, well if they’re such losers and they don’t even want me, what’s that make me?” I said and walked away from the playground. “Jesus! All I can see in my head is Billy with this girl.”

“Get out of your head, Beth. That’s part of the problem.”

“I really, really loved him, Mazie. I thought I finally found the one,” I said and sighed. “And all I can see when I look at Mom or Merry-Bell, is that I’m gonna be them! I can’t take it. I may as well get myself a housecoat now.”

“Stop it. Your world is so small, Beth. You need to see beyond what’s in front of your face.”

“Yeah, well I can’t see anything except Billy Rider having sex with some chick who is not me. You at a party?”

“No, we’re organizing. We started a new collective, it’s called Men Is Meat.”

“Huh? Men Is...”

“Men Is Meat,” she said.

“Not Man Is Meat or Men are Meat? Men
Is
Meat?”

“Yes, see, you get it! We use the grammatically incorrect
is
next to
men
to demonstrate how they need to keep us uneducated in order to keep us under their thumbs.”

“Huh,” I said as I stopped at the foot of Ivory-Lou’s long driveway. “Aw, Christ, they’re having a party.”

“Who?”

“I’m at the house. Drive is filled with cars. I need a car, Mazie Goodnight.”

“You need a lot of things, Beth. You need to reinvent yourself.”

I walked up the driveway toward the big, white modern house and saw Stephanie’s Bonneville parked among the shiny, new sports cars.

“Yeah, look, I have to go. Stephanie is here.”

“Beth? Beth, listen to me, you are going to be fine, you hear? You’re going to be just fine.”

“I don’t feel just fine,” I said and cried as I leaned against Ivory-Lou’s blue door. “I don’t feel like anything is ever going to be fine. I’ll talk to you later, Mazie.”

I stood in Ivory-Lou’s large green foyer and looked up at the tacky chandelier hanging from the foyer’s ceiling as I tried to take long, deep breaths.