Pretty Hate (New Adult Novel) (3 page)

“There she is! Stephanie!” Rebel Love said.

I looked into the open living room and Rebel Love teetered toward me on four-inch, stiletto heels. She wore a pencil skirt and a crisp, white blouse. Rebel Love is perfect. She’s always made up and dressed up and she looks like a pinup model even when she just rolls out of bed.

The house was filled with women chattering amongst themselves. They were Ivory-Lou’s girls.

“Mama called,” Rebel Love said when she reached me. “I’m so sorry, Beth.”

She put her arms around me and I felt like I was falling off a bridge as I hugged her and cried. Stephanie came up behind me and stroked my hair and I sobbed.

“He’s in love with someone else!” I said.

“I know, it’s okay,” Rebel Love said into my ear. “You’ll find better a better man. Come on, we’re just about to start.”

“Start?” I said as she swiped her thumb under my eyes and fixed my hair.

“Yes, Isis is here,” Rebel Love said and smiled. “The sacred womb cleansing? I told you about it last week. Hey, don’t you think it’s sort of perfect that this happened to you on the same day we’re having the ritual? What’s that called?”

I looked at Stephanie and she shook her head as she tried not to laugh.

“Serendipitous?” I said.

Rebel Love tilted her head and shrugged.

“Yes, yes I think that’s it,” she said as she tapped her perfect red fingernail against her perfect chin. “Anyway, we’re getting started now. We waited for you. Come meet Isis.”

Rebel Love grabbed my hand and dragged me through the crowd. Some of the girls smiled and some nodded at me, as my sister threaded me and Steph through the group toward Isis.

“Isis! This is my sister, Beth. The one I told you about.”

Isis had purple streaks running through her long, wild red hair. She wore a long dress made of some kind of shiny nylon and her doughy face was caked with makeup.

“Beautiful,” she said as she looked at me and smiled, “absolutely, beautiful.”

“Thank you,” I said.

She reached out and placed her hands on my lower belly and I jumped back and crashed into Yolanda who spilled her drink.

“Damn, girl,” Yolanda said and shook her head at me.

“I-I’m sorry,” I said and looked at Isis.

“It’s okay,” Isis said. “I should have announced I wanted to palpitate your violator zone. My mistake. I sense a lot of congestion in your pelvic bowl, my dear. Let’s go smooth some ridges.”

Rebel Love opened the sliding glass doors that went out to Ivory-Lou’s pool-area and announced that everyone was to come out onto the patio for the ceremony.

I looked at Stephanie and she shook her head.

“The fuck you are not,” I said and grabbed her hand. “I just got dumped and you have to support me!”

We walked onto the patio and rows of light blue yoga mats were lined up on the stone floor. Stephanie and I chose two mats in the very back and sat down as Isis walked around the mats and touched everyone on the top of the head with a long feather.

“Okay, ladies,” she said, “I want you to all lay back, legs stretched out in front of you and breathe deeply and completely through your vaginas.”

Stephanie snorted and Rebel Love looked behind her and shook her head. As I rolled back onto the mat, I saw Ivory-Lou standing on the other side of the glass door. His hand covered his mouth and we locked eyes. Tears streamed down his face and his whole body convulsed as he laughed.

I followed Isis’ instructions and as I tried to extend a “root” from my “pelvic bowl” into “mother earth,” I closed my eyes and saw nothing but Billy. As Isis instructed us to smooth the “dents” and “dings” in our “cups,” I saw every date we went on, especially our first date. As I tried to “fan the flames” of my “ovarian fire,” a scroll of texts rolled past my eyes documenting how he pursued and complimented me endlessly before I gave into him. And finally, as I tried to “excavate” the “boulders of hurt” my past lovers left in my “sacred womb,” I pictured him happy and in love...with someone else.

An hour after the ceremony began, I was more hysterical than I was before it started.

Stephanie spent the night because we had a 12-hour shift at The Bookworm for Black Friday. I sobbed as Stephanie said all those things best friends say that you never believe when you’ve been dumped:
you’re beautiful
,
he’s an asshole
,
it’s not you, it’s him
.
You will find another guy
. I slept with my ear on top of my phone, half-hoping I’d hear a text from Billy saying he made a mistake, and half-hoping I’d contract brain cancer. Neither happened.

Stephanie and I went into the kitchen the next morning and Ivory-Lou and Rebel Love sat at the granite bar sipping coffee and whispering.

“There’s my beautiful sister!” Rebel Love said as I grabbed a cup of coffee.

“Sister, yes,” Ivory-Lou said as he peered at me over his newspaper, “I don’t know about the beautiful part. Damn, girl, you look fucking wrecked.”

Rebel Love swatted his arm and shook her head.

“She just woke up, baby. She’s not going to work like that.”

I stood in the middle of the kitchen and nodded.

“I am in mourning! Why does no one understand this?”

“She is going to work like that,” Stephanie said and grabbed a piece of cantaloupe off a silver tray. “It’ll be fine.”

“Beth, you cannot go to work like that. During this period, you have to look your absolute best at all times.” Rebel Love said.

“What’s it matter?” I said and sipped my coffee. “No one’s looking anyway.”

“You go to work like that,” Ivory-Lou said and shook his head, “you’ll be damn sure no one’s gonna look twice at your jacked-up ass. What’s all over your shirt?”

“Chocolate syrup,” I said as I looked down at my chest. “I was hungry last night.”

“Shit, you need to grow a pair and toughen up, girl,” Ivory-Lou said and snapped his newspaper.

“Really? I need to...
grow a pair
? I may need a lot of things but I do not need life coaching from a pimp!”

“Beth!” Rebel Love said and put her fork down.

“Oh, really?” Ivory-Lou said and dropped his paper on the granite bar. “Is that how it is?”

“It’s not how it is,” I said and put my coffee cup down, “it’s what you are!”

Ivory-Lou stared at me and rubbed his chin. His eyes got darker than they usually were and I sent a wish up to the sky that something would scrub what I just said from his memory. I broke his gaze and looked at the floor.

“I am a motherfucking
matchmaker
! What the fuck is going on here? Screaming at eight in the fucking morning?” he said and pointed at me. “Things are about to change around here! You will start paying me rent and the respect I deserve for carrying your bratty ass for a year. Understand?”

I looked at him and nodded.

“Good!” he said. “Now, you got fucking dumped. It happens. Move on. You’re a hot chick. Not right now, but mostly...other times. Act like it!”

Stephanie elbowed me and backed out of the kitchen.

“Now, what’s the best way to get over someone, Bethy?” Rebel Love said and smiled.

“Get drunk?” I said as I grabbed my purse.

“No, silly, by getting
under
someone else.”

I looked in Stephanie’s visor mirror as she drove us to work and felt worse.

“God, Ivory-Lou’s right,” I said.

We pulled into the employee parking lot at the shopping plaza and Stephanie parked the car. She took her compact out of her purse and stared at me.

“You actually do look pretty hot,” she said and pressed some powder over my under-eye bags. “Your eyes are red, but red eyeliner is in. And your lips, well, they’re always full, bitch, but, they’re even fuller and redder from wailing all night.”

“You’re a good friend,” I said and sighed. “Will I ever stop feeling like this, Steph?”

“Yes, Beth, at some point. It’s not even been a day.”

“I just can’t stop thinking about him,” I said as I got out of her car. “I can’t stop seeing him in my head. All the things he’s said to me, all the things we did together...the whole relationship is running on a loop behind my eyes. And then the thinking about what he’s up to now and with whom? Goddamn, it is torture.”

“Yes,” Stephanie said and sighed as she took my arm and we walked through the parking lot, “that’s the worst. Let’s get some coffee. We have time.”

We climbed a grassy hill next to a smooth concrete ramp used by skaters that empties out into the parking lot. I climbed onto the metal railing and waited while Stephanie went into the coffee shop.

I looked out over the outdoor mall where the bookstore is and watched all the sales ladies file into the different stores to start their shifts. I pictured myself as those women during the stages of life.

There were the young girls, bright and fresh and standing tall, who didn’t know better, the middle-aged ladies with slumped shoulders who were just catching on that they’d been duped by this sham of a life and the older ladies who were fully bent and gripping their ankles who knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, because they’d been dry-fucked into getting the message.

It was the goddamned evolutionary chart in reverse.

As I balanced on that railing, I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of slamming car doors and clicking heels and I heard the whoosh of skateboard wheels cruising over smooth concrete. My hair blew back as someone slid past me down the ramp and I opened my eyes and saw the back of him as he glided into the parking lot.

He wore a tight, black t-shirt and had a red-flannel shirt tied around his waist. He was tall and as he skated through the parking lot toward the other ramp, I saw his profile...nice nose, full lips and long, dark eyelashes I could see even if I didn’t squint. He pumped his long leg as he made his way up the ramp and I held my breath as he lifted his arm and his shirt rolled up and away from the flannel and his jeans. As he came toward me down the sidewalk, his short, dark hair caught the sun and he stared right into my eyes. I pushed up on the railing and sat taller as he began his descent down the ramp. He was so close I could reach out and grab him and he looked at me and winked.

I closed my eyes, sure that he was some sort of torturous mirage and when I opened them, he looked over his shoulder and smiled at me.

“Beth!” Stephanie said from behind me.

I jumped and overstretched as I turned to see why she yelled and I fell off the railing backward into the big garbage can below me.

“Oh my God, Beth!” Stephanie said.

I looked up and stared at the sky and at that moment, wished the sun would fall from it and land on top of me.

CHAPTER TWO

Stephanie looked into the garbage can and covered her mouth.

“What the hell happened?” she said.

“I’m sorry! Did I do that?” he said.

“Steph! Is that him?” I said as I stared up at her.

“Who?” she said.

“Hot skateboarder! Hot skateboarder!”

Stephanie looked up and over the garbage can toward the parking lot and smiled.

“Hi!” she said and waved.

“Let me help,” he said.

“Jesus Christ, no! Do not let him come over here! Get him out of here!” I said as I brushed coffee grounds off my arm.

“No! We’re fine,” Stephanie said and shook her head.

“I didn’t think I was that close,” he said. “I didn’t see her fall. Is she okay?”

Stephanie looked down into the garbage can and shrugged as I shook my head.

“Get him out of here! Now! Do it!”

“Don’t come any closer, asshole!” Stephanie said and glanced down at me. “Get the fuck away from us, you psycho!”

“Sorry,” he said. “I just wanted to...”

“He’s leaving,” Stephanie said out of the side of her mouth. “Hang on.”

I closed my eyes and counted to twelve. I tried to breathe through my vagina and begged my sacred womb to take me on a magic carpet ride.

Stephanie yanked on my arms to try and pull me out of the can, but it was too deep. Stinky Parsons, the security guard at the plaza, came over and tilted the can on its side so I could crawl out as a small group of spectators gathered around.

I snatched Stephanie’s sunglasses off her face and put them on as I blew past the people and we ran into the bookstore.

Stephanie sat behind the counter of the bookstore and started up the computer. I put my head down on the counter and cried.

“Could it really get any worse?” I said as I looked up at Stephanie.

“That guy was fucking hot, Beth,” Stephanie said as she walked toward me and picked a piece of lettuce out of my hair and put it on the counter.

“So gross,” I said and shook my head. “He was pretty hot. I felt like we shared some kind of...I don’t know, a moment.”