Promise Me Darkness (10 page)

"God, you’re so tight," he rasped as he held still inside of me, letting me get used to him.

Breathing hard, his body tensed as he pulled halfway out and plunged back into me again, harder this time. I threw my head back and cried out as his fullness filled me.

His lips found my neck, brushing against my skin.

"You feel incredible, Maddie. So damn tight," he said, his breath hot against my throat. "Does it hurt?"

"No," I answered.
It felt amazing.

"Good."

His hips rocked against me, pulling away then plunging ahead, picking up speed. The friction caused my back to arch, thrusting my breasts closer to his waiting mouth.

As his skillful tongue teased one of my nipples, he started moving faster. His hand let go of mine to hold my bottom. His fingers dug into my flesh while the other hand stayed tangled in my hair.

A new sensation, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, rolled through me. I felt every nerve ending come alive. Incredible intensity washed over me. I felt as if I was on the verge of falling into an abyss. An abyss full of nothing but pleasure.

I moved beneath him, wiggling, wanting, and begging. The orgasm rippled over me, flooding my body with an ecstasy I didn’t think I could handle. Wave after wave hit me, almost making me weep. I wanted to scream with pleasure. His lips ravaged mine when I did.

I was slowly spiraling down, returning to earth, when he increased the rhythm of his thrusts.

“Fuck, Maddie!” he moaned against my mouth as he drove into me. Faster. Harder. Deeper.

When I grabbed his hair, he groaned deep in his throat and his hips started pumping frantically, reaching for his own release. With one last powerful thrust, he stiffened above me. A long tremor vibrated through his body.

“Hell,” he whispered, breathing hard.

I kissed the corner of his mouth, uncurling my hands from his hair. He caught my chin in one hand and claimed my lips, giving me a deep kiss.

My skin felt alive and flushed. Every nerve ending screamed AGAIN, AGAIN! I took a deep breath, trying to control my racing heart.

“Are you okay?” he rasped.

I nodded, my body still humming. He lowered his head and kissed me again, tenderly this time. Taking me with him, he rolled onto his side. His hands ran over my spine, pulling me against him. Squeezing my hip possessively, his lips brushed against mine.

The amazing heat coming from his body relaxed me but one thought raced through my mind —
I just lost my virginity to my best friend.

Somewhere outside a car horn beeped. I peeled my eyes open and shut them quickly when bright sunlight blinded me through the bedroom window.

Stretching carefully, I glanced over at Ryder. He was sleeping peacefully on his stomach, one arm draped over my waist. The sheet was wrapped around his hips, barely covering him. Thick eyelashes rested below his eyes, hiding the cool blue irises from the early morning light. He took up most of my bed, leaving me to either hug the edge or sleep next to him. I had chosen him all night.

Everything replayed in my mind. Each touch, each kiss was branded in my head and on my body forever.
Sex with Ryder.
I bite my lip and glanced over at him again.
Holy shit, I slept with Ryder!
The bad boy, the ladies man, the boy I grew up with. It had seemed so right to lose my virginity to him, to do something I swore I wouldn’t do until I was in love. I had no regrets.
How could I, when I loved him?
Had always loved him.

I suddenly felt shy. He had touched me in places I had never been touched. His body had claimed mine like no one else’s. But I didn’t know what to expect in the light of day.

I slowly started to ease out of bed when my cell phone rang loudly, the sound ear–piercing. Reaching over, I quickly grabbed it before it could wake Ryder.

“Hello, sweetheart!”

It was my dad, sounding unbelievable too chipper this early in the morning.

I sat up in bed and pulled the sheet tighter around me. Sheer embarrassment had me panicking. My dad was calling, I was without a stitch of clothing on, and Ryder was naked in my bed.
Was there a worse time for a daughter to talk to her dad?

“Good morning, Dad” I whispered, glancing over when Ryder started to stir beside me.

“I just wanted to call and check up on you. Did I wake you?”

“I was awake. You doing okay?”

“I’m fine, honey. Trying to stay out of this heat.” He cleared his throat and I knew the small talk was over.

“Is Ryder still staying with you?”

“Yes,” I blushed.
If he only knew…

His voice turned serious. “Listen to me, Maddie. If something happens, I want you to go with Ryder. Stay with him. Do as he says. Understand?”

The lingering glow from last night fled, replaced by a chill at his words. He sounded distressed, worried.
Was he feeling bad? Was it his heart again?

“Dad, what’s going on?”

“Things are unraveling with this war and if anything were to happen…well, just promise you’ll stay with Ryder.”

“Okay,” I said, frightened.

I felt Ryder sit up behind me. Glancing over at him, my mouth went dry. The sunlight hit his body, showcasing each muscle to perfection. The tattoos marking his arm and back flexed as he threw the covers off of him. He stood up, naked as the day he was born. A blush colored my cheeks as his perfectly formed buttocks filled my vision. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

"He’ll keep you safe," my dad said, reminding me he was still on the phone. "Ryder won’t let anything happen to you."

“Don’t worry about me. Just take care of yourself,” I said, trying to control the rapid beating of my heart as Ryder tugged on his jeans.

My dad sighed. “Okay, sweetheart, I’ll let you go.”

I clicked my phone off and watched as Ryder put on his shirt and avoided looking my direction.

I have to talk to him.
I needed his reassurance that everything was okay. That we were okay.

“Ryder?” I asked, hesitantly. I clutched the sheet tighter around me, suddenly feeling the need for extra protection.

He looked down at me coldly. His icy blue eyes ran over my body quickly, without any emotion.

I didn’t know what to expect but I was surprised to see coldness staring back at me. My stomach plummeted and my hands started shaking. I immediately had a bad feeling.

“What?” he asked, flatly. His frosty eyes stayed on me as he buckled his belt buckle.

“We need to talk.”
Was my voice shaking as bad as my hands?

“What’s there to talk about?”

“Us. What we did last night.”

“We had sex. I acted insane, which is not surprising around you,” he smirked, sarcastically. “It was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened.”

A mistake?
I swallowed past the sudden lump in my throat.
Last night meant nothing to him? Had I been stupid to think otherwise?

“What do we do now? I think this changes things between us,” I said, trying to hide the hurt.

He cursed under his breath and ran a hand through his hair. “Shit, Maddie. What do you want me to do? Marry you? Put a ring on your finger? It was only sex.”

I flinched. He said it so callously as if what we did meant nothing to him.

“But, Ryder….”

Motioning between the two of us, he laid on more hurt. “We’re just friends, Maddie. That won’t change. But I told you before, I don’t do relationships and I don’t have girlfriends. You knew that before you crawled into bed with me.”

My heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces. Pieces that rested in the palm of his hand, easily crushed and easily forgotten.

“So I’m just another notch in your damn belt?”

“You know that’s not true,” he said with harshness, becoming angry.

“How do I know it’s not true? I just became another one of your one–night stands!” I screeched with more hurt than rage.

“Listen to me, Maddie,” he said, crawling next to me. His hand went to my thigh, resting there and bringing back memories of last night. Regardless of his cold words, I wanted him again.
Damn my treacherous body!

“Look at me,” he said, softly.

I looked at him with hurt, dying a little from his words.

“Being with you was…hell, it was beyond anything I could imagine but if we took this further, if we tried to make this work, I would just screw it up like I do everything else. Everything I touch turns to crap, Maddie. I can’t let that happen to us. No matter how much I want you, I’m not willing to lose you.”

I tried to process his words but the ache wouldn’t go away. He wouldn’t lose me after fifteen years of friendship, no matter what he did.
Didn’t he trust me more than that?

“You’re not going to lose me but I think this…”

His fingers wove through my hair, pulling me into his lap. His lips slashed across mine, quieting me. I felt my insides melt as his tongue ran lightly along my lower lip.

“Maddie, for once just shut up,” he whispered against my lips. He kissed me gently again before setting me aside and rising from the bed. Without a backward glance, he walked out of the room.

I sat stunned. I tried to make sense of what had just occurred. One minute he wanted me, the next he swore it was a mistake. One minute he was telling me the sex meant nothing, the next he was kissing me with unleashed passion. Confusion was playing havoc with me.
How could I pretend that nothing happened or that I didn’t have feelings for him?
He wanted me to believe he was cold and uncaring. But I didn’t. Not for one moment.

Making up my mind not to lie around and cry, I crawled out of bed onto wobbling legs. After running a hand through my hair and throwing on a shirt and shorts, I opened up the bedroom door to the smell of freshly brewed coffee.

Across the hallway, the closed bathroom door mocked me, symbolic of Ryder slamming the door on our newfound relationship. But the sound of the shower teased me, luring me to Ryder and his body again.

I ignored the yearning and went in search of that coffee.

~~~~

In the kitchen, I found Eva eating a burnt piece of toast. She looked up when I walked in and raised her eyebrows.

“You look like you had a rough night. What happened?”

I sat down across from her and gathered my knees to my chest, hugging them tightly.

“We had sex,” I said, studying my pink toenails.

She almost choked on a mouthful of bread. “What? With Ryder?”

I nodded, waiting on the preverbal shit to hit the fan.

“I knew it!”

I cringed. It wasn’t worth a celebration. At least, not anymore.

Eva’s wide smile disappeared when she saw the forlorn expression on my face. “Are you okay, Maddie? He didn’t hurt you, did he? Because if he did, I’ll kick his ass out the door.”

“No, of course he didn’t hurt me.” I sighed. “It’s just that this morning he said we could only be friends. He said it was nothing but a mistake.” I hurt beyond words. The urge to cry was strong but I refused to shed a tear. I was stronger than this.

“The dumb shit. He loves you, you know.”

I looked at her like she was crazy. Ryder didn’t believe in love. Everyone knew that.

“It’s obvious the way he looks at you. He’ll come around, Maddie, just give him time. And if he doesn’t, well…screw him! Oh wait, you already did,” she said, smirking.

I couldn’t hold back a smile at her lame attempt at humor.

“I’ve got a date with Brody and you just lost your virginity.” She leaned closer and whispered dramatically, “and I never thought you would, by the way. Thought you would be a hundred year old virgin. I think this calls for breakfast at IHOP. It’ll make you feel better.”

I wasn’t sure food would cure me of Ryder but before I could argue, he walked into the kitchen.

All the air was sucked from my lungs. His hair was wet from his shower and his chiseled jaw was clean–shaven, leaving his face baby–smooth and begging for my fingertips to caress it. He smelled like soap and aftershave, intoxicating scents. The sight of him had me feeling weak all over again. I tried to ignore the fluttering in my stomach but the memories of last night had the butterflies going crazy.

He eyed Eva and me warily, waiting for us to pounce.

Eva cleared her throat and stood up to throw away her half–eaten piece of toast. Walking past Ryder, she gave him a look that threatened bodily harm if he didn’t behave.

“You told her, didn’t you?” he asked, taking a seat across from me and watching me closely.

“Yes, she’s my best friend so I tell her everything. Is that a problem?” I asked, daring him to argue.

“No, but she’s going to make my life a living hell.”

“Good. You deserve it,” I snapped.

Lowering my feet to the floor, I stood up to leave the kitchen. I needed a shower and some space. If he wanted to act as if nothing happened, that’s what I would do.

“We’re going to breakfast as soon as I get out of the shower. You coming?” I asked, walking away. I hoped I sounded like I didn’t care what he did, but my voice was shaking too bad to sound convincing.

Reaching out, he wrapped his long fingers around my wrist, stopping me.

"You should have told me no, Maddie. I would’ve stopped. I would’ve ended it before we went too far. I know you want it all. Love, a relationship. But I can’t give that to you. I won’t because I’ll just end up hurting you.”

“I guess we’ll never know, will we?” I snapped, yanking my wrist from him. I narrowed my eyes at him, wanting to know the truth. “Tell me, Ryder, was it worth it? Did you get what you wanted?”

He shot to his feet, shoving his chair back to tower over me.

“Don’t talk like that, Maddie.” His voice was low, threatening. Not scary at all.

I closed my eyes, hiding the desire that flared again. When I felt under control again, I opened them.

“I’ve got to go,” I whispered.

I made myself walk away. If I remained, I would have kissed him. Or done something silly like told him I loved him.