Promise Me Darkness (7 page)

I pushed my way through the frat boys and sorority girls to a large room complete with a pool table, old–school video games, and a foosball table. Right away, I spotted Ben playing pool with some other frat brothers. When he saw me standing in the doorway, he motioned me over.

“Hi, sweetheart. Wow, you look good,” he said, leaning over to kiss me.

It was a light kiss. Simple. Nothing like Ryder’s scorching one.
Dammit, why did I have to think of him all the time?

“Come on, Ben, get in the game,” one of the other players said, annoyed.

“I’m out, boys,” Ben answered, laying his cue stick on the table. He put his hand on the small of my back and guided me out of the room.

“Do you want a drink?” he asked as we maneuvered our way through the crowd.

“Sure,” I answered. Maybe a little alcohol would help me relax and not think of Ryder every single second of the every single day.

Ben led me to the kitchen where tequila, vodka, and other various bottles crowded the countertop. Empty pizza boxes and half empty potato chip bags competed for space with the makeshift bar. The room was packed with people but Ben pushed his way in.

“What would you like? We have beer, margaritas, the hard stuff, or I can make you a mixed drink.”

I wasn’t exactly an expert on drinks so I went with something girlie. “How about something fruity?”

He grinned. “Coming right up!”

I watched him pour juice into a red plastic cup. Next, he added a shot of something clear.

“Here you go, sweetheart.”

A silly grin was on his face, making me wonder how much he already had to drink. Being drunk went against Ben’s golden boy façade so seeing him toasted was something new for me.

Unlike Ben, Ryder was notorious for his drinking. Before I left for college, I woke up many nights with him outside my bedroom window, hammered. He spent most of those nights passed out on our couch, sleeping it off until the next day. Ben was opposite. He was always in control, never deviating from his stellar reputation. I was definitely seeing a new side to him tonight but for some reason, I felt uncomfortable with it.

I forced the unease out of my mind and followed Ben, now with a fruity drink in my hand.

In the main room, the furniture had been pushed back against the wall, leaving more room for dancing. The chairs and sofas were still full of couples and wannabe couples, clinging to each other and trying to take things to the next level.

Ben led me into the middle of the crowd and swung me into his arms. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said, holding me close.

I forced a smile. He looked really nice in his dark jeans and gray fraternity shirt. All the girls liked him and the boys admired him.
So why couldn’t I be head–over–heels in love with him? Why couldn’t he make me feel like Ryder did?

~~~~

I lost count of the number of drinks I had. Ben kept refilling my cup, never leaving it empty. The alcohol didn’t help me forget about Ryder but I was having a good time anyway.

I was dancing with Ben to the pounding bass when Eva finally arrived.

“I’ve missed you!” I said, throwing my arms around her and almost toppling her over.

She pulled away, scrutinizing me and frowning. “Have you been drinking, Maddie?”

A giggle burst from me. She didn’t look too happy, which was ironic because she was always telling me to loosen up.

“Just a little tipsy,” I answered, sweetly.

She rolled her eyes and faced Ben. “What the hell are you doing, Ben? She’s drunk.”

“Relax, Eva. She’s fine. I’m not letting her out of my sight,” he said, irritated.

I giggled again as Ben and Eva stared each other down. They looked made for each other. Blonde, tall, tan, and picture–perfect. They were like two Greek gods. And here I was – short, skinny, with dark hair and pale skin. A mortal among Gods.

In a show of ownership, Ben wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I wanted to resist but my legs felt like rubber.

“You never drink, Maddie. Take it easy on those things,” Eva said, pointing to the drink in my hand. I tried to focus on her face but the room tilted around me.

Ben leaned down to whisper something in my ear but I edged away. He smirked and pulled me close again, this time leaning over for a kiss. I turned my face away just in time, avoiding his lips.

Ben might be beside me but I was still thinking of Ryder. The alcohol wasn’t erasing the memory of him standing between my legs or pushed up against me in the bathroom. I wanted to be with him now, not Ben.

Eva grabbed my hand, rescuing me from my terrible thoughts. “Let’s go to the bathroom, Maddie.” That was her code for ‘we needed to talk.’ I followed her obediently, stumbling along the way and bumping into a few people.

“No more drinking,” she said, shutting the bathroom door behind us.

Maybe that was a good idea
. The room was spinning so quickly that I had to sit down on the closed toilet lid before I fell down.

“I’m okay, Eva. I don’t need a babysitter,” I said around a loud hiccup.

Eva raised one eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

“Don’t start!” I hiccuped again. “I’ve had an awful day so I decided to have a few drinks. No big deal.”

“Yeah? Well, Ryder looked like he had a shitty day too. You know anything about that?”

I debated whether I should tell her or not. The alcohol seemed to make it hard to keep quiet.

“He told me he wanted to sleep with me.”

Eva’s mouth dropped open in shock. “He said that?”

“Well, those weren’t his exact words, but yeah, that’s what he said,” I answered, covering my eyes against the spinning bathroom.

“And what happened? What did you say?”

“Nothing happened, Eva! He’s my friend. We can’t do stuff like that!”

“What about the friends–with–benefits thing?”

“Isn’t happening! I’m waiting on the right person to fall into bed with,” I said, trying to focus on her face.

She kneeled down in front of me. “Maybe he is the right person, Maddie. You two are very close and you’ve known him forever.” She thought for a second. “Plus, he’s smoking hot.”

She had a point. He was extremely dreamy.

“I knew it!” she squealed when she saw my face. “You do like him! So what are you going to do?”

I frowned as I tried to stay upright. Losing my virginity to Ryder wouldn’t be such a bad thing. It had lots of appeal. He obviously knew what he was doing and if that kiss was any indication, sex with him would be…amazing. Then there was the fact that he knew me like no one else did. He knew all my secrets. I knew all his. When I was around him, I was happy, complete. But to him, I was only his friend. That’s what I’d always be.

“I’m going to do nothing.”

Before she could question me again, I made it to my feet and escaped. I couldn’t talk about Ryder. I couldn’t think about him. If I did, I might race back home to pick up where we left off.

~~~~

The party lasted long into the night. At some point, Ben pressed a shot glass into my hand. I wasn’t sure how many of those I tossed back but I was starting to feel numb. It wasn’t long before I could no longer think clearly. Eva tried to keep a close eye on me but a few times I managed to disappear without her knowing.

One of those times, I was stumbling out of the bathroom, hanging onto the wall for dear life, when my phone beeped.

Ryder’s name weaved in and out on the screen.
Why was he calling me?
My mind was so fuzzy, I couldn’t think straight.

“Hello?” I slurred.

“Maddie?” I heard him let out a relieved breath. “I’m sorry. I really fucked things up. I want to talk when you get home.”

I couldn’t hold back the giggle. He sounded so polite, not like himself at all.

“Have you been drinking?” he asked, sternly.

“Maybe,” I said with another giggle.

There was only silence.

“Hello?” I asked, confused.

“Where is Eva?” He sounded so angry that my giggles vanished.

“I don’t know.”

“Are you there by yourself?”

“No, silly, I’m here with Ben,” I answered as if he was clueless.

“Shit! Go find Eva and stay with her. I’m on my way.”

I heard a click then silence. Looking at my phone, I was confused.
Did he just hang up on me? Why would he do that?

My head was spinning. I tried to remember what he wanted me to do.
Find someone? Or was it something?

Giving up, I managed to make it down the hallway when I saw Ben heading my way.

~~~~

I had no idea how much time elapsed after talking to Ryder on the phone. A few minutes? An hour? All I know was that I was sick.

“I don’t feel so good, Ben.”

We were standing in the kitchen watching some freshmen play quarters with shots of vodka. Yells of victory and cries of defeat muddled my mind, overwhelming me with noise. Watching them throw back shot after shot made me want to empty my stomach right there on the floor.

“Follow me,” Ben said, taking hold of my hand.

The next thing I knew, we were in a dark and quiet bedroom. I crawled onto the bed, not caring whose room I was in. I just needed to lie down.

“You okay?” Ben asked, leaning over me. He brushed strands of hair away from my flushed face, letting his fingers linger on me.

I was so sick. My stomach was hurting so much that I just knew I was dying. I kept my eyes squeezed shut, trying to block out the spinning room.
Why had I drank so much?

Suddenly, Ben was kissing my throat and moving his hand to my waist. The smell of alcohol on him was revolting. It seemed to surround me, choking me.

“Ben…. I can’t do this,” I said, trying to push him off me. My alcohol–soaked mind still thought of Ryder and how it should be him touching me, kissing me.

But Ben ignored me. His hand moved down to my bare thigh. His thumb made slow circles on my skin as his lips moved to cover my mouth.

I turned my head away, nauseated, wanting him off of me.

“Ben…”

“Relax, Maddie. I’ll do it fast,” he said, pushing my skirt up higher. His short fingernails scrapped my thigh, waking me up to what was happening.

“Ben, NO!” I screeched. I tried to move out from under him but my muscles were weak and wouldn’t obey.

“I’ve waited so long for this.” He threw a leg over me, holding me down as his hand ran along my inner thighs.

I pushed him hard, my subconscious screaming at me to run. His heavy body pressed me further down into the mattress, holding me secure. I struggled, trying to kick and hit him.

“STOP!” I shouted. The fog in my mind cleared when his hands started to tug at my underwear. I made another feeble attempt to push his big frame off of me. He didn’t budge.

Oh, God!
I couldn’t stop him!

I tried to crawl out from under him but he just held me down tighter. His hands roamed and squeezed me cruelly, no longer trying to be gentle.

THIS. WAS. NOT. HAPPENING.

I hit him hard with my fist, catching his lower jaw. His grasp loosened for a second and I scrambled away.
Run! Run!
My head was spinning but I was desperate to escape.

I was almost off the bed when he grabbed me around the waist and hauled me back.

"You’re not going anywhere, Maddie," he hissed.

I let out a sob as he threw me back under him brutally. When his fingers dug into my hipbone, I yelped with pain.

Before he could grab my arm, I slapped him hard across the face. The sound of flesh hitting flesh rang loudly in my ears. I wanted to do it again and again.

Rage transformed his perfect face into the vision of a monster. Terror raced through me when he grabbed both of my wrists and pushed them above my head, smashing them into the mattress. His fingers squeezed the delicate bones, making me wince.

“BEN, NO!” I screamed, as his free hand reached beneath my skirt again.

“Shut up!” he snarled.

Sobs shook my body.
He was going to rape me, my own boyfriend.
I cried out when he roughly shoved his hand between my legs.

Accepting my fate wasn’t an option. I had to fight until I couldn’t fight anymore. I was gathering strength to struggle again when suddenly he was no longer on top of me. He just…disappeared.

Shaking badly, I pushed my skirt down and sat up in time to see a fist fly. Ryder’s fist. It connected with Ben’s face, smacking him to the ground.

“I’m going to rip you apart!” Ryder roared.

Within seconds, Ben had recovered and jumped to his feet. He wrapped his arm around Ryder’s neck in a chokehold, cutting off his air supply.

Ryder fought against him, but Ben had a strong hold on him. I scrambled off the bed, wobbling on my feet unsteadily. Grabbing Ben’s arm, I tried pulling him off Ryder but he was too strong.

I yanked again, using all my strength. Ben let go of Ryder long enough to reach out and shove me hard. I fell to the floor painfully. My head snapped back and the jolt sobered me up quickly.

Ryder’s fist shot out to pound Ben mercilessly on the side of the head. He didn’t stop there. He landed a solid punch into Ben’s stomach, doubling Ben over in pain. An uppercut to Ben’s face had blood spurting out his nose in rivers.

Suddenly, the room was full of people, itching to get a front row seat.

Ryder was back on Ben within a second, pummeling him into a bloody mess. I thought he would never stop but two guys jumped in to grab Ryder, hauling him off the blood–soaked Ben.

“You piece of shit!” Ryder shouted. “You’re fucking dead!”

Ben staggered to his feet and got in Ryder’s face. “Let’s finish this shit," he spit. Before anyone could stop him, Ben nailed Ryder in the stomach using every ounce of power he had.

Ryder grunted with pain but didn’t flinch when Ben pulled his fist back for another punch. Before he swung, two more guys raced forward to hold him back.

It was all too much; the fighting, the yelling, the spinning room. My stomach protested and I started gagging.

“Let me go!” I heard Ryder yell. A second later, he was beside me.

“God, Maddie, you look terrible,” he said, picking me up off the floor.