Protect and Serve (3 page)

Watching Terrill walk away, Jason was almost tempted to chase him and finish the fight. It was a fight fifteen years in the making, and he was sure they would have it eventually.

Maybe the wake wasn’t the time and place. But he
would
get answers—especially from the woman who’d broken his heart.

Penny let out the breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding when she saw Jason leave the funeral home. And she smiled when she saw the other Hightower brothers coming in to pay their respects. Patrick, Lawrence and Joel had always been like unofficial big brothers to her. She missed the closeness she used to have with their family.

If only things could have been different….

“Penny, baby, it’s so good to see you. You look good. I’m just so sad I’m seeing you under these circumstances. How’re you holding up, baby?” Jason’s mother, Celia Hightower, gave her a big hug, followed by her husband, James Hightower.

Seeing the other two adults who had provided her with a place of refuge when she was a kid, while her only other constant source of support lay in a coffin, made her chest swell up. But she refused to break down and start crying. If she started, she feared, she’d never stop.

She stood in front of Big Mama’s casket, and the only thing she could think was how someone who was so much larger than life, someone who had
been
life to her, could possibly be gone.

The makeup the mortician had put on Big Mama seemed a few shades too dark for the light-complexioned woman Penny had known. Penny touched the long, wavy hair that Big Mama and her own mother shared but had skipped a generation with her.

She remembered it had been Big Mama who taught her to be proud of her thick, sandy-brown hair when she wanted soft, jet-black hair like Big Mama and Carla’s. When Carla complained that Penny’s hair was just too much to handle, Big Mama had taught Penny how to love and tame her mane.

Penny let the good memories wash over her and fought back her tears as she touched Big Mama’s cheek.

Mr. Hightower kept his strong arm around her. “She’s in a better place now. She’s with the Lord.”

Why do people always say that? How do they really know?
Penny wondered as she continued to caress Big Mama’s cheek.

“She was so proud of you, Penny. She talked about you all the time. And she loved you, Penny. We’re all proud of you, baby. And we miss you.” Mrs. Hightower smiled brightly. The woman sported a full and shapely figure and a warm demeanor. She wore a beautiful black skirt suit and a delicate string of pearls with matching earrings.

Penny moved with the Hightowers away from the casket. She couldn’t look anymore and she couldn’t listen to them anymore. If she did, the lump in her chest that was threatening to explode any minute would be her undoing. And she couldn’t lose it at the wake. She had to hold it together.

Mrs. Hightower’s kind eyes made Penny remember all the times she had let her help out in the kitchen or had taken her shopping. Celia Hightower used to say she wanted to spend some girl time and get away from a house full of men and boys.

Even before Penny and Jason became a couple, Mrs. Hightower had taken Penny under her wing as the daughter she never had. Seeing her, and missing their bond, made Penny feel even worse—as if it were possible for her to feel any worse.

“Thanks, Mr. and Mrs. Hightower. I just wish I could’ve seen her before she died. She wasn’t even sick. It—it just happened too fast. I never got the chance to—”

Her voice choked off, and Penny took a deep breath. She couldn’t break now. There was just too much to do. She could have her breakdown when she returned to Los Angeles.

“She knew, baby. She knew you loved her.” Mrs. Hightower patted her hand and smiled. “Now you be sure to stop by and catch up before you head back to the West Coast. Don’t you leave here without coming to see me! I’ve missed you, sweetie.”

Penny felt the weight of the guilt she’d been feeling since finding out Big Mama died grow and press her chest down. She had never wanted to lose contact with Mr. and Mrs. Hightower. She loved them. They were like the parents she’d never had, the parents she’d wished she had. Spending time in their home while growing up had made her feel normal and, most important, loved.

“She could come over for Sunday dinner,” James Hightower offered. He stood over six feet tall and shared the same deep mahogany complexion as his four sons. He seemed to be the aged but still handsome template for those classic Hightower looks.

Penny took a deep breath. She remembered Sunday dinner at the Hightowers’ after church. And she knew she couldn’t sit through one of those family gatherings, no matter how much she secretly yearned to do so. No way could she do it.

“I’ll try, Mrs. Hightower,” Penny offered, hoping that would be enough. “But I better move along and see some of the other guests now.”

“Go ahead, baby, and we’ll see you on Sunday.” Mrs. Hightower patted her back with a smile and pushed her on her way.

It occurred to Penny to say that she hadn’t said she’d definitely be there. But given the determination Mrs. Hightower always had, she knew better than to say never.

Carla slipped out the side door of the funeral parlor as soon as she saw him. He was probably the last person she wanted to see at her mother’s wake. But there he was. If she could give him the slip, the way she had been doing since he got out of jail, that would be a good thing. If she could keep giving him the slip until she managed to talk her daughter into taking her back to Los Angeles with her, that would be even better.

Who would have thought both of those men would be out of jail at the same time? When your past came back to shoot you in the behind, it sure as hell came back blasting. For sure, this was more stress than her hanging-on-to-recovery-by-the-skin-of-her-teeth behind could handle.

She wouldn’t have her mother to help her stay clean this time. It had been hard enough doing so with her mama alive and giving her positive encouragement.

How will I stay clean with Mama dead and those fools breathing down my neck?

There was no way. She would have to find a way to get Penny to let her move back to California with her.

Yeah. That would work
.

She ducked into the corner store and realized she didn’t have a whole lot of cash on her. Okay, she didn’t have
any
cash on her. She’d run through the money Penny sent her every month a week ago. And with Mama’s death and all, Carla didn’t think it was a good time to beg Penny for some more ends. Plus, she had to save her favors for the big stuff, like getting the hell out of Dodge on a one-way ticket to Los Angeles.

Carla only had enough for a single cigarette. If the bodega followed the new laws, she wouldn’t be able to get one, unless they had those individually wrapped cigarettes. Not every store carried them. Since she was trying to quit smoking, too, and had been doing well, that might have been a good thing. But she needed
something.
For sure, cigarettes were the lesser evil.

“Y’all sell loosies?” Carla patted her hair down and took a glance out of the window. Her heart stalled, and she ducked. The jerk must have followed her.

She saw him walking in front of the store. He looked like a dang-gone wild beast on the prowl.

Oh, shoot!

“We not supposed to split up the pack,
Mami.
It’s against the law.” The smooth Puerto Rican brother leaned against the counter and looked at her cringing on the floor. “Who you hiding from? Your boyfriend?”

He was handsome, if you liked those gooey-sticky caramel latte brothers with the deep, dark bedroom eyes. She liked her men taller, darker and a little more dangerous. Well, those tastes hadn’t gotten her anywhere but crouched on the floor hiding. So maybe she should give
Papi
a try?

Carla didn’t get up from her crouching position. “Did he pass by?”

“Yeah,
Mami,
he passed. You scared? You look like you scared.” The store clerk had a humorous expression on his face, and his lips were tilted in a half smirk.

If she hadn’t wanted him to sell her a loose cigarette so bad, she might have cussed him out and asked him what the hell he found so dang funny about her situation. But years of hustling had taught her a little something about the value of a good game face. Plus, he was cute, if you liked that type.

Carla stood and sucked her teeth in what she hoped came off in a joking manner and not the pure disgust she felt.

“How the kids say it these days? I ain’t nevah scurred.” She batted her eyes and then winked at him. “So what’s up,
Papi?
You gonna sell me that loosy or what?”

“Well, normally, I wouldn’t be breaking the rules. But you seem like a nice lady. So I’m gonna do you a favor. What you smoking,
Mami?
”

“Newports.” She gave her lips a seductive lick for good measure. “Regular.” She smoothed her wavy hair back. The stuff never held on to any hairstyles like she wanted it to. But most men seemed to like the long hair.

“I’m gonna give you this pack of Newports,
Mami.
You gonna give me your phone number?” He took a pack of cigarettes down, slid them across the counter with a book of matches and winked at her.

Carla noticed the wedding ring on his finger as he made the slide.

Men ain’t worth a damn!

She smiled slyly as she grabbed the cigarettes and slipped them in her purse. “You think your wife would like it if I gave you my number,
Papi?
”

He shrugged. “What my wife don’t know won’t hurt her.”

Ain’t that a blip?

She started walking out of the store. “Well, in that case, it’s 777-9311.” She busted out laughing.

“That’s not your number, that’s a song. Oh, why you playing me,
Mami?
”

Carla let the door close, all the while chuckling to herself. Once outside, she tried to decide if she should go back to the wake and ride back to the house with her daughter in the family limousine provided by the funeral home, or head home on foot. If she didn’t ride back with Brat, then the girl would be in the limo all by herself.

Like it or not, they were the only family either of them had left. And without her own mother there as the go-between, it was going to be hard getting her daughter to see that.

Carla reasoned that if he was really gone, then it would be safe to go back. And she sure didn’t feel like walking home. She headed back to the funeral parlor, puffing on a cigarette and trying to think of a way around the latest crazy predicament in her life. But as she came up to the funeral home, a large hand snatched her into an alley.

Her pack of cigarettes fell into a puddle of water, and she reared up to curse whoever had grabbed her.

“What the hell!” She struggled and tried to pull away, only to get slammed against the brick building for her trouble. She looked up at the idiot who held her, intent on telling the fool she didn’t have any money or anything worth stealing, but then she saw it was
him
.

Dang!

“You think you slick or something? You know I been looking for you. I put the word out, and you act like you couldn’t even get at a brother. Since I had to hunt you down, I ought to bust you upside your damn head.” The same mean, angry face she still saw in her nightmares glared down at her.

She had to strain her neck to really get a good look at the man who towered above her in a threatening manner.

“I didn’t know you was looking for me. I hadn’t heard anything. Shoot, I didn’t even know you were out. How’d that happen?” She hoped her game face was still in place. Because dealing with this animal without one would be foolish, to say the least.

His lips curled into a sneer. “It happened. That’s all you need to know.”

“Well, that’s good.” She smiled and tried the old batting of the eyes, knowing it was probably useless with this one. “I’m glad. But since you out and all, then you probably know my mother passed away. We burying her and all, so—”

“Yeah, my condolences. I just saw yo’ mama the other day, when I stopped by there looking for you. I guess she ain’t tell you I stopped by, huh? Nah, I guess she wouldn’t have, since she seemed pretty heated that I even rang her doorbell. And I see yo’ little daughter is home and all grown up.” He licked his lips in a disgusting manner, and an evil leer crossed his face.

If he stopped by Mama’s house, that might have been enough to make her have a stroke and die. Shoot! I’m so sorry, Mama
.

Carla mentally kicked herself. Once again, her mistakes had made her mother suffer. She made a silent promise to her mother and herself. She would try and get it right this time. She was going to get herself and her child out of Paterson, and she was finally going to be a good mother. She had to…

“No, my mother didn’t mention you had stopped by.” She couldn’t help but narrow her eyes, and she knew her voice had lost some of its fake pleasantness. She knew she needed to keep layering it on, if she wanted to escape the alley unscathed. But it was hard to do, when she thought about her mother lying in a casket inside.

“So, I see your boy beat that murder rap. You seen him yet?”

Answering his question would be too tricky. Even though they were no longer together, she knew this fool still had an irrational and psychotic jealous streak, especially when it came to her ex. She looked down at the pavement and thought for a minute.

“No.”

The flat of his hand moved as soon as she uttered the word and knocked her upside the head so hard her head bounced against the brick wall. “That’s for lying. I know you saw him.” He slapped her upside the head again. “And that’s a warning. Stay away from him. Your baby’s daddy is
still
off-limits to you. Just ’cause we ain’t together no more don’t mean any of
that
has changed.”