Prudence (22 page)

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Authors: Jilly Cooper

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BOOK: Prudence
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Berenice surprisingly was nose to nose with Professor Copeland. ‘I think it’s so terrific,’ she was saying, ‘how you’re able to plug into yourself and find this conduit into your unconscious and be able to tap all that energy.’
Rose was suddenly looking a little disconsolate.
Jason ran screaming through the crowd, followed by Damian and Midas, each carrying one of Jack’s Masai spears. The Professor and Berenice followed their progress fondly.
‘If I’d been able to act out what I felt like that, I’m sure I wouldn’t have had to spend all those years in analysis,’ said the Professor. ‘I mean my father’s a case-book example of an anal retentive.’
‘You’re working too hard. Come and sit down and talk to Fay,’ Jack shouted across at me.
‘I will in a minute,’ I said.
In the kitchen I found Coleridge and Wordsworth and Antonia Fraser and the kitten demolishing the food. But even they drew the line at lentil loaf and carrot cake. Upstairs I found Maggie a sodden, heaving lump on her bed.
‘I can’t bear it, I can’t bear it. I expected her to look like an old frump,’ she sobbed, ‘and she turns up looking gorgeous, and Jack’s obviously mad about her. She must have been on a diet for days. I never thought she’d be that thin. And everyone’s w-watching and saying how much prettier she is than me.’
‘Of course they’re not,’ I said firmly. ‘You’re much prettier than she is, and
much
younger.’
‘Look how they’re all over her, Jack, Berenice, Copeland, Rose, even Ace I expect when he gets back. They’re so fickle.’
‘They want to make things easier for Lucasta,’ I said. ‘And I expect Jack feels guilty because he left her for you, and he wants to make things up to her, not to go back at all, just to say he’s sorry.’
‘I hate them; I hate them both,’ sobbed Maggie.
More screams downstairs, and a volley of loud explosions. ‘I’ll be back in a minute,’ I said.
Damian and Midas were standing on the stairs. They had found a packet of cigarettes, and had lit up and were systematically bursting balloons.
‘Stop it,’ I screamed. They took no notice. They really ought to join some paramilitary operation like the Scouts.
More dads arrived in second cars to collect children and mums who were not sober enough to drive, and they all stayed for the party, and had to be got drinks as well.
Lucasta was sitting on Jack’s knee now, playing with Fay’s charm bracelet. They all looked so happy. Jesus, I thought, what a bloody lot of unhappiness divorce makes.
Professor Copeland and Berenice were still having a great rap. ‘I found I couldn’t write about it,’ she was saying. ‘My life with Aaron was too painful to be transformed into enduring art.’
‘Don’t pull Antonia Fraser’s tail like that, Damian,’ said Delphinium. ‘Physical violence is not the answer.’
‘Perhaps I will have a drink after all,’ said the conjuror.
Somewhere in the distance I heard the back door slam. It was seven o’clock now. I was worried about Ace. The roads must be like glass.
‘When we give a children’s party,’ said Berenice, ‘we just write the scenario as we go along.’
In the hall, Damian and Midas were writing their own scenario in red lipstick all over the walls.
‘Stop it!’ I screamed at them. ‘Stop it, you little monsters!’
Once again neither of them took any notice. Then Damian raised two fingers at me.
The next moment Jason came out of the kitchen brandishing a kitchen knife.
‘No,’ I shrieked.
A key turned in the door and Ace walked in. Oh the blissful, blissful relief to see him.
‘Oh, thank God you’ve come,’ I said.
‘What’s the matter?’
‘They are.’ I pointed to Damian and Midas, and Jason who was now deciding which to carve up.
Ace was across the room in a flash.
‘Stop it,’ he said firmly, removing Jason’s knife, and picking both Damian and Midas up by the scruff of the neck, ‘or I’ll bash all your heads together. There’s a television in the study. Go and watch it.’
To my amazement they went quietly.
‘What else is the matter?’
‘The conjuror’s in hysterics. He couldn’t handle the children, and no one’s got enough money to pay him, so he’s joined the party and started drinking, and he doesn’t drink.’
‘Go and get him,’ said Ace, getting a wad of tenners out of his notecase.
‘What else?’ he said, after the conjuror had been dispatched into the night.
‘Fay’s here,’ I said miserably. ‘Rose is all over her, and Jack’s flirting like mad with her.’
‘And Maggie?’ he said swiftly. He always got the point at once.
‘She’s in absolute floods upstairs.’
He went towards the stairs. ‘I’ll go up and talk to her. Be an angel and mix me a very stiff whisky.’
‘Was it all right today?’ I said. ‘Not too awful?’
He shrugged his shoulders. ‘Pretty bloody, but at least it’s done.’
I went into the drawing-room to get the whisky. The party showed no signs of abating at all.
‘Where’s Ivan?’ said Berenice. ‘He should be back by now.’
‘He’s back,’ I said. ‘He’s upstairs with Maggie.’
Berenice’s eyes narrowed till they seemed one black slit across her face.
‘She’s upset,’ I explained.
‘Whatever for?’
‘She’s unhappy because Fay’s here.’
‘She’s so old-fashioned,’ said Berenice scornfully. ‘Everyone’s loose about exes these days; it’s healthy; you’ve got to stay loose. I can’t understand jealousy, it’s something I’ve never suffered from.’
‘Oh I’m sure you’re above that sort of thing,’ I snapped.
I put some ice in the whisky and shot out of the room.
I met Ace coming down the stairs; he looked very bleak; he was holding a letter.
‘What’s the matter?’ I said.
‘Maggie’s walked out.’
‘To Pendle?’ I whispered.
‘So she says in this note to Jack.’ He put his hand on my arm. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Oh God, how awful. But she can’t have got far; she was here twenty minutes ago.’
He opened the front door and looked out — snow was eddying and whirling and a shower of hard tiny frozen flakes swept inside.
‘Jack’s car’s gone. She must have taken it. Must be trying for the 7.45. She could kill herself on these roads.’
Suddenly he looked ashen beneath his suntan. He must be remembering Elizabeth driving too fast on icy roads in her excitement to meet him at the airport. He took the whisky from me and drained it in one gulp.
‘I’m going to see if I can stop her. Don’t say anything until I’ve got back — say I’ve gone to get some cigarettes.’
He was back in three-quarters of an hour.
‘I just missed her. She left the car parked across the road — as a final gesture of defiance, I suppose. I’d better go and break up the party.’
We went into the drawing-room.
‘Ivan, sweetest.’ Berenice extracted herself from Professor Copeland and a ring of fathers and, crossing the room, put her arms round Ace’s neck and kissed him tenderly. ‘Where have you been?’
The nannies perked up and pulled down their sweaters, the mothers patted their hair. Even pale and travel-worn, Ace was still a knockout. I wondered why I hadn’t noticed it when I first met him.
He went over and kissed Fay who was still thigh to thigh with Jack on the sofa.
‘Hullo, my love, you’re looking very beautiful,’ he said. ‘I’m glad about the play.’
Her eyes lit up. ‘Goodness, it’s lovely to see you. How was America? Very successful obviously. I’m so pleased about you and Berenice.’ She lowered her voice. ‘I meant to write about Elizabeth, but I wasn’t very together at the time.’
It must have been just after Jack left her. Perhaps, now Maggie had gone, they might get together again.
Ace, however, had other ideas.
‘I thought you might like a lift home.’
‘She’s staying for supper,’ said Jack quickly.
‘Anyway, the party’s not over,’ cried Rose.
‘It’d be better if she came another day,’ said Ace firmly. ‘Lucasta’s tired. And it’s high time these children went home.’
Over by the window Damian and Midas were systematically cramming a plate of meringues down Jason’s velvet suit.
Somehow Ace managed to empty the room in ten minutes. I went upstairs with Fay and helped pack Lucasta’s things and gather up her presents.
‘I’ve got a tummy egg,’ wailed Lucasta.
‘You’ve been eating too many sweets,’ said Fay.
As we went downstairs Jack was saying angrily to Ace, ‘What the bloody hell’s going on? Why can’t Fay stay for supper? We can’t throw her out on a night like this.’
Ace got Maggie’s letter out of his pocket. ‘I think you’d better read this,’ he said grimly.
As he and Jack went into the drawing-room, he turned to me: ‘Can you say goodbye to Fay and Lucasta for us?’
Outside Lucasta hugged me tightly.
‘Can I come and stay with you in London? Will you take me to see the knife guards at Buckingham Palace?’
‘Of course I will,’ I said, clinging to her. I couldn’t bear to let her go.
‘Was Ace shocked that I was here?’ whispered Fay anxiously.
‘No, it was Maggie. She was a bit jealous.’
‘
She
was jealous?’ said Fay with sudden bitterness. ‘It was she who took him away from me in the first place. I suppose it was tactless of me to stay. I was so pleased to see them all again,’ she added wistfully. ‘They’re so lovely.’
‘I know they are,’ I said.
I went back into the house, pausing to look at my pale reflection in the looking glass in the hall. I still only had one eye made up. The drawing-room door was open.
‘Pru,’ Rose called, ‘we’re all in here.’
Jack was sitting on the window seat, surrounded by a debris of crisps, coloured streamers and burst balloons. Upon his face was a desolation so haggard I hardly recognized him. Berenice had her supportive face on. Ace handed me a stiff gin and tonic. Rose was revelling in the situation.
‘Isn’t it dreadful?’ she said to me. ‘Maggie and I were playing bridge tomorrow, and she’s taken Professor Copeland’s hat with her.’
‘And my Hermes belt I shouldn’t wonder,’ said Berenice.
‘It’s very odd of Maggie,’ said Rose. ‘I thought Pendle was supposed to be Pru’s boyfriend.’
Jack turned to me. ‘You saw her last. What did she say?’
‘I think she was jealous of you chatting up Fay. She’d never met her before. She was — well — a bit shocked Fay looked so attractive, and you seemed so pleased to see her.’
‘Hell, I
was
pleased to see her,’ said Jack. ‘I always liked her when we weren’t rowing.’
‘I take saunas with my ex and his permanent commitment,’ said Berenice. ‘You’ve gotta stay loose about exes.’
Jack shot her a look of pure hatred; then he turned to Ace.
‘I can’t believe she’s gone. Shall I drive down and get her?’
Ace shook his head. ‘Leave her alone. If you drag her away now, she’ll never know how much she hated living with Pen.’
‘She might like it.’
‘They’ll drive each other round the bend.’
Jack looked at his untouched drink. ‘I deserve it, I suppose. I had absolutely no compunction about pinching her from Pen in the first place. It’s an eye for an eye.’ He gave a hollow laugh. ‘At least she won’t have to change her name.’
‘Oh let her go, Jack,’ said Rose. ‘She’s not worth bothering about.’
It was the first time I’d seen Jack angry — it was terrifying.
‘Shut up! you stupid bitch,’ he spat at Rose. ‘If it hadn’t been for you leading her astray. .’
Rose bridled. ‘Really Jack. There’s no need to speak to your mother like that.’
Ace took Rose’s arm. ‘Why don’t you watch television?’
Rose tossed her head. ‘Do you really think I’d watch television at a time like this?’
‘Go on!’ said Ace. She flounced out.
Ace turned to Berenice and me. ‘Can you both possibly keep her happy for half-an-hour?’
We found Rose thumbing through the
Radio Times
in the study.
‘We had a really good bridge four lined up,’ she said. ‘Maggie might have waited until Wednesday. She never had any sense of proportion.’
I wasn’t listening. I was thinking about Ace.
‘Charlie Drake’s on in a minute,’ said Rose suddenly. ‘Switch it on, there’s a love. I’ve just got time to go and tell the Professor about Maggie. He won’t be at all pleased about his hat.’
She bustled out into the hall. Antonia Fraser was sharpening her claws on the sofa. The television leapt noisily into life. Reginald Bosanquet was talking about the chaos caused on the roads by the snow.
‘British news is so parochial,’ said Berenice, turning it down. ‘You must be upset, Prudence,’ she went on. ‘You won’t get your lift back to London now.’
‘Oh shut up,’ I said.
Berenice picked at the polish on one of her long scarlet nails.
‘You only hurt yourself by coming on hostile,’ she said. ‘Don’t you realize anger is just the flipside of depression? You must ask yourself why you feel threatened by me.’
‘I can’t stand your crummy philosophizing.’
‘You’re not being honest, Prudence. There’s a time when absolute honesty must take precedence in an enlightened community over more pragmatic considerations. Otherwise we simply recreate the hypocrisy of our times.’
‘Could I have an interpreter?’ I said, taking a slug of my gin.
‘You’re emotionally fixated on Ivan.’
‘I am
not
!’ But I could feel myself going scarlet.
‘Oh yes, and he knows it too — and he’s very, very embarrassed by it.’
‘Can’t imagine him being embarrassed by anything,’ I said.
‘That shows how untuned you are into other people’s vibrations. Ivan’s been supportive to you over the past week or so because you’ve been ill, and he thought Pendle gave you a raw deal. He cares about people, he’s a people person.’

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