Rainbow Blues (17 page)

The crossroads was here. Jimmy smiled at him, just a bit sadly. In that moment, Luke realized Jimmy was giving him permission to lie to his coworker. That simple understanding gave Luke courage he never thought he had. Because he didn’t want to lie about who Jimmy was. He shouldn’t fucking have to. And if anyone wasn’t going to judge him, or make a big thing about it at work, it would be affable, easygoing Sean.

An expectant pause told Luke the time had come.

“Sean, this is my boyfriend, Jimmy.”

The shock and joy and huge bubbly smile on Jimmy’s face made it all worthwhile. Zach gave him a proud thumbs-up.

“Aren’t you Jimmy Alexander?”

Luke froze, and exchanged a confused look with his son.

“Yes, I am.”

“Saw you in
Much Ado About Nothing
last year. You were great.”

“Oh, thank you. I appreciate that.”

Sean turned back to Luke. “He’s your boyfriend? No wonder I haven’t seen you with anyone since Kelly. You aim pretty high, don’t you?” He jabbed an elbow into Luke’s side and grinned. “See you at work Monday.”

The pair left, and Luke fell back in his chair.

Jimmy nudged his chair closer so their shoulders were touching.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “How are you doing?”

“I’m still shaking, but I’m glad I did that.”

“I’m glad, too.” They smiled at each other, hands brushing together, until Zach cleared his throat.

“Guys? I’m still here, you know.”

Luke cleared his throat. “Uh, right, sorry. It’s just that… this is the first time I’ve come out to a coworker.”

Zach’s eyes widened. “Good for you, Dad. That calls for a drink. I’m buying.”

Luke let out a shaky breath and smiled at his son, who seemed genuinely pleased.

Jimmy’s hand crept onto Luke’s thigh, and he sighed. This was the life he was supposed to be living.

J
IMMY
GOT
off the elevator and stared down the hall toward Luke’s apartment, a headache stabbing red-hot knives into his temples. His cold, sodden socks and squishy shoes only made him more miserable, although at least the foot soaking hadn’t happened until he’d gone out to the parking lot at the end of the day. Not paying attention, he’d stepped in an enormous slush-filled pothole, cleverly disguised by a thin layer of ice covered with a light dusting of snow. He knew the pothole was there, just too sunk in his own misery to watch where he was walking. Freezing feet turned the red-hot knives into razor-sharp icicles. March sucked.

As utilitarian as Luke’s apartment was, the attraction of Luke’s presence outweighed the appeal of everything in his own apartment. Having a key to Luke’s place had saved his life or at least his sanity.

He’d been half-afraid of Luke’s motives when he’d offered a key to his apartment as a refuge during one of the most grueling months of his life. It hadn’t taken long to realize that Luke didn’t assume Jimmy’s presence meant he had the energy for sex. Embarrassing a bit, because they were new enough that according to romantic fiction standards and Damian’s judgment, they should be bonking like hormonal bunnies on Viagra and speed. Instead, Jimmy had been battered by his obligations and while they’d had a few sex-crazed-bunny moments, they’d spent a lot of time since
Walking Wounded
ended making up for lost time.

Not tonight, though. The headache had started during first period and hadn’t let up all day. He’d taken the prescribed dosage of ibuprofen, but it hadn’t made a dent in the pain.

Dogged steps kept Jimmy going, but Luke’s apartment was so far away. He and Luke had been dating just over two months, and Jimmy had spent less than half that time at his own apartment. Probably he’d never go home again, just move right in, but Luke was right. Neither of their places could easily accommodate two of them full-time. As it was, Jimmy mostly went home for clothes. He’d left a couple of changes at Luke’s, but there wasn’t space for much more than that.

With numb fingers, Jimmy turned his key in the lock, opened the door, and slunk into Luke’s apartment. The scent of cooking meat and vegetables hit him in the face. Most times, coming home to Luke’s cooking was cause for joy, but the pain stole his appetite and left his stomach jumpy.

“Hey. Dinner will be ready soon.”

Jimmy didn’t have it in him to respond. He just shucked off his water-logged shoes and socks and hung up his jacket before shuffling toward the bedroom. A shower might help.

“Jimmy? Are you okay?”

Luke followed him into the bedroom, and zombie-like, Jimmy turned.

“Well, you’re definitely not okay. What’s wrong?”

Speaking took so much effort. “Headache. Stepped in a puddle. Bad day.”

“I saw your shoes. Are you sure it wasn’t a lake?”

Jimmy shrugged. He didn’t want to cry in front of Luke again, but it had been a shitty, shitty day.

“Come here.”

Wrapped in Luke’s strong, warm arms, Jimmy let himself sag. He didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky to find Luke, and he had no idea why Luke stayed with his normally manic self, but Luke took such damned good care of him.

A few minutes later, Luke guided him into the bathroom.

“Let’s get you warmed up and clean first.”

J
IMMY
HAD
very little recollection of the shower itself, aside from an overwhelming impression of tenderness from Luke. It hadn’t been dragged out, and there were no sexual overtones. Now, he was curled up on the couch, snuggled in another of Luke’s “out of the blue, I was thinking of you,” gifts. The food Luke had prepared the day he’d given Jimmy his key hadn’t been the only one of those, by a long shot, but after Jimmy had told him the little name, Luke had found it amusing to incorporate the color blue into them whenever he could. The plush robe he was wearing, for example, was a pale blue that might be a little girly but suited his fair coloring better than the navy one Luke had.

The first time they’d showered together after Luke gave him a key, Luke had made him wear the navy robe, but by the next time Jimmy came over, there was a light blue one hanging from the back of the bedroom door, softer and fluffier than Luke’s. Jimmy didn’t mind. Not only was he fluffier than Luke, he suspected the robe was a woman’s, but that was okay. A lot of the time women’s stuff was softer, like it detracted from a guy’s manliness quotient if he appreciated something soft against his skin.

Luke returned with a bottle of water. Jimmy frowned.

“Water?” He had to admit, he’d been expecting tea. Or hot chocolate. He held back a snort, because he didn’t want to aggravate the knives in his brain, but he was maybe getting the teensiest bit spoiled.

“You might be dehydrated. Drink this while I work on your shoulders, and after, I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

Tea was another little present. Luke didn’t drink it, but he’d bought a tiny kettle and some of Jimmy’s favorite tea bags to keep at the apartment.

“I love you.” How could he not? Luke was the sweetest, sexiest, most adorable man, and Jimmy couldn’t imagine his life without Luke in it, and not just for his pampering skills, which were admittedly excellent.

“I love you, too.” Luke kissed his cheek and coaxed him around so he could get behind. The second those strong hands started kneading the knots in his neck, the pain receded.

Jimmy drank his water and concentrated on relaxing his muscles.

“Want to talk about it?”

His eyelids dropped closed. Funny how all his problems receded when he was around Luke.

“First day of fetal pig dissection for the senior class. It’s always a nightmare.”

Luke’s fingers stilled. “Fetal what now?”

“Didn’t you ever do dissection in school? It was worse then, because, gah, formaldehyde, but it’s certainly not new.”

The firm massage started up again. “Yeah, I guess I remember hearing about frogs, maybe. Not pigs. But I never took biology. I’d been planning to be an engineer, remember?”

An engineer. One unexpected pregnancy and a set of stern parents changed the course of his life. Jimmy knew without asking that even if Luke might still prefer to be an engineer, he wouldn’t change the circumstances that gave him Zach. Jimmy wouldn’t change anything either because then a lonely Luke might not have needed a social group who might not have gotten discounted tickets for Jimmy’s play. Jimmy’s life was immeasurably richer for having met Luke, and he only hoped he did the same for Luke.

“Well, there are always some kids who feel it’s against their morals to dissect real animals. It’s a grand argument every year. This year they picketed my classroom.”

A splutter of laughter sounded behind him before Luke choked it off. “Sorry. Pickets? Really?”

It had been funny. “Yeah, it wasn’t as bad as the year they graffitied the room like they were rabid animal activists, but the arguments were intense. And in the case of the cheerleaders, a little shrill.”

The cheerleaders had given cogent arguments, which he might have given them extra credit for, but the two classes following had more or less the same arguments, and each successive class had gotten louder, which put him in a foul mood. A mood that only got worse when the picketing prevented him from eating his lunch.

“I’m not trying to take their side or anything, but surely there are computer programs or simulations or something. I mean, how many of those kids are going to need to get up close and personal with pig anatomy?”

Jimmy sighed. He had this fight with the principal and parents in addition to students; he dug in his heels every year. But Luke genuinely wanted to know, he wasn’t trying to influence him either way.

“Yeah, there are simulations. But here’s the thing. Some of these kids, and maybe they’re in the minority, sure, but some of them want to be doctors and veterinarians. There’s only so much you can learn without getting right in there. Wouldn’t it be better if they find out now if they can’t stomach it or have no aptitude for it, when they don’t have to worry about paying for classes or destroying their GPA because the point when students figure out they should drop the class is always about a month after they’ll let you.”

“Huh. I never thought of that.”

“And there are a few kids who finally click with the learning. Develop a love of biology, realize what they want to do with their lives.” Jimmy did love that. He loved seeing that moment when his kids connected to something he was teaching them.

“From cutting up a pig? You sure they aren’t developing an aptitude for serial killing?”

Jimmy gasped and twisted around. “What the fuck?”

Hands up in supplication, Luke grinned. “Just kidding. Seems reasonable. But it also seems a little gross, too.”

“Well, yeah. And if the kids are gonna puke from a sanitized, embalmed fetal pig, then they probably should rethink their career choice as ER physician, you know? The earlier the better, so they can focus on something they do have an aptitude for.”

Like magic, Luke’s fingers had smoothed away the tension causing his headache.

“Okay, okay, seems reasonable. But surely no one actually pukes. Like you said, it’s all sanitized.”

“And no formaldehyde. That shit smelled foul. But speaking of puking… what’s for dinner?”

“Beef stew… oh.”

This year there were two pukers. Better than last year.

“Yep. Can I take you out? Treat you to steak or something?”

“How’s the headache? Are you sure you don’t want to order in?”

Jimmy grabbed Luke’s hand and kissed the knuckles. He wanted this every night for the rest of his life, and he didn’t care if anyone thought it was too soon. “You fixed me up. And I’m hoping to be celebrating tonight.”

“Celebrate what?” Luke looked confused.

Maybe it wasn’t the most romantic conversation, but the epiphany had been several days coming, and Jimmy didn’t want to wait any longer, no matter how fast anyone thought it was. He was going to take a page from his blunt lover’s book.

“I want us to move in together.”

Luke peered at him as though trying to decipher a code. “Where would we live?”

A slightly disappointing response. Jimmy didn’t know why he was expecting a more excited reaction. It wasn’t like he’d asked Luke to marry him, and even then, his boyfriend wasn’t the most excitable man. Exciting, yes. Excitable, no.

But they’d talked about things they wanted in a home. Granted, it hadn’t been in the context of living together and what they wanted together. Maybe Jimmy had been extrapolating that data all on his own. Somehow, he didn’t think so.

“I think we should buy a house together.”

Luke blinked at him. Jimmy began to fidget. The silence lengthened. Palms sweating, Jimmy couldn’t take his eyes off Luke’s, but he couldn’t read Luke’s face. Was Jimmy scaring Luke right out of his life, or was Luke simply considering all angles? Anxiety danced in his belly like fire ants.

“Is this a theoretical discussion?”

Jimmy swallowed heavily. When Luke actually spoke up about what he wanted, which still took some effort, he was blunt, open, and straightforward. His boyfriend preferred if people dealt with him the same way, and Jimmy was going to do his best to comply, no matter how terrifying.

“No. I want to come home to you every night. I want to sleep next to you every night. I want our clothes to mingle in the closet and washing machine. I want to quibble over which brand of toothpaste we’ll buy, bemoan the politeness of the neighborhood kids, and argue about who used the last of the toilet paper without changing the roll. I want to curl up to you every night and wake up to you every morning.”

Luke laced their hands together. “Then I’ll call a real estate agent in the morning.”

“Really?” It couldn’t be that easy, could it?

“I want that too, Jimmy. Everything. We’ve already talked a little bit about what we’d like in a house, let’s go find one, the sooner the better. Right now, you don’t have to worry about rehearsals, and we can maybe move in and settle during the summer.”

Jimmy’s pulse picked up, Luke’s excitement crackling in the air, and suddenly a dreary evening at the end of March had become filled with color and energy.