Rainbow Blues (15 page)

“It’s not much. Nothing to get too excited about.”

Too late. He was excited. “Out of the blue, I was thinking of you.”

Luke crinkled his nose. “What?”

“This.” Jimmy held up the bag. “It’s… that’s just what I call these gifts, in my head, when I see other people get them. Gifts—and it doesn’t matter how big or small—that aren’t attached to some commercial occasion or celebration. But, I’ve never had a boyfriend who gave me one.”

“Out of the blue, I was thinking of you.” The faraway look in Luke’s eyes as he repeated Jimmy’s words said he was storing that away somewhere in his brain. “I like it. And I hope you like your first one, because it’s seriously not much.”

Inside the paper grocery bag was a silvery thermal bag. Could it be? Food? Now that tonight’s show was over, he was fucking starving, but like many performance nights, by the time he got home, even his grumbling stomach wouldn’t be enough to keep him from going right to bed.

Past the insulation was a little cold pack with a…. Jimmy pulled it out. “Giraffe?”

Luke laughed. “I’ve got a whole set of safari themed cold packs from when Zach was a kid. Now I use them to keep my own lunches cold.”

How many times would this man prove over and over that he was so fucking cute?

Beneath the cold pack were a bunch of disposable food containers and sandwich bags.

“What’s all this?”

“Just, some snacks that don’t require any preparation for you. Crackers, pitas, veggies, cheese, salsa, hummus. Stuff like that. Filling and good for you, but fast.”

Never mind the cute, he was fucking undone by the sweet. Not even one of his Christmas or birthday gifts from past boyfriends had been even close to this thoughtful. His eyes started burning again, and he took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to start crying over hummus, for God’s sake. That’d scare a solid man like Luke away in a heartbeat.

“Thank you. This is… just perfect. And I love hummus, especially.”

“Oh, good. It’s one of my specialties.”

What? Jimmy glanced up from his perusal of the care package. “Wait. You didn’t make this, did you?”

Luke shrugged like it was no big deal. “Sure. I used to cook a lot. Haven’t done it as much since it’s been just me, but I like it. Cooking was the only way to make ends meet after Zach was born, and I was better at it and enjoyed it more than Kelly did.”

Jimmy set the bag down carefully and flung his arms around Luke, kissing him thoroughly and deeply.

When they separated to grab a breath, Luke asked, “For hummus?”

“You can cook for me any time. I can’t tell you how awesome that is. I love to eat, but I’m shit at cooking anything more elaborate than spaghetti.”

A wave of red colored Luke’s cheeks. “So, yeah, about that.”

Jimmy bit his lip. This sounded like a shoe about to drop. Luke dug in his pocket and pulled something out but kept it hidden in a tight fist.

“I… well… I’d prefer if you didn’t have to work so hard.”

Oh, fuck. This was where all his previous relationships had fallen apart. The guys just couldn’t handle his long hours and while he understood, he loved acting. Loved it. He also enjoyed teaching and it paid the bills. Stomach twisting, he wrapped his arms around his middle. Was the gift, the kiss, the new title of boyfriend a bribe to get him to quit the play? Guilt him into spending more time with Luke? The shitty thing was, this was the first time he wanted to spend more time with a guy and couldn’t. Not with the extra responsibilities that had been dumped on him at school.

He couldn’t speak past the constriction in his throat, which wasn’t like him, but he’d really wanted to keep Luke longer than this. Staring at Luke, waiting, he ignored the little niggle of guilt that wanted to make this easier for Luke who was clearly struggling to find the right words. But shit. Helping Luke only meant losing him that much faster. Why did every man he met assume he’d be the one to sacrifice everything for their relationship?

Luke rubbed at the bridge of his nose with his free hand while staring down at his lap. “But I know it’s important to you. And I also know that sometimes you just need to be home alone. Downtime. I understand all that, but I also hate thinking about you being by yourself, stressed and hungry. So, I want you to have this. Use it whenever you want, whether I’m there or not.”

What the hell was going on?

“I’ll cook, make sure there’s food there you can eat. You can help yourself to anything. Or you can just sleep in my bed. If I’m there, no pressure for anything. Just a… refuge. If you want one.”

Not wanting to speculate anymore, because he was afraid his hopes would be dashed on the rocky shores of misunderstanding, Jimmy reached out with cold, bloodless fingers and opened Luke’s fist. Two shiny silver keys attached to a simple key ring lay within Luke’s palm.

Jimmy wasn’t sure he could talk yet. If those were what he thought, this was big, and he wasn’t sure he was ready.

“I’m not going to lie, Jimmy. I’d like to see us moving in together someday. Maybe soon.”

That was his Luke. Blunt as all hell, just laying out everything on the table.

“And yes, these are keys to my apartment. But I’m not asking you to move in. Aside from the fact that I think both our places are too small for both of us to be there full-time, it’s still early. We don’t have to rush it. But like I said, you can use this as a refuge. If you want. My place is closer to the school than yours is. You can… maybe even nap during lunch or before you go to the theater if you need to. We can still have our regular date nights, but if you’re too tired to go out and just want to hang out and watch TV, I’m good with that.”

The band of fear that had squeezed at Jimmy’s chest released with a snap, and he could breathe again.

“This is the best present anyone’s ever given me.”

Luke peered at him as though assessing the truth of his words.

“Seriously, Luke. This is so thoughtful, and I’ve been missing you. I’d like to see you more, and maybe this will help. At least until the end of February, when I’ve got a bit of a break and we can go out on weekends like a normal couple.”

At his words, Luke smiled.

“I know you don’t talk much, but when you do, it’s all good. I’ll run out tomorrow and get a key made for my place.”

While he was still talking, Luke was already shaking his head, although the smile never disappeared. “Nope, I don’t want it.”

There hadn’t been any objections to his place before. At least his place was cozy and lived in. The only things going for Luke’s place were Luke himself, a great bed, and proximity to the school.

Luke laughed and squeezed his shoulder. “Hold on there. I like your place just fine.”

God. How had Luke been able to read all that on his face?

“Then why?”

“You spend a lot of time doing things with and for other people. There will be times when food or sex or companionship will be the last thing you need. Which means having me drop by unexpectedly will just be one more stressor. You invite me over? I’m coming. But I want you to have what you need in order to come out of this with your health and sanity intact.”

Normally, Jimmy would scoff at the implication he wasn’t able to handle things; he thrived on the attention, on being busy. This time was different, though, and he wasn’t sure if it was simply a desire to see more of Luke, or the additional responsibility of the basketball team, or even just that he was getting older, but he was slowly breaking, and Luke had picked up on that even before Jimmy. He wasn’t a young kid anymore. In fact, lately all he’d wanted to do was scream or cry, to the point Damian had asked if he was going through menopause. Bitch.

“When we move in together, we’ll make sure it’s big enough so you’ll have a sanctuary.”

And there went his damned watery eyes again. He sagged into Luke, nuzzling into his neck, and Luke wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulder.

“You must think I’m a crazy, emotional idiot.”

“Nope. Just a crazy, exhausted idiot.”

Jimmy snort-laughed into Luke’s collar. If it was too soon to talk about moving in together, it was too soon for talking of love, even though it had almost slipped out a couple of times. It had been fucking fast, but God, he loved this man.

“What about you? Don’t you need a sanctuary, too?”

Warm lips pressed a kiss on the top of his crunchy, styled hair. “I’ve been living alone for more than two years now. I don’t think I’m really suited to be on my own.”

No, his Luke really wasn’t. Sure, he didn’t talk much and was a solid, practical man. But he was also the most charming companion, and that would be wasted all by himself.

“Want to come back to my place tonight? Uh, despite the kissing and stuff earlier, I don’t think I’m up for anything besides sleeping.” He shoved his face back into Luke’s neck, not wanting to see the disappointment.

He wasn’t expecting the earthquake shaking Luke’s chest as he laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“You don’t have to put out just because we kissed, you know. I like being with you, and kissing you. We don’t have to go
all the way
. I won’t dump you for the slutty cheerleader.”

Laughing, Jimmy was reminded that they still had a few other sexual avenues to explore. He’d have to show Luke some of what he may have been missing when he was married to a woman. After he’d slept for about ten days.

Jimmy curled his fingers around the keys as though he were holding precious gems. “I have one more question about your keys. What if I walk in, and you’re watching porn and jerking off?”

“I don’t know. What if you walk in and I’m jerking off?”

As tired as he was, his cock gave a little throb at the mental picture. “I’d probably get naked and help you out.”

“I knew you were perfect for me.”

T
HE
RICH
smell of tangy tomato-based meat sauce filled the kitchen. The music station on the TV had switched over to one of the early songs by The Killers, and Luke sang along to it, swinging his hips as he cooked. His mood had steadily improved the closer they got to the end of
Walking Wounded
. Watching Jimmy drag was killing him, and he feared Jimmy was going to break. But the end was in sight. The lasagna he was making would feed them for the next couple of days until the cast party on the final night of
Walking Wounded,
and then they could relax for a bit. In a week, Jimmy was going to be done with his coaching duties, and then Luke didn’t know what they were going to do with all that free time. More sex, for sure.

The Killers were followed up by Duran Duran, and Luke smiled, remembering the intense crush he’d had on John Taylor. Still singing, he began layering cheese, noodles and sauce into a pan.

A sharp knock at the door interrupted him. Couldn’t be Jimmy. He’d gotten used to walking in like he lived there, something Luke loved. And yes, he’d walked in once on Luke beating off. Jimmy’s help had been… much appreciated, especially since Luke hadn’t been watching porn but fantasizing about his boyfriend.

But tonight was a performance night, and Jimmy would be on stage about now.

Luke danced to the front door and opened it.

“Ryan. What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?”

Stepping aside, Luke gestured for Ryan to come in. He stuck his head out into the hallway, but there wasn’t a sign of his son. As much as Luke considered himself a backup dad to Ryan, their relationship was more reserved than that between him and his son. Dropping by randomly without Zach wasn’t common.

“Hang on a second.” Luke put the last layer of cheese on top of the lasagna before sliding the pan in the oven.

“Smells great. You expecting company?” Ryan looked agitated.

“Nope, just preparing meals a couple days ahead. If you want to stick around for dinner, you can. It’ll be about forty-five minutes until it’s ready.”

Ryan grinned at him. “Sure thing, LJ. Glad to see you’re cooking again. I love your cooking.”

Luke lifted a shoulder in a halfhearted shrug. “It was time.” It was time he crawled out of his self-pity, and Jimmy had been the catalyst. But he wasn’t going to tell Ryan that. Not when he hadn’t told Zach. Midterms had kept Zach busy enough that they hadn’t been able to see each other in person since the brunch the day he’d bought his new bed. He needed to tell his son about Jimmy, have them meet, but he didn’t want to break that news over the phone. He’d be more comfortable gauging Zach’s reaction when he could see his face.

“I know Zach was getting concerned.”

“He worries too much.” Although he’d have to make sure he gave Zach kudos for signing him up for Rainbow Blues. In one fell swoop, his son had given him friends, a boyfriend, and a social life. “You spoken to him lately?”

“We’re both pretty busy with classes.”

If Luke was reading the subtext correctly, either Ryan had a problem that Zach couldn’t help him out with, or he was just missing Zach and Luke was a reasonable substitute. Luke couldn’t imagine any other reason for him to drop by like this, but Ryan required a different approach. He and Zach were very different people and the best way to coax information out of Ryan was to get him comfortable enough to talk. Asking outright never worked with him, for some reason. Probably had something to do with his family life, as much as Luke had tried to be a supportive stand-in parent over the years.

“Want to find something on the TV to watch?”

“Sounds good.” Ryan stopped at the fridge and grabbed a beer. “Want one?”

“Yeah, I could use a beer.”

Beers in hand, they sat on the couch, and Ryan turned the TV on. A little company sure didn’t hurt.

A
FTER
DINNER
,
Luke didn’t bother cleaning up the dishes from the table. He could do it later. He was enjoying just relaxing with Ryan. During commercials, they’d talked a bit about Ryan’s classes, and Luke gave him an update on Bennett. It was difficult avoiding mention of Jimmy, but Luke thought it would be disrespectful to tell Ryan about his new boyfriend before he had a chance to tell Zach. Jimmy was too important to him, and he didn’t want Zach to have any reason not to like Jimmy.