Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend (13 page)

Reason 16
:
You make me feel all that gooey
shit
crap I’m supposed to feel

Despite that awkward moment in the car, I’m able to just chill with Hayles the rest of the night. After tossing straw wrappers at each other, she dumped the entire salt shaker in my drink. I’m not talkin’ about taking the lid off an
d pouring salt in it, but grabbin’
the salt shaker and plopping it in the glass. Waitress wasn’t too happy, but I was rolling.

After the restaurant—and Hayles stabbing me with her fork when I went after her croutons—she drug me into a grocery store and we picked pretend fights when people walked down the aisle we were in. She bought me a Coke to make up for the one she ‘salted’, and we drove around for about a
n hour doin’ nothing but talkin’
about the different ways to say ‘Hell’.

“Sometimes I say, ‘what the h?’ just like ‘WTF’. People don’t always get it though.” She shrugs.

“And they get ‘holy horse feathers’?” I chuckle as she punches me in the arm.

Pulling into her driveway, I snap off the headlights even though she didn’t ask me to this time. I wish I wasn’t out of money and gas. I’d keep her out all night.

She clicks the seatbelt
,
and I bolt around the car to beat her to the door. She laughs as she steps out.

“Thanks, Brody.”

“Uh huh.”

I close the door and walk her up the porch. Part of me wonders if she’ll notice I’m takin’ her to the front door, which she’s never allowed before, but she turns around and leaps into my arms so fast again, I’m almost knocked on my
back
.

“I mean it. Thank you,” she says against my cheek. “I told you I haven’t
had the best track record with b
irthdays
,
and well, this was the best one I’ve had.”

W
hat is this girl doin’ to me? I squeeze her back, wishing I could keep her locked in my arms forever, but I won’t. The second she gets uncomfortable, I’ll let go.

She loosens her grip, but doesn’t jump away from me. That gives the bruised ego an icepack. Her fingers linger on the tatt on my wrist, and it itches like crap. Not goin’ to tell her to stop though.

“Hey, Hayles?”

Her eyes flick up to mine. “Sup?”

I smile. “Can I… I mean, can we go out again?”

“Like as friends?”

No.

I gulp. “Another date. I want to…”
Grr
, why is this so hard? “I want to be with you, Hayley.”

I can’t read her expression. She takes a step back, not touchin’ me. I’ve never seen her bite her lip, so when it tucks between her teeth I have no idea what it means.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you want to be with
me
? Is this some kind of pity thing? Because I’m not interested.”

Is she for real? “Hayles, you’re killin’ me!” I’m not sure what it is. The left over anger from dealin’ with Gabe, or the nerves I’ve had all night just tryin’ to get the words out, but suddenly I
’m sayin’
things I’d never—and boy do I mean never—thought I’d say.

“I’ve been tryin’ all night with you. It’s hard enough puttin’ myself out there, but even harder when I gotta explain myself, but if you need to hear why, then I’ll tell you.” I take a deep breath and grab her hand. I’m not going to let her shake me off this time. “I like you, all right? I want to date you not out of pity, but because I… I
need
to. Hayles, I can’t get you off my mind.”

There it is.

Just like that, I’ve vomited all my gushy feelings all over her.

And she’s just staring at me.

Staring and sort-of smiling.

I don’t want one of her sort-of
smiles. I want a real Hayles smile. The one that makes her eyes crinkle in the corners.

“W-what about Quynn?” she finally says, her voice just above a whisper.

“I told you. I’m not… she’s not… I don’t feel that way about her anymore.”

Her eyes drop to our hands
,
and she blows out a huge breath. “Holy jumping jellybeans, Brody. When did this happen?”

I chuckle, and it relieves some of the tension in my chest. “What do you mean?”

“I’m trying to rewind here. Find out what exactly was the turning point. What did I do to make you feel like this?”

Ah hell, so many things. Too many things to list. I like everythin’ about this girl. How can she not see how freakin’ awesome she is?

“You’ve got one heck of a personality, Hayles. Plus…”
Say it Brody. You’re on a roll.
“You’re
gorgeous.”

My face is red, I’m sure of it, but it can’t be anywhere near the shade of hers.

I’ve so got this. Don’t know why I was so nervous
,
or why I thought it would be harder than this to convince her. I mean, she looks so…

Wait a minute.

Her eyes are getting watery.

What
did I say?

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask as I take a step closer to her.

Tears pour down her cheeks as she shakes her head toward the ground.

There’s no way I’m just going to stand here and let her cry. I take h
er in my arms and hold her
. The tension is back in my chest, but it feels good that she’s allowin’ me to touch her like this. She sobs into my shirt, but doesn’t wrap her arms around me. I’m okay with that, even though I have no idea what’s going on.

“Hayles, did I say something wrong?” I ask over her head.

She shakes her head
,
and her voice muffles in my shirt. “Brody, I-I can’t believe you.”

“What do you mean?”

She pushes away from me and sucks in a large breath. “I
can’t
believe everything you’re saying to me. I-I’m not going to.”

Not sure how to react. Part of me wants to drop it all, forget getting Hayles and go back to Quynn. That’s a prick of a thing to say, still, can’t help but feel it’d be easier.

Thinkin’ about it though, I couldn’t do that. At all. The whole time I’d be with Quynn—hypothetically, of course, since that won’t happen either—I’d want to be with Hayley. And that’s a Gabe thing, not a Brody thing.

I’m a fighter too. And I’ll keep fight
ing until she gets a restrainin’
order.

“Why not?” Rejection sucks. I should at least know why she keeps pushin’ me off. “I get it if you’re not into me. Just say the ‘friend’ word
,
and I won’t bring it up again.”

“That’s not it.” She sniffs and brushes her hair off her shoulder. “It’s just… what happens when Quynn finally comes around?”

“Huh?”

“Brody…” She plops on the porch
,
and I take a seat next to her. “Did you forget what I told you about
Jason
? About why I set the rules upfront?”

“I remember.”

“Then why are you doing this to me? Are you really that mean?”

What the hell?

“What are you talkin’ about?”

“I’m not going to be the girl you use while you wait for
the
girl to give you the time of day. I thought you were better than that.”

She thinks I’m using her? I repeat. What. The. Hell?

“I’m not like that.”

She rolls her eyes. “You’re saying you actually want to be with
me
, when you could have someone like
her
? Yeah, okay.”

I
’m starting to get pissed. This
girl doesn’t get it. Doesn’t get how amazin’ she is. How much I’ve been panting over her since we started hangin’ out. How many times I chose her over Quynn already.

“I told you, I don’t want Quynn. I want you.”

She cocks an eyebrow, folding her arms and leaning on her knees. “And how many times did you think about her tonight?”

I do a mental checklist ‘cause I want to be honest. Thought about her before I got to Hayley’s house, but I was also thinkin’ about Hayles. Other than that…

“I didn’t.”

She opens her mouth to argue, but I cut her off.

“I
didn’t
, Hayles. You were the only thing on my mind.”

She falls on her knees, her hair covering her face and exposing her new ink. Her back goes up and down with each deep breath she takes. Wish I knew what she was thinkin
’. Maybe
this is just an excuse ‘cause she doesn’t look at me the way I want her to.

I’m a foo
l. All this time she was dodgin’
my touch and avoiding the compliments was because she didn’t want to lead me on. Not ‘cause of her insecurities. But ‘cause she doesn’t want me the same way I want her.

Now I feel like
shit
. Should’ve just taken the first rejection and left it alone.

“I-I get it if you don’t want to… I mean if I’m not your type or anythin’.” Crap, gotta wipe the sweat off my palms. It’s startin’ to sting the cuts on my knuckles. “Just thought you needed to know how I felt about you.”

“Gosh, Brody. That’s. Not. It.” Her head tilts up. “I’ve been trying… I mean
really
trying not to get all gushy ga-ga over you. It’s not the easiest thing in the world. I had to keep pushing myself away from you, keep telling myself that all the stuff you were doing was because you were my friend. All the hand holding and smiling and looking hecka hot was because that’s just who you are. You want Quynn. That’s what I keep telling myself.”

She takes a breath, finally lookin’ me in the eyes. “You deserve someone like her anyway. Someone who’s… beautiful.”

“You are b—”

“You know what I mean.” Her hands cover her stomach. A tear strolls down her cheek. “I’m fat, all right. Don’t argue with me because I’m not stupid. I see the way people look at me
,
and I hear what they say. You and I… we just won’t make sense. People won’t understand it.” She pauses. “
I
don’t understand it.”

Okay, so she doesn’t want me to argue, but
no way
am I agreeing with her on the fat thing. I take her hands in mine, playing with her fingers. She’s shakin’, I’m shakin’, and the weird thing is, I’m not nervous. Not now. Not after she told me exactly what’s stopping her. This, I can deal with, because she’s wrong.

“All right, so even if you were fat, which you’re
not
, why would it matter? Why can’t we be together if we feel the same things for each other?”

She shakes her head, more tears dropping from her eyelashes as she blinks. “It doesn’t make sense. Why would anyone choose the fat girl over the skinny one?” She grips my hand and stares me down. “You tell me that, and maybe… maybe I can allow myself to feel the things I want to feel for you.”

“You want reasons why you and not Quynn?” I don’t want her to think I’m sayin’ she’s fat
,
so I add, “Why I want a gorgeous and crazy funny girl I just met instead of the one I’ve been lookin’ at for a while?”

Her cheeks flush
,
and she scoots closer. “Yes. That’s exactly what I want.”

Great! I have this in the bag. I can list a million things right now.

“Okay, reason one—”

“No. I want you to write them down for me. Give me time to process all this, and you to make sure they’re good.” She smiles. A real Hayley smile.

“Yes, ma’am!” I salute
,
and she punches me in the arm. Just like that, we’re back in the ‘friend’ arena. Friend arena with potential.

She stands and helps me up. I keep my hand tucked in hers
,
and wish I could go in for the kiss. Not going to do that again. Not when I’m this close to gettin’ her.

“Happy Birthday, Hayles.”

Smiling, she pulls me into a hug. “Thank you
again, Mr. Grant. Best freaking
night of my gosh darn life. Even with you bearing your soul and all.”

I chuckle as she lets me go. I watch her walk into the house and stand out there till my feet feel like movin’ again.

Bam! Best date ever, even with all that awkward crap it wasn’t… awkward. Better put that on the list.

She’s got the best smile, knows how to have fun, and makes me feel gooey and
stuff
. Puttin’ those on there too.

This list will be the easiest thing in the world.

Reason 17
:
You’re a cute little cheater

This crap
is hard.

I can come up with
all the reasons I need to,
but when I write them down they look so stupid.

That and my hand is so sore my handwriting looks like I just learned how to write ten seconds before I started this list.

I stare at the paper with scribble marks all over it and chuck it in the corner of the ass room. Yes, it’s become the corn chippy room again because all I did after droppin’ Hayles off is text the
crap
out of her and lay in bed, thinking about that tatt on her shoulder. I bet it’s healed enough now I can touch it. Run my fingers over it and press my lips against it.

You know… if she ever lets me.

I can’t concentrate on this right now. I have to get in that cheesy goobery mood
,
and I’m just not feelin’ it. I don’t want to write it all down because I want to talk to her. Plopping down on the bed, I whip out my phone and press the only contact I ever call in there.

After four rings I know she’s not pickin’ up. I leave a lame message, the ‘hey it’s me… uh, Brody, yeah… call me back’ one that makes me sound way more awkward than I’d like.

Because I’m bored—and just a bit obsessive—I grab my jacket and head out. Sunday afternoon and I got nothin’ better to do than drive past Hayley’s house. ‘Cause I just have to.

“Where you going?” Dad puts his glasses back on as he sits up on the couch, blinking his eyes as he tries to get the sleep out of them from his old man nap.

“Just out for a bit.” I grab the keys. “You okay if I take your car?” Dad’s truck is much cooler than Mom’s Corsica, but also Hayley won’t recognize it.

“Tell you what, you sit here and talk to the old man for two minutes, and you can take the Dodge.”

Sounds like a good deal to me. Except this is probably about the face surgery I gave Gabe on Friday. I sit down on the edge of the seat. I know Dad won’t beat me or anythin’, but still… defense mode is molded into my body.

“You want to tell me what happened with Gabe? Or should I just go with what he told me?”

I set my elbows on my knees. “He’s an ass.”

“If that’s the only reason you beat his mug, then it would’ve happened before now.”

This is why Dad’s cool. Why I didn’t completely
crap
myself when he asked me and Gabe if he could marry Mom. Why I call him Dad and not Mark. Because he gets it. He just knows everythin’ that goes down and doesn’t freak, but talks about it.
Dude
, Gabe was here to see
him
, because even though Dad hasn’t talked to him since he bailed on our family, he knew he would listen.

I run my hand over my buzzed head. “He said somethin’ that threw me over the edge. I don’t know what happened, but I couldn’t stop.”

“From what your Mom said
, you did stop.”

I shrug. They’re right. I did stop once I saw what an idiot I was bein’. And how stupid it was for me to take out all the
stuff
I was dealin’ with on him. Even though the punk deserved it. Still, I punched him long and hard enough he needed stitches. I feel maybe ten percent bad about it.

“What
did he say
?”

No. Not going to tell him about Hayles. It sucks already that she thinks she’s the ‘FFF’ or whatever she called it, but havin’ Gabe say it, then tellin’ Dad about it… no. It’s not happening.

I don’t care what she
or anyone else
thinks
. S
he’s not fat.

“Nothin’. Just pissed me off.”

Dad leans forward, looking at me over his glasses. “It was about a girl, wasn’t it?”

How in the hell?

“Huh?”

“Come on, son. I get it. Whenever someone says something about your mother, or cops a feel or something, I want to do the same thing to them. It’s built in our DNA. We protect the girls we love.”

I’m tryin’ real hard to ignore he just said people ‘cop a feel’ on my mom. Ugh.

“Yeah.”

He chuckles. “I won’t pry, but I should probably get some discipline in her
e
somewhere. Or some fatherly advice. What’s your poison?”

See? Cool Dad. I stand up, shakin’ my head. “Just
tell me how one girl can make me
act like a psycho, then I’ll be on my way.”

“You know, I’m still tryin’ to figure that out.”

“Three of Hearts.” Hayles grabs my wrist, whipping it around so she can take a glance at the card tucked in my hand. “Fart. I thought I had that one.”

I chuckle and put the seven of spades back in the deck. “Okay, try again.” Taking another card from the middle, I give her a wink before she closes her eyes and starts humming.

We’ve been at this for an hour. She caught me drivin’ down her street and said her mom wasn’t home
,
so I could ‘come on in!’ Weird. Didn’t expect it, but hey, I took advantage of the rare opportunity.

She’s gotten twenty-four cards right, five of which were in a row, tellin’ me she has telepathic powers. I told her she’s full of crap ‘cause if she was, she wouldn’t need me to write a freakin’ list for her. She slapped my arm and got the next three out of five cards right.

And who am I to tell her she’s crazy when she keeps lucking out?

“Jack of diamonds.”

I glance at the card in my hand. “Ooh, close.”

“Hearts! I mean hearts! Jack of hearts!”

She’s right,
damn
it. I tuck the card back in the deck and say, “Nope, sorry.”

She gasps. “You little liar.”

I give her a big grin, crossing my arms. “Well, you’ll never know for sure, will you?”

“I
do
know for sure.” She gives me that cute evil smile
,
and that’s when it clicks. I whip my head around to the full length mirror sitting behind me. Darn girl’s been cheatin’ this whole time!

“Holy sh… crap.”

She busts up, rolling to the floor and giggling into the very white carpet in her room.

“Took you long enough to figure out,” she says between fits of laughter. I know I look like a
damn
idiot, but I’m laughin’ with her. Also tryin’ not to touch her, but I want to do that wrestling thing girls and guys do when
they tease each other
. I don’t want to piss her off though.

She sits back up, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Oh my gosh, that was great.”

Screw it. I’m goin’ in.

I grab the deck of cards and leap to her side of the room. She lets out a little yelp as I put my hand over her eyes. I’
m not bein’ tough or anythin’. S
he could easily slip out from underneath me, but she doesn’t. She keeps laughing and asking ‘What the wallowing weasels are you doing?’

“Okay smartie pants,” I say grabbing a card and keeping it close to my chin even though my hand is still over her face. “What card am I holding?”

Her laughter subsides. She’s still smilin’
,
and so am I. Always around her.

“Um, six of clubs?”

“No way.”

I drop my hand from her eyes and flip the card around. Maybe the girl is telepathic.

“Ha!” She grabs the six of clubs from my fingers and shakes
her head. “What are the freaking
odds?” She smiles and playfully pushes my chest. “I think someone owes me an apology.”

“Oh no. You lucked out.” I tap her nose because while she’s lettin’ me, I’m going to touch her.

She smiles and shoves me against the wall, tucking herself under my arm.

D
id that just happen? Everything inside me jumps with her this close, cuddling with me. Chocolate smell and soft body pressed against mine. And I wasn’t the one who did it. I was more or less a pillow she fluffed before collapsing on.

Hot damn!

“You still haven’t told me…” Her voice shakes
,
and she starts fumbling around with the necklace I’ve got on. “What does your tat—?”

“Hayley!” The front door slams and Hayles’ face loses all its color.

“Crap, crap, crap.” She leaps from my arms and starts shoving me towards the window. “Sorry, Brody, you have to go. Like, now.”

Nothing comes out my mouth. Millions of questions pile in my head but get clogged on their way out. I give her a quick hug before crawling through the open window, out onto the part of the roof underneath it. How I get down from here… yeah, haven’t figured it out yet.

“Hayley?”

Crap
. That voice is much closer now. I hop onto the next level up’s ledge because I’m stupid and don’t think to get off the roof altogether. There’s no window or anythin’ from up here, so I flatten myself over where I just climbed up, hopin’ I won’t be here long.

“I’m in here, Mom.”

I shouldn’t listen. I should block it all out and give Hayles privacy, but I’m too afraid to loosen my death grip on the roof to cover my ears. Heights are not my thing, and I’m man enough to admit that.

“Guess what?!” Hayles’ mom’s voice isn’t what I expected. I saw her fru-fru ‘I’m too good for you’ stare from the window and instantly thought English and high-pitched. Not Cruella Devil on crack.

“What are you doing home?” Hayley’s voice is completely passive, nonchalant, like I wasn’t in her room ten seconds ago. She’s good.

“I couldn’t wait to tell you. I finally got you an appointment with Yvonne!”

Ah
, I’m slippin’. I adjust so I’m not hangin’ off the edge.

“Um, who?”

“Don’t you ever listen to me?” Something creaks
,
and I slip some more. “The health specialist. She said she can get you down to a size two in a year! Isn’t that great news? I can finally introduce you to Daniel.”

Who the hell is Daniel?

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

If Hayles is goin’ for the sarcastic ‘great’, she nailed it.

“Don’t do that. You know how important this is to me.”

Silence. I slip again.

“Your appointment is next Monday. If you are eligible, you’ll be an official client and meet with Yvonne every Monday and Thursday. Try not to be a lost cause. This is our chance to make you… better.”

I hear Hayles’ bedroom door shut seconds before I lose my grip and fall flat on my back on the ledge outside her window.

Ouch.

“Oh my gosh, Brody! Are you okay?” She’s whispering, but her face is crazy frantic.

“Uh huh.”

“Sorry, I thought you’d hop down onto the shed.”

Yes. That would’ve been the smart thing to do.

“It’s okay.” I sit up and rub the back of my neck. I’ll be sore tomorrow.

“I’d invite you back in, but…”

I throw her a smile and a shrug. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you at school.”

“Okay.”

Eyeing my target, which is the shed about four feet down from where I’m at, I get ready to jump, but her voice stops me.

“You didn’t… you didn’t hear that did you?”

I’m about to tell her the truth. Her mom is dead wrong about whatever it is because Hayles doesn’t need to get ‘better.’ She’s already perfect. But Hayles’ face looks terrified. Worse than the nervous face the other day at the tatt parlor. Worse than when she told me about that punker,
Jason
. Worse than the look she gave me on Friday when I told her I wanted to be with her.

How can I tell her I overheard something she didn’t want me to? Something I had no right to know until she was ready to tell me? Something I’m still a little confused about?

I can’t. So I lie.

“Hear what?”