Red Dirt Diary 3 (17 page)

Sunday, 29 July

Gunther bit Fez, head-butted Wes and ate Smart Rat today. I don't think he liked the hot-glue gun being used to stick his new tail on. Still, it's good to see the old Gunther back in action again.

Wes and Fez don't seem too worried about Smart Rat. I thought they'd be heartbroken, but Wes said Smart Rat was stupid to use hot glue on Gunther's bum.

‘A smart rat is cool as,' said Wes.

‘But a dumb rat is lame,' said Fez.

‘We were starting to suspect that he couldn't even read,' said Wes.

‘Or say his nine times tables,' said Fez.

We're all packed for camp. I've added a bag of jelly babies and Dad's pocketknife to my backpack.

Wes and Fez went to bed wearing jeans, jumpers, raincoats and tea cosies on their heads.
They won't let anyone look at what's in their backpacks. They're probably full of dead animals and sheep droppings. Mum said it will be their own fault if they've left something important behind.

Matilda Jane the Mature rang Sophie tonight. They spoke for nearly an hour trying to work out which nail polish colours were the most important ones for Mat to take on camp and which ones she might be able to live without for two days. I sure hope I am never stuck with Mat in a real crisis situation. Now
that
would be terrifying.

Monday, 30 July
8.30 am

We are on our way!

I'm sitting up the back of the bus with Banjo, Ben, Mat and Davo. Mat is putting Cherry Romance nail polish on Davo's fingernails. Mrs Gillies, Tom's mum, is driving the bus. The Colonel is sitting up the front telling wild adventure stories to the little kids. I just heard him say something about overcoming the Terrible Turkey Plague of Trinidad in 2003 by celebrating Christmas for twenty-seven days in a row!

Mr Cluff is sitting alone in his Tam o' Shanter, humming ‘Scotland the Brave'. It sounds dreadful — nearly as bad as the bagpipes.

The carrier pigeons are all in their special travel cage, except for Feathers, who is stuffed up Worms's jumper to keep warm.

Tom has just let his frog loose from the little tin he carries in his pocket. It's hopping towards the front of the bus.

11 am

On our way again.

We've just had our morning tea break in the park at Coonabarabran. Worms ate two egg sandwiches, an apple and three chocolate bars. His backpack is stuffed full of food.

Harry spent the whole time at the park scooping these big orange and white fish out of the pond. He said European carp are a real pest and should never be allowed to live anywhere in Australia. He's absolutely right, but it turned out that these particular fish weren't European carp at all. They were rare and expensive Japanese goldfish.

The park manager wasn't too happy.

Gabby did her best to revive each fish by giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. They
were all floating around on top of the water quite happily by the time we left, so I don't know what all the fuss was about.

11.40 am

The Colonel has got us making up silly songs, so I will write the words down as we go:

Mr Cluff made us stop after Jack sang the last verse, because Worms laughed until he threw up his entire morning tea.

Gross.

1.30 pm — Gumbledong Ridge

Arrived here in time for a picnic lunch.

The Colonel gave us a very serious safety talk, then handed us each a compass, a chocolate frog and a bright fluorescent yellow vest so that we can be easily seen. He said, ‘We don't want anyone to get lost in the bush.'

That's not
quite
true. I wouldn't mind if Wes and Fez were lost for a couple of days … or weeks …

The Colonel explained that this is private property, so there are no walking paths through the bush or up around the ridge. We need to stick together to keep safe. The compasses are
just-in-case
.

Mr Cluff sent Davo and Nick off towards the gully to dig a hole and set up the toilet. It's really
cool — just like our old outdoor dunny, but it's a tent and the toilet seat is set up over a small hole that we'll fill in with dirt before we leave.

We had a competition to see who could pitch their tent first. Mat, Lucy, Dora and I came second. Ned, Worms, Gary and Ben were first, but a gust of wind swept through the camp soon after, and their tent blew into the creek. Serves them right for not using the tent pegs and ropes.

We're just waiting for them to hang their sleeping bags up to dry before we head off up the ridge.

8.40 pm

Had a fantastic afternoon doing rock climbing and abseiling along the ridge. We had to walk quite a way to find a stable cliff. There are lots of crumbly bits and rockslides in this area.

Cassie got scared halfway up the rock wall and had to be rescued by the Colonel, but everyone else loved it. All that scrambling over the roof at home has really paid off for Wes and Fez. They scuttled up and down the cliff like goannas.

On the way back to camp we came across a herd of wild goats. They got such a fright that they stampeded up the ridge, sending rocks tumbling
down all over the place. One hit Dora on the foot and, before we knew what had happened, Gabby had bandaged Dora's foot, leg and head, and had Nick and Ned carrying her home on a stretcher made from two long sticks and
my
coat. Dora kept saying, ‘It doesn't even hurt,' but Gabby said it was the shock talking.

When we got back to camp it was time to build a fire and cook our tea. Sausages cooked on sticks held over an open fire are the best. Just ask Worms. He ate nine of them!

Blacky, Greyey and Patch were set free with messages to carry home to Hardbake Plains to our parents. The Colonel let Sam, Nick and Lucy write the notes.

 

Lucy wrote
Had a great day. We are all safe and happy. I love you, Mummy and Daddy
.

Nick wrote
Nick loves Lynette
.

Sam wrote
Somebody please talk to my worms. They will be lonely
.

 

Lucy was worried that the pigeons wouldn't find their way in the dark, but the Colonel said they'll be fine. They have that magnetite in their brain that acts like a compass.

We're all tucked up in our sleeping bags now. I'm writing this by torchlight. Lucy, Mat and Dora are eating my jelly babies.

Goodnight, Camp Gumbledong.

11.25 pm

Lucy and Dora can't get to sleep. They're scared after the camp-fire stories of yowies. Mat is calming them down by telling them
Hansel and Gretel
.

Good choice. A story about two little children who get LOST in the DEEP DARK FOREST, then captured by a WICKED WITCH who wants to EAT them won't be at all scary.

Goodnight again, Camp Gumbledong.

Tuesday, 31 July
2.35 am!!!

Just got Lucy and Dora to sleep at 2 am when we were all woken by an ear-piercing scream.

It turns out that Davo and Nick thought they'd save time and energy digging the hole for
the toilet by setting it up over a wombat burrow! Sarah crept off to use the loo in the middle of the night and was interrupted by a wombat waddling out of his home. Knocked her clean off.

Sarah ran out screaming, ‘I'm never ever going to the loo again!'

The wombat sprinted through the camp, grunting and snuffling in terror. He ran right over the top of Ned, Worms, Gary and Ben who were sleeping under the stars.

Sarah is now in
our
tent, snuggled in between Mat and Dora.

Goodnight
again
, Camp Gumbledong.

3.20 am

Wes woke me at 3 am, bawling his eyes out.

‘It's Smart Rat,' he sobbed. ‘He was thick as a brick but I still loved him.'

He howled, ‘I really miss him!'

I patted him on the back for a while but he just wouldn't stop crying.

Fez woke up, missed Wes and came over to our tent. He tried to cuddle up to Wes, but Wes pushed him away and called him a sissy pink-
pants. Fez got upset and punched Wes, and they started rumbling. They wrestled over the top of Mat and she didn't even wake up! She just kept snoring like a steam engine.

I finally calmed them down and stopped Wes crying. I think they are just about asleep now.

Our tent is bulging at the seams.

Goodnight
again
, Camp Gumbledong!!!

8.20 am

Our tent collapsed on top of us at 7 am. I think seven people in a four-man tent was just too much. Especially when Lucy started sleepwalking.

I'm a bit tired this morning, but the bush is beautiful at the start of the day. There were three fat wallabies on the edge of our camp and two eastern rosellas perched on the Colonel and Mr Cluff's tent.

The wombat was totally confused and had torn the toilet tent that was blocking his burrow. Ben and I had to take the tent down, then give him some space so that he felt safe enough to go back home for the day.

Had a fascinating lesson on open-air toilets before breakfast. The Colonel handed out small shovels and said it is good to bury whatever you
deposit in the bush. He wriggled his eyebrows like two hairy caterpillars and nodded meaningfully.