Remember to Forget, Revised and Expanded (9 page)

A few days after, I decide to go to Levi's. I haven't seen him since the party. If
he went to school, I would've run into him there. I wonder what he does all day.

Aiden and I are going to see a movie tonight, so I thought I'd invite Levi. After
what he told me about his girlfriend, I don't want him to feel alone. Plus, Aiden
thinks it's a good idea for him to hang out with us. It might make him more comfortable
here.

Mr. Harrison is in the front yard when I get there, mowing the lawn. He waves when
he sees me.

“Hey, Delilah, what's up?” he asks.

“I came to see Levi. Is he inside?” I ask.

He smiles. “Yeah, he's in his room, the one at the end of the hall. You know, I'm
glad you let him hang out with you guys the other night. He's sort of, I don't know,
separated. It's hard to get him to do things. I'm happy you and Aiden are here.”

I smile and nod. “Yeah, it was nice hanging out with him.”

I walk inside before he can question me about that night. I don't want to be the
one to tell him that his son had a panic attack all alone at a huge party. I wonder
if Levi even told him about it.

Probably not.

I walk down the hall to Levi's room and knock on the door. It opens after a few seconds,
and he stares at me for a while before walking away from the door.

“Hey,” I say quietly. I don't really know what to do. I feel really awkward right
now. Finally, I clear my throat and speak up. “So, uh, Aiden and I are going to the
movies tonight, and we were wondering if you wanted to come.”

He types something in his phone. “Why would I want to come?”

I scrunch my eyebrows. “I don't know. We thought maybe you'd want to. If you don't
like movies, we can do something else.”

“No. Why would I want to hang out with you guys?”

I'm taken aback by what he wrote. I didn't expect this kind of response.

“I thought you'd want to because . . . the other night . . .”

“The other night meant nothing. I was drunk. Whatever I told you was false. I don't
care.”

Why is Levi being like this? The other night he was so shy and kind. But now he's
being a cocky jerk. He seems like he's constantly changing.

I don't think he was drunk at the party. I don't even think he had anything. I rack
my brain to try and remember if I saw him drinking. He never did, as far as I know.

He's lying to me.

“Levi, you weren't drunk,” I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Yes, I was. You were barely even with me. I think I would know if I was drunk.”

I roll my eyes. “Why are you being like this?”

“What do you mean? This is me. You don't even know me.”

He stands up from his bed, towering over me. He looks down, his blue eyes piercing
through me. I'm suddenly nervous again and at a loss for words for a few seconds.

“I thought I could get to know you. I'm sorry for trying, okay, Levi? Sorry for trying
to help you. If you want to be like this, be my guest. You can be a jerk for the
rest of your life.”

“Good. Because I don't care what you do with your life, so you shouldn't care about
mine.”

Each thing he says is like a knife being thrown at me. Maybe because he was so kind
the other night, I thought he actually wanted to hang out with me.

I guess I mean nothing to him.

I look around his room and see a weekly pill container. I notice Sunday to Thursday
have pills in them, even though it's Friday.

He hasn't been taking his pills since the party, which was Saturday.

“You stopped taking your meds,” I mumble without meaning to.

His eyes dart over to the container. “No, I just refilled them.” He rubs his nose
quickly and looks away from me.

He's lying again.

I look at him, and he bites down on his lip.

“Why?” I ask.

“Why do you care? It's none of your business.”

“You're right, it is none of my business. But you know what? This is your health
on the line. You should care for yourself.”

“Since when do you think you know everything about me?”

Levi is just putting words in my mouth. He's being so rude about everything. I was
just trying to be friendly.

“I never said I knew everything! I'm just trying to be here for you! Because that's
what I would want if I just moved to the total opposite side of the world!” I don't
want to yell, but I am. I can't help it.

“I don't need you! I don't need anyone! Just leave me alone!”

“Fine, Levi, I will. I'll leave you alone. Sorry for trying to help,” I say, leaving
his room and shutting the door.

I leave without saying good-bye to Mr. Harrison.

What happened with Levi keeps replaying through my mind. Every word, every movement.
I wish Levi actually spoke so I wouldn't have to interpret the robotic voice. It
makes fighting more difficult because there's no emotion in its voice.

For some reason, the robotic voice makes me even madder.

I don't know why Levi suddenly went back to how he was before. It definitely has
to do with his pills. I know he was taking them before, because he said they were
making him sentimental.

Why would someone stop taking pills? If they help, why stop?

I know I will never understand how Levi's mind works, nor do I truly want to. It's
his personal business. He's putting himself in jeopardy by not taking his medication.

I'm worried about him.

Maybe he just forgot. That's a possibility, right? Maybe his mind was somewhere else,
and he didn't remember to take them for a few days.

I hope that's why. I hope he's not intentionally stopping.

But something in the pit of my stomach tells me it's intentional.

Levi doesn't want to be happy.

Chapter Eleven

LEVI

I
anxiously sit in front of my laptop, staring at Caleb's icon on Skype.

C'mon, Levi. Just press call.

We've planned to video chat today, with my mum too. She doesn't understand how the
whole Skype thing works, so Caleb is helping her. I've kept my finger wavering above
the button to call for a few minutes now. I don't know why I'm so nervous to see
them. It's my mum and Caleb, the two most familiar people in my life. But for some
reason, there are butterflies in my stomach.

I'm anxious to see them again; it feels like it's been forever. I feel like I'm in
a whole other world, not just a different continent. Nothing is the same here.

Caleb's smiling icon pops up, saying he's calling me. They probably think I've forgotten
or that I don't want to talk to them, but I do. I always mess things up, don't I?

I press accept and wait for the call to connect. I can hear them, just not see them.

“Caleb, it says the webcam isn't working. What's that? Where's the webcam?” I hear
my mum say.

“Lilian, Lilian. Stop pressing random buttons! I got this!” Caleb says, laughing
hysterically. He sounds happy. He's making the hiccup noises he makes when he laughs
too hard. I missed that.

It's been twenty-one days without them. It's nice to hear their voices, but I want
to see them now. But just hearing them is making me happier already. I didn't think
it was possible to miss Caleb this much; I thought we would both stop being friends
once I moved out here. But he hasn't given up on me.

“Look, oh my goodness, I can see Levi!” I hear my mum say. “Caleb, hurry! I want
him to see us too! Oh my gosh, I miss you so much, sweetie!” My mum babbles on and
on about how much she misses me. It makes me miss her even more. I didn't realize
how homesick I really was.

“Levi, can you hear us?” Caleb asks. I nod.

“He nodded!” my mum says excitedly.

“Wait . . . Got it!” Caleb says. Shortly after, they pop up on my screen, smiling
widely. They both cheer excitedly. I clap my hands to show that I'm excited too.

“Hi, honey!” my mum says happily. I wave, and she smiles even more. A few tears slip
from her eyes. She wipes the tears away quickly, and she's still smiling.

I blink a few times to stop myself from crying too. I type into the message part.

mum if u cry i'll cry:-(

“Sorry, Levi, sorry!” she says, frantically waving her hands.

We talk for a while, with her asking questions, like how my dad is and how I'm feeling.
It's nice to talk to them again. They're the only ones who really know how I feel.

Caleb tells me all about what's happening back home. I guess people keep asking about
me, which is weird. They didn't seem to care when I was there, so why do they care
now?

“I've been on the search for a new FIFA partner, but no one wants to play with me,”
Caleb says, pouting. Typical Caleb.

ur such a loser!

Caleb laughs. “I am not! FIFA is fun!” he says, defending himself.

Now I wish I was playing that stupid football video game with Caleb. When I left,
I couldn't wait to leave. I wanted to be away from everyone. But now that I've been
away, I want to go back home. I'd rather be there than here, that's for sure. I have
no one here. I thought I was lonely back home, but I really wasn't. I had a caring
mother and a great friend, and I treated them terribly.

I realize now how much I had. I just wish I could redo some things.

“Can we have a tour of your room?” Caleb asks.

it's kinda boring but yah sureee

I get up from my bed, carefully balancing my laptop while I walk around my room.
They make comments about how I need more decorations and things in my room. I don't
really care, though. What's the point of decorating?

“You need to clean!” my mum says, laughing. I look around at all the clothes on my
floor, slightly embarrassed. I didn't think they'd want a tour of my room, so I
didn't see the reason for cleaning.

I start to head back to my bed when my mum says something.

“Wait, Levi, go back a little please.”

I take a few steps back, unsure of what she wants to see.

There's a long silence, and I hear her sigh. I know I've done something wrong. Things
were going so well too. What have I done now?

“Levi Elliot Harrison,” she says quietly.

Uh oh. The full name is never a good sign.

I look at Caleb, who looks as confused as I am. I chew on my bottom lip and head
back to my bed, waiting for my mom to speak up.

“You stopped taking your pills.”

There it is. Of course she noticed. Out of all the things to see, she just had to
see that.

Her voice gets quieter, and I can tell she's trying not to cry. “Why did you stop?”

This isn't really something I want to get into with her. It's stupid why I stopped.
She won't understand. This isn't the first time this has happened, either. I think
she always blames herself when I stop taking them, like somehow she caused it. I
feel bad for making her feel that way, but I can't help it. I don't like taking them.
They always cause me more problems.

I quickly think of an excuse.

I forgot to take them, I was feeling better so I just forgot. I'm sorry. I promise
to remember.:-)

I know she doesn't believe me because she doesn't say anything for a few seconds.

“Have you taken them today?” she asks. I shake my head no. “Please, take them right
now. So I don't have to worry.”

Now I have to take them. She's on a total different continent, and she'll be worrying
about me. I can't do that to her.

I get up and quickly take the pills. She smiles a little afterward, clearly still
upset. The atmosphere has changed drastically.

I'm such a screwup.

I nervously scratch my nose and chew on my bottom lip.

“So, uh, have you made any new friends?” Caleb asks, trying to change the subject.

As if on cue, Aiden walks in.

Not that he's a friend, but he's someone.

“Who was that?” my mum asks.

Aiden plops on the bed beside me, bouncing the mattress a little. I glare at him,
and he smiles.

“Hello there! I'm Aiden! You must be the lovely Mrs. Harrison!” he says cheerily.

What in the world?

My mum smiles. “Call me Lilian! Are you Levi's friend?”

I wait anxiously for him to say no. My mum will be crushed. I hold my breath for
a few seconds, ready for more tension to be added.

Aiden looks over at me and back to the laptop. “Yeah! We're neighbors. I help Anthony
with soccer stuff too! Levi's great!” He puts his arm around my shoulders and smiles.

Well, I guess this is better than my mum thinking I have no friends. But I don't
appreciate his extreme closeness. I wriggle out of his arm and roll my eyes.

“That's fantastic! Oh, I'm so happy to hear that!” my mum says.

Aiden talks to them for a few minutes, and he's extremely nice. I never noticed how
talkative he really could be. He always laughs at the right times, and he's making
my mum laugh too. It's nice to see her happy. I'm so used to seeing her upset and
sad, it's rare to see her this happy.

Maybe Aiden isn't as bad as I thought.

After a few minutes, Aiden leaves to go do something. I'm pretty sure he just wanted
food, though.

“Aiden seems great! I'm so glad you met him!” my mum says once he's gone.

uhhh yeah, he just kinda showed up one day

After a few more minutes of talking, my mum and Caleb decide to leave. We talked
for over an hour, and it's getting late over there. I hate the fact that the time
zones are so different. I feel even more separated from home.

We say our good-byes, or they say theirs and I type mine, with a few more tears from
my mum. She makes me promise to take my pills.