Rite of Rejection (Acceptance Book 1) (18 page)

Twenty-One

“Do you think Daniel can make something out of this?” I hold the broken broom handle up for Elizabeth to examine. “Maybe a hook or rod of some kind to hang our blankets to dry.”

Elizabeth weighs it in her hands, inspecting the splintered end. “It’s worth a shot. Might as well bring it back with us.”

Daniel has used the past few months to channel his computer skills into those of a handyman. When I told him and Elizabeth about the way Constance and her husband set up their bunkhouse, they both poured themselves into the project. We all needed something to do.

“Might as well head back to the bunk. It’ll be dinner soon and we wouldn’t want to leave Daniel waiting.” Elizabeth nudges me in the side with her elbow. I follow her without a word.

She’s been making side comments and sending me winks for the past month every time Daniel is mentioned. It’s not like I haven’t noticed the way he looks at me. Now that I know he and Elizabeth were never together, I have to rethink every conversation and interaction we ever had.

But things are different now. We aren’t leaving. This is our home. I don’t know how to make a real relationship work inside the confines of the fence. I’m not sure I want to.

In the bunk, Daniel tinkers with a busted crate. He already built a small table and two very rough chairs. Not that we really need a table. It’s not as if we’ll be having any gourmet meals in here. He made the table for me, because I thought it would make the bunk feel more like a home. His willingness to work that much on something just to make me happy makes it even harder to tuck down my emotions when he flashes me a bright smile as we walk in.

I give him a quick smile, set our latest finds down on the table and head over to my bunk.

“Are you guys ready to eat? I need to step away from the woodwork before one of these crates ends up on the roof.” Daniel stands and wipes his hands off on his pants.

“Oh, poor Daniel.” Elizabeth wraps an arm around his shoulder, a look of mock sympathy on her face. “Is the big, bad crate giving you a hard time?”

“Ha, ha, laugh all you want. You won’t think it’s funny if I smash my finger with that blasted rock and can’t make you any more furniture.”

“Does that mean the rocking chair is out?” Elizabeth laughs and ducks away before Daniel can land the teasing punch on her arm.

It’s good to see her laughing again. Those first few weeks had me wondering if we would ever get her back. She put on a brave face during the day, but her cries kept us all up more nights than not. It’s been weeks since I’ve seen her cry, though sometimes I catch her staring off into nothing. That’s when I know she’s thinking about Molly and, like the rest of us, wishing she was still here.

Outside, the sky has turned overcast and grey. We take our usual path to the dining hall, but it doesn’t look the same as it did on our walk to lunch. The closer we get to the courtyard, the cleaner things are. Piles of garbage that were a permanent part of the scenery are gone with nothing more than a damp spot of soil to mark their existence.

The main road running right down the middle of the PIT is completely clear of garbage. The normally rocky and pitted dirt path is smooth and even, as if someone has steamrolled the road.

“What’s going on?” I can’t believe what I’m seeing, but maybe this happens every year.

“I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.” Daniel keeps walking past the dining hall toward the Admin building. None of us have been anywhere near it since the night of our failed escape. Seeing him so close to those glass doors sends my heart rate racing. It’s irrational, but I don’t want us any closer to the Cardinal than we have to be.

Daniel keeps tight to the side of the dining hall and walks casually, as if he’s headed to the dumpster. When he hits the edge of the building, he takes a few more steps toward a group of red-clad workers. Daniel bends down as if to tie his shoe. His head is down, but I know his ears are trained on the workers, taking in their every word.

The group breaks out into loud laughter and the workers walk off toward the Admin building. Daniel stands up and walks back to us, a look somewhere between confusion and amusement spread across his face.

“So, what’s the story, secret-agent man?”

Daniel shakes his head at Elizabeth’s question and motions toward the dining hall. Inside, we grab our bowls and let the din of the crowded room drown out our conversation.

“You remember last year’s Acceptance ceremony?”

Elizabeth and I both shoot him a look of exasperation. As if we could forget the day her brother and I were Rejected from society.

“Okay, what I mean is, do you remember how they televised the ceremony? It was the first time people without a child going through Acceptance got to see the proceedings and it was a big hit.”

“What does that have to do with cleaning up the garbage?” I’m just as confused as Elizabeth.

“Patience. Apparently, the Cardinal wants to make this year’s ceremony bigger and better; really drive home the point about us criminals locked away nice and tight.” Daniel leans across the table and Elizabeth and I bring our heads to meet his. “He plans to include live footage from the PIT as part of this year’s broadcast.”

“Great, we’ll be like animals on display at the zoo,” Elizabeth says.

“That’s the general idea.” Daniel sits back on his side of the table and all three of us take a minute to think about what this means.

“I don’t get it.” I flip my hands over on the table, my callused palms on display. “Before I got here, I couldn’t care less what the PIT looked like. And if you’d have told me the roads were covered in garbage and the buildings falling apart, I would have said that’s what criminals deserve. Why fix it up?”

I look to Daniel, but he can only shrug his shoulders.

***

A light rain taps out a steady rhythm on the roof, but the noise isn’t keeping us from arguing. Ever since we got back from dinner, we’ve gone over every possible scenario for what the Cardinal is up to with his clean-up act. We’ve been at it long enough for the sun to set down below the line of buildings, but we don’t have any real ideas.

“Maybe he’s trying to get rid of anything that can be used as a weapon.” Daniel sits on the edge of his bunk, his head cradled in his hands.

Elizabeth doesn’t even try to hide the sarcasm in her response. “Yeah, because he really cares about us killing each other off.”

“But he does care about his precious guards. Wouldn’t want anyone we know getting hurt.”

“Enough.” My shout echoes off the walls. Daniel has the decency to look guilty for crossing the line. It’s an unspoken rule to not talk about Eric. “It’s not worth fighting over. Guessing what goes on inside the Cardinal’s head is a waste of time.”

“And what would you have us do? Sit around sewing doilies?”

“At least we wouldn’t be sniping at each other.”

“Not at all,” Elizabeth says, rolling her eyes. “We’ll be sharing a group hug when disaster strikes.”

If I don’t get out of the stuffy room, made even more crowded by Elizabeth’s bad attitude, I’ll say something I’ll regret. We’ve finally come to a kind of friendly understanding between us and I don’t want to jeopardize that with some stupid argument about what the Cardinal may or may not be up to.

It takes about three steps for the rain I’d forgotten about to completely soak my hair. Fat, warm drops seep into the coarse material of my dress, adding liquid weight to my frame.

I haven’t thought of my mother in ages, but a vivid memory of her floods my brain. It had been raining for days. Much too long for a six-year-old to be cooped up inside. I snuck out while she was cooking lunch and splashed in puddles until I was soaked to the bone. My mother dragged me inside, lecturing all the way to the bathroom about the impropriety of little girls playing in the dirt.

She’s not here now and I’m not a little girl anymore. I twirl once and jump. My feet slap into the shallow puddles cratering the ground.

“Rebecca, what are you doing out there?” Daniel stands at the door, his broad shoulders filling up the opening.

I lift my face to the sky. “Living,” I shout back at him over the sound of heavy drops pinging against the dusty surfaces of the PIT.

“You want to think about living somewhere…drier?”

I laugh. Not a light chuckle or a polite laugh at a lame joke. Because that’s what you do when someone tells a joke, even if it’s not funny. I’m laughing because this is probably the most inappropriate time for laughter I can think of. I throw my head back and let the body-shaking hilarity bubble up from my belly, tickle my neck and burst into the night air.

“Rebecca?” Daniel walks out, ducking his head against the wet drops, and grabs my hands. “Are you okay?”

“I’m perfect.” I tighten my grip on his hands and pull him around into a slow circle, my arms straight out in front of me, the bleakness of the PIT fading into a blur behind Daniel as we move faster and faster.

Daniel’s laugh joins mine, adding a deep, booming bass line to the music of the rain. The dirt pathways are muddy slicks beneath my feet. I drop Daniel’s hands, grab the skirt of my dress and pull it up till the hem brushes the top of my knees. My mother would have a fit. The thought of her standing in front of me, her hands punched onto her bony hips makes me laugh even louder. I jump into another puddle and yelp as cool drops of mud fly up to hit my legs.

“You’ve lost your mind.” Daniel shouts at me and laughs as I twirl again, the short strands of my hair whipping out to smack against my cheeks.

“Maybe.” I stand back and kick at a puddle, splashing mud onto Daniel’s shirt.

Daniel’s jaw drops open, his wet hands pulling at the front of his rain-soaked, mud-splattered shirt. “You shouldn’t have done that.” His eyes squint in the darkness, but he can’t keep a straight face for long. A wide smile gives him away and he swings his leg back to pepper me with my own shower of mud.

I run away squealing, though the wet clothes and slippery roads keep me from going far or fast. I spin to move out of the path of his splatter, but my foot hits a slick spot and I fall down with a plop into the mud. The mud soaks into my dress instantly, but I don’t care. I’ve never felt freer, even when I was.

Daniel squats down in front of me. His face is so close to mine I can see the drops of rain clinging to his eyelashes. For a split second, I let myself imagine what life could have been like if I had met Daniel outside the PIT. I would have fallen in love with him so easily. So different from how I felt with Eric, like our lives would have been a constant work in progress. With Daniel, I can imagine everything falling into place right from the start.

I blink and push the thoughts away. We aren’t outside the PIT. We’re here and not going anywhere, and I’m done living through a series of ‘what if’ scenarios. Daniel’s smile turned more serious during my moment of weakness and his eyes are slightly glazed as if his mind was somewhere else, too.

“We better get inside before one of us gets sick.”

Daniel holds out a hand to help me up. I smile back up at him, thankful for the friendship we have. Using my left arm as leverage I raise my right hand out to him. Instead of grabbing his outstretched hand I reach to his face and wipe my muddy fingers against the side of his cheek.

I sit in the mud and wait for his retaliation, but Daniel only takes my hand and pulls me back up. He shakes his head, water flying off his face and hair and hitches his thumb back at the bunkhouse. “I think Elizabeth is probably a little too clean and dry in there.”

“She’ll kill us. Both of us.”

Daniel winks at me before bending over and digging both of his palms into the sloppy mud of the street. I may never be able to give him my heart the way I could if we weren’t in here, but this, what we have right here, can be enough. I dip down and plant both hands into the mud next to his. I wink back at him before we head inside.

Twenty-Two

“Elizabeth, can you please sit still. You’re driving me nuts with all that pacing.” Daniel’s the one who finally says something, but I’ve been thinking it for the past half hour.

Elizabeth and I would normally be out scavenging for chipped bowls or bits of wood for the bunkhouse, but we haven’t been out in days. When the main road was cleared, everyone rushed out to gather what was left in the other alleys before it disappeared, too. We’d be lucky to find a moldy paper bag at this point.

“I’m sorry,” she shouts back, not sounding sorry at all. “I pace when I’m thinking and in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have anything else to do.”

“I could teach you to sew.” My offer is only halfhearted. Elizabeth and I know a sewing lesson from me would likely end in bloodshed—probably mine.

Elizabeth narrows her eyes at me.

“I don’t know why you’re letting this get you so worked up.” I set down the dress I’m patching for the girl over in the clothing warehouse. I’m not practiced enough to talk and stitch at the same time. “We’ve been over this all week and we aren’t any closer to coming up with an explanation for all the cleanup.”

We walked the entire main road yesterday. The garbage was cleared all the way from the dining hall to the fence. The rocks are gone and the dirt has been smoothed and packed down. If I didn’t know any better, I’d guess they’re building a real road, but why in the world would they do that?

“I’m not going to be able to rest until we know what’s going on.” Elizabeth sticks her tongue out at both of us and starts another lap of the room.

“With the Acceptance ceremony coming up we should get some answers soon. We can be thankful for that, at least.” I pick up my sewing needle, but set it right back down again. I can’t get anything done with Elizabeth marching the room. “I’m going out for a little fresh air.”

Daniel sets down the nail he’s straightening. “Do you want some company?”

A lifetime ago I would have jumped at the chance for a pre-sunset walk with Daniel, but not now. He’s still handsome and funny and smart and that’s the problem. If I let myself open those feelings back up, there’ll be no stopping them. After what happened to Elizabeth, I can’t put myself in a position to be hurt that way. I’m not as strong as she is. I wouldn’t survive.

“Maybe next time.” I smile at him and his smile back says he knows I’ll say no then, too.

“Don’t be too long, then. It’s almost time for dinner.”

I nod and head out into the late-afternoon sun. I don’t have a destination in mind, but my feet carry me toward the ocean. I’m able to use what used to be a wall to climb on the roof of a building. Too bad there’s not an oil drum to climb on. They’ve all been cleared out. I’m not surprised.

I sit with my knees hugged against my chest, watching the water rush out toward the open sea only to be sucked back in and thrown against the beach. We tried so hard to fight against the waves, but were just as powerless as the salty water.

Maybe it was a bad idea to come out here. I can stare at the ocean all day, but it isn’t going to change anything. No one leaves the PIT and it’s just as well. Now that I know the real cost of our ideal society, I doubt I could live out there anymore.

I need to focus on my family here and keeping us safe. Nothing else matters. Not even figuring out what the Cardinal has in mind with his sudden interest in cleaning the main road. My focus needs to be on the people I care about.

Standing up, I hold my hands against the stinging wind. Nature’s way of telling me I don’t belong here anymore. Time to let someone else dream about freedom.

I turn and back down off the side of the roof, but something metal that shouldn’t be there catches my eye. Scrambling back up, I hold my hand above my eyes as a visor to block the glare of the setting sun. On the main road, a line of evenly spaced metal poles, much taller than any of the buildings, sticks up out of the ground. What is going on out here?

I scoot off the roof and walk the short distance to the poles. Starting at the fence, about twenty poles are raised every few yards, puddles of still wet concrete circling each one. I study every visible inch of the closest pole, but there’s nothing to indicate what it is.

“It’s a fence post.”

I spin around at the familiar voice and sure enough, Eric is standing there in his red uniform, a Noteboard in hand. He might have every answer in the world, but he’s the last person I would believe. I bite my tongue and walk away.

“Becca, please, I need to talk to you.” He’s running behind me and it only takes a second for him to catch up to me. “It’s important.”

“I don’t want to hear any of it.”

“He’s going to separate you.”

It’s like he knew the one thing that could get me to pay attention. “You have thirty seconds,” I say, my arms crossed in front of me.

Eric takes a huge breath. “These are fence posts. I was sent out to inspect the concrete and make sure the poles are holding. They’re building a fence to run right down the middle of the PIT. Women on one side, men on the other. They plan to finish it to correspond with the Acceptance ceremony.”

I’m on him in a second, the collar of his red uniform gripped in my fists. “If you’re lying to me, Eric, so help me, I’ll end you.”

“I swear,” he says, his hands flying up in the air in surrender. “You’ve got a week, and then everything changes.”

A sharp band of pain wraps around my chest, the pulsing squeezes making it hard to breathe. I push him back and wipe off my hands, disgusted from being that close to him again. “I have to go.”

“Wait. I have something.” Eric digs a fist down into the pocket of his pants and comes back out with something small and shiny. “A small shop by my apartment sells items confiscated from the PIT. You should have this back.”

He takes a step toward me, but I hold out my hand to stop him. “That’s close enough. Just toss it over.”

Eric pulls back and tosses the item across the few feet separating us. I catch it with one hand. I know what’s in my fist without looking. Resting in my palm is the delicate, woven knot of my grandmother’s necklace.

I smile despite myself. After all the things I’ve lost in here, this was the last I ever thought I’d see again.

“I’m so sorry for what happened.”

“No. You don’t get to apologize. You don’t get to feel better after turning us in, after getting Molly killed. “

“That wasn’t supposed to happen. No one was going to get hurt.”

“Is this supposed to make me feel better?” I hold the pendant up in my clenched fist. My mind fights against the dual instinct to hold the heirloom as close as I can and throw its tainted metal into the dirt. “Should I understand now why you betrayed your own family?” Why did it take me so long to see who he really is? I don’t need him and I doubt I ever did. I’m stronger than anyone gave me credit for, including myself.

“Becca, I—”

“My name is Rebecca.”

Eric opens his mouth, but snaps it shut. He nods his head as if he’s meeting me for the first time. And he is. At least, he’s meeting the new me. I turn and march away, but only get a few steps before Eric’s cold voice has me turning back around.

“I suppose you think I should have kept my mouth shut,” he says, hands splayed out to the side. “And we could be living unhappily together somewhere outside the PIT.”

“How dare you?” My fists clench and I raise my tightened fingers to hit him, but Eric grabs my wrist before I can make contact. I pull away and he lets go without a fight. “Don’t you dare pretend to know me or what makes me happy.”

“What makes you happy will always be a mystery to me, but I have a pretty good idea that being married to me isn’t it.”

Heat creeps up my neck and I bet a piece of stale bread that a pink flush is spread across my face. “You don’t…I might…”

“I’ve seen the way you look at Daniel. Staring at him when he explains something technical with the Noteboard like you can’t soak up enough of him.” Eric slides his hands into the pockets of his wrinkled uniform and looks at me for only a moment before turning his attention to a loose rock in the pathway. “With me, you were always kind and respectful. I like to think you even showed a bit of admiration for me. But not love. You couldn’t give me your love when your heart already belonged to him.”

He’s right, though I’d never admit it. I can pretend that given enough time I might have come to love Eric, but I’d never truly love him. I love Daniel and constantly pushing him away isn’t going to change that.

“I have to go.” I turn away without saying good bye, but Eric isn’t done yet.

“You’ll tell them? Warn them what’s happening?”

I turn around so he can see my face and know that every word I say is the truth. “What I do or don’t do is none of your concern now. And neither are Elizabeth and Daniel. You gave up your family. I hope it was worth it.”

I turn on my heels and run back to the bunkhouse as fast as I can, but without the landmarks of busted crates and piles of refuse all the streets look the same. The setting sun isn’t making things any easier.

I dash down row after row until the buildings start to look familiar. Up ahead of me a tall, dark figure paces in front of a building and I keep running despite the stitch in my side. Daniel turns to the sound of my feet and I run into his arms.

“Rebecca, I was about to come looking for you. Where—”

“No time.” I lean into his chest and swallow against my dry throat. “Inside.”

Daniel doesn’t argue with me, but pushes open the door and helps me inside to one of our creaky chairs.

“You’re back. Becca, what happened?” Elizabeth stops pacing by the corner and kneels in front of me at the table. Daniel brings me one of our stolen dinner bowls filled with collected rainwater. I suck it down and lean my elbows on the table.

“Rebecca.” Daniel sits down across from me and takes my hand. “What happened?”

“I know why they’re clearing out the PIT. They had to make room.”

“For what?”

“Out by the edge, they’re putting up posts for a new fence.”

“Why?” Elizabeth stands and leans both hands against the table. “They already fixed the broken spot where we tried to get out.”

“No,” I pound my fist against the table, desperate for them to understand. “This one isn’t going around the PIT, it’s going through it. After the ceremony, they’re going to separate us. Men on one side, women on the other.”

“How do you know?” Elizabeth asks, her voice leaking out, barely above a whisper.

I’m still holding my grandmother’s necklace, but it feels like a hot coal in my hand. I pull back my arm and fling the silver knot into a darkened corner, the metal making a tinkling sound as it hits the wall and slides to the floor. “Eric told me.”

Time freezes for a second as the impact of my words hits them. Elizabeth sinks to the floor in slow motion, her face locked, with wide eyes and open mouth. Daniel barely moves. His head, arms, legs are still as stone, but his fingers press deeper into my hand as if he can forge a link between us that can’t be broken. I can’t let them fall apart. I need them.

“We have to stop this from happening, so both of you snap out of it right now.” Neither of them responds so I kick the table leg and pound my empty fist on the loose boards. Daniel at least looks up at me. Elizabeth makes an indefinable noise between a growl and a moan.

“I mean it. Get up.” I kick the table again and this time they both respond. “Get up.”

“What do you want us to do? Rage, storm, start a riot?” Elizabeth is back in the hole she fell into when Molly died, but we don’t have time for that now.

“No, that’s what they’re expecting. They cleared the place out; we don’t have anything to riot with but rocks and sticks. Besides, what’s a couple thousand prisoners when you have the strength of the Cardinal? We need something that’s bigger than just us.”

Daniel’s face holds a little bit of the old excitement he got whenever explaining something technical. “You have an idea.”

I don’t have a plan. What I have is anger, and right now that’s good enough. “Acceptance ceremony is in a few days. They plan to broadcast a distorted picture of the PIT. Show everyone how kind the Cardinal is. But what if we could show people what things are really like?” I look at Daniel because Elizabeth is still despondent on the floor. “What if they knew the truth about who gets put in here?”

Daniel lets go of my hand and walks a few paces away from the table before turning back to me. “You’re talking about hacking into the live feed.”

With his words, the plan takes shape in my head. “You can do it.” I get up, and this time I’m the one grabbing his hand. “You’re amazing with computers. I’ll get one for you if I have to break into the Admin building every night and beat the doors down.”

“You don’t need to do that.” Daniel bites his bottom lip and his eyes flash to the door.

“Yes, I do. I…we can’t lose you.”

He shakes his head. “That’s not…” He looks over my shoulder to where Elizabeth is still sitting on the floor. “We can’t do it.”

“Don’t say that.” I sound desperate, miles away from the self-assured woman who put Eric in his place only a few minutes ago. I can’t help it. “I can’t risk losing you.”