ROAR (61 page)

“You have no idea how much comfort you’ve given me, Sprite, especially tonight.”

“That pleases me. I wanted to open you up, reach inside, and remove all the pain as a surgeon might excise a tumor. I hated watching you hold yourself back from experiencing life, especially during those first weeks we were together.” Pamela took a cleansing breath. “Seeing you experience life, love, and joy again makes me ecstatic.”

She pulled his head toward her and kissed him. When they separated, she said, “When I heard those beautiful words ‘I love you’ tonight I knew we’d make it and eventually move in together. Just maybe not
this
soon.” They both grinned. “You’ve become insatiable for spontaneity, Sir.”

“Because you keep me on my toes—and in the moment, Sprite.”

She grew serious again. “Back to what happened tonight. I think a part of me still wonders how we’ll ever pull this off. Love is grand, but we have so many hurdles to overcome, not the least of which for me is that you might change your mind over time and regret or feel guilty about making a commitment to me. I think that’s one reason our mantra resonates so well with me. That niggling doubt kept me from completely surrendering myself to you because I feared you might leave me one day. Until tonight.”

He seemed to be the one at a loss for words now. Had she said too much? It still didn’t make total sense to her yet. She probably should have journaled about it before trying to explain it to him. But she’d been compelled to speak for fear she might lose the ability to do so if she waited until tomorrow.

This was what their aftercare time was for—expressing their feelings and insights about a scene.

Perhaps she should start again. “When you asked me to take the pain for you, my mind interpreted the words differently. I saw your pain leaving your body on a wave of raw, dark red color and pouring into me. But instead of making me weaker, I grew stronger.” She glanced away. “I know I’m rambling. I don’t know how else to describe it.” She met his gaze. “Suffice it to say, I’m here for you, Kristoffer. I am yours. Forever.” She held up her infinity bracelet for emphasis.

“Pamela,” he said in a strained whisper, “I never asked you to take on my pain. I’d never inflict that on anyone.”

“Don’t you see? We’re one now. Your pain is mine and vice versa. Our hearts, bodies, and minds know what we need before we do, Kristoffer.”

She didn’t want to admit it, but she no longer felt she had to compete for his affections. Each woman held a special and separate place in his heart. Pamela would love Kristoffer in the present and for every moment the universe gave them together. She wouldn’t take a single second for granted.

“Thank you, Pamela. I’m about as blessed as any man has ever been. Together, we’re a force to be reckoned with. Nothing can stop us once we set our minds on what we want.”

T
he next month passed in a whirlwind for Pamela. Children’s Hospital hired her and she had joined the staff two weeks ago today. She worked long, not always predictable hours—this evening being no exception. She and Kristoffer were supposed to go out for a special dinner tonight, but she was over two hours late, and he’d changed their reservations to a place closer to the hospital in Aurora. Otherwise, they’d have been eating at ten at night by the time she arrived home and went back out.

He’d tried to insist on picking her up at the hospital, but it would just require him to backtrack, so she’d brought her alpha personality to the fore and told him to meet her there. As she parked and made her way to the restaurant, she made some mental notes about things she needed to do before leaving for Afghanistan next Tuesday. As luck would have it, right after she accepted the job at Children’s, the humanitarian physicians group she worked for let her know they had an opening for her to complete her contract starting mid-August. While she’d informed the Children’s Plastics Department’s Chief of Staff about the possibility during the interview process, the timing could have been better.

To keep them from regretting their decision to hire her, she’d been working longer-than-expected hours, cramming as much training and orientation as possible in at the Aurora hospital campus. Her caseload would remain small, mostly handling emergencies, until she returned to Denver in September.

When she walked into the darkened restaurant, it took her eyes a minute to adjust. She gave the hostess the Larson name and was shown to where Kristoffer waited. He stood and gave her a hug and kiss before they sat across from each other near the window.

After ordering, they caught up on their days.

Before Kristoffer entered her life, she’d have worked, gone home, slept, and then awakened the next day to repeat it all
ad nauseam
. Having someone else to consider helped her find balance in her life. Not to mention that he nurtured her by making sure she ate, exercised, and slept. While all aftereffects from her fever in March had disappeared, her intense work schedule exhausted her some days. Kristoffer seemed to know her moods and when she needed more rest and care.

She tried not to feel guilty that she wasn’t doing as much for him at the moment. All couples went through periods where one gave more than the other—and she’d make up for it when her career settled down. He insisted on seeing to her needs right now—needs she’d put on a back burner for a long time.

Coming home and playing out a scene with him helped her shed the stress and sometimes sadness of the day and maintain her focus strictly on the two of them during their time together. The difference in her life from before and after her sexy Dom stole her heart amazed her when she thought back on the last decade.

Most nights, they made love after their kink scene. Afterward, they always fell asleep in each other’s arms. Despite her having a new job, she felt like they were enjoying their honeymoon.

“Why don’t we go hiking Saturday?” he suggested. “The weather’s supposed to be hot in the city, so we can cool off up there. Or maybe even drive out to Independence Pass, hike a while, and have dinner in Aspen.”

“Either sounds good to me.”

They continued eating until halfway through their meal something caught her eye outside the window. She glanced out to see a balloon with a long string float by. If the windows had been opened, she’d have been able to reach out and grab it and possibly return it to whoever lost it.

She leaned over to look down to the first-floor level, but there was no one standing there.

“What’s the matter?” Kristoffer asked.

Pamela pointed to the balloon that was now much higher, floating over the street. “That pink balloon. I don’t see anyone it might have escaped from.”

Kristoffer stared at the balloon a long while then seemed to shake himself out of his reverie. A few minutes later, he remarked, “The sun’s setting.”

She looked out again and watched it sink. “Gorgeous.”

“Mm-hmm.”

She turned to find Kristoffer staring intently at her, rather than the horizon.

“I’m looking forward to the rest of the evening with you, Sprite.”

She smiled. “I’m wide awake for a change.”

He grinned back. “I’m sure I’d have no trouble reviving you, if need be. You usually catch your second wind after dinner and some couch time. Well, when you don’t fall asleep on me.” He grinned.

Too soon, his smile faded. Intuition told her he had something on his mind—most likely worrying about her imminent departure. Her flight to Kabul in six days weighed heavily on them both.

“I miss having you all to myself, but…” He shrugged. “I know you’re doing important work.” He glanced out the window in the direction the balloon had drifted away.

What was he going to do when she was gone for a little more than a month? Tomorrow, she’d call Gunnar and suggest he keep Kristoffer busy with work or whatever while she was away.

She became his focus again when he faced her. “Promise your Dom you won’t wear yourself out before you even leave for Afghanistan.”

If he knew what kind of pace she’d have at the hospital overseas… This was a picnic compared to that.

She reached across the table to squeeze his right hand, noticing their love bracelets shining in the candlelight. Remembering last night and how he’d restrained her to his antique bed, she grinned. If his grandfather ever imagined.

“What’s so amusing?”

“I was thinking what FarFar’s reaction might be if he saw how you restrained me to the Larson family heirloom last night.”

He shook his head, and his grin widened. “And here I thought I’d broken you of the habit of letting your mind wander, although that you’re remembering a time spent with me makes up a little bit for your lack of being present in the moment tonight.”

“But I am present! Now we can talk about all the delicious things you did last night. However, it might make me crazy wanting to get you home again to see what you might have planned for later.”

“No, Sprite. That’s
not
living in the moment, and you know it. Now, you’re musing about what
might
happen in the future.”

She sighed dramatically. “I suppose you’ll just have to continue to work on my focus, Sir.”

“My pleasure.”

The remainder of the meal progressed slowly, sprinkled with small talk about how she was fitting in at Children’s with the other staff. But she didn’t want to waste their precious time together talking shop.

The topic of her trip to Afghanistan didn’t come up, although he must also be thinking about it. While she’d only be working four weeks, she’d have at least three days travel both to and from adding nearly another week apart.

Kristoffer had made it clear he worried about her going. She had concerns this time, too, because she’d be based at a trauma center in a more remote region. Best not to talk about it, or they’d both have indigestion.

To his credit, though, he hadn’t forbidden her to go. He understood that she was a woman of her word, like him. She’d made a commitment to serve three full months there last winter and spring, and she intended to fulfill that contract.

But she’d promised him not to sign up for any additional assignments with the organization once this one was completed. Their upcoming separation would be difficult for her as well. Children’s Hospital would satisfy her need to help children both here in Colorado as well as on the hospital’s annual trip to Guatemala. That would meet her humanitarian needs and her desire to serve those in poverty.

“Oh, I spoke today with the doctors in Cincinnati. Fakhira’s family wanted me to know she has come through her latest surgery with flying colors.”

“Wonderful! I know you’ve been worried about her.”

She nodded. “I feel personally responsible for her in some ways, so not being actively involved in her treatment has been frustrating. However, she’s in excellent hands.”

“You care a lot about your patients—but don’t set yourself up for burnout. Not everyone can be saved. I’m sure you’re going to face a lot of heartache in Afghanistan again this time.”

“I know. But it’s hard to be objective and keep your distance when working with such innocent lives.” She squeezed his hand. “You help me leave it all behind when I come home. Thank you.”

He waved off her words. “That’s what Doms do. Would you like to go visit her sometime?”

“I’d love to! Maybe we can get away one weekend this fall. She still has a long road ahead and a number of surgeries and procedures to come, but Fakhira’s a survivor.”

The server brought them the dessert they’d ordered to share—molten chocolate cake. Kristoffer scooped up the first spoonful and held it out for her to eat.

She opened her mouth, maintaining eye contact, and a mixture of cold vanilla ice cream, hot fudge sauce, and a bit of chocolate cake hit her taste buds all at once. “Mmm. Oh, my God, that’s sinfully good.”

“You’re healthy and take care of yourself, so you need to indulge once in a while. That’s all that matters.” They hadn’t been working out together as much as they had before she joined the hospital staff. Taking time to go to the gym for a swim or a workout stole from the limited time the two of them had together at home. But they tried to get there once a week.

Leaning forward on his forearms, his voice grew husky. “Tonight’s plans won’t involve that kind of workout. But I should warn you that you might not want your stomach to be too full.”

Her body tingled with excitement and anticipation. She ought to be focusing on packing for her trip, but would only need a large carry-on, since scrubs would be provided by the hospital and she wouldn’t need much else.

“I can’t wait to see what you have planned.”

Kristoffer fiddled with the stem of his water goblet, lost in thought a moment before meeting her gaze. He seemed about to say something monumental, but out of the blue, asked, “How would you like to travel to Norway next summer? I’d love to show you one of my all-time favorite places on earth.”

Not at all what she’d expected, but exciting nonetheless. “I’d love to! With enough notice, I ought to be able to take a couple weeks off at the hospital, especially if we delay leaving until after my first full year on staff.” Scandinavia had been on her bucket list forever, as were a number of other places. The thought of exploring the sights with Kristoffer made her incredibly pleased she’d put that trip off instead of traveling alone. Sharing it with someone who knew Norway intimately would make the experience wonderful, but having him with her anywhere made it better.

“There’s something else I’ve been wanting to talk with you about.” Ah, so there was another matter making him a little nervous. “I’ll try not to make this as long as my last speech.” He smiled.

Sounded serious. The last time he’d given a speech, he’d proposed they enter into a committed relationship and move in together, exchanging bracelets as a token of their love. He seemed even more nervous tonight. What could he possibly say to top that? Unless, maybe, he was ready for some kind of ceremony to publicly declare their intentions before friends and family.

Stop guessing and wait!

“Pamela, you’ve become the most important person in my life, especially after agreeing to a permanent relationship with me. But I’ve given it a lot of thought over the past month.”