Robyn Donald – Iceberg (20 page)

you know.'

When he had gone Sarah put her head on one side, announcing, 'Uncle Stewart has changed.'

'Oh?'

'Yes. He used to be—funny; nice, but as if he didn't want you to know it. And he argued with Daddy. But he

doesn't now. I think,' nodding her head portentously, 'I think something has happened to him.'

Perhaps he's been released from bondage, Linnet thought frivolously, sorry for Stewart who seemed to be yet

another poor fool yearning for the unattainable/ In his case a way of life, the farm Rob said he wanted. In her

case, a man who wasn't worth it.

Justin wasn't returning home until late that night, so when Sarah begged her to stay for dinner Linnet agreed,

running down through the warm rain to leave a note for Bronwyn. Stewart also was out, so they ate in the

kitchen with Anna, and whether it was in reaction
to
the weather or just an excess of high spirits, they were all

very giggly and frivolous.

Surprising, Linnet thought, that you could laugh and 'joke and tease when your heart was breaking.

Then Sarah had her bath, and Linnet told her a story; by now her bedtime tales had become a saga about the

lives of a group of
turehu,
fairy people who lived in the misty, bushclad hills in the old days. When, kissed and

tucked up, the child had dropped off to sleep Linnet enjoyed a cup of tea with Anna in front of the television set.

An unfortunate diversion, as it happened, for Justin walked in on them just as Anna was clearing away the

teacups, and insisted on escorting Linnet back to the flat in spite of her protests.

The rain had eased to a light spotty drizzle, so that there was no need of coat or umbrella. Overhead the

occasional star shone bravely through the heavy slow-moving clouds, promise of fine weather on the morrow.

The air was fresh, fragrant with the spicy scent of flowers and greenery released by the rain. Beside Linnet

Justin was silent, but he held her arm firmly; for she had tripped going through the back door.

It was an odd, short walk, fraught with a tension which made Linnet's skin prickle with anticipation, even as she

told herself that the last dung Justin was likely to do was" make any move towards her.

Lights glowed dully through the drawn curtains of the flat. Bronwyn could have only the lamp on. Faintly the

stereo could be heard in the living room. Neil Diamond, by the sound of it, one of Bronwyn's favourites.

When they reached the garage Linnet said hurriedly, 'Thank you for coming down with me. I'll be fine now.'

'I'll come in with you.'

Recognising that voice, she inserted the key into the lock, walked across the darkened dining room and into the

sitting room.

To see Bronwyn and Stewart locked in the sort of embrace about which there could be no misunderstanding.

Linnet's first impulse was to turn and make her way out of the room, sweeping Justin with her so that he did not

see the two lost in their own world behind her. Whether she wanted to save Bronwyn from the consequences of

this folly, or whether it was1 Justin .she wanted to protect she could never afterwards decide.

Whatever it was, it was too late.-Justin's hand was on her shoulder, gripping with an intensity which threatened

to crack the bones. Perhaps one of them made a small sound, for Stewart removed his lips from Bronwyn's,

looked up, and flushed a dull red.

'We've got an audience, darling,' he said, pulling her around so that she could button up her blouse in some sort

of privacy.

Linnet felt a singing in her ears, swallowed and said numbly, 'I'll—I'll go and put the kettle on.'

But Justin's cruel grip kept her still until Stewart came towards them, the challenging light very bright in his

eyes, his features set in a stubborn mould which made his resemblance to Justin much stronger.

'No need to go, Linnet. You'd have known fairly soon anyway, both of you. Bronwyn and I are getting married.'

There was a hint of defiance in his voice, but a strength of purpose which was stronger, and the glance which he

sent in their direction was every bit as compelling as anything Justin could summon up.

Good for you, Linnet found herself saying in delighted surprise. Relief seeped through her entire being as

Justin's grip loosened on her shoulder, to be replaced immediately by remorseful "solicitude. She had never

thought she would fed sorry for. him, but it had happened and she could only wish drat he was as unaffected as

he outwardly appeared to be.

Then Tie propelled her further into the room, saying with a hint of dryness but no other inflection in his voice,

'Congratulations, and felicitations, Bronwyn.'

Bronwyn had risen from the sofa, pale, yet just as determined as Stewart. Her glance flickered across Linnet's

startled face, met Justin's steady, emotionless gaze and she smiled.

'Thank you.'

There followed an odd ten minutes, strained in spite of everyone's superb good manners, before Justin and

Stewart left together.

'Well?' The word was .tossed off as a challenge.

Linnet gave her sister a sudden fervent hug. 'I hope you'll be
very
happy,' she said warmly.

Her sister's soft chuckle was wry. 'So do I.'

'Are you sure?'

'Stop looking so anxious. I'm sure.' She sat down on the sofa, once more the cool, hard-to-decipher Bronwyn in

spite of the softer light which gleamed behind those heavy white lids. 'Stewart and I are not
ingénues,

demanding heavenly fulfilment from any relationship, but this time I think we both might come out winners.'

'But—Justin?

Bronwyn smiled, a rather sardonic smile. 'That's been off for a-while. Never was on, to tell the truth, in spite of

all my hopes,'

Thunderstruck was about the most appropriate way to describe Linnet's feelings. 'But when I came here—and

dial's not very long ago as weeks go—you told me you were marrying him!’

'Wishful dunking. It was Stewart even then, but I refused to face it. Do you remember the night you and Justin

took Sarah to the firework display?'

'Yes.' Of course. It sometimes seemed that she remembered every minute of her life since she first set eyes on

Justin. .

'He tame down that night, and we had a fight. Not just my usual sniping, but a good, honest no-holds-barred

fight. I called him everything under the son and he retaliated with some choice epithets of his own, I slapped his

face, and he kissed me.' She stopped, smiling at Linnet's horrified expression. 'All very vulgar, but it did the

trick.'

'But you still went out with Justin after that.'

'I wouldn't admit my feelings for a while. Arid really, my dear, my dates with Justin have always been pretty

platonic. The passion is there, but he kept it well leashed, even when I was full of enthusiasm.' She shrugged, as

if the thought of that eagerness was distasteful to her. 'He's a cunning devil. He knew what I was after, but being

the experienced, worldly man he is he let me down lightly, I suppose. I don't really care now. He excited me,

but it was the glamour I was in love with, not the man."

Linnet should have been relieved, should even have been happy, but she was not. After all, she had always

sensed that Justin did not love Bronwyn. And it would be the height of naivety to think that because he did not

want to marry Bronwyn—and she had only Bron's word for that—there was any hope for her.

Aloud she asked, 'Are you sure that you'll be happy with Stewart, Bron?'

'Nothing's sure but death, little sister, but I think we'll manage. He's leaving the business and I'm selling the

boutique and we're buying a farm north of Auckland. We looked at it the day you came back from Kawau. It's

close enough to a country centre so that if I get bored being a wife and mother I can open another shop.'

'And his drinking?'

Bronwyn laughed. 'We won't have enough money for him to buy booze, or enough time for him to drink it.'

With an abrupt change of mood she said seriously, 'He's been unhappy. I can make sure that he's happy; I hope

that will do the trick.'

'I hope so too. When are you getting married?"

'In a month or so. I'll write to your mum and ask her. Or would you rather I didn't? Because of her new spouse?’

Linnet looked faintly astonished. 'David? Gosh no, I've got over him ages ago.' A pity it had to be accomplished

by putting someone else in his place, someone who was so vivid and virile in her life that he made David seem

a pale wraith from the past.

Conscious that Bronwyn had bent her shrewd glance on her she continued with spirit, 'I can assure you, David is

nothing to me now.'

'Good.' Stretching luxuriously across the sofa, Bronwyn smiled, a slow, rather secretive smile which gave her

all of the allure of the old Nile,
a.
modern Cleopatra with her fascinating trick of half-lowering her eyelids and

looking out from beneath them as she was doing now. 'You know, you look a bit washed out. I'd wear a liquid

base
to
cover up those circles under your eyes if I were you. And you'd better get off to bed. I feel a bit tired

myself. In a way I'm rather glad you and Justin happened on us, it sayed a lot of explanations.'

'It certainly did," Linnet agreed fervently.

Bronwyn laughed, and after a moment Linnet joined her.

'You should have seen your face,’ the older girl said after a moment. 'Sheer shock personified!'

'And Justin?'

Again that penetrating glance. 'Oh, he retired behind that mask of his,' Bronwyn replied lightly. 'Whenever

someone mentions a graven image I think of Justin. But take my word for it, he's not heartbroken. By the way,

when are you going to see your librarian?'

'I thought tomorrow."

'Good idea. You're starting after new year, aren't you?'

'Yes.' By then Bronwyn would be married and there would be no reason for Linnet to be at the flat.

'Mm; Do you need money?'

Shaking her head, Linnet said firmly, 'No. I've enough. David and Mum sent me a bank draft and that will keep

me until I start work.'

'When you'll start paying them back, of course.'

'Well, yes.'

'All the virtues, independence being one of them, Eiluned Grant. Some man is going to have trouble with you!'

Linnet wondered if her expression was as stricken as her heart at these half-joking words1. Perhaps she did

reveal some of the emotion holding her in thrall, for Bronwyn turned her head away as if to give her time to

compose herself.

'Oh, I'm just your average twenty-year-old,' she managed after a moment. 'I think I'll go up now, Bronwyn. I am

tired.'

'See you in the morning.'

The morning was fine, the soft mild air a promise for the summer, bees humming through the spicy thyme

flowers edging the path outside the kitchen window. The air had a soft clarity which provided a perfect vehicle

for the scents and muted sounds which floated on it. In spite of herself Linnet found her heart lifting. Love was

"hard, but even with a broken heart one could appreciate beauty. And there was her writing, the only time when

she forgot her pain. Deep within her, in a secret recess of her being, she even allowed herself a tiny ray of hope.

According to Bronwyn Justin had never had any intention of marrying her, so those rapturous moments he had

shared with Linnet were cleaned of the taint which had clung to them.

Just honest lust, she thought, smiling a trifle bitterly at the clumsy movements of a bumble-bee.

Then the doorbell went, and she opened the door expecting to find Sarah there’ Her heart beat a sudden,

deafening tattoo in her throat, then slowed, for he looked as aloof as that first day they had met—aloof and

unattainable, hard as granite.

'May I come in?' he asked after a moment.

'I—yes, yes, of course.' Hurriedly she walked in before him into the kitchen where the coffee pot was steaming

fragrantly. 'Would you like a cup of coffee?'

'Yes, please.' He sat down at the small table in the window, watching her suddenly clumsy movements as she

poured. '

'You don't have sugar, do you?' she enquired stupidly, bringing the mug across to due table. 'Just milk.'

'Yes.' Justin waited until she had sat down, then stirred the coffee, asking calmly, 'Did you sleep well last night?'

'Yes, very well, thank you.' Why couldn't she think of anything' but inanities to mouth?
'

'Good." Without hurry he drank some of the coffee, set his mug down and said, 'Linnet, I want you to marry

me.'

Incredulous joy shot through her. Just for a moment she felt a rapture of certainty, until she met his glance and

saw mere nothing but calm enquiry.

It was as if his lack of emotion iced hers over too. In a low voice she said, 'No.'

'Why not?'

Could he not see that he was tearing the heart from her body? Or perhaps—humiliating thought—he realised

her love, and thought his passion was enough to keep her happy!

'I don't have to answer that,' she replied with a small spark of spirit.

Td like to know why, nevertheless.'

God give me strength, she prayed with more fervour than she had ever experienced before. Aloud she said,

wondering at the clear firmness of her voice, 'Because you don't love me and I—' swallowing before she could

bring out the lie,'------1 don't love you.'

‘I see.' Oh, but he was calm 'If I told you that I loved you would you believe me?'

'No,' she whispered miserably. 'We haven't had that kind of relationship at all. Whatever you've felt for me,