Robyn Donald – Iceberg (24 page)

for when he took-'her back to the flat he held her for a moment outside the door in a grip as lacking in desire as

that of a brother, and said quietly:

'You're as strung up as a puppet Are you frightened of me?'

She shook her head, not knowing how to answer. 'Just--nervous.'

'Linnet, trust me.'

It was dark, but there was a moon behind the clouds. In its ghostly light she could see the dim, outline of his

features. Sorrow drenched her in a tidal wave of emotion; scarcely aware of what she felt she shivered. His arm

tightened across her back.

'Well, Linnet?'

'I do trust you,', she blurted, shaken with a desolation she had no defence against. 'I just wish——' She stopped,

for she had almost given herself away.
'I just wish you laved me,'
was what had trembled on her lips, but she

knew that the could not lay her heart so bare to his scrutiny.

'What is it that you wish?'

'Nothing.'

But he was relentless. 'Tell me, Linnet.'

Hastily, improvising, she said warily, 'I just wish you hadn't forced this issue. It wasn't
fair.'

He smiled rather crookedly. 'I told you that all's fair in love and war. You've called me ruthless often enough to

know that I'm not used to waiting for what I want. I'm sorry if you feel cheated.'

Then movements inside brought them back to realities. Justin kissed her, briefly but with hard possession, and

turned her to face the door.

But that night she lay awake for hours, wondering if he had really meant love, or whether he was merely using

the quotation to calm her fears. Reluctantly she forced herself to admit that he had shown no signs of love,

unless his uncaring habit of being able to read her thoughts and the rare moments of gentleness he showed her

w’re indications of emotions deeper than desire. Which was certainly a fine piece of wishful thinking.

At least Sarah was happy, she thought drearily. And Justin must be, as he had what he wanted, a mother for his

daughter and a wife who would be incapable of resisting her love for him.

So it-was only Linnet who grieved. Perhaps two out of three wasn't bad as an average, -but it was pretty

miserable for the poor thud. Or perhaps she would become hardened over the years and accept what Justin

could ' give her with a degree of complaisance.

Strange that she should set so little store on his passion when he had the power to set her alive as she had never

been before, for her peace of mind it would have been better had she never learned that without love ,passion

was a mere excitement of the senses, but she could not regret the new maturity caused by her love. The question

was, could she be content to give him all that he needed from her and not count the cost, to love and continue to

love him when their marriage was based on such a shaky

foundation? In all honesty she did not know.

One part of her brain told her to stop this useless torment, useless because the die was already cast; she was

Justin's now as irrevocably as if she had been married to him. He was not a man to let his possessions go unless

he tired of them, she thought wearily, recalling Alison and her unhappiness.

Alison! If only she could discover what had really happened to that weary ghost, buried but still walking. It was

impossible, of course. Only Justin knew the facts, and try as she did, Linnet could not imagine him telling her

anything about the disaster that was his first marriage.

Restlessly she turned between clammy sheets, finally got up and went out into the kitchen to get a glass of

water. Up in the house a light burned; as she drank she endeavoured to work out which room had tile wakeful

occupant. Eventually she narrowed it down to the study.

A strange tremor ran through her as she wondered what Justin was doing there. Regretting things, perhaps, ft

was half-past one in the morning, always the time to summon up ghosts and fears, the black dog on your

shoulder, empty husks of dead dreams, dreary projections of present into future—all of the horrors hidden

behind the cupboard doors of the, mind during the day.

Oddly enough she slept easily after that.

The cloud cleared overnight; summer came in with a peal of laughter, not the searing heat and dry aridity, of

high summer but with a soft lush radiance which cast a cloud of glamour over the city. After lunch it would be

very hot. Outdoor workers would get their first hard sunburn of the year arid the beaches at Kohimarama and St

Heliers would be packed with swimmers.

Dressed appropriately in shorts and a sun-top, Linnet sat down to write, welcoming the discipline which

prevented her from turning other things profitlessly over and over in her mind.

Two hours later she surfaced amidst the insistent ringing of the telephone, stared at it with dazed eyes for a

moment, then wandered across to answer it.

It took her some moments to identify the little voice at the other end. When she did her astonishment made her

break into whatever he was saying.

'Rob? Rob, what on earth is going on?'

'Thank God I've got somebody! The big house didn't .answer, so they must be all out. Listen, Eiluned, can you

go up to National Women's Hospital? Cherry's been flown in—something about the_ baby. She hasn't got

anyone with her and I'd like someone to be there until I can get down.'

'Of course I'll go up.' Linnet disguised her shock and concern with a briskness she was far from feeling.

"Good girl!' He sounded immensely relieved, 'Let Justin know, will you? I'll be down in as short a time
as
I can,

probably a couple of hours or so.'

A taxi was soon on its way; Linnet changed into an outfit which she hoped made her look older and more

responsible.

Sarah had run down to tell her that she and Anna were shopping in Remuera all morning. Linnet scribbled a

note telling Anna where she was, shoved it into the letter box, then ran to the impatient toot of the taxi. She

could ring Justin from National Women's.

At the hospital they were pleasant, helpful, and totally uncommunicative, although Linnet managed to persuade

them to at least tell Cherry that she was there before sett-. ling down in a chair to wait. Every so often she tried

to ring Justin's office, but either the hospital's callboxes were full or the line into the office engaged.

Even Anna was not answering, or more likely, enjoying a nice long gossip with Sarah over tea and cakes. Sarah

was now released from dietary restrictions and last night had been looking forward to a cream doughnut with

immense anticipation. Anna knew of an extremely good coffee bar where the doughnuts were something

special, so she had informed Linnet and her father during dinner, and that was probably where they were.

Meantime the minutes passed slowly into hours until at last a Sister came and looked somewhat severely at

Linnet.

'You're ‘no relation, are you?’ she asked.

'No, but her husband asked me to come; I don't think they have any close relations here. Sister, is everything all

right?'

'Oh yes, she's fine.'

'And the baby?'

'It's all right too.' She frowned. 'She lives at Kawau, doesn't she?'

Linnet nodded. 'Yes.'

'Well, it could have been worse. At least it's a lot closer than Great Barrier Island, and an aeroplane is easier to

ride in than an ambulance. Come on, you can come and see her, but only for a moment. She's pretty tired.'

Heaving a sigh of relief, Linnet followed her. 'She would have broken her heart if she'd lost the baby. They've

been wanting one for ages.'

'Well, she's come through this without harm. With any luck there'll be no farther trouble.'

Cherry looked drowsy and pale, but cheerful, greeting Linnet with a passable imitation of her usual warm smile.

'Hi!' Stooping to kiss her cheek, Linnet found a suspicious moistness in her eyes. 'Rob should be here any

minute,' she offered, sitting down beside the bed.

-'Poor darling, he nearly had a fit when he discovered he couldn't come with me. Eiluned, have you got in touch

with Justin yet?'

'Not yet,' Linnet admitted. 'The phones both here and at the office are pretty busy, but I'll let him know, don't

worry. I imagine he'll be along to see you.'

'He'll dwarf the place.' Kind dark eyes searched Linnet's face. 'You look a bit washed out yourself. What's

happened to drive away that lovely Kawau glow of good health?'

A flush of colour touched Linnet's cheeks. She and Justin had agreed that there would be no formal

announcement of their engagement until Jennifer arrived but she felt a heel hiding it from Cherry.

However, she had barely opened her lips when Cherry asked, 'Is it to do with Justin?'

'Ah—yes.' Linnet was upset to think that Cherry should have realised her hopeless love for him.

'Well, I hope you accepted him,' Cherry said gravely. 'He could do with a little happiness. Lots would be even

better.'

Linnet's lashes flew up at this surprising statement.

With a soft laugh the other girl touched her hand. I’m not blind, and I happen to know him well in spite of that

cold manner of his. I knew he loved you the first time I saw you together.

Words could not have expressed Linnet's fury when the Sister came back at that moment to order her out. There

could be no gainsaying her command, but oh, how site wished she had been granted an extra five minutes!

Once outside everything seemed to happen at -once. Tearing along the shiny corridor came Rob, his usual

placidity gone as if beyond retrieval. Sister took him in charge while Linnet went to try once more to contact

Justin, this time with luck. He wasn't there, but his personal assistant took the message and promised to get it to

him as soon as she could.

Outside the booth Linnet stood for a few moments, wondering what to do. It seemed unkind to go back home,

yet she did not want to intrude upon Cherry and Rob and she had no right to make helpful suggestions. She did

deckle, however, to wait and find out whether Rob had a place to stay the night. So she sat down on the chair

which had already borne her company through many minutes and composed herself to sit through yet more.

A gnawing feeling within made her realise that it was well after lunch-time. Wistfully she thrust the thought of

food to the back of her mind, occupying it instead with an intensive examination of Cherry's astounding

statement.

Somehow, while crediting Cherry and Rob will perhaps a greater knowledge of Justin than anyone eke, the

could not believe it. Nobody knew him well enough to be able to read any sign of love in that impassive

countenance. Cherry must have seen, his interest, the physical attraction which had sparked between them from

the beginning, mistaking it for love.

She had convinced herself of this when he and Rob arrived simultaneously from different directions. With a

thumping heart she hurried towards him, took strength from .the reassuring clasp of his hand, and felt that if

only they could face the world like this, handfasted, she could bear anything. But he put her back into the chair

and made his way with purpose into the ward. Linnet was not in the least surprised to hear he was able to see

Cherry for a moment. Within ten minutes both he and Rob had returned, and he was asking how long she was to

be kept.

'About a week.'

‘I see.'

Rob Was frowning, one hand tapping impatiently on the wall. 'I'll get-back tomorrow------'

'Why?'

‘Well, to look after the place!'

'Don't be an idiot!’

Rob grinned. 'O.K., I -won't insist on going back if that's the way you feel. Naturally I'd prefer to stay.'

'You'd better put up at the house. It's comparatively handy, and Anna's looking forward to seeing you.'

For the first time Justin's eyes moved to Linnet's face, cool, assessing, yet not unkind. 'I'll take you home, I

drink.'

'Thanks for coming,' Rob said to her, his smile warm and understanding. 'It made a big difference to Cherry to

know, you were here. She asked me to tell you, specially.'

'I'm glad I was able to dome,' Linnet assured him earnestly.

And that was that, except that Justin took her hand as they made their way out of the building. Trying not to

notice the amused indulgence in the looks from most people they met. Linnet found herself cautiously happy. If

only Justin loved her!

To her considerable astonishment he did not take her back to the house. Instead the big car turned north-west

making towards the high citadels of the bush-covered Waitakere Hills, those ancient remnants of the vulcanism

which had made the isthmus where Auckland lay.

Linnet opened her mouth to ask a question, took one look at Justin's uncommunicative profile and firmly closed

it again.

When the road began to climb it was through stands of native bush regenerated from the wholesale rapine of a

century ago. Tucked in amongst the trees were homes, some old and gracious, some new and fashionable;-Here

were modern houses raised on smooth poles stained green with preservative, others quaintly colonial with high,

tiled roofs and dormer windows and all of them thoroughly at home in their leafy retreats. And all of them

shared the magnificent view over Auckland, the. suburbs at the foot of the hills, leafy rows of vines in the winegrowing district at Henderson, the mother-of-pearl waters of the upper harbour and, beyond the North Shore,