Rock My Heart (2 page)

Chapter One

Morning Sickness

I COULD THINK of nothing better than to wake up deliriously happy and in love.

That was what my life had become at the tender age of twenty-three with the man I loved by my side and his band on top of the world.

There were no other words to describe how content I was with my new life.

I loved the friends I’d made, the people in my life I’d grown closer to and now that Kaz and I were expecting a baby, our life together finally seemed complete.

It had been a wild ride, that was for sure.

What had started out so innocent, Scarlet Fever playing at my twenty-third birthday party and me wanting Kasper “Kaz” Gillian, rock god and lead singer not to mention a drop dead sexy, gorgeous man to take my virginity, had turned into something else entirely.

Who knew all it took was a grueling schedule which consisted of studio time after he’d flown me to L.A., virginity still intact, insane studio hours, and can’t-get-enough-of-one-another sex would blossom into something beyond my wildest dreams?

Kaz invited me on the Gods of Rock Tour Scarlet Fever was performing with Winter’s Regret and we just clicked. I assumed it would be easy because at the beginning, the small gigs were. They were too easy.

We were flown everywhere and top of the line hotels were the norm. We were living the luxurious lives of rock star and me, his ultimate groupie and perfect girlfriend.

When the actual tour began, it wasn’t nearly as easy as I thought it would be.

We crisscrossed the United States in a top of the line tour bus but still it was grueling hours on the road followed by luxury hotels and insane working hours.

I became one of the photographers and covered just about every angle of the tour.

The European and Asian leg was even worse.

The constant traveling led to me having a miscarriage and the strain it put on our relationship was insane but we did find out something beautiful and remarkable about one another. If we could live with each other in such harsh circumstances and our lust for each other turned into a genuine like, which blossomed into full-on respect and being in love, then we could survive anything.

My life had changed. The tour made me grow up and become a better person. I couldn’t be the shallow Sydney who only thought of name brands and vacuous shopping expeditions. I came back with a feeling of renewal. I wasn’t just me anymore, I was someone else and I had taken on adult responsibilities especially when Kaz asked me to marry him.

I couldn’t afford to let him down and failure was not an option.

My name is Sydney “Syd” Landvik and the following is what happened after my happily ever after.

I SAT UP in bed and tried to swallow the acidic bile in my mouth but it refused to leave me. Kaz was gone. He and the rest of his bandmates were recording their sixth studio album at the Introspect recording studios in Culver City. I was alone, which was not unusual, and suffering from another rough bout of morning sickness.

That wasn’t unusual either.

I tried the breathing exercises Talia had recommended but it was no use.

The acid burned in my throat and I quickly stood before I sprinted to the bathroom and made it just in time to vomit into the toilet. Afterwards, I leaned my head against the cold porcelain and tried to breathe.

It was only something that happened to women all the time, even women who were past their first trimester like I was and pregnant with a little boy.

Kaz loved the idea of having another son; he already had Xander with Damira, his ex-wife. I also wanted us to have a daughter with his dark hair and my blue-gray eyes but we would see what the future held and take it one day at a time.

“Hey, we have all the time in the world. It’s not like this is going to be the first and last time you give birth,” he said before he’d kissed me, made love to me and everything seemed great between us.

How could it not be when all I could think about was how lucky I was and how fortunate I’d ended up with the man of my dreams?

After a twenty minute rest, I dragged myself from the floor, took a hot shower and dressed in a floral babydoll dress and padded around the house barefoot. We didn’t have twenty-four help and Kaz preferred for them to be there as little as possible. I couldn’t agree more. I’d grown up in a privileged lifestyle and respected the privacy I was now given.

My cell phone rang and I looked down at my Ulysse Nardin before I answered it with a curt, “Hello?”

“How are you doing?”

It was Sasha: PR extraordinaire for both Scarlet Fever and Winter’s Regret not to mention my own personal den mother. She knew how hard the miscarriage had been on both me and Kaz during the tour and started checking up on me each morning. I know I should have been annoyed but it was only because she cared so much and it was part of her job. How could she tell
Society Magazine
I was progressing beautifully if we never spoke?

“Good, I think. I just puked my guts out and had a shower but nothing earth shattering going on around here. Dr. Redford said I am healthy and so is the baby. I’ve had no spotting and to be honest, other than the few bad episodes of morning sickness, I feel great,” I explained as I made myself two slices of sourdough toast.

“Good. I just wanted to check to make sure you were all right. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. It’s my job and what I am here for.”

“Of course, I understand. Thanks for checking up on me. I have started to look forward to your daily calls.”

“Have a good day.”

I smiled. “You too.”

We ended our conversation and I couldn’t help but smile again. Lunch was with the girls and that was bound to lift my spirit and my mood. I couldn’t wait.

“WHERE THE
HELL
is Faith?”

I looked around the table before I settled my eyes on Laurel.

Sometimes I didn’t know whether she was an airhead or too far involved with Will to keep up with current events.

“Why would I invite her when I asked Talia to come to our luncheon,” I looked down at my phone. “Speaking of, she’s running late but she said she was coming from the studio.”

Laurel sipped from an apple martini. “Sorry, I forgot about the animosity between those two.”

I rolled my eyes. “It isn’t animosity as much as it is a sense of betrayal. Jaden promised he would leave Faith for her but now that she’s acting all fragile, he can’t seem to separate himself from her. Tal is pregnant with his child for God’s sake. It seems like a no-brainer to me.”

“Really?” my best friend glared at me with determined hazel-green eyes. “Jaden and Faith have a history together and she lost their baby while he was on tour. I think Talia took advantage. Perhaps he doesn’t need her now he’s clean and Faith is working on her own…demons.”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it.” I waved Talia our way as the waiter brought her to our table. “He knew exactly what he was doing. He wasn’t fucking Talia out of spite or for any other reason than he was in love with her and he still he is. He’s just too much of a fucking coward to admit and I hate men like him who become bitch boys as soon as a woman is involved. He doesn’t even love Faith but he’s scared of his feelings for Tal so he’s taken the coward’s way out. I think his actions are deplorable and if I were her, I wouldn’t even acknowledge that fucker as my kid’s father.”

“Hello, ladies!” Talia greeted before she sat down and sipped from the San Pellegrino I’d already ordered for her. “I am thirsty and going crazy right now but I definitely needed this lunch so I thank you for inviting me.”

We all knew what she was talking about in terms of her life being “crazy”.

“How’s Trista adjusting?” Sasha finally inquired reluctantly before she sipped from her mojito.

“Not good.” Talia shook her head before her watery eyes gave away how much stress she was under. “I don’t know how to help her. I mean, she’s lost her parents and her brother. What am I supposed to say? Her only surviving close relative is a gang member and in the Demon’s Bastards motorcycle club. He’s dangerous and her life, as she’s known it, is over.”

“Is she truly helping you out as a PA?” Sasha wondered before she stared at me.

We pretty much were all on either the bands’ or Introspect Records’ payroll.

Laurel and I were the bands’ photographers. We were also in charge of putting together a coffee table book, which would focus around the tour and it was hard work.